Analyze this please...

[Curtis71]

It may be as simple as knowing other men want what you've got.

Very possible.... I do imagine what she was wearing and exactly how she seduced him...

 

[Jenny_4]

he could get that with a nice motorcycle or a Ferrari bro!

Stew

Maybe he can't afford those...bro.

 

[Curtis71]

the first thing they do is post on the internet asking people to analyze them bro!

Stew

Yeah, I knew I was asking for it and almost didn't post this but I truly do want to know what this is. Even if I don't like the answer...

 

[Curtis71]

Maybe he can't afford those...bro.

Right? My ten-speed is shiny though...

 

[Stewart_Pidd]

Maybe he can't afford those...bro.

then he doesn't have a girl worth worrying about either bro!

Stew

 

[parodyluvr75]

Yes. I do not like being needed at all. I want to be wanted, but not needed. Nice point....


And I agree, that's why this bothers me. I'm in my 40's, I don't do high-school drama and volatility.... My life is orderly and mature.

And this feels like some immature bs.

But the want you're filling is the same as he is filling then....

It might be as simple as being excited by competition.

I'd go with my gut. In my experience those type of situations never worked out well. I'm close to the same age and don't do drama either, I reached my limit many years ago. I like simple.

 

[JohnnySavage]

This is one of those things I just can't understand (like D/s roleplaying and furries).

If I'm involved with someone and she lies to me, or is intimate with someone else; she's gone... ceases to exist in Johnny World... as if she died (without the mourning).

 

[Curtis71]

But the want you're filling is the same as he is filling then....

It might be as simple as being excited by competition.

I'd go with my gut. In my experience those type of situations never worked out well. I'm close to the same age and don't do drama either, I reached my limit many years ago. I like simple.

Yeah, I've been trying to get past her for a while. But the passion....

 

[Curtis71]

This is one of those things I just can't understand (like D/s roleplaying and furries).

If I'm involved with someone and she lies to me, or is intimate with someone else; she's gone... ceases to exist in Johnny World... as if she died (without the mourning).

I'm not a controller (not saying you are), I am very much in control of myself but I do not need others to be or act in certain ways. I am also not able to offer her exclusivity or monogamy so I don't expect it in return.

I do expect honesty.

 

[unregistered]

 

[yossi]

Yes. I do not like being needed at all. I want to be wanted, but not needed. Nice point....


And I agree, that's why this bothers me. I'm in my 40's, I don't do high-school drama and volatility.... My life is orderly and mature.

And this feels like some immature bs.

Maybe it's as simple as that and the chaos thing that was already mentioned. Your life lacks an immaturity that you're craving and she's giving it to you. You could ride it out until it doesn't turn you in anymore, if you ever hit that point.

 

[dolf]

Wouldn't that require a passport?!?

you and that bloody passport

 

[Learnsmith]

I have on and off again-gf with whom I had/have a very volatile relationship. Lots of passion, lots of fighting. Not normally my thing at all. I’m not generally ever jealous but was/am with her.

She went out late one night and ended up in some guy’s hotel room at 3am. Of course “nothing happened”….whatever…

I proceeded to fill in the blanks of what probably happened that night and it was/is an incredible turn on. Because she lied, I know it and I was jealous. But why does it turn me on?

Mind you, we both had and have multiple other lovers (together and apart), so it’s not just a case of wanting to see her with someone else. It’s more specific to the lying and the jealousy…

Sometimes I have to imagine that scenario to even cum… What is the hook?

We all have our kinks, man. I say just roll with it.

 

[bluebell]

I'm with Richard about the chaos theory, especially since you said everything else in your life is pretty orderly and has a place- seemingly designed to repel chaos rather than court it. But that's why opposites exist: you don't always know the depth of one side without experiencing the other. The idea of dipping a toe in unknown waters can be pretty appealing for many (which is part of why situations like this are born, I think).

Everything has a shelf life. This could grow into something larger for you, and even change how you enter most relationships but I think many people have a default setting and will eventually return to it in some way.

My advice: HAVE AN EXIT STRATEGY.

Think ahead about how you can get out of it without being too much of a jerk. If she is walking chaos, that's probably all she knows how to be but that doesn't mean you should "use and abuse" with no regard for the effects it might have on her (visible or invisible) or yourself.

 

[Learnsmith]

I should expand on my earlier statement: don't feel bad about the kink itself - sex is ultimately often a little bit about power and possession, and desiring that which refuses to be contained can be a powerful turn-on. Maybe in a healthier context, look at role-playing with it. Hell, there's plenty of porn on Tumblr devoted to this exact fetish.

But I will say, don't tolerate that shit unwarranted from a primary relationship unless it's what you both desire. Fantasy is one thing. Manipulation and distrust and infidelity are quite another.

