AMA - Bramblethorn

[Bramblethorn]

I liked the idea of Primalex's AMA, and I have a little free time this week, so I thought I'd stick my hand up. Ask away!

(This probably doesn't need saying, but since I suck at unwritten rules, I'll say it anyway - feel free to ask anything you like, but there are a few topics where I may not be able to answer, in particular where it might be identifying.)

 

[ultramarineblue]

I thought about starting a thread where people could ask anyone anyone and if people wanted to participate they could. I think it's really cool to do this.

What do you like to do with your time for fun?

 

[TANSTAAFL58]

I liked the idea of Primalex's AMA, and I have a little free time this week, so I thought I'd stick my hand up. Ask away!

(This probably doesn't need saying, but since I suck at unwritten rules, I'll say it anyway - feel free to ask anything you like, but there are a few topics where I may not be able to answer, in particular where it might be identifying.)

I don't have a question, I just wanted to say that I really love your Av.

I thought about starting a thread where people could ask anyone anyone and if people wanted to participate they could. I think it's really cool to do this.

What do you like to do with your time for fun?

Go for it. I'll even volunteer, and have a side bet that I get no questions hehehe

 

[ultramarineblue]

I don't have a question, I just wanted to say that I really love your Av.




Go for it. I'll even volunteer, and have a side bet that I get no questions hehehe

I don't want to take away from bramblethorn's yet, but I will do it soon.

 

[gracie920101]

I love learning about everyone but I can never think of questions I want to ask because they are a) too invasive or b) too trivial.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Hiya Brambly!

What is your favorite cold cereal? What kind of milk do you drink? How often to you make up a charcuterie board?

Do you journal? If so, what does your current journal look like? Do you write on every line or every other? Are you fussy about pens or do you just use whatever's to hand?

What color is your hair? I feel like it could be sandy. But who knows, maybe it's raven! <caw, caw>

If you had a moustache that you didn't want, how would you get rid of it? AFAF.

 

[cookiecat]

What is your favorite piece of clothing in your wardrobe?

 

[Bramblethorn]

I thought about starting a thread where people could ask anyone anyone and if people wanted to participate they could. I think it's really cool to do this.

What do you like to do with your time for fun?

Reading, listening to music, watching movies, playing board and roleplaying games. Computer games but that's more of a "decompress" thing than a "fun" thing. when I need to de-stress, usually on a low difficulty setting. I used to do various crafts (sewing, leatherwork, painting gaming miniatures) but these days my back grumbles when I do those things.

I don't have a question, I just wanted to say that I really love your Av.

Thank you! Oglaf really is a national treasure.

Hey, Bramble.

Tell us about your best gift under the age of 12.

Hmm. Tie between my tortoise and the D&D Basic Set.

Hiya Brambly!

What is your favorite cold cereal? What kind of milk do you drink? How often to you make up a charcuterie board?

Do you journal? If so, what does your current journal look like? Do you write on every line or every other? Are you fussy about pens or do you just use whatever's to hand?

What color is your hair? I feel like it could be sandy. But who knows, maybe it's raven! <caw, caw>

If you had a moustache that you didn't want, how would you get rid of it? AFAF.

Weet-bix. Mostly regular, but I'll also drink skim if that's what there is. I prefer the deconstructed charcuterie board: all the ingredients on a bench, each person chooses their own. There's a very good market near where I used to work that was great for getting various kinds of sausage, herrings, cheeses, fruits, smoked meats, all sorts of things, but we haven't been able to go there in six months for reasons. My handwriting is terrible but I used to keep an online blog (actually, several) - haven't touched any of them in forever, though. Gradually petered out as friends moved on to other services and the site owners made some crappy choices. Mostly I just use whatever ball-point is at hand and isn't leaking ink on things, but when I was doing pro editing work on hardcopy I loved my red pen. Something very satisfying about writing NO NO NO NO NO on proofs that the author will never ever see. These days the work is all online though, so I rarely get that pleasure. Auburn - it's darkened over the years. I would sell it to a 70s porn star.

