Ok lit folks...a confession: I am selfishly attempting (and failing at the moment) to utilize this board to cure other demons. For years and years (a decade, maybe?) I have seen exclusively escorts for my human interaction. I am married to a woman with some relatively severe physical issues, and sex is not an option for her, medically. Out of some bizarre rationalization, I decided that it wasn't cheating, or at least as serious of cheating, if I paid for it, and it was protected. I travel a lot for business, and I make a solid wage, so maintaining the lifestyle has not been difficult. I would estimate, realistically, that I have seen over 250 different pros, some as often as 30 or 40 times. I have spent anywhere from $20 to $900 on 'dates', and have had dates as often as four times in a week, and as seldom as once in six months.
The thing is this: the excitement is gone. The sex is (often) wonderful, sometimes terrible, and at times I don't get that far if my date does not move me. I find myself happier with a date who kisses and cuddles than the just the old once-around-the-track I spend a lot of time thinking I am a terrible person, and probably even more time convincing myself that I am just doing what it takes to make me sane and providing for those who need me...fucked up, huh?
Anyway, I have been reading the threads for a while and I am impressed with some of the stories people tell, and impressed with the ability so many of you have to be very open and honest ( or as open and honest as one can be on a discussion board) of your proclivities, desires, actions, wants, needs, etc. For what it is worth, you inspired me to write this post.
I am more than happy to answer questions from you about my lifestyle choices of the past, if any of you are curious about what is out there, or just to get to know people. In truth, I do not know what I am looking for...to meet? Maybe. To chat? if the spark is there To lurk? always an option. I'm not sure where I am going, so I have no idea how to get there. I do, at least at the moment, look forward to the ride.
Nice to meet all of you, and thanks for taking the time to read my little admission.
The thing is this: the excitement is gone. The sex is (often) wonderful, sometimes terrible, and at times I don't get that far if my date does not move me. I find myself happier with a date who kisses and cuddles than the just the old once-around-the-track I spend a lot of time thinking I am a terrible person, and probably even more time convincing myself that I am just doing what it takes to make me sane and providing for those who need me...fucked up, huh?
Anyway, I have been reading the threads for a while and I am impressed with some of the stories people tell, and impressed with the ability so many of you have to be very open and honest ( or as open and honest as one can be on a discussion board) of your proclivities, desires, actions, wants, needs, etc. For what it is worth, you inspired me to write this post.
I am more than happy to answer questions from you about my lifestyle choices of the past, if any of you are curious about what is out there, or just to get to know people. In truth, I do not know what I am looking for...to meet? Maybe. To chat? if the spark is there To lurk? always an option. I'm not sure where I am going, so I have no idea how to get there. I do, at least at the moment, look forward to the ride.
Nice to meet all of you, and thanks for taking the time to read my little admission.
