Adding a 2nd

[CrimsonDom]

Here is my question my pet is bicurios and has never had a chance to play with a woman. What would be the pro's and con's of finding a 2nd female sub both to play with me but also to let her see if she actually enjoys playing with a woman? Also just as my pet lives to please me I keep her happy with what fantasies she has.

 

[CutieMouse]

Your best bet (IMO) since she's "bicurious" would be to hire a professional for an evening. You're essentially looking for "a unicorn" - that elusive, submissive, happy to join an established relationship type person, who has to qualify to make both people happy through all the ups and downs of adding a third.

Start researching polyamory - Opening Up and The Ethical Slut are decent starting points.

 

[CrimsonDom]

A professional is a good idea. I also wanted to clarify I doubt it would be long term so ups and downs wouldn't be a problem. It would be every once and a while if my Pet enjoyed it.

 

[Stella_Omega]

my answer to everything... fetlife.com

 

[CrimsonDom]

Thank you Stella yes me and my pet are both on fet life

 

[satindesire]

Here is my question my pet is bicurios and has never had a chance to play with a woman. What would be the pro's and con's of finding a 2nd female sub both to play with me but also to let her see if she actually enjoys playing with a woman? Also just as my pet lives to please me I keep her happy with what fantasies she has.

One of the best ways to start going forward with this is to talk about it.

Talk and talk and talk about every permutation of possible jealousies, problems that may arise, what would happen if the girl in question got pregnant or gave one of you two a STI...talk about what preferences you have about who does what and what limits and boundaries you both have.

Talk about the kind of girl you'd like to meet, compromise and talk some more. The more hashed out and discussed this situation is, the less likely it is to end up a relationship-killing disaster.

ETA: You know I went back and re-read that and I want to make sure my intentions are totally clear here: I don't think having a threesome is a disaster or is ultimately going to doom anyone who tries it to Singleville. What I am saying is that serious emotional problems can arise when another person enters the intimacy of a relationship, things that the people might not even know existed in their subconscious. The more you two talk about each possible outcome and work out beforehand what you two can do to prevent or minimize any fallout means that if there IS a problem, it'll work out okay in the end.

Threesomes can be great fun, you just need to be aware of the potential risks, is all I'm saying.

 

[Sweetdaisymae]

I would urge against bringing a second sub into the relationship, speaking from bitter experience, it created turmoil.
A professional or a one off playpartner that you are both comfortable with is a good starting point. That way if jealousies arise, she is not part of your life and further contact is not an issue.

 

[the captians wench]

From what it sounds like in your discription, you're not really looking for a "second" but just casual occational hook ups.

I'm speaking from a "second" point of view here, just so you have an idea of my head space. I've also been in a position where I was sort of a primary sub but not the primary partner.

Anyway, I would completely agree with the talk, talk, talk post, but I would add this: be prepared for the unexpected. You see, no mater how much you and your partner talk about posible situations, expectations, out comes, deal breakers, etc. you can't really prepare for how this other person's personality, expectations, etc are going to effect you.

Bit of a background here.

Mr. and Mrs. opened up their relationship. She met a fella or two, had some online/texting fun, spent a few weekends with different people, yatta yatta. He hadn't really found anyone, then I stumbled upon them. I was(am) involved with some one long distance and at the time had some one locally as well. The local had me looking for other subs to play with, and this couple were looking for casual play as well. So I met with them. Her and I clicked well, but Mr. and I were like a wild fire.

In the end, him and I had a connection that was much more intense than any one had planned, expected, or even wanted. A casual occasional potential play thing to hook up with turned into us (both the three of us and just Mr and me) meeting almost every week.

It's been 6 years now. Our relationship has evolved, changed, and adapted over that time. They no longer consider themselves open for one (which is a whole complicated issue in and of itself) and I'm not actively sleeping with any one else, (though I do date when some one catches my fancy). It's way more complicated than I can sum up in a few paragraphs, but my point is you can't really anticipate how this person is going to effect you and how you are going to affect this person. I was in a head-space at the time where I believed that I was a toy to be picked up and put down when ever a man fancied playing with me, and even in that mentality, I had some very powerful emotions when I wasn't getting attention and affection that I wanted. Their "toy" turned into their "girlfriend" and "pet" rather quickly and unexpectedly.

You just have to be prepared for the fact that this is a person you are dealing with. They will have emotions and feelings that should be considered. Be upfront with them, set boundaries and stick with them unless they are openly nagotiated. And make sure there is that open communication among all involved. Most of the really hurt feelings and bad times in our relationship has been because one or more of us wasn't being honest with or held things back from the group.

 

[ecstaticsub]

~snip~

Anyway, I would completely agree with the talk, talk, talk post, but I would add this: be prepared for the unexpected. You see, no mater how much you and your partner talk about posible situations, expectations, out comes, deal breakers, etc. you can't really prepare for how this other person's personality, expectations, etc are going to effect you.

~ snip~

You just have to be prepared for the fact that this is a person you are dealing with. They will have emotions and feelings that should be considered. Be upfront with them, set boundaries and stick with them unless they are openly nagotiated. And make sure there is that open communication among all involved. Most of the really hurt feelings and bad times in our relationship has been because one or more of us wasn't being honest with or held things back from the group.

Yes, yes, yes!! Especially the part I bolded. I will add that you can set all the boundaries you want but you can't control your heart, or theirs. There is also that all-powerful NRE- New Relationship Energy- that comes from adding a new person that can really complicate relationship dynamics.

My advice would be don't go looking for a 2nd sub or a unicorn. Look for a couple just like yourselves if the goal is really to allow your pet to play with another female. Find another bi-curious woman who is in a well-established relationship. You and the other guy could either let the two women explore each other alone, or you could watch them, or both of you join in. Or all of the above at different times. It would be a LOT less drama.

 

[the captians wench]

Yes, yes, yes!! Especially the part I bolded. I will add that you can set all the boundaries you want but you can't control your heart, or theirs. There is also that all-powerful NRE- New Relationship Energy- that comes from adding a new person that can really complicate relationship dynamics.

My advice would be don't go looking for a 2nd sub or a unicorn. Look for a couple just like yourselves if the goal is really to allow your pet to play with another female. Find another bi-curious woman who is in a well-established relationship. You and the other guy could either let the two women explore each other alone, or you could watch them, or both of you join in. Or all of the above at different times. It would be a LOT less drama.

Oh that NRE! Boy does that cause complications!

 

[Lrn_The_Ropes]

Here is my question my pet is bicurios and has never had a chance to play with a woman. What would be the pro's and con's of finding a 2nd female sub both to play with me but also to let her see if she actually enjoys playing with a woman? Also just as my pet lives to please me I keep her happy with what fantasies she has.

This seems like one of those questions like "does this dress make me look fat?" Or "did you stop beating your wife?" Proceed with caution, my kitten said she would be willing to if I wanted. I currently have no desire to add another to our real life relationship. I looked at it as a bear trap over my testicles, and I'm rather fond of them. Proceed with caution and communicate.