What is your favorite piece of clothing in your wardrobe?

A few options here.

Back about twenty years ago I spent *cough* on a pair of lace-up thigh-high boots. I don't get to wear them very often and I don't really bend at the knees when I'm wearing them, so I need help to get them off again, but I love them and they're comfortable.

Tracksuit pants. They're simple, they're comfortable, and they don't judge.

A few years ago a friend of mine died way too young. He was a fashion goth and the same shoe size as me, so I ended up with several cool T-shirts and a stompy pair of Docs. He would have appreciated the "dead man's boots" jokes and he would've liked knowing they were being worn.

 

[Bramblethorn]

What is your favorite book and why?

I have a lot of books I love, I'm not sure there's one that really stands out above the others. Some candidates:

Seanan McGuire, "Every Heart a Doorway" - all those children who find magic doors into fantasy worlds, and have great adventures, and then return home? This is about what happens to those children after that, when they can't find the doors again. Seanan's great strengths are character and her turn of phrase.
Oscar Wilde, collected works - esp. "The Fisherman and his Soul". I loved this as a child, and part of it was Wilde's sumptuous prose, but in hindsight I think there was also something in this that spoke to the autistic kid who didn't yet have a word for it.
Stjepan Šejić, "Sunstone" graphic novel series - lovely witty and compassionate BDSM romance from somebody who actually understands BDSM, and beautifully drawn to boot.
Neil Gaiman, "Sandman" series - a friend introduced me to these in school and I wasn't ready for them then, but I picked it up later - long after all the cool kids had moved on - and it opened my eyes to a lot of stuff. Also, Gaiman is one of the nicest and most well-adjusted celebrities out there.
Tamsin Muir, "Gideon the Ninth" - this is a bit uneven but that's part of what I like about it. Half Darque Gothique Space Fantasy, half foul-mouthed cynicism from a bodyguard who doesn't want to be there and doesn't have time for all this necromantic bullshit. The beginning drags a bit, but by the middle I was hooked and stayed up till 5 am finishing it.

In non-fiction, just about anything by Oliver Sacks.

Do you cook?

I do a pretty good avgolemono.

Favorite body part?

The back of the neck.

 

[Primalex]

Finally.

I was so worried that nobody else would follow.

Oh yes, a question:

Is your avatar your favorite oglaf comic of all time or just one that you found appropiate as avatar for this place? And if the latter, which comic is your favorite one (or within the top three)?

 

[ultramarineblue]

What colors do you like? How do you like to treat yourself if you're stressed out? What is your favorite time of day? What are your favorite games to play alone or with others? What inspired you to start writing? Coffee, tea, or other? What is something you'd like to try that you've never done before?

 

[ultramarineblue]

I love learning about everyone but I can never think of questions I want to ask because they are a) too invasive or b) too trivial.

Trivial questions can be very interesting though. As far as invasive, I think people consider different things too invasive. That makes me want to know what questions people have about anyone on here that they may think is too invasive. I'm pretty private but y'all know details of my life that purple that are extremely close to me don't always know.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Finally.

I was so worried that nobody else would follow.

Oh yes, a question:

Is your avatar your favorite oglaf comic of all time or just one that you found appropiate as avatar for this place? And if the latter, which comic is your favorite one (or within the top three)?

I had plans to do one as soon as I saw yours, but I wanted to give yours time to run before jumping on the bandwagon, hence the delay.

As with other questions here, I'm not very good at picking a single favourite. I tend to have a whole bunch of faves without a clear leader among them. But that particular strip (Blank Page) is up there.

Some others:
https://www.oglaf.com/annals/
https://www.oglaf.com/labyrinth/
https://www.oglaf.com/skein/
and pretty much anything where Kronar says "SORCERY".

