"Almost" Banned...

[Weird Harold]

... or it should be.

[rant]
I just finished two stories in a row where nobody seemed to actually DO anything -- they "almost screamed," "Almost jumped," and "almost" did all sorts of things, but they never actually got around to actually DOING them.
[/rant]

The thing is, I can't even figure out what the author's are trying to say when they over-use "almost" like that. ("Nearly" is over-used frequently by some authors, as well.)

 

[Baron]

I almost replied to your post but I nearly stopped myself in time. Wait ....

 

[Uther_Pendragon]

Well, yes. Nearly banned.
Depends on the point of view.
In a first person story, or in dialogue, "I almost jumped"
makes a little sense. Wotinell does "John almost jumped"
mean? Now "John walked almost to the corner" or "John
replied more loudly, almost screaming," makes sense.
|
Not meaning to hijack this thread, but a similar problem is
"began" and "started to." I don't mind "he started to
caress her breasts" if she stops him, or her mother comes
around the corner, or -- in some other way -- he is stopped.
But if he goes on, WHY tell us he started?
Again, there are other reasons, "He started to unbutton
her blouse before they were even in the house."
Otherwise, have your character DO it not start to do it.

 

[pop_54]

almost agree mate

I nearly agree Harold mate, I started reading this thread and almost thought of something to say in reply.

Then when I did think of something, I was about to start typing when my wife nearly made me jump as she almost ran into the room, she was beginning to become sexually aroused and started masturbating me as I sit here.

I almost starched my pants, but just managed to get my cock out in time, my weapon beginning to dribble with pre-cum, (that's another stupid almost isn't it, what the fuck's pre-cum), my bollocks started twitching and I almost came all over the floor.

Luckily my wife's hand just about deflected the man-fat as it appeared to pump out of my bell end with almost the force of a bullet splashing over nearly all of the PC keyboard.

I must go now cos the discharged semen is nearly sticking these keys together and might need to be cleaned off soon.


pops.......

PS: Couldn't agree more mate, I think we've all been guilty of in to some minor degree, but it's still bloody daft.

 

[snooper]

"Almost" and "nearly", I more-or-less agree with.

... Again, there are other reasons, "He started to unbutton
her blouse before they were even in the house."
Otherwise, have your character DO it not start to do it.

Here I disagree. There is a big difference between starting and doing, even if the character actually continues and completes the action.
"He started to unbutton her blouse" implies that he might have stopped, a certain amount of trepidation even.
"He unbuttoned her blouse" sounds like a routine action, performed many times before and since.

 

[Boxlicker101]

|
Not meaning to hijack this thread, but a similar problem is
"began" and "started to." I don't mind "he started to
caress her breasts" if she stops him, or her mother comes
around the corner, or -- in some other way -- he is stopped.
But if he goes on, WHY tell us he started?
Again, there are other reasons, "He started to unbutton
her blouse before they were even in the house."
Otherwise, have your character DO it not start to do it.

Sometimes you want to establish a sequence. "She started to unbutton my shirt while I reached around to unhook her bra. When she was done with the buttons, I stepped back to remove my shirt and pulled her bra with me."

 

[Weird Harold]

Sometimes you want to establish a sequence. "She started to unbutton my shirt while I reached around to unhook her bra. When she was done with the buttons, I stepped back to remove my shirt and pulled her bra with me."

Starting, or describing, a sequence is not a necessarily a bad thing, IF you carry through with it -- as you did.

However, describing someone starting something and just leaving it hanging, OR over-controlling the description with a profusion of "Then" and "Continued," are signs of a lack of thought in the writing, IMHO.

Every example of over-use and/or redundancy I rant about CAN be used properly, and has a proper place where they're the best way to express a thought. However, ...

I prefer She slowly unbuttoned her blouse, releasing each button as if it just might be the last one. to She began unbuttoning her blouse. The latter form neither tells nor shows anything about the unbuttoning or what the unbuttoning reveals -- in short it's a boring description, especially when the rest of the implied sequence is never finished.



Pops, you crack me up. Your diatribe nearly makes "almost" acceptable.