 

[Curtis71]

I'm with Richard about the chaos theory, especially since you said everything else in your life is pretty orderly and has a place- seemingly designed to repel chaos rather than court it. But that's why opposites exist: you don't always know the depth of one side without experiencing the other. The idea of dipping a toe in unknown waters can be pretty appealing for many (which is part of why situations like this are born, I think).

Everything has a shelf life. This could grow into something larger for you, and even change how you enter most relationships but I think many people have a default setting and will eventually return to it in some way.

My advice: HAVE AN EXIT STRATEGY.

Think ahead about how you can get out of it without being too much of a jerk. If she is walking chaos, that's probably all she knows how to be but that doesn't mean you should "use and abuse" with no regard for the effects it might have on her (visible or invisible) or yourself.

I should mention that she's been a part of my life in some way or another for about 7 years. The last two, more intimately. As a close friend, sometimes lover, PA for awhile and close friend again.

Recently though it has been a more negative experience for both of us and we really should cut it off...


But I digress... My main question of myself was why that particular experience was so (apparently) important to me.

 

[Curtis71]

But I will say, don't tolerate that shit unwarranted from a primary relationship unless it's what you both desire. Fantasy is one thing. Manipulation and distrust and infidelity are quite another.

I agree, she's not my primary relationship and as I said above, it has become more negative than positive recently...

 

[bluebell]

Biology and outtie genitals? *shrug*

 

[Curtis71]

Thank you for your input.

So here it is:


A. Cuckolding

B. Chaos

C. True Love

D. dolf

E. I just want to see her get fucked

 

[Laurel]

I have on and off again-gf with whom I had/have a very volatile relationship. Lots of passion, lots of fighting. Not normally my thing at all. I’m not generally ever jealous but was/am with her.

She went out late one night and ended up in some guy’s hotel room at 3am. Of course “nothing happened”….whatever…

I proceeded to fill in the blanks of what probably happened that night and it was/is an incredible turn on. Because she lied, I know it and I was jealous. But why does it turn me on?

Mind you, we both had and have multiple other lovers (together and apart), so it’s not just a case of wanting to see her with someone else. It’s more specific to the lying and the jealousy…

Sometimes I have to imagine that scenario to even cum… What is the hook?

Maybe in part because you find her sexually desirable, and the idea of her in sexual situations is exciting to you.

But also maybe evolutionarily you're geared to get angry/jealous when you see "your" mate with another man because said anger/jealousy leading to arousal would lead to you fucking her, filling her with your spermies in an attempt to "cancel out" your "opponent's" spermies so that your genetic legacy goes on.

Whatever reason, it's a pretty common thing for men to feel. Women, not so much. I don't know why, but for most women I know (including myself) jealousy is a boner-killer. It just makes us feel insecure.

 

[dolf]

Whatever reason, it's a pretty common thing for men to feel. Women, not so much. I don't know why, but for most women I know (including myself) jealousy is a boner-killer. It just makes us feel insecure.

I fap on it. but only if I get all the smutty details.
if not, it's just meh.

 

[Curtis71]

Maybe in part because you find her sexually desirable, and the idea of her in sexual situations is exciting to you.

I think this is probably closer than chaos and certainly closer than cuckolding...

Thank you...

 

[Learnsmith]

It's also a challenging kink because it goes against so much of the social messaging that we as men are led to internalize. I mean, it's a thrust right at the heart of what we're taught is traditionally masculine. A man doesn't have to worry about his partner straying, or about what happens if his partner finds her paramours more suiting. It gets right to the heart of ethical conduct between males - not taking what's not yours, or being so uncaring as to allow others access.

Granted I acknowledge, being poly and a feminist, that no one ever truly belongs to ANYONE, and that women themselves are not a THING to be possessed or owned (unless that's your kink). But it is kind of the lens through which we have to view it. It's a collective response to years of patriarchal cultural baggage, and you can see it going back all the way to Shakespeare, back to the Romans.

 

[Curtis71]

It's also a challenging kink because it goes against so much of the social messaging that we as men are led to internalize. I mean, it's a thrust right at the heart of what we're taught is traditionally masculine. A man doesn't have to worry about his partner straying, or about what happens if his partner finds her paramours more suiting. It gets right to the heart of ethical conduct between males - not taking what's not yours, or being so uncaring as to allow others access.

Granted I acknowledge, being polyamorous, that no one ever truly belongs to ANYONE, and that women themselves are not a THING to be possessed or owned (unless that's your kink). But it is kind of the lens through which we have to view it. It's a collective response to years of patriarchal cultural baggage, and you can see it going back all the way to Shakespeare, back to the Romans.

Challenging is right. It doesn't feel like me.

Maybe a part of me does want to own her... It'a the whole "chaos" thing. It's counter to the rest of my life in every way both internally and externally.

 

[parodyluvr75]

Yeah, I've been trying to get past her for a while. But the passion....

I understand, but remember passion without drama is possible. If not with her, with another worthy lady.