A Note on Sending Me Anonymous Advice

[Duleigh]

Just a note to anyone who is thinking about about sending me anonymous advice:

I ignore it

It could have been great advice, I wouldn't know. If you don't respect me enough use your nom-de-plume (A FAKE NAME for Christ sakes!) and add a return return address and entertain the possibility of an actual conversation... I see it as a insult and a slight. I believe that you're telling me that I'm not good enough as a member of Literotica community to address with common courtesy, that I'm not smart enough to converse with you.

Your superiority to me prevents me from knowing who you are (or to be honest, who you're pretending to be)

Maybe I'm over reacting, I grew up dirt poor and was reminded of my social inferiority daily by school mates whose parents took them to exotic locations on holiday. But at least they let me know who was calling me inferior.

Don't get the idea that it hurts my feelings, I just delete the anonymous email then I look at the four cash prizes I won last year and am happy that Laurel will talk to me

 

[AwkwardlySet]

It could have been great advice, I wouldn't know. If you don't respect me enough use your nom-de-plume (A FAKE NAME for Christ sakes!) and add a return return address and entertain the possibility of an actual conversation... I see it as a insult and a slight. I believe that you're telling me that I'm not good enough as a member of Literotica community to address with common courtesy, that I'm not smart enough to converse with you.

I kind of appreciate all the feedback, even the malicious one I am getting, because it means I wrote something that prompted people to react in whichever way. In general, I try to weigh the feedback on its merit, but yeah, anonymous feedback doesn't have the same importance for me either. I don't delete such feedback but I prefer people commenting with their Lit names displayed.

and am happy that Laurel will talk to me

Tell me your secret, please I have been PMing her in a very polite way, but I haven't gotten any answer for more than two months now. I must learn this secret handshake.

 

[TxRad]

No secret, just have something important enough to warrant her time.

 

[AwkwardlySet]

No secret, just have something important enough to warrant her time.

I would even take a "I have more important issues to deal with" at this point. Any answer, really. I do have a legitimate issue though.
Maybe EB is right, maybe she does lurk on these forums and this is my punishment for criticizing Lit.

 

[alohadave]

I would even take a "I have more important issues to deal with" at this point. Any answer, really. I do have a legitimate issue though.
Maybe EB is right, maybe she does lurk on these forums and this is my punishment for criticizing Lit.

Kitty Mama is watching...

 

[lovecraft68]

No secret, just have something important enough to warrant her time.

That has nothing to do with it, and you know that.
We know who gets responses and why.

 

[lovecraft68]

Just a note to anyone who is thinking about about sending me anonymous advice:

I ignore it

It could have been great advice, I wouldn't know. If you don't respect me enough use your nom-de-plume (A FAKE NAME for Christ sakes!) and add a return return address and entertain the possibility of an actual conversation... I see it as a insult and a slight. I believe that you're telling me that I'm not good enough as a member of Literotica community to address with common courtesy, that I'm not smart enough to converse with you.

Your superiority to me prevents me from knowing who you are (or to be honest, who you're pretending to be)

Maybe I'm over reacting, I grew up dirt poor and was reminded of my social inferiority daily by school mates whose parents took them to exotic locations on holiday. But at least they let me know who was calling me inferior.

Don't get the idea that it hurts my feelings, I just delete the anonymous email then I look at the four cash prizes I won last year and am happy that Laurel will talk to me

[No personal attacks or trolling - including creating accounts for this specific purpose. Heated discussions are fine, even welcome. However, personally attacking / kink-shaming a fellow author or reader is not allowed within the Author's Hangout. Threads which devolve into the exchanging of insults will be closed and repeat offenders will be given a timeout, per the AH rules.]

 

[EmilyMiller]

Tell me your secret, please I have been PMing her in a very polite way, but I haven't gotten any answer for more than two months now. I must learn this secret handshake.

I really don’t know why you have had this experience. I’m sure you have been polite.

As you know, she has been very responsive to me (and continues to be so). And my story views / ratings suggest she has no ulterior motive for acting this way. I seriously doubt that she cares much about how much waffle I post here either.

I’m not sure at present whether I’m the outlier or you are. Maybe it’s me.

Emily

 

[AwkwardlySet]

I really don’t know why you have had this experience. I’m sure you have been polite.