 

[sweetnpetite]

I agree, obviously there are times where judicious use is warrented, but to much of it leads to a passive voice, and an author who seems too timid to actually *say* anything. Anther one i hate is overuse of "appeared to" "appeared to be" "seemed to" and the like.




We want to know what happened -not what started to happen, appeared to happen or nearly happened.


Almost doesn't count!

 

[Svenskaflicka]

I'm a victim of the starting-syndrome.

Beginning 2004, I'm gonna start caring more about my choice of words.

 

[Guest]

Harold, just a teeny hi-jack to wish you a Happy New Year!

smooch, Perdita

 

[MagicFingers]

Nearly LMAO!

So much I almost cried.
Hmm, gotta go check my new story before I submit it!
Good points everyone.

 

[Weird Harold]

Harold, just a teeny hi-jack to wish you a Happy New Year!

smooch, Perdita

Why thank you. I'm glad I checked back in when the New Year has almost reached the Eastern US and is nearly here for the rest of us in the New World.

I hope you're out partying hard and do't see this until "next year" instead of being a recluse like me.

 

[snooper]

I agree, obviously there are times where judicious use is warrented, but to much of it leads to a passive voice, ...

Use of the passsive voice must be ruthlessly suppressed.

... Almost doesn't count!

I almost died when I read this, it is so wrong!

 

[pop_54]

Agree love but

I agree, obviously there are times where judicious use is warrented, but to much of it leads to a passive voice, and an author who seems too timid to actually *say* anything. Anther one i hate is overuse of "appeared to" "appeared to be" "seemed to" and the like.




We want to know what happened -not what started to happen, appeared to happen or nearly happened.


Almost doesn't count!

I agree 'appeared' can sound crap SP love, if a third person author sees someone do something in his/her minds eye while writing the tale, hell they are doing it not appearing to be doing it.

This only applies to physical actions though, he 'picked up the cup', not, 'appeared to pick up the cup' but when translating a third persons thoughts or feelings into print, often 'appeared' or 'seemed to' is needed at times.

'Mary liked the sexual action being forced on her' would be inappropriate for an author to describe from an onlookers viewpoint, how the hell does the author know she'd be liking it for certain, instead, Mary 'appeared' to be liking, etc, may be appropriate, and unfortunately there would be a number of occasions where this were needed in this style of story.

 

[Seattle Zack]

Use of the passsive voice must be ruthlessly suppressed.

Right on, snooper. Whenever I am writing, the passive voice is suppressed. Ruthlessly. But it hasn't protested much, because it's so passive.

When constructing a mental picture in The Reader's mind, the use of comparitives like "nearly" and "almost" allows stronger language and more vivid imagery than a straightforward description.

The bright headlights made it difficult for him to see...

Nearly blinded by the dazzling lights...

Phrases like "almost unconscious" or "nearly incoherent" paint a better picture than "dazed" or "difficult to understand."

 

[Quasimodem]

It appears as if I nearly missed this discussion.

That would have been almost unbearable.

It would have practically meant that I was not Quasi-involved.

 

[Weird Harold]

Phrases like "almost unconscious" or "nearly incoherent" paint a better picture than "dazed" or "difficult to understand."

I disagree that "almost unconscious" is more vivid than "dazed," but would point out that "Semi-conscious" works better than either of your choices.


"Nearly incoherent" and "difficult to understand" are both bad choices, IMHO, when "Barely coherent" works so much better.

 

[Boxlicker101]

... or it should be.

[rant]
I just finished two stories in a row where nobody seemed to actually DO anything -- they "almost screamed," "Almost jumped," and "almost" did all sorts of things, but they never actually got around to actually DOING them.
[/rant]

The thing is, I can't even figure out what the author's are trying to say when they over-use "almost" like that. ("Nearly" is over-used frequently by some authors, as well.)

I think almost anything is acceptable, if properly used. For example, considering I do write smut: ..... she fucked her pussy into my face so strongly she almost lifted her ass off the bed. Or ..... she seemed to be trying to wrap her pussy around my face. These phrases are both descriptive and the latter one should be acceptable because it is clearly not possible.

 

[Weird Harold]

Re: Re: "Almost" Banned...

