A Sensitive Subject

[Selena_Kitt]

A sensitive subject, probably for both genders...

but I'd like to hear some real responses, if you're willing to share.

I'm wondering about psychological impotence in men... When everything physical has been ruled out, and it's actually just during intercourse. If it's masturbation, or even manual stimulation from a woman, everything works fine. Seems to be a performance anxiety thing, right?

Anyone else run into this problem? (Or have a "friend" who has? ) How did you handle it? How did you feel about it? What do you think "caused" it in the first place? What do you think the issue was? Women, have your men ever experienced this? How did you feel about it? What did you do about it?

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Many things can trigger it, from performance anxiety to a sharp tone of voice from his partner. Best way I know to deal with it is just a passionate attack. No guarantees that it would work but honestly, being actively desired is something a lot of men don't get. Their wives have been so conditioned to be passive that if he doesn't get a response as fast as he'd like, he gets the feeling that he's doing something wrong. We need encouragement, especially as we age.

 

[jomar]

What to do about it? One possible remedy is to fool around with each other often, but the only rule is absolutely, positively no intercourse for one month.

 

[neonlyte]

A sensitive subject, probably for both genders...

but I'd like to hear some real responses, if you're willing to share.

I'm wondering about psychological impotence in men... When everything physical has been ruled out, and it's actually just during intercourse. If it's masturbation, or even manual stimulation from a woman, everything works fine. Seems to be a performance anxiety thing, right?

Anyone else run into this problem? (Or have a "friend" who has? ) How did you handle it? How did you feel about it? What do you think "caused" it in the first place? What do you think the issue was? Women, have your men ever experienced this? How did you feel about it? What did you do about it?

Mine is linked with excruciating leg cramps. The medics don't understand the mechanics other than there appears to be some kind of sensory overload that manifests in cramps. The psychological subsequently takes over where intercourse becomes a fear of physical pain and impotence sets in. It is very difficult to shift the psychological, especially when the physical manifestation of pain is so acute - imagine simultaneous cramp in both calves. Luckily there is more than one way to 'skin a cat', 'blow a flute, 'tickle a trout'. We haven't yet been able to overcome the cramp problem, but we do work at it very hard

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

SELENA

The worst thing to do is worry and stew about it.

When its happened to me I think, 'rain-out, game delayed.' Because thats really all it is. Sooner than later the blue skies return.

 

[impressive]

I've experienced it -- and while being patient and understanding and doing all those ego-stroke things to buoy my partner (both above and below the waist) -- it was still a significant blow (no pun intended) to my self-confidence and feelings of attractiveness. *shrug* IOW, I couldn't help feeling like it was my fault.

Intercourse requires (especially in certain positions) more -- and more consistent -- rigidity, whereas other forms of stimulation do not. I can understand how anxiety about maintaining that level of turgidity can inhibit one's ability to do so.

Side note: I've been experimenting with OTC supplements as sexual enhancements in order to review them for the Toys for Tarts blog, and both Bel & I have noticed a difference with the herbal substance called Yohimbe. It's not as dramatic as, for example, Viagra -- but there is a definite oomph involved.

I also have some liquid nitrous oxide here, but haven't yet tested it during sex.

Another side note: I've heard the age factor mentioned (here and elsewhere). It is just my personal opinion, but I believe a significant portion of that is horseshit. Yes, age plays a part. I'm not disputing that. However, diet, physical fitness, and alcohol consumption are also very influential. So, if a guy's way out of shape, overweight, and pounding back a bottle of bourbon weekly, I say he should NOT be blaming age for his limp dick until he gets himself cleaned up.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

IMPRESSIVE

The age factor is real, dont be fooled. When you turn 60 you discover there is more to life than fucking every day, and Nature turns the heat down a notch or two.

I spent half my life horny 24/7 and some moderation aint bad.

 

[LadyKiki]

IMPRESSIVE

The age factor is real, dont be fooled. When you turn 60 you discover there is more to life than fucking every day, and Nature turns the heat down a notch or two.

I spent half my life horny 24/7 and some moderation aint bad.

I'm not going to question the reality of the age factor at 60....but when it's tossed out matter-of-factly from a 40-something that doesn't go down quite as easily.

 

[TheeGoatPig]

There was about a year in my early to mid twenties where I was only getting an erection every six days. I didn't like it one bit, and really just wanted to die for a while there.

 

[Selena_Kitt]

Thanks, everyone... really helpful stuff!

 

[dr_mabeuse]

A lot of things contribute. Besides physiological factors like blood pressure, diabetes, high cholesterol, mental states like stress, depression, anxiety are major contributors. Alcohol and many drugs affect performance too, some anti-depressants kill libido, and amphetamines and cocaine are notorious boner-busters. And yes, age is definitely a factor, especially when it's with the same partner for 20-30 years.

It can be a shattering experience to a man's ego, and if untreated can be psychologically devastating, because you can still be horny as hell and not be able to get it up, so it's like having a terrible itch and not being able to scratch it. I got my case when I was laid off and went into a terrible depression, and it lasted for like 3 months. Nothing really helped. For 3 months I was just dead below the waist but still lusting in my head. It was terrible.

