Advice Requested

[LPSLuck]

I'm looking to gain some advice from those more experienced than myself on these pages. My wife and I have been married for a little over 5 years. While we are both very open sexually, I'm having difficulty finding a way to have her play out my ultimate fantasy: her and another woman. I think one of the hottest situations ever would be her being brought to orgasm by another woman. We have been involved in situations where we have sex with each other in the presence of another couple, which we both enjoyed. We discuss this topic frequently, but it always boils down to, "well, how would we go about doing that." I wouldn't want her to do something she's uncomfortable with, but she has always seemed at least a little interested in giving it a shot. But never interested enough to actually make it happen - and I would never want to press the issue or pressure her to do anything. We should both enjoy it or not do it at all.

What is the best way to approach this issue? How can I get her interested and make it happen?

 

[SweetErika]

You don't "get her interested" without pressuring her. She knows you're up for it, and you have to assume that she'll tell you if she wants to take any additional steps.

As for actually making it happen if the time ever comes, it'd help if you're open to doing this with another couple. There are a lot of couples with male halves that want to watch, and relatively few single women who want to join a couple, so you'll have much better odds if you're willing to hook up with another couple who's interested in the same thing. Some possible avenues for that are personals and swingers groups.

 

[NomadLady]

I'm looking to gain some advice from those more experienced than myself on these pages. My wife and I have been married for a little over 5 years. While we are both very open sexually, I'm having difficulty finding a way to have her play out my ultimate fantasy: her and another woman. I think one of the hottest situations ever would be her being brought to orgasm by another woman. We have been involved in situations where we have sex with each other in the presence of another couple, which we both enjoyed. We discuss this topic frequently, but it always boils down to, "well, how would we go about doing that." I wouldn't want her to do something she's uncomfortable with, but she has always seemed at least a little interested in giving it a shot. But never interested enough to actually make it happen - and I would never want to press the issue or pressure her to do anything. We should both enjoy it or not do it at all.

What is the best way to approach this issue? How can I get her interested and make it happen?

If she is asking "how would we go about doing that" then how did you go about meeting the other couples?
Surely with those couples there has been another bi-curious female or find a couple that is....if she is truly "dodging" the issue then your fantasty might not be one that she is willing/able to help you with...
She might just want YOU to set it up since it is your fantasy?

 

[adelfjohanason]

I look some time people is go to get advice to other friends for problem is come and get solution of the problem

 

[blade_rocknut]

My wife never really thought of herself as being attracted to women; but her favorite type of sex videos were girly vids. As she became closer to one particular female friend, curiousity built to the point that our sex life was supercharged by her fantasy- and I didn't mind that at all. The whole thing was out of my (and her) control. The desire and fantasy manifested itself, and when the situation arose, the girls seemed to be on autopilot ( alcohol was involved). They had sex twice, both girls' men were present, but no swapping occurred. The sex was like something from a movie, the resultant awkward relationship with a friend was not good ( friend had self confidence issues stemming from her unwillingness to admit she was bi). My wife was crushed, and really wants to have more female encounters, but is apprehensive now. We are in that spot where you hope something comes along but don't really know how to go about affecting it. Honest, non-pushy discussion of the topic is essential, and in our case, I have agreed to let my wife have all the contact with the other woman- this way no " cheating" thoughts come into play afterward. Rules are important. Women are generally more interested in story then images, so parusing lit for stories of womens' first times or the like may be a good way to pique her curiosity. That helped for us; we used to recieve a certain magazine with erotic stories ( of course, the pics didn't hurt either!)

 

[LPSLuck]

Thanks for all the input. Like the above poster, I want it to be all her as far as making it happen...talking with the other person. But she said that for her to really enjoy it, she likes to be 'pursued.' She wants the girl to come after her. She wants to be the one approached. So, I'm left not wanting to facilitate, but also knowing that the pursuit my wife refers to likely wont happen without me making our interests known.
Rules have been discussed. No friends. The 'other couples' were friends and that all got weird.

 

[SweetErika]

Thanks for all the input. Like the above poster, I want it to be all her as far as making it happen...talking with the other person. But she said that for her to really enjoy it, she likes to be 'pursued.' She wants the girl to come after her. She wants to be the one approached. So, I'm left not wanting to facilitate, but also knowing that the pursuit my wife refers to likely wont happen without me making our interests known.
Rules have been discussed. No friends. The 'other couples' were friends and that all got weird.

