A Pregnancy Question

[Just-Legal]

You are helping.

And I understand about diet-induced craziness. It sucks. I hope you're feeling a bit better now.

No, I've hit the third week which is far enough in to have lost the initial "I'm gonna do this!" but not far enough to see any definate benefit.

Weigh in on Thursday may change my mind.

 

[fieryjen]

No, I've hit the third week which is far enough in to have lost the initial "I'm gonna do this!" but not far enough to see any definate benefit.

Weigh in on Thursday may change my mind.

I hope you'll see some positive results. I never notice any changes about my body. Everyone can insist that I've lost weight, and I'll be completely confused because I don't notice something like this, even after it's pointed out. My body never seems any different to me.

So I hope the numbers will turn out to be a motivation.

 

[fieryjen]

I've talked about my baby-feelings to my sister, my sister-in-law and my mother now. None of them have ever personally experienced anything like it, but they're still supportive.

Sister-in-law is 29, married, and has no desire for kids whatsoever, although she's not completely against them either. She's got two cats though, which she says is enough for her, and she supports my idea of getting one to take care of and have some company.

My mom, as I suspected, never went through a phase of wanting to have kids badly. My dad was the one who really wanted some, and my mom agreed. She was 34 when she had me, and I'm the older of two. When I first explained this to her she did seem a bit concerned about possible grandmotherhood, but I could convince her that my brain hasn't shut off, and I can still make a responsible decision.

My sister is younger than me and not even in a stable relationship, but talking to her just felt good. It was very therapeutic.

I still feel a little lost, but at least now my nervousness about moving, my sadness about leaving behind my friends and my sister, and my complete panic about the fact that things are still not in boxes are all distracting me from this issue.

 

[xspy4u]

Not ready

I'm 42 with a college degree and 5 kids ages 19 - 12 (so the math speakes for itself on experience.) I think "having a baby" sounds easier than it is. But it's completly normal to want one. I think both parents need to be absolutly committed or in the end only one will be raising the child. I think an established career and owning a home is a good place to start a family. I think that 24 feels a lot older than it is. I think that if you still think a literotica form is a good place to get advice for these matters you probably aren't ready for a baby Of course since I didn't take my own advice there is a test you can take to see if you are truly ready. For the next six months gain 20 pounds, don't wear makeup, sleep two hours a night and volunteer ten hours a day at a daycare...if your survive multiply that experience by 4 years and if that still sounds fun... go ahead and have the baby

 

[fieryjen]

I'm 42 with a college degree and 5 kids ages 19 - 12 (so the math speakes for itself on experience.) I think "having a baby" sounds easier than it is. But it's completly normal to want one. I think both parents need to be absolutly committed or in the end only one will be raising the child. I think an established career and owning a home is a good place to start a family. I think that 24 feels a lot older than it is. I think that if you still think a literotica form is a good place to get advice for these matters you probably aren't ready for a baby Of course since I didn't take my own advice there is a test you can take to see if you are truly ready. For the next six months gain 20 pounds, don't wear makeup, sleep two hours a night and volunteer ten hours a day at a daycare...if your survive multiply that experience by 4 years and if that still sounds fun... go ahead and have the baby

I do appreciate your advice, but I'm sorry to say the bolded part stood out to me as something quite ignorant to say.

I've been in this forum for years and I've made a few friends during that time, friends that I can ask and have asked - publicly or privately - for advice on a broad range of topics. The people who frequent this forum may have been drawn here by a common interest, erotica, but this is not all that is discussed here. The fact we have come to socialize under this common banner does not cheapen the genuinely human interactions that go on here and the friendships that have formed. This forum is not better or worse than many other internet communities to turn to for advice on a matter like this.

As for your test - I'm assuming you're not actually serious about it, so I suppose this was probably meant for me to realize the difficulties of pregnancy and the realities of being a mother. I felt a little talked down to, to be honest, and I am sorry to sound so harsh if that was not your intention. I know it's not going to be a cakewalk. I am aware I'll have no real idea of what it is going to be like until I experience it. But what you said made it seem like you're imagining me to be some teenager who considers no consequences except how terribly cute a baby would be.