I’ll read anything you suggest, thanks.
Sad to see no Tolkien!

I read ALL THE TOLKIEN as a kid. Hobbit, LotR, Silmarillion, Farmer Giles of Ham, Smith of Wootton Major - read each of them multiple times by the time I was about twelve. There's a lot in them to love and I'm still very fond of them.

I suspect I'm preaching to the choir here, but - one of the things I never got, reading LotR as a child, was why Aragorn wanted Arwen rather than Eowyn. The book never gives Arwen space to establish much of a personality beyond "beautiful, turned up to eleven". Eowyn is one of the very few female characters in LotR who feels fleshed-out and real and has agency. She does stuff even though she's afraid, she loves her uncle but she disobeys him, she stands up to the Witch-King. For me that seems like a much more solid basis for attraction.

As I got older, and began to process a lot of autism-related stuff (not that I had the faintest idea that it was autism) I got very interested in family and romantic relationships, and in self-understanding, and I think I've gravitated towards fiction that explores those themes. Looking back on the list I posted, although I didn't consciously choose it that way, everything on that list ties into those themes one way or another.

That sort of thing is hard to find in Tolkien. Not that relationships don't exist, but they tend to be either very simple (Fili and Kili) or so high-fantasy/melodramatic that they're not very relatable (Aragorn/Arwen, Túrin/Nienor, the Kin-Strife, etc. etc.) So when I got to the point in my life where I was interested in thinking more about how people relate to one another and to themselves, the Tolkien ended up on the shelves. I felt like I'd sucked it dry for what I could get from it, and I needed to look elsewhere.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Trivial questions can be very interesting though. As far as invasive, I think people consider different things too invasive. That makes me want to know what questions people have about anyone on here that they may think is too invasive. I'm pretty private but y'all know details of my life that purple that are extremely close to me don't always know.

Yep. If I'm uncomfortable answering a question I'll say so, but in this context I won't be bothered by the asking.

What colors do you like? How do you like to treat yourself if you're stressed out? What is your favorite time of day? What are your favorite games to play alone or with others? What inspired you to start writing? Coffee, tea, or other? What is something you'd like to try that you've never done before?

I gravitate towards dark colours - blacks, reds, blues, greens, purples - but sometimes with a splash of something bright for contrast.

When I'm stressed, some kinds of programming are comforting - stress for me is often about things I don't adequately understand, and programming something that I know how to do is soothing. (Going outside my comfort zone in programming can easily become a cause of stress, though!) Likewise, I'll often decompress by playing familiar computer games on a low difficulty setting. The catch is that often I end up staying up way too late decompressing, and then I'm tired the next day.

I'm an evening person. For writing, I tend to be at my most creative after midnight, when I'm already drowsy, which again is not conducive to good sleep habits.

Games: I like big complex games where there are a lot of things going on. Terra Mystica, Scythe, Food Chain Magnate, so many more. I'm also fond of communication-oriented games like Dixit, Codenames, or Magic Maze. But I can enjoy just about any well-designed game with the right group of friends. I have a strong competitive streak and I sometimes need to rein that in when playing with people who have a more casual approach to games. I don't like being on a timer - quick decision-making is not my forte.

Writing: partly "I can't find the sort of stories I want to read so I'll have to write them myself", partly self-exploration, partly as something to do for a long-distance lover. A couple of my early stories here started out as gifts to my now-ex.

I don't get coffee. I understand the appeal of the caffeine part, but coffee just tastes awful to me. Tea is nice, and I'll drink it almost any way, but this is my favourite. I'm not remotely a tea purist - milk first, water first, no milk, sugar, no sugar, have it however you like.

Something to try: a near-distance poly relationship. My partner and I have been poly pretty much since we got together, but for me my other partners have always been interstate or overseas, and that can be very hard. I'd kind of like to try that on easy mode some time.

