Advice on a story title

[Senor_Smut]

I posted this over in Story Advice but it might have been the wrong place because it didn't generate much interest. Anyway, I'm laying out a new story and I'd like some help with a title. The catalyst of the story is that a poor person creates a casual mobile game called "Flying Monkey Express," which blows up and makes the poor person wealthy. Hijinks ensue. Now, I think that "Flying Monkey Express" is an interesting and intriguing title. Unfortunately, I have it on muptiple reliable authorities that my taste in titles generally sucks. So, what do you guys think?

 

[lovecraft68]

I'd say go with Game On! But its probably been used.

 

[AllenWoody]

That title doesn't convey anything sexual or intimate to me. I'd be expecting a story about monkeys that fly. Or a crazy banana republic airline.

Mobile Gaming Magnate? Taps To Riches? Suddenly Solvent?

What themes are in the story? Does it explore any particular kinks, tropes, or scenes?

 

[AllenWoody]

I'd say go with Game On! But its probably been used.

Ready Fapper One

 

[Kelliezgirl]

I think Flying Monkey Express would work.
You'd need a solid description, but I personally don’t care for the title as synopsis thing.
Sure, "Bobby bangs his teacher" is an accurate title, but it isn't an interesting one.
An interesting turn of the phrase should make a reader think "what's that about?"
Then the description reels them in.

 

[SimonDoom]

According to the search function, it hasn't been used as a title. I think it's not bad. But I would couple it with a tagline that is more descriptive of the subject matter. In my opinion the title and tagline should combine to both attract interest AND to describe the subject matter, but they can do so in different ways.

 

[NotWise]

I like "Flying Monkey Express." That means it might be a bad idea.

A lot of us seem to like titles that I think are more like headlines than titles. Something like "Gamer gets rich, gets laid" would fit that description.

 

[ConfusinglyDelerious]

So, what do you guys think?

I think that whenever I write anything, the title is the last thing that happens 99.9% of the time. And then I stare blankly at the screen after I realize "Yeah, it needs one of those, doesn't it?"
And then I think back through things, and try to grab something that encapsulates the story. Either something pivotal, or some turn of phrase that just fits the entire thing.

I've had stories I've written elsewhere where one of the first things I had was a vague feeling of what the story was going to be, and what I thought was a kick-ass title, and then 1500 words later found myself trying to work in something that made the title fit perfectly, and not just "well enough".

So what works for me, is to write the story, and then slap the title on things in the end. And if you end up calling it "The games we play" and feel a little miserable for having a title you could easily imagine seeing on a book with some shirtless dude in an airport kiosk, ask yourself "But is my the story I wrote good?"

According to the search function, it hasn't been used as a title

I mean... On a smut repository with more than half a million stories posted, that's not a metric worth much. If that's something to work from then we are not too far away from the two titles left being "Battleship Potemkin's No. 2 cannon" or "The joy of potato-peelers", and I'm not 100% sure whether or not that last one has been posted in the BDSM category yet.

 

[SimonDoom]

I mean... On a smut repository with more than half a million stories posted, that's not a metric worth much. If that's something to work from then we are not too far away from the two titles left being "Battleship Potemkin's No. 2 cannon" or "The joy of potato-peelers", and I'm not 100% sure whether or not that last one has been posted in the BDSM category yet.

No, but someone above guessed that it HAD been used, and it hasn't.

There's no rule here against re-using titles, but I like to try to avoid it when I can.

 

[Senor_Smut]

This is intended to be the first chapter of an ongoing story, so I don't want anything too blatant. It's a mom/son story at heart, but there will be many themes and fetishes visited, so something too explicit or descriptive of the first chapter would, I think, do a disservice to the story and the readers (assuming there are any). They'll get together to at least some extent before the money starts coming in (the game's surge in popularity will be the closing event of the first chapter) but in later chapters the money will be just one among many levers that serve to make her decide to be with him -- not the deciding factor, but when a woman who's been poor her whole life is offered the chance at a guy who punches all her buttons and can provide financial security her cold fish of a husband can't, it would factor in her thinking.