As you know, she has been very responsive to me (and continues to be so). And my story views / ratings suggest she has no ulterior motive for acting this way. I seriously doubt that she cares much about how much waffle I post here either.

I’m not sure at present whether I’m the outlier or you are. Maybe it’s me.

Emily

Your guess is as good as mine in this. Truth be told, there are only a few among AH regulars who, how shall we say it, consistently criticize Lit. It is just a theory as I really don't see any other reason for such radically different treatment.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Your guess is as good as mine in this. Truth be told, there are only a few among AH regulars who, how shall we say it, consistently criticize Lit. It is just a theory as I really don't see any other reason for such radically different treatment.

But, as I say, maybe I’m the exception. There was that one wild weekend I spent with her and Manu, but aside from that…

 

[StillStunned]

Maybe she likes some people more than others? Maybe, in all the stress of running the site, interacting with some people is easy and enjoyable, even energising, and with others it's something she avoids because it would be an energy drain.

You know, like most people.

 

[AwkwardlySet]

Maybe she likes some people more than others? Maybe, in all the stress of running the site, interacting with some people is easy and enjoyable, even energising, and with others it's something she avoids because it would be an energy drain.

You know, like most people.

You have just painted the picture of a preferential and selective treatment from someone who should be doing things in a professional, detached way. I mean, if she wants giggles and praise, she should open up a blog. These PMs are about issues and problems people have while using the website, not about gossip and chitchat. You've kinda made my point for me.

 

[pink_silk_glove]

Just a note to anyone who is thinking about about sending me anonymous advice:

I ignore it

It could have been great advice, I wouldn't know. If you don't respect me enough use your nom-de-plume (A FAKE NAME for Christ sakes!) and add a return return address and entertain the possibility of an actual conversation... I see it as a insult and a slight. I believe that you're telling me that I'm not good enough as a member of Literotica community to address with common courtesy, that I'm not smart enough to converse with you.

Your superiority to me prevents me from knowing who you are (or to be honest, who you're pretending to be)

Maybe I'm over reacting, I grew up dirt poor and was reminded of my social inferiority daily by school mates whose parents took them to exotic locations on holiday. But at least they let me know who was calling me inferior.

Don't get the idea that it hurts my feelings, I just delete the anonymous email then I look at the four cash prizes I won last year and am happy that Laurel will talk to me

I take all feedback at face value. By doing this I can even find useable feedback in troll comments. The trick is to remain objective, to be neutral in reading the feedback.

Think about it. It could have been the ghost of Hemingway magically leaving you some life-changing advice and you're going to ignore it on the simple premise that he didn't leave a name?

What's happening here - and I say this not to put you down or insult you at all in any way, but that it is something quite clear from my perspective that I offer you - that your ego is standing in the way. You might not like to hear that, but the reason that you are not observing the feedback from a neutral and objective perspective is that your ego is making you believe that you're above it and therefore it can't be any good to you. It's your ego that is telling you that your writing is just fine and is above this feedback. With that attitude your writing will be difficult to change and if it doesn't change then it can't get better. Improvement is a change after all. Keep yourself neutral to the feedback, level with the feedback. That way you can make the best judgment of the feedback and how it may or may not apply to your craft.

In my opinion you are totally overreacting. My advice is to let it go, let the social inferiority go, let all the excuses go.

Yes, actually I believe that it not only does hurt your feelings, but it also shows that you are measuring yourself by what others think of you, which is not a wise thing to do. Everybody does this so you're not alone. I used to do just like everyone else and I still catch myself doing it here and there. It in no way makes you a bad or lesser person. When someone says something negative to you you delete the comment, and turn to your contest wins which externally validate you. If you had not won the prizes would your stories have been any worse despite the fact that not a comma in them had changed? Then why do you use your prizes as validation of your craft? Your true self does not require such external validation. Only the ego does. by only accepting feedback that agrees with you, you will find it very difficult to improve your craft.

Again, I'm not trying to put you down or insult you in any way. I'm just trying to convey to you the flawed logic of your own perspective and give you an understanding that the vast majority of people on this planet go through their entire lives never understanding. Recognize your ego when it steps forth, keep it in check and reclaim control of your self-esteem and you will open yourself to all the truth out there that your ego doesn't want you to know.

 

[StillStunned]

These PMs are about issues and problems people have while using the website, not about gossip and chitchat. You've kinda made my point for me.

Sure I have.