 

[Vermilion]

Yup, sounds very familiar. Do they also keep complaining about never being able to find a babysitter? That's really what's been annoying me a little bit.

And I don't know what "feckless" means.

all the bloody time.

<sigh>

and feckless, if nobody has defined it for you by now, means careless or reckless.

x
V

 

[fieryjen]

all the bloody time.

<sigh>

and feckless, if nobody has defined it for you by now, means careless or reckless.

x
V

Thanks. I had to go and look it up, my curiosity was piqued after SB's rather interesting definition.

You know, I've been meaning to email you, but with everything currently going on I just haven't gotten around to or have the energy for much of anything. I just wanted to tell you that I do appreciate your offer very much and will take you up on it at a later time if you still want to talk at that point.

 

[fieryjen]

Resurrecting this thread to deal with my feelings of jealousy.

Husband's friend and his pregnant girlfriend have announced they're going to get married. Nice for them.

But why the hell am I seething with jealousy every time I think of the two of them? I really can't stand the fact that they're doing this whole baby thing without actually being ready for it, and that I have so sit here and be responsible about everything, and I'm completely irrational about it.

There isn't even anything to be jealous about, when I think about it rationally. There are a lot of things that these two are going to have to deal with that isn't pleasant, and they have a lot of high-school-style drama that they haven't left behind yet. But I still am jealous, and I get really bitchy every time I talk to my husband about the two of them. I don't want to, but it happens anyway.

WTF is wrong with me?

 

[Elianna]

Resurrecting this thread to deal with my feelings of jealousy.

Husband's friend and his pregnant girlfriend have announced they're going to get married. Nice for them.

But why the hell am I seething with jealousy every time I think of the two of them? I really can't stand the fact that they're doing this whole baby thing without actually being ready for it, and that I have so sit here and be responsible about everything, and I'm completely irrational about it.

There isn't even anything to be jealous about, when I think about it rationally. There are a lot of things that these two are going to have to deal with that isn't pleasant, and they have a lot of high-school-style drama that they haven't left behind yet. But I still am jealous, and I get really bitchy every time I talk to my husband about the two of them. I don't want to, but it happens anyway.

WTF is wrong with me?

I have a house and dogs and financial security. The one thing I always wanted was to find the right man to marry. I always thought it would happen long ago, but...

It KILLS me. I've NEVER wanted to be a single 30-something. The one thing I really wanted to find for myself since I was a little girl, and it's just not happening for me. Then I think, maybe if I just quit wanting it so much, I'd be fine. The problem is... I can't quit wanting it.

Don't know how to solve it, but those same feelings of jealousy go out to all my friends who are now... married, some with kids. Every time I hear about another of my friends getting married, I want to cry.

Same envy. Same aching. Just for a different thing.

*hugs*

 

[fieryjen]

I have a house and dogs and financial security. The one thing I always wanted was to find the right man to marry. I always thought it would happen long ago, but...

It KILLS me. I've NEVER wanted to be a single 30-something. The one thing I really wanted to find for myself since I was a little girl, and it's just not happening for me. Then I think, maybe if I just quit wanting it so much, I'd be fine. The problem is... I can't quit wanting it.

Don't know how to solve it, but those same feelings of jealousy go out to all my friends who are now... married, some with kids. Every time I hear about another of my friends getting married, I want to cry.

Same envy. Same aching. Just for a different thing.

*hugs*

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. That must be hard. I completely understand your feelings.

How old are you now, if I may ask?

I actually always thought I was going to end up by myself when I was younger - probably because I didn't have the whole boyfriend/relationship thing figured out yet, and it seemed to me like I never would. I was actually quite afraid of that, and I would not have expected to get married so soon. I'm very lucky to have found someone to spend my life with.

*sigh* There's always something, isn't there? I don't like feeling this way. It's such an ugly feeling. I don't think I want everyone to know I'm capable of irrational seething jealousy. But talking about it does help deal with it.

 

[Elianna]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. That must be hard. I completely understand your feelings.

How old are you now, if I may ask?

