After punishment care

[the captians wench]

We've talked about aftercare, and we've talked about needing something to help us trasition back into the real world, but something hit me because of a comment some one made to me.

Do you believe in giving/recieving aftercare after punishment?

I went back in my mind to all the times that I've been punished (for the most part that isn't that many), and with Jounar he always told me how good I was, and that I did good with this, he loved me and was proud of me, and sometimes gave me an orgasm pass or two. With the playmate that I let way too far into my life, he would usually make me feel even worse about what happened, and I was barely allowd to rest my head on his boot when I broke into tears.

Ultimitly I think I responded better to the virtual cuddles that I got. It was almost like a reasurance, "yes you fucked up, but now it's over and you're forgiven, and I love you".

So how important is this to you and do you believe that it's benifical or detrimental to give aftercare, or rewards after punishment?

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

I dunno, but i don't think theres a need for aftercare after punishment. When you realise you are punished to get a lesson and learn something so you would do right next time it seems just silly to me to get an orgasm while this, cuz i dunno how for u but for me orgasm=pleasure.

If i get any pleasure while being punished it would lose the sense for me. I really think punishment should be something what u really don't like, so it would have the right efect on you, but thats just my own demented opinion

 

[SheDevilShay]

We've talked about aftercare, and we've talked about needing something to help us trasition back into the real world, but something hit me because of a comment some one made to me.

Do you believe in giving/recieving aftercare after punishment?

I went back in my mind to all the times that I've been punished (for the most part that isn't that many), and with Jounar he always told me how good I was, and that I did good with this, he loved me and was proud of me, and sometimes gave me an orgasm pass or two. With the playmate that I let way too far into my life, he would usually make me feel even worse about what happened, and I was barely allowd to rest my head on his boot when I broke into tears.

Ultimitly I think I responded better to the virtual cuddles that I got. It was almost like a reasurance, "yes you fucked up, but now it's over and you're forgiven, and I love you".

So how important is this to you and do you believe that it's benifical or detrimental to give aftercare, or rewards after punishment?

After a punishment.. yes I need after care.. Id probably go into a stateof depression and because suicidal otherwise... Because of being so ashamed at myself... I don't think I need much encouragement to beat myself up for stupid shit.. I do it enough... knowing that he still loves me even though I disapointed him goes along way for making me try harder... if he doesn't care about me even if I do things wrong and am WILLING to make up for it and try HARDER next time...... whats the point of me trying at all?

 

[HottieMama]

I went back in my mind to all the times that I've been punished (for the most part that isn't that many), and with Jounar he always told me how good I was, and that I did good with this, he loved me and was proud of me, and sometimes gave me an orgasm pass or two.

Ultimitly I think I responded better to the virtual cuddles that I got. It was almost like a reasurance, "yes you fucked up, but now it's over and you're forgiven, and I love you".

So how important is this to you and do you believe that it's benifical or detrimental to give aftercare, or rewards after punishment?

Change Jounar to LC and i could have written that description. It's really important to me to receive some sort of punishment aftercare. The two times that i have "messed up" and received a punishment, i was EXTREMELY hard on myself. Lots of "kicking my own ass" for fucking up...and when i do that my insecurity and fear creeps in. i need to know that even though i messed up, i am forgiven, loved, safe..etc..etc.. If i didn't have that i would have a very hard time moving away from "beating myself up," and putting the whole incident in the past. Dwelling on it would ultimately damage our relationship in the long run.

 

[HottieMama]

I dunno, but i don't think theres a need for aftercare after punishment. When you realise you are punished to get a lesson and learn something so you would do right next time it seems just silly to me to get an orgasm while this, cuz i dunno how for u but for me orgasm=pleasure.

If i get any pleasure while being punished it would lose the sense for me. I really think punishment should be something what u really don't like, so it would have the right efect on you, but thats just my own demented opinion

It's not about an orgasm or reward during the punishment...It's about after..when you have completed the punishment and it is time to move on. And perhaps "reward" is the wrong word. For me, it's like a reassurance that "look..you screwed up and disappointed me...but i love you, i'm still here..and we are ok now." Again, for me..i need that.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

It's not about an orgasm or reward during the punishment...It's about after..when you have completed the punishment and it is time to move on. And perhaps "reward" is the wrong word. For me, it's like a reassurance that "look..you screwed up and disappointed me...but i love you, i'm still here..and we are ok now." Again, for me..i need that.