I think almost anything is acceptable, if properly used. ... These phrases are both descriptive and the latter one should be acceptable because it is clearly not possible.

Your qualifier is what set off my rant -- two stories in a row, almost and nearly were NOT properly used. They were over-sued to the point where it seemed like that was the ONLY way the authors could describe something.

As for you two examples:

she fucked her pussy into my face so strongly she almost lifted her ass off the bed.

This I don't consider terribly descriptive, because it doesn't explain why she failed to lift her ass off the bed.

"she fucked her pussy into my face so strongly she almost succeeded in lifting her ass off the bed," is a better description and a "proper use" of almost, IMHO.

she seemed to be trying to wrap her pussy around my face.

Hyberbole can also be overused, but this example does convey her urgency for more contact better than "she almost stuffed my head inside her pussy," would.

 

[Seattle Zack]

I understood your point, Harold, and I agree wholeheartedly. Any writing so poor that it distracts from the narrative sets my teeth on edge.

The one that gets me is "then...then...then" ad nauseum. "Then she undid her bra. Then I unzipped my pants. Then she moaned softly." It's already a sequence, no need for the extra words.

I've always tried to adhere to Strunk & White's axiom, even in matters as mundane as technical writing:

Vigorous writing is concise. A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts. This requires not that the writer make all his sentences short, or that he avoid all detail and treat his subjects only in outline, but that every word tell.

 

[Weird Harold]

I've always tried to adhere to Strunk & White's axiom, even in matters as mundane as technical writing:

Vigorous writing is concise. A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts. This requires not that the writer make all his sentences short, or that he avoid all detail and treat his subjects only in outline, but that every word tell.

That's a very nice quote and very good advice that novice writers should see -- and see often, until it sinks in.

 

[Boxlicker101]

Re: Re: Re: "Almost" Banned...

Your qualifier is what set off my rant -- two stories in a row, almost and nearly were NOT properly used. They were over-sued to the point where it seemed like that was the ONLY way the authors could describe something.

As for you two examples:

she fucked her pussy into my face so strongly she almost lifted her ass off the bed.

This I don't consider terribly descriptive, because it doesn't explain why she failed to lift her ass off the bed.

"she fucked her pussy into my face so strongly she almost succeeded in lifting her ass off the bed," is a better description and a "proper use" of almost, IMHO.

Except that she wasn't actually trying to lift her ass off the bed. She was fucking her pussy into my face and it would have ben incidental if her ass had left the bed.

 

[Boxlicker101]

I understood your point, Harold, and I agree wholeheartedly. Any writing so poor that it distracts from the narrative sets my teeth on edge.

The one that gets me is "then...then...then" ad nauseum. "Then she undid her bra. Then I unzipped my pants. Then she moaned softly." It's already a sequence, no need for the extra words.

I've always tried to adhere to Strunk & White's axiom, even in matters as mundane as technical writing:

Vigorous writing is concise. A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts. This requires not that the writer make all his sentences short, or that he avoid all detail and treat his subjects only in outline, but that every word tell.

Hi, Zack.
I have to agree with then...then...then, etc. and with the starting or beginning, except as I already described, but I don't se how you can compare technical writing to porn/erotica. If I say: "I licked the delicious juice from her pussy" The word "delicious" is unnecessary; I could get along without it but I prefer to use it. I could say "She eased my cock into her pussy, slowly impaling herself on its length until it was all the way in her and my pubic hair was tickling her lips." Or I could say "She stuck my cock into her pussy." They say the same thing but I think the first sentence is more erotic, which is what I, at least, am striving for.

 

[The_Boiled_Egg]

Nice Story

 

[Seattle Zack]

Like S&W says, Box, it doesn't mean that you need to make all your sentences short, or undescriptive, just that every word should move the story forward.

Your examples are perfect, and make my point very well. But, there's no doubt you can compare technical writing to erotica. Have you ever read a poorly written user's manual?

"Connect the AC adaptor as shown."

or

"The plug for the AC adaptor should be inserted fully, with the three pins aligned, until the triangular clip snaps firmly into the recessed receptacle."

Just words. Nouns 'n' verbs 'n' the occasional adverb/adjective.