any advice for a novice sub?

[three eyes open]

I've recently began a relationship with a woman who's new to BDSM. This is something I've never dealt with before, and although I'm finding my own experience as a sub very helpful, I'd like to ask for suggestions and tips from the people here - dom/mes, subs and switches.

We're still in the trial stage right now. I've told her she can back out of this anytime if she realizes this isn't for her or if she'd prefer someone else, but I don't want that to happen because I'm screwing up.

One thing especially worries me. This isn't an exclusive relationship for either of us (I have a husband myself), so how do I guide her away from "bad doms" and pretenders without seeming like I'm just being possessive?

Any and all advice will be appreciated!

-3eyes

 

[Wizard]

Read everything you can get your hands on.......and be sure to talk with each other, let your feeling be known.......

 

[Ezarc]

My 2 cents. Talk about what you want, what they want and what you both expect out of this. Like any relationship good communication is the key. Trust is so important in a Dom/sub relationship, that without communication it is close to imposible. I wish you the best of luck. I agree with reading everything you can about the subject so you will have ideas when you talk to your Dom.
Ezarc

 

[cellis]

I have to agree about having her read everything she can get her hands on. The internet is a wealth of knowledge.

I would suggest that you go to the links thread and have her read some of those. Wizard spent of lot of time collecting links and putting on that thread.

My personal favorites are Castle Realm and BDSM-online.

 

[Wizard]

I have to agree about having her read everything she can get her hands on. The internet is a wealth of knowledge.

I would suggest that you go to the links thread and have her read some of those. Wizard spent of lot of time collecting links and putting on that thread.

My personal favorites are Castle Realm and BDSM-online.

Castle Realm is one of my first picks for someone new to read...................

 

[three eyes open]

Thanks! I wish I'd had internet access when I first got into BDSM.

-3eyes

 

[awaken41]

One must be very careful to shy away from "bad" Dom or Dommes. The best way is to watch this person play with someone else, maybe even a few times, before you do a scene with them. A good Dom/Top will ask questions regarding your likes, dislikes, limits and a safe word prior to commencing a scene. They must know of any physical conditions that you have, and all piercings.

If you do not like sharp, stingy sensations, and the Top goes right for a quirt or single tail, RUN!

One safety pointer is to not allow someone to use bondage/cuffs/retraints/etc during the first scene. This allows the sub/bottom a direct escape route should the Top not adhere to what was previously discussed. I prefer this scenario whenever I play with a sub for the first time, so that they can gain trust in me.

Another clue is when you have a gut feeling that the other person just isn't listening to your wants and desires, or when they try to convince you otherwise regarding something you don't like.

D

 

[MissTaken]

Castle Realm is one of my first picks for someone new to read...................

Castlerealm has a couple of great articles about how to enter the lifestyle and how to know what you are seeing is the real person.

I would also suggest she join us here.

We have lots of experience and hope to maintain an open and welcoming forum for those with any degree of experience in BDSM.

Also, speaking directly adn openly about the Dom search is the best way. As unpopular as this suggestion is, asking for references and helping her to "screen" potential Doms early on is a good idea, IMHO.

Best wishes.

 

[Hexiegirl]

Wow, three, I'm glad you brought this up. I would also like to learn more. I also am married but am looking for a Domme to help me learn more about myself. This is hard to do coming from a base of newness~

 

[lovetoread]

My advice?

Go slow.

Dont jump in before you know what you are getting into.

Dont be afraid to say no to alot of things.

If its not what you expected, dont be afraid to stop it.

 

[Bondagebunni]

1. as said before READ READ READ!!!! The more you know and read the more you can learn about yourself, the lifestyle, and what you might expect. It's not all the same, so go to different places for knownledge...people have different views and different ways of scening.

2. Talk to people (i see you're already doing that, good for you) download Mirc and go to irc.sexnet.com and join Dark_submission. The people there are great at answering questions and there is such a variety of people who have their own likes and dislikes. They're very welcoming

3. Also said before: communicate...this should be the top thing on your list...(i know i put it at three, i'm just writing these as they pop into my head) If you're afraid to talk to your partner and tell them what you want/need, you shouldn't be with them because communication is key.

4. Have fun..because if it isn't fun...why do it?

hope i am helpful....and if i'm not...well...don't tell me, i like feeling special ^_^ heeheehee