I am sorry, seems i misunderstud you.

OMG i need this too!!! "look..you screwed up and disappointed me...but i love you, i'm still here..and we are ok now."

I would feel shit about myself for another month if he didnt tell me "its all okay now, i am past that". I so need it yes. I always need to know no matter what i did its sorted when we are done with the punishment.

Those words you said are very important IMO and i think every good Dom knows that. I was really punished just once and felt really bad and proper down after. I felt so damn quilty and i couldnt get over that, it took me a while to let it go. My Master helpled me alot with this when he showed me we are still okay and that he still loves me. I was thankfull to him for what he told me that time, i really needed hear that yes.

 

[Netzach]

I don't really do this dyanmic much, the punishment thing, but I definitely think that some kind of closure is important. Even just "very good, that's past us. Dry your eyes now and let's move on, be a good girl." I'd feel uncomfortable going from displeasure to cuddle fest, but I think it's important to put it in the past.

 

[catalina_francisco]

For the most part there is little or no emotional after care after punishment, though it is made to be understood it is over and what the terms are for avoiding it happening again. If I need physical aftercare he will attend to that, though sometimes if it is possible for me to do it myself he will instruct me to do so. As to orgasms, they would only happen if it were his wish, not as a reward or comfort type gesture for me...punishment is never pleasant and I don't see the point in implementing it if immediately afterward the submissive is overly pampered and praised and catered to...a word of reassurance is another thing, and once again happens if he wants it too, not because I feel it necessary.

Catalina

 

[incubus_dark]

Subs are sensitive little creatures, like puppies; after you spank them or rub their nose in it, they need a pat or a cuddle so they know you're still friends, otherwise they'll fret for the entire length of their individual attention span. Just like needing to know when they've been bad, they need to know when they're forgiven and allowed to get over it. Still and all, a true punishment shouldn't happen too often since, unlike puppies, subs are usually fairly capable at communicating abstracts (also it's considered less socially acceptable to fuck your puppy, or reward it with orgasms). If 'punishment' for percieved wickednesses is a role play thing between a couple, an 'untrue' punishment as it were, then that's an entirely different game, and you'd have to make your own rules up.

 

[Netzach]

unlike puppies, subs are usually fairly capable at communicating abstracts

hahaha! One would hope.

Therefore "wow, that bummed me out (sadface)" is my rolled up newspaper of choice.

 

[Knightenslaves]

I think aftercare might be the most important part of the punishment. It releases the mind of any grief, it solidifies the forgiveness and opens the door to the future free of chastisement.
At least that is what one hopes for isn't it?

 

[Sir_Winston54]

I don't really do this dyanmic much, the punishment thing, but I definitely think that some kind of closure is important. Even just "very good, that's past us. Dry your eyes now and let's move on, be a good girl." I'd feel uncomfortable going from displeasure to cuddle fest, but I think it's important to put it in the past.

Thanx, Netz - you saved me having to write that.

 

[myinnerslut]

after punishment, A's behavior varies. sometimes he'll hold me untill ive calmed down (usually when the punishment is physical). sometimes he will let me near him, but not touch me or allow me to touch him. if hedoesnt hold me after punishment, i tend to curl up at his feet and stay there and think about what just happened. while we are away at school, we talk about what happened and why it happened via phone or internet.

 

[sexycaz22]

I have never been punished as yet, but I would like to think that after being punished, that there is a little aftercare.

As such as a simple cuddle or a hand stroking my face or hair, or letting me to lay at his feet, will let me know that he has forgiven me and that he is proud of me for taking the punishments.

