Abuse and lies

[SweetMikado]

Hello,
I would greatly appreciate input on what I'm going through right now. It's not so much of a sexual nature, but sex does come in the picture. I'm a 29 year old married woman and lately I've been having flashbacks; I'm not sure if they are real or if it's just my (too) vivid imagination, but I keep recalling being forced to touch my father's privates "to see if I was good enough" or "to make the white come out". I was about 10. Now I confronted my father with that 2 years ago, and he denied, which is why I am doubting my ability to remember accurately.

I got married 3 years ago, and I used to enjoy sex a lot before I got married and in the beginning of our marriage but now, I just don't want to have sex, or always from behind and as quickly as possible, my husband wonders what is wrong with me-and I kinda do too, of course; I used to love to have sex and now I don't even want to hear about it.

Now my title mentionned "lies"; I lie. I am not lying now, I need help, but I lie to a lot of people. About my age, but that's nothing unusual. I make up online personaes and act accordingly, almost believing I am the character I created! I change my grammar and writing style to fit the character. In my head, all those characters have "sex"; online, abstractly, but still they have sex. Of course my husband has no idea.

I lie to perfect strangers, inventing some other job, or hobby, or favorite dish even. I lie for no reason, about anything. I feel awful but I do it nonetheless, realizing what I did after I did it.

I lie to my husband. I hate to admit it, hate myself for lying and abusing his trust and am so afraid of losing him. I never had a "real" affair. I did kiss another man, and of course lied to my husband by omission. The thing is I think I love that other man more than my husband! I know I desire that other man more than my husband. And of course, I lied to that other man as well, not telling him I was married, among other unimportant details.

Please don't flame me and say, "You're just a cheater you deserve to burn in hell" or something the like. I am not sure what to do (seeking psychological help is an option I am considering of course), and I'm not even sure why I am posting here. Maybe just to tell the truth for once, get this off my chest I don't know. If you have any knowledge of a forum or support group for people like me, even though I'm not sure what that type is, I'd appreciate it if you could point me there, by PMs or post. If you have any comments, feel free to share, sometimes an outsider looking in can see new perspectives. Thank you!

 

[mrdward]

Very heart wrenching post. I think you have done a good thing by coming to Lit. It's a good community and you'll get a lot of support. Good Luck.

 

[LadyJeanne]

You're on the right track in considering counseling. You have a complex set of issues there that are all working on each other in various ways that you may not be able to sort out on your own. That's exactly what a therapist can help you do.

Good luck to you.

 

[M's girl]

If your story is genuine, and I believe it is, this is the typical behaviour for someone who has been sexually abused, or at least a typical behaviour. I think you need to get help from a professional.

Everyone tells little white lies here and then to boost their own ego, make themselves look more important or what have you. We all do it to some extend. You have gone overboard but then again there is a lot of bad image you have about yourself to hide. Or at least you feel that there is.

Please get help and be true to yourself. You are NOT responsable for what happened to you. But you can take your life back into your own hands. Only you can do that and there is someone to help you out there!

 

[Guest]

 

[Quoll]

You've taken a huge step, congratulations.
trying to deal with all these things by yourself is going to be very hard, like the others I urge you to seek some form of help.

This thread may be of some help to you, there are many caring and understanding people here.


How do you help someone get over being abused

Good luck.

 

[silverwhisper]

what everybody else said, but i do urge you to find a therapist. the pathological lying is extremely dangerous to any relationship you might form.

ed

 

[bobsgirl]

I also urge you to get some professional help. You deserve to have a wonderful life, and not be haunted by these painful and confusing memories.

Please don't wait another day.

 

[bisexplicit]

Whether or not your memories are real, they are painful and disruptive to your life.

Your lying, believe it or not, is going to be something almost impossible for you to change on your own. It is, indeed, a compulsion - something that you do without even intending to.

There are many avenues through which you could seek help, depending upon how you would like to start. If you would like, you could try visiting the RAINN website, which I believe has the number to the Incest Survivors support group. This website also has other information. Additionally, your state should have its own Domestic and Sexual Abuse hotline and centers.

 

[TBKahuna123]

It takes strength to make a post like you just did, Mikado, whether you believe it or not. It's easy to say, go get some help, but I know it's a lot harder to actually do it. The hardest part though is doing what you just did with your post, you've admitted that something out of your control is going on. We all hate to be out of control and we react with shame and embarassment. That is what stops people from seeking the counselling they need. Don't be ashamed of needing help, we all do in some form at some time.

A professional counsellor can help you find the cause of your problem and ultimately set you on the path to healing. THAT is the most important thing, nothing else. You've made the first hard step, you've admitted that something isn't right, now go the rest of the way and find someone who can truly help you heal.