The classic treatment is to fool around with manual and oral but forbid yourself from even considering fucking, and supposedly the ability eventually comes back. I didn't try that so I can't say whether it works or not. The experience of impotence was so devastating to me that I just stopped having sex rather than risk experiencing that failure to launch that told me my career as a man was over. Mine went away when I got on anti-depressants. The AD's didn't kill my libido anywhere near as much as the depression itself did.

Viagra and that stuff can help, but not always, and they need physical manipulation to operate. It's not a matter of just popping a pill and standing back. Don't expect to turn 17 again.

As I say, from my experience with it, I consider it a major medical problem and nothing to joke about. When I had it, I went to some chat rooms and there were guys there who were downright desperate and suicidal. Depending on how much of yourself is invested in your sexual identity, it can be terribly psychologically threatening. Best thing is to consult a urologist and talk to him about it.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

LADY KIKI

I was a horny bastard in my 40s. But now sex is like going to McDonalds, if I dont today there's always tomorrow.

 

[Selena_Kitt]

The classic treatment is to fool around with manual and oral but forbid yourself from even considering fucking, and supposedly the ability eventually comes back.

Jomar mentioned that, too... what's the reasoning behind it? Just a vicious circle thing?

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Jomar mentioned that, too... what's the reasoning behind it? Just a vicious circle thing?

I think the idea is that the impotence is caused by performance anxiety, so if the man knows that penetration is absolutely out of the question, the ability to get hard will come back on its own.

 

[TheeGoatPig]

When I was having problems I didn't have a partner, so those solutions would have worked. I couldn't get it up for myself when looking at porn. I was reading Lit stories every day with almost no effect. When I did get off, it wasn't very fulfilling. It was probably the lowest point in my life. I don't even remember what happened to change things.

 

[togitc]

I had this happen with one girl but multiple times. I would get aroused but not fully aroused as usual for sex. Foreplay, different positions, nothing really worked.

Looking back I can see now that it was purely mental. I liked the girl but more as a friend than anything so fucking her just felt wrong. Not to mention that she was much more experienced than me so I was constantly wondering if I was doing something wrong. I should have said something to her but I didn't want to admit how nervous I was.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Keep Tabs On Your Infections, Ladies

I did go out with a woman, once, whose crotch made old garbage smell delicious. THAT definitely took the lead out of my pencil.

 

[LadyKiki]

I did go out with a woman, once, whose crotch made old garbage smell delicious. THAT definitely took the lead out of my pencil.

*puts down breakfast* Now THAT'S vivid for you!

 

[midwestyankee]

*puts down breakfast* Now THAT'S vivid for you!

Maybe this will show you why most of us prefer to avoid reading JBJ.

 

[LadyKiki]

Maybe this will show you why most of us prefer to avoid reading JBJ.

I'm learning more every day Yank.... ;-)

 

[jomar]

Jomar mentioned that, too... what's the reasoning behind it? Just a vicious circle thing?

I think the idea is that the impotence is caused by performance anxiety, so if the man knows that penetration is absolutely out of the question, the ability to get hard will come back on its own.

Indeed. It takes pressure off of performance since intercourse is forbidden. And you both finally get so horny you break the rule without thinking about things, which of course is the goal. Don't tell.

 

[LadyKiki]

Indeed. It takes pressure off of performance since intercourse is forbidden. And you both finally get so horny you break the rule without thinking about things, which of course is the goal. Don't tell.

This is very helpful.

 

[Selena_Kitt]

I had this happen with one girl but multiple times. I would get aroused but not fully aroused as usual for sex. Foreplay, different positions, nothing really worked.

Looking back I can see now that it was purely mental. I liked the girl but more as a friend than anything so fucking her just felt wrong. Not to mention that she was much more experienced than me so I was constantly wondering if I was doing something wrong. I should have said something to her but I didn't want to admit how nervous I was.

So sometimes it really IS about her...

 

[trysail]

"Absence makes the fond grow harder."
- My dear departed wife.

 

[john-the-author]

A sensitive subject, probably for both genders...

but I'd like to hear some real responses, if you're willing to share.

I'm wondering about psychological impotence in men... When everything physical has been ruled out, and it's actually just during intercourse. If it's masturbation, or even manual stimulation from a woman, everything works fine. Seems to be a performance anxiety thing, right?

Anyone else run into this problem? (Or have a "friend" who has? ) How did you handle it? How did you feel about it? What do you think "caused" it in the first place? What do you think the issue was? Women, have your men ever experienced this? How did you feel about it? What did you do about it?

Yes, I have, and I have no problem saying so. About 9 years ago, I'd just broken up with my g/f of 5 years and had an opportunity to have a fair amount of sex with people. I had, in fact, accumulated a number of offers over the last 5-10 years and it was my intention to cash them in.

I was talking to one of these people on the phone and I was trying to get some phone sex going (she was fine with that) and Mr. Happy just kept going limp. As in >REALLY< limp, just falling over non-erect flaccid. After the 3rd or 4th time, I started laughing. I realized that I was having a bout of impotence, which was clearly being caused by too many conflicting emotions roiling about. My erection had gone off to sulk, saying "I'm going to wait until things quiet down a bit and then I'll be back."

My erection returned, but I did have difficulties in reaching a climax for a month or two afterwards. But it was funny!