 

[SheDevilShay]

For the most part there is little or no emotional after care after punishment, though it is made to be understood it is over and what the terms are for avoiding it happening again. If I need physical aftercare he will attend to that, though sometimes if it is possible for me to do it myself he will instruct me to do so. As to orgasms, they would only happen if it were his wish, not as a reward or comfort type gesture for me...punishment is never pleasant and I don't see the point in implementing it if immediately afterward the submissive is overly pampered and praised and catered to...a word of reassurance is another thing, and once again happens if he wants it too, not because I feel it necessary.

Catalina

I agree with this.... If I do something wrong... I need to know after I've taken the punishment I am forgiven and still loved... but I don't expect him to praise me or pamper me for being a bitch.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I agree with this.... If I do something wrong... I need to know after I've taken the punishment I am forgiven and still loved

Fortunately, he no longer has to reassure me about those points, they are a given and understood after all we have been through together. As to being a bitch, I try not to be that and that has never been a reason to punish.

Catalina

 

[Homburg]

I don't really do physical punishment, at least not hitting. Not my thing. When I have punished, much like NetZach above, I'm not ready to switch into happy cuddles. Enough must be said to make her feel vaguely okay, but if I am praising and pampering like I do after a really in-depth scene, how am I reinforcing the punishment? At that point I am making the punishment end the same way a great scene does. Bad Idea.

 

[SheDevilShay]

Fortunately, he no longer has to reassure me about those points, they are a given and understood after all we have been through together. As to being a bitch, I try not to be that and that has never been a reason to punish.

Catalina

*shrugs* to each their own.. I CAN be a bitch once in a while and my hot mouth and fiery temper get me into trouble...

Maybe your lucky and thats not an issue, my hats off to you

 

[ecstaticsub]

I have only been physically punished once..I wasn't praised, pampered or comforted afterwards but I was fucked hard and with lots of emotion. It was just what we both needed.

 

[Netzach]

*shrugs* to each their own.. I CAN be a bitch once in a while and my hot mouth and fiery temper get me into trouble...

Maybe your lucky and thats not an issue, my hats off to you

I don't think it's luck at all. I think it's an issue of self control and reminding oneself what you want in the long run.

I could certainly be a bitch all day to my sub, but unless I think that's going to be good for the relationship, as it is with H, when it's NOT there's an amount of holding myself back that I have to try and do.

 

[catalina_francisco]

*shrugs* to each their own.. I CAN be a bitch once in a while and my hot mouth and fiery temper get me into trouble...

Maybe your lucky and thats not an issue, my hats off to you

LOL, no it's about self control as Netzach points out, respect, and behaviour usually expected of a slave as opposed to letting yourself run free with no thought to controlling yourself or submitting to your PYL when you feel bitchy.


Catalina

 

[the captians wench]

LOL, no it's about self control as Netzach points out, respect, and behaviour usually expected of a slave as opposed to letting yourself run free with no thought to controlling yourself or submitting to your PYL when you feel bitchy.


Catalina

I think this is a really good point.

I've seen mentioned before that some pyls feel like they get away with too much and that their PYL should be harder on them, but don't we have a responcibility to act as we should, in a manor that is pleasing, with out them having to tell us to? just my thought.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I think this is a really good point.

I've seen mentioned before that some pyls feel like they get away with too much and that their PYL should be harder on them, but don't we have a responcibility to act as we should, in a manor that is pleasing, with out them having to tell us to? just my thought.

Yep, it sort of comes back to whether you submit or submit only when it seems like fun to the pyl.

Catalina

 

[Homburg]

Meh, different folks submit in different ways, and to different degrees. A lot of people bitch about "brat" subs. I say "whatever". If your Dom tolerates, or even likes, the brattiness, that's cool. If he doesn't, he will either train it out of you, or find another sub. Problem solved.

"v" is a picture of submission. I could not ask for better. "w", on the other hand, was a self-described "challenge". *shrug* I loved them both. I enjoy the refined submission that is so core to "v", and I enjoyed the near constant struggle that was my relationship with "w".

Different strokes, different folks.

 

[TheBlackDahlia]

The way I do it, aftercare is what brings the entire act together. I get off on giving my subs pain only so I can make them feel better afterwards.