I assume that Laurel has a better grasp of what it takes to run the website than you do. Maybe after 25 years of seeing the same helpful complaints come by, she just shrugs and keeps doing what she's doing.

 

[AwkwardlySet]

Sure I have.

I assume that Laurel has a better grasp of what it takes to run the website than you do. Maybe after 25 years of seeing the same helpful complaints come by, she just shrugs and keeps doing what she's doing.

What are you even talking about? I am not PMing her with complaints about the way the website is being run or about what should be done to improve things or anything like that. I am PMing her about a legitimate issue with my own stories and she doesn't reply at all. I mean, she could have responded with a short negative answer and okay, it would have been an answer. It's not like she rejected my request and then I keep making it on and on.

 

[KeithD]

I would even take a "I have more important issues to deal with" at this point. Any answer, really. I do have a legitimate issue though.
Maybe EB is right, maybe she does lurk on these forums and this is my punishment for criticizing Lit.

Just for the record, I think your concern is justified.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Tangentially related to @Duleigh’s experience (though no more so than complaining about Laurel), does anyone else get this?

Someone bothers to send me something nice via the feedback form. And they include an email address that looks kosher. And I reply to say thank you and maybe answer a specific question that they asked and…

 

[ShandyLeer]

Why do so many people always have to have an “issue” that becomes central to all things ?

It‘s a long stretch to link growing up poor - a fairly common tale, let’s be honest - to an attitude problem over people commenting anonymously on a forum. Especially a forum that’s, unsurprisingly, heavily reliant on people remaining…………… guess what?

But maybe I missed something.

 

[AwkwardlySet]

Tangentially related to @Duleigh’s experience (though no more so than complaining about Laurel), does anyone else get this?

Someone bothers to send me something nice via the feedback form. And they include an email address that looks kosher. And I reply to say thank you and maybe answer a specific question that they asked and…

It happened to me too a couple of times. My best guess is that the email ends up in the spam folder and the person doesn't even read it.

 

[KeithD]

Someone bothers to send me something nice via the feedback form. And they include an email address that looks kosher. And I reply to say thank you and maybe answer a specific question that they asked and…

Yes, I've been asked a direct question before via the site feedback form only to find that the requesting e-mail is fake. Haven't had that happen for a while, though.

 

[Duleigh]

I kind of appreciate all the feedback

I do too! I live for feedback

But If I'm not worthy of a fellow writer revealing their name to me, I say, don't lower yourself. Just walk away and feel superior. Have a nice day

 

[Duleigh]

Tangentially related to @Duleigh’s experience (though no more so than complaining about Laurel), does anyone else get this?

Someone bothers to send me something nice via the feedback form. And they include an email address that looks kosher. And I reply to say thank you and maybe answer a specific question that they asked and…

It happens, but I didn't even get that. I got "I'm a fellow writer here" and that's where I stopped reading and hit delete

But If I'm not worthy of a fellow writer revealing their name to me, I say, don't lower yourself. Just walk away and feel superior. Have a nice day

 

[EmilyMiller]

Yes, I've been asked a direct question before via the site feedback form only to find that the requesting e-mail is fake. Haven't had that happen for a while, though.

I’ve had fake ones bounce back, but also ones go through and I hear nothing. Maybe it’s a spam thing as @AwkwardlySet says. Though I reply from my Lit Gmail.

Emily

 

[AwkwardlySet]

I do too! I live for feedback

But If I'm not worthy of a fellow writer revealing their name to me, I say, don't lower yourself. Just walk away and feel superior. Have a nice day

Ah, you are talking about a situation where someone who claims to be a Lit author is giving you advice and criticism but stays anonymous? I see how it can be irritating but you should really focus on the validity of the actual feedback, in my opinion. If the tone of their advice is respectful then you shouldn't get so riled up about it. If it isn't... well, I guess there are people who like giving advice because it makes them feel superior but you should be the smarter person in that case. Take something useful from their feedback and ignore the tone. It is the best way to stick it to people who like elevating themselves by putting other people down. On the other hand, it could just be some random person who is trying to annoy you.

 

[EmilyMiller]

It happens, but I didn't even get that. I got "I'm a fellow writer here" and that's where I stopped reading and hit delete

But If I'm not worthy of a fellow writer revealing their name to me, I say, don't lower yourself. Just walk away and feel superior. Have a nice day

I get how that would grate.

Emily