 

[ultramarineblue]

Yep. If I'm uncomfortable answering a question I'll say so, but in this context I won't be bothered by the asking.



I gravitate towards dark colours - blacks, reds, blues, greens, purples - but sometimes with a splash of something bright for contrast.

When I'm stressed, some kinds of programming are comforting - stress for me is often about things I don't adequately understand, and programming something that I know how to do is soothing. (Going outside my comfort zone in programming can easily become a cause of stress, though!) Likewise, I'll often decompress by playing familiar computer games on a low difficulty setting. The catch is that often I end up staying up way too late decompressing, and then I'm tired the next day.

I'm an evening person. For writing, I tend to be at my most creative after midnight, when I'm already drowsy, which again is not conducive to good sleep habits.

Games: I like big complex games where there are a lot of things going on. Terra Mystica, Scythe, Food Chain Magnate, so many more. I'm also fond of communication-oriented games like Dixit, Codenames, or Magic Maze. But I can enjoy just about any well-designed game with the right group of friends. I have a strong competitive streak and I sometimes need to rein that in when playing with people who have a more casual approach to games. I don't like being on a timer - quick decision-making is not my forte.

Writing: partly "I can't find the sort of stories I want to read so I'll have to write them myself", partly self-exploration, partly as something to do for a long-distance lover. A couple of my early stories here started out as gifts to my now-ex.

I don't get coffee. I understand the appeal of the caffeine part, but coffee just tastes awful to me. Tea is nice, and I'll drink it almost any way, but this is my favourite. I'm not remotely a tea purist - milk first, water first, no milk, sugar, no sugar, have it however you like.

Something to try: a near-distance poly relationship. My partner and I have been poly pretty much since we got together, but for me my other partners have always been interstate or overseas, and that can be very hard. I'd kind of like to try that on easy mode some time.

Thank you! I thought about how in this context along a question that normally might be viewed as intrusive could be still asked with the understanding it may not be answered. Also, I think what people consider intrusive could vary.

Color can be so interesting. I like wearing dark colors but will sometimes wear lighter colors. I prefer walls painted light but to have the ability to make a room dark with shades.

I don't think I could do programming. What do you like about it? What do you dislike about it?

I've been wanting to play Codenames. I'll have to look into your others. Coffee is ok at times. Tea can be enjoyed in so many ways. I like plant milk and honey in some of the ones I drink.

I hope you are able to find a closer poly partner. It can be such an intricate thing. What advice do you have for anyone interested in poly? What advice do you have for maintaining a long distance relationship?

 

[Bramblethorn]

Describe your perfect date, please.

Good dinner. Hanging out and talking for hours, maybe a favourite movie or just sitting around talking for ages. Or tying them up and undressing them with scissors. That's good too.

I never really figured out the dating-as-courtship thing. For me, dates are usually something that happens after the relationship is established.

 

[Bramblethorn]

I don't think I could do programming. What do you like about it? What do you dislike about it?

When it works, there's an "I am a god" feeling to it, and satisfaction like, I dunno, building a clock and watching it run as designed.

For some languages and tasks, there's a puzzle element to it as well - I work a bit with CP languages, which are specialised tools that are very powerful for certain kinds of problems, but you have to figure out how to express your problem in a form they can understand. It challenges me to think of different ways to describe the same thing.

What I dislike: not being good at it. I'm impatient and I don't always cope very well when I get stuck - I'm reluctant to ask for help, though a friend is helping me with that. I have a lot of trouble knowing when something is good enough.

I've been wanting to play Codenames. I'll have to look into your others. Coffee is ok at times. Tea can be enjoyed in so many ways. I like plant milk and honey in some of the ones I drink.

We do a lot of board gaming online at the moment, because we're under lockdown. One of our players is blind and there's a website that runs Codenames which works better for her than the other online options, so we've been playing that regularly.

I hope you are able to find a closer poly partner. It can be such an intricate thing. What advice do you have for anyone interested in poly? What advice do you have for maintaining a long distance relationship?