Good luck with that. There aren't a lot of women who are willing to get involved with women who won't at least take some initiative themselves and communicate openly -- especially when there's a man involved. It just smacks of the woman being unsure and/or pressured into it.

I wouldn't touch that situation with a 100' pole. If a woman truly wants to be with me, she'll pursue me equally, and communication is necessary for a good pairing.

Other huge red flags for most women include women who say they're straight, are unsure if they're bi and those who only want to receive pleasure.

You might want to tell your wife this so she can change her course if she's serious about being with another woman. If she wants you to set the whole thing up and only wants to be "pursued," I'm guessing she's not serious about it at all.

 

[JackJillUT]

"To have a thing is not so nice as to want. It is illogical, but often true." That's from Trek, pretty deep, huh?

Something else to consider, is that it just isn't going to happen. Her interest might be a two, and she's giving it a bump to please you, while yours is a nine. Ask yourself this. If her fantasy was to see you gang raped by men, would this ever happen just because it's her fantasy and she's entitled to see it?

It really is ok for it to just be a fantasy. It doesn't have to be implied that there is an obligation for it to happen in real life. Ne and Jill have a deal. We can say any outrageous filthy thing we want to in bed, and the other can't use it against them later. If we are in the heat of it and Jill yells at me; "I want to see you eat out my sister's cunt!!" it doesn't mean that after the heart rate is down again, I get to tell her; "Ok, now that I know it's on your mind, we need to talk about actually DOING it." If I pulled that on her, if anything she says can and will be used against her, how willing do you think she will be to scream the filth I love to hear in the bedroom? Tease, talk, dare, say whatever you want to in bed, but that doesn't mean it applies AFTER sex.

Like they have suggested above, if it really isn't her thing, this is a recipe for catastrophe. Despite the impression we get from reading stories in here, couples who really can handle all of the emotional and real consequences of extra-monogamous sex are pretty rare. If it's not her thing, and you push her into it, this is going to implode gloriously.

 

[blade_rocknut]

"To have a thing is not so nice as to want. It is illogical, but often true." That's from Trek, pretty deep, huh?

Something else to consider, is that it just isn't going to happen. Her interest might be a two, and she's giving it a bump to please you, while yours is a nine. Ask yourself this. If her fantasy was to see you gang raped by men, would this ever happen just because it's her fantasy and she's entitled to see it?

It really is ok for it to just be a fantasy. It doesn't have to be implied that there is an obligation for it to happen in real life. Ne and Jill have a deal. We can say any outrageous filthy thing we want to in bed, and the other can't use it against them later. If we are in the heat of it and Jill yells at me; "I want to see you eat out my sister's cunt!!" it doesn't mean that after the heart rate is down again, I get to tell her; "Ok, now that I know it's on your mind, we need to talk about actually DOING it." If I pulled that on her, if anything she says can and will be used against her, how willing do you think she will be to scream the filth I love to hear in the bedroom? Tease, talk, dare, say whatever you want to in bed, but that doesn't mean it applies AFTER sex.

Like they have suggested above, if it really isn't her thing, this is a recipe for catastrophe. Despite the impression we get from reading stories in here, couples who really can handle all of the emotional and real consequences of extra-monogamous sex are pretty rare. If it's not her thing, and you push her into it, this is going to implode gloriously.

well said! Not that many 3somes actually end well, and you really don't want to be the catalyst of disaster. Tis one thing for a fantasy's fruition to be lackluster, quite another to be YOUR fault! Eat my sister's cunt? She hot?

 

[JackJillUT]

She doesn't have a sister. See how this fantasy thing works?

I think I pulled it from Robert Schimmel's (rest his soul) standup, something to the effect of;

"So my wife is nagging me to share my fantasies with her, and I try to tell her.........'NO. That's not a good idea.' But she won't leave me alone, she nags and nags, so I tell her; 'You know, I've really always wanted to fuck your sister.' Interesting. It seems that her fantasy was for me to sleep in the car in my pajamas, because that's what she made me do."

 

[blade_rocknut]

ha ha- it just struck me as funny- my wife's sister is a stressed out southern baptist prude who couldn't incite a hard-on in me with a vicky's secret credit card and a fifth of whiskey! I do get the fantasy, though