I actually always thought I was going to end up by myself when I was younger - probably because I didn't have the whole boyfriend/relationship thing figured out yet, and it seemed to me like I never would. I was actually quite afraid of that, and I would not have expected to get married so soon. I'm very lucky to have found someone to spend my life with.

*sigh* There's always something, isn't there? I don't like feeling this way. It's such an ugly feeling. I don't think I want everyone to know I'm capable of irrational seething jealousy. But talking about it does help deal with it.

I'm 30. I'm irrational and seething all the time. It's good for me.

Most of my girlfriends who now have kids started out with the "pet" thing. It was with the intention of training for mommyhood. Watch out though. Pets snore.

 

[fieryjen]

I'm 30. I'm irrational and seething all the time. It's good for me.

Most of my girlfriends who now have kids started out with the "pet" thing. It was with the intention of training for mommyhood. Watch out though. Pets snore.

Yep, I'm planning on getting a kitten some time soon for that exact reason. Well, and because I'm sorta lonely with my husband abroad and all. He suggested it. His entire family owns cats.

But 30 isn't yet 30-something! It's 28-ish

Irrational isn't really my big concern, it happens all the time. The seething and the jealousy are a bit more disconcerting. I can't talk to S about this topic without getting pissy and snapping, and doing a great deal of eyerolling. That last part isn't really a problem since we're on the phone. But I'm noticing that I'm trying desperately to feel superior to the couple in question.

It's not very becoming for someone who wants to be a mom either. I sorta feel I've got to prove my emotional maturity to myself and everyone around me.

 

[Selena_Kitt]

I have a friend who is now in her late forties. She always wanted to marry and have children. That was what she wanted to "do," if anyone asked. She married a man, but turns out he changed his mind and decided he didn't want kids. Ever. She tried to reconcile herself to that. When they were in their thirties, he was in a serious accident. She spent all her time nursing him back to health. When he recovered, he left her, for a woman ten years younger.

During the first year of his marriage, his new wife had a child.

This woman is still alone, longing for the same things she wanted when she was in her twenties.

I don't know if that longing ever goes away, or what to do with it... but it's heartbreaking...

 

[WildAngel4U]

Fieryjen-

I usually don't post replies, I just read around here, but since this is almost identical to what I'm going through I couldn't resist.

I'm 26, out of school, a hairs breath from being debt free and I made a vow I wanted to have children before I was 30. The man I am with now and have been with for 3 years knew this before we got together. Now after the birth of his twin nephews he is unsure of having children and has let me know that. He is adament that he will not want them within the next 4 years or maybe 10. I love him, but this has caused a huge fight between us. He says I've given him an ultimatum as I have told him, he needs to decide whether he wants children or not by February or I am unfortunately going to leave him. I don't feel I have as its something in my life I need to be and feel complete.

All I can say is, know what you want and make no compromises because it would be a horrid thing if resentment grew when you find out the person you are with does not want the same things as you.

WildAngel

 

[Vermilion]

I have heard that many men do not realise they want to be a father until they have fathered a child already. Now, I'm not advocating tricking a man into being a father when he doesn;t want to be, but men do have a different approach to life and some of them can't plan further ahead than the next week.
My hubby has doubts, but he knew when he married me that I wanted children before I was 30 and, whilst he has see-sawed about it, he understood enough to know that it was a deal-breaker and, it seems, he didn't want to lose me. Anyway, he hates dogs, but as soon as he met my mum's puppy he fell in love, he can;t resist anything small and helpless - I have faith that he'll be a good dad nd that's the only reason he gives when he's explaining why he doesn;t want to be a dad - he doubts that he'll be any good at it.

<sigh> relationships are complicated. Hugs for Jen.
x
V

 

[tickledkitty]

I'm 30. I'm irrational and seething all the time. It's good for me.

Most of my girlfriends who now have kids started out with the "pet" thing. It was with the intention of training for mommyhood. Watch out though. Pets snore.

Believe it or not, you still have plenty of time for all that, and it really will happen for you when you least expect it. My husband and I started dating when I was 33, got married when I was 35, and our daughter was born when I was 37.

Besides, haven't you heard? 40 is the new 25, or something like that.