Polyam* advice:

Don't believe the woo. Polyam isn't a "more evolved" way of life than monogamy, it's just a different approach with its own pluses and minuses. Sure, some forms of monogamy are toxic, but so are some forms of polyam. The correct reason for going into polyamory is that you believe yourself capable of loving more than one person at once, and treating them all decently. Doing it as a political statement, or to make yourself cool and edgy, or because of some evo-psych bullshit, is just a recipe for heartbreak.

"I don't want to choose between people" is a terrible reason to get into polyam. If you're monogamous, you might need to make that choice a few times in your life. If you're polyam, you will need to make those choices all through your relationships. I have no difficulty loving more than one person simultaneously, but that doesn't let me be in two places at once.

Talk over expectations. Time, safe sex, money, anything special like "not in our bed", and about who gets to know you're in a relationship. If you have a partner who is conflict-averse, you need to be really careful about setting expectations. "Conflict-averse" = "the squeakiest wheel gets the grease" = "perverse incentive for people to be insecure and demanding as a way of undermining their partner's other relationship". Not that I'm bitter about this particular scenario or anything...

...but, understand that expectations do change and people can't foresee everything that will happen. Expectations are a guide to understanding how to keep everybody happy, not a set of rules to be exploited by the cleverest lawyer.

Many people have good reasons for not wanting their polyam relationship to be public knowledge, but bear in mind that secrecy can be tough. Are you okay with seeing your partner acknowledge their other lover in public, but not you? If your partner were to fall seriously ill, could you deal with the people around you not understanding how much that means to you?

Have close friends who you are not dating, because if things get difficult you will probably want somebody to talk to who's not already part of the drama.

Learn how to use shareable calendar tools. If you're the sort of person who enjoys designing train timetables, you're gonna love polyamory.

Be skeptical of arrangements that boil down to "we can sleep with all the women we want, but I will be the only man in the relationship".

Don't listen to anybody who bases relationship advice on bonobos, or indeed any other member of the animal kingdom, or on "how our cave-men ancestors would have lived".

LDRs: are hard, especially international. I'm not sure I have great advice beyond communicate, visit when you can, try to share stuff that makes you feel part of one another's lives.

*Usually just gets abbreviated to "poly" but that's also an abbreviation for "Polynesian" so I'm trying to shift to the less ambiguous version... when I remember.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Me too, but apparently there are these things called Dating Sites.
I dunno.
I’m out of the loop.

Those are perfect dates.
I don’t like movie dates. I like going out and talking.

I enjoy going out to the movies once in a while (back when that was an option!) but my best movie dates have been on the couch at home.

The idea of trying to connect with a stranger on a dating site gives me the heeby-jeebies.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Hmm, I realised my poly advice thread sounds a bit off-putting. I tend to focus on "negatives and how to avoid them". There are a lot of positives too, but my advice there is mostly just "enjoy them!"

 

[seela]

Why did you choose your screenname?

 

[Bramblethorn]

Why did you choose your screenname?

Partly from a couple of old roleplaying characters, partly because I like the imagery. As far back as I can remember I've thought of myself as some sort of clawed creature, though I try to be judicious in how I apply those claws.

 

[Bramblethorn]

I can’t market myself.
I mean. I guess I kinda did here, because, boobs.
But I was always me.

I hear you. Applying for jobs is one of the things I hate worst in the world.

 

[coati]

Do you ever wake up in the middle of the night and start worrying about stuff? If so, what do you do about that?

 

[ultramarineblue]

When it works, there's an "I am a god" feeling to it, and satisfaction like, I dunno, building a clock and watching it run as designed.

For some languages and tasks, there's a puzzle element to it as well - I work a bit with CP languages, which are specialised tools that are very powerful for certain kinds of problems, but you have to figure out how to express your problem in a form they can understand. It challenges me to think of different ways to describe the same thing.

