After care.

[callinectes]

This will probably make most of you gag and roll your eyes, but we basically give each other after care. There are times after a beating when I am completely out of it and I need Daddy to hold me, talk to me, and wipe my tears away. Luckily, this is something he finds very satisfying so it's all good. After making love, especially if I have really rocked his world in a special way he likes to cuddle up with his head on my stomach while I hold him and stroke his hair.

 

[rida]

I guess for me sex includes any form of sexual intercourse (feelings unrelated or not) which could include anal, oral or vaginal penetration, as well as any act which is aimed at traditional type sexual stimulation (eg. hand job, touching, exposing, masturbation etc.,) and/or any act which brings about sexual excitement or stimulation. Intimacy does not necessarily need to equate to sex, but can be part of a sexual act. Orgasms are never a measure of whether sex has taken place as far as I'm concerned. PArt of our SM dynamic relates to sexual factors, but there are also times when it is not remotely involved and yet intimacy is, and yet other times when neither need be part of the whole thing. It also is complicated in that we do not have scenes as such...what happens, happens. Does that help?

Catalina

Thank you for your explanation

Following your definition of "any act which brings about sexual excitement", than if whatever is done/happens arouses one or the other it is sexual, right?
Or it is sexual only if followed by genital touch?

In such a case, I can only think of a couple of instances with Hubby where nor me nor him had any sexual excitement and no genital touch was involved (assuming breasts are not genitals ... lol). But, yes indeed the intimacy was there.

I guess that like with everything, definitions are subjective and limiting.


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MIS: I've been pondering on this thread for a while and finally decide to post & bump it. Glad it was of interest

 

[FurryFury]

Sex is pretty rare and pretty nilla at my house lately. I figure I'm doing good if he is asleep by the time I get back from the shower.

 

[twysted73]

Now what I failed to ask in my earlier post..and I suppose this is the crux of the thread... what if the sub has a past history of being sexually or physically abused?
Would aftercare be more important and how would that be handled?

I have had experience here.
Tripping over/discovering psychological landmines set by past sexual abuses are tricky.

Since you don't see them coming, it's very important to be a little more observant if you know your pyl has a history of it.

Sure the aftercare is much like the scene. Both should be taylor made to fit the psyche of the person undergoing the experiences.

If I push my babydoll into areas that she's either never been/is scared to/wants to go then I keep a close watch on her reactions keeping my working knowladge of her abuses on the side.
When/if I hit one, she safes out, I gather her up in my arms, carry her from the setting we were playing at and into a different room altogether to administer aftercare.

My aftercare is paternal in spirit and action. Very protective, all-inclusive, reassuring and posessive in many ways.

The idea is to create a safe-haven for her to feel free to open up wide. Gush, sob, moan, cry, wail and express/purge any and all overwhelming emotions that may be expressed at that time, whatever may come.

I break her, I push her, I re-set limits and boundries for her. And I fix her to be used again.

 

[DVS]

Sex is pretty rare and pretty nilla at my house lately. I figure I'm doing good if he is asleep by the time I get back from the shower.

It's interesting that you should mention this. I just changed the bulb, in the light, at the back door. There is now a new, bright bulb to show you where theh door is. Behind that door is...me.

I've been itching to use my electrical toys on someone new. I enjoy the wide eyed fright that fills the face of the unsuspecting submissive when I throw the switch on my punishment chair for the first time.

You remember my punishment chair, don't you? Also very strange...I think I heard it calling your name, last night at 8:20 P.M. Is that a strange coincidence or what?

 

[FurryFury]

It's interesting that you should mention this. I just changed the bulb, in the light, at the back door. There is now a new, bright bulb to show you where theh door is. Behind that door is...me.

I've been itching to use my electrical toys on someone new. I enjoy the wide eyed fright that fills the face of the unsuspecting submissive when I throw the switch on my punishment chair for the first time.

You remember my punishment chair, don't you? Also very strange...I think I heard it calling your name, last night at 8:20 P.M. Is that a strange coincidence or what?

Ah, such warm, juicy thoughts are a treat!

Thank you.

 

[unfoundiamond]

I wonder...

Why does it seem aftercare is the least remembered and shortest of the phases?

 

[BiBunny]

When I'm on top, I generally don't mind a bit of petting and "good boy"-ing, as long as the guy isn't being an obnoxious whiner about it.

On my now (very) rare forays into bottom territory, I'm more of a "give me a blanket and get the fuck away from me" kind of girl. Every now and then, I might want to suck on the guy's finger or rub his feet, but that's pretty much as far as it goes. I like being left alone to relish my adrenaline rush.

Weird that I'm more touchy-feely as a Top than a bottom. Though, admittedly, I'm not what you'd call "cuddly" in either role.

 

[ownedsubgal]

This will probably make most of you gag and roll your eyes, but we basically give each other after care. There are times after a beating when I am completely out of it and I need Daddy to hold me, talk to me, and wipe my tears away. Luckily, this is something he finds very satisfying so it's all good. After making love, especially if I have really rocked his world in a special way he likes to cuddle up with his head on my stomach while I hold him and stroke his hair.

i think that's sweet.

 

[callinectes]

i think that's sweet.

 

[intothewoods]

Playing with Mister Man...No aftercare. But we don't play all that hard either. In the beginning I definitely had a few scenes where I felt like a little shell-shocked, and needed to be cuddled, but not anymore. Usually we end up collapsed together, cuddle a bit and fall asleep.

 

[Feelfreetotouch]

I think I'd prefer to be left alone.

 

[fieryjen]

I didn't find out what I needed in terms of aftercare until my first experience that was a bit more intense, as opposed to the light, fun spanking stuff we usually do. My husband is fairly reluctant about being too harsh on me, and we do move at snail's pace in our explorations (which is fine, though I do get impatient).

But after that experience, I was tired, exhausted, sore and raw, I felt like I was floating. I was also shivering (not only with cold) and someone suggested to tuck me into bed. It was the right thing, and I felt snugly warm and cozy, still floating and very much at peace with the world. My husband got the surprise of his life when he reached over and gave me a playful slap, I must have very much resembled a hissing cat about to strike and inflict some pain, the way I reacted. The more experienced people in the room told him that this was normal and okay, and they made sure to tell to ask for anything I needed.

Turns out what I did need was just to lay there and listen to them talk quietly. I needed the human presence, the feeling of not being completely alone, but I didn't like to be touched just then either. After quite some time of the attention being on me, I was very content without any attention at all.

That was probably way too long a post, but I was inspired by the earlier posts in the thread, and I like writing out my experiences. It does help understand them better.