What I dislike: not being good at it. I'm impatient and I don't always cope very well when I get stuck - I'm reluctant to ask for help, though a friend is helping me with that. I have a lot of trouble knowing when something is good enough.



We do a lot of board gaming online at the moment, because we're under lockdown. One of our players is blind and there's a website that runs Codenames which works better for her than the other online options, so we've been playing that regularly.



Polyam* advice:

Don't believe the woo. Polyam isn't a "more evolved" way of life than monogamy, it's just a different approach with its own pluses and minuses. Sure, some forms of monogamy are toxic, but so are some forms of polyam. The correct reason for going into polyamory is that you believe yourself capable of loving more than one person at once, and treating them all decently. Doing it as a political statement, or to make yourself cool and edgy, or because of some evo-psych bullshit, is just a recipe for heartbreak.

"I don't want to choose between people" is a terrible reason to get into polyam. If you're monogamous, you might need to make that choice a few times in your life. If you're polyam, you will need to make those choices all through your relationships. I have no difficulty loving more than one person simultaneously, but that doesn't let me be in two places at once.

Talk over expectations. Time, safe sex, money, anything special like "not in our bed", and about who gets to know you're in a relationship. If you have a partner who is conflict-averse, you need to be really careful about setting expectations. "Conflict-averse" = "the squeakiest wheel gets the grease" = "perverse incentive for people to be insecure and demanding as a way of undermining their partner's other relationship". Not that I'm bitter about this particular scenario or anything...

...but, understand that expectations do change and people can't foresee everything that will happen. Expectations are a guide to understanding how to keep everybody happy, not a set of rules to be exploited by the cleverest lawyer.

Many people have good reasons for not wanting their polyam relationship to be public knowledge, but bear in mind that secrecy can be tough. Are you okay with seeing your partner acknowledge their other lover in public, but not you? If your partner were to fall seriously ill, could you deal with the people around you not understanding how much that means to you?

Have close friends who you are not dating, because if things get difficult you will probably want somebody to talk to who's not already part of the drama.

Learn how to use shareable calendar tools. If you're the sort of person who enjoys designing train timetables, you're gonna love polyamory.

Be skeptical of arrangements that boil down to "we can sleep with all the women we want, but I will be the only man in the relationship".

Don't listen to anybody who bases relationship advice on bonobos, or indeed any other member of the animal kingdom, or on "how our cave-men ancestors would have lived".

LDRs: are hard, especially international. I'm not sure I have great advice beyond communicate, visit when you can, try to share stuff that makes you feel part of one another's lives.

*Usually just gets abbreviated to "poly" but that's also an abbreviation for "Polynesian" so I'm trying to shift to the less ambiguous version... when I remember.

Hmm, I realised my poly advice thread sounds a bit off-putting. I tend to focus on "negatives and how to avoid them". There are a lot of positives too, but my advice there is mostly just "enjoy them!"

I think you have a lot of good sound advice for polyam. While it may lean more towards the ways to not do it, avoiding those could lead to a more positive experience. I like that you pointed out examining reasons for exploring that. I wish it wasn't so taboo because having it makes it hard to figure out how to do it in a healthy way plus like you said there still has to be an aspect of secrecy which can be difficult at times.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Do you ever wake up in the middle of the night and start worrying about stuff? If so, what do you do about that?

Bold of you to assume I'm asleep by the middle of the night...

I don't usually have a problem with waking up with worries. The issue is more that I have a hard time switching off to go to sleep - I want to read a little bit more, play one more turn of a game, ... and this is especially a problem when I've had a big day of interacting with people.

Once I let myself go to sleep, usually what wakes me up a couple of times in the night is hungry cats. (I know, I know, but they spend the rest of the night cuddling and I don't have the heart to kick them out; also, one of them has food issues that mean I can't just give him a big meal to last him through the night.)