 

[Britva415]

If the title doesn’t do so (as in this case), then make sure the description conveys something about the story’s hook or what kind of action the reader can expect.

Otherwise people won’t have any idea why they should click on the story.

 

[Kelliezgirl]

This is intended to be the first chapter of an ongoing story, so I don't want anything too blatant. It's a mom/son story at heart, but there will be many themes and fetishes visited, so something too explicit or descriptive of the first chapter would, I think, do a disservice to the story and the readers (assuming there are any). They'll get together to at least some extent before the money starts coming in (the game's surge in popularity will be the closing event of the first chapter) but in later chapters the money will be just one among many levers that serve to make her decide to be with him -- not the deciding factor, but when a woman who's been poor her whole life is offered the chance at a guy who punches all her buttons and can provide financial security her cold fish of a husband can't, it would factor in her thinking.

I think Flying Monkey Express works.
It sounds like the event that really sets the plot in motion, and will enable what comes later.

 

[Senor_Smut]

I will definitely provide an enticing description to go with the title.

Flying Monkey Express (the game, not the story) is mostly what provides context for the events in the story. "How can an 18 year old kid afford all these crazy things? Well he made this game, see..."

 

[AllenWoody]

I *do* like the word Express in the title to suggest the rapid change of circumstances. You could do something like,

Flying Monkey Express: When a game makes him suddenly rich, fun and problems ensue

Or some such.

 

[Lifestyle66]

IMO the more "subtle' the title, the less interest.

It may depend on the category and the type of readers you want to attract. But this is a porn site. So, something like "Those Fucking Monkeys Made Me Rich" might catch some attention.

 

[Senor_Smut]

IMO the more "subtle' the title, the less interest.

It may depend on the category and the type of readers you want to attract. But this is a porn site. So, something like "Those Fucking Monkeys Made Me Rich" might catch some attention.

My stories are long and tend to have lots of inner monologues, moral and ethical wrangling, and people getting hurt along the way. Those are just the kinds of stories I want to write, so that already narrows the scope of my audience considerably. People who want a fast, light, fun read will either move along, or, if they recognize my name, just not click on my stuff at all. I'm not looking for huge audiences anyway, just a few pervs who like what I like.

 

[Kelliezgirl]

My stories are long and tend to have lots of inner monologues, moral and ethical wrangling, and people getting hurt along the way. Those are just the kinds of stories I want to write, so that already narrows the scope of my audience considerably. People who want a fast, light, fun read will either move along, or, if they recognize my name, just not click on my stuff at all. I'm not looking for huge audiences anyway, just a few pervs who like what I like.

Then a more subtle title makes sense.
The direct approach of "Banging Betty in the Backseat" works for strokers, and the people looking for strokers. That doesn't sound like your market.
By the same token, a title like that probably turns away people looking for a little more depth to their stories, which is the audience you are looking for.

 

[Senor_Smut]

Then a more subtle title makes sense.
The direct approach of "Banging Betty in the Backseat" works for strokers, and the people looking for strokers. That doesn't sound like your market.
By the same token, a title like that probably turns away people looking for a little more depth to their stories, which is the audience you are looking for.

Interesting point. See, this is what I meant when i said I pick suboptimal titles.

 

[Kelliezgirl]

Interesting point. See, this is what I meant when i said I pick suboptimal titles.

Well, I'm not claiming to be an expert.
But I think there is a difference between the "I want to fap to that" market and the "I want to read that" market.
I don't think there is anything wrong with writing for either market, and as a reader I've enjoyed both types of stories depending on my mood.
But speaking as a Marketing Major, it's not about a broad appeal, it's about appealing to the people who are looking for your product.

 

[TheLobster]

Flying Monkey Express (the game, not the story) is mostly what provides context for the events in the story. "How can an 18 year old kid afford all these crazy things? Well he made this game, see..."

Meh, this method of get-rich-quick was last effective maybe ten years ago, when smartphones still weren't as ubiquitous and the app market wasn't saturated by borderline AAA productions.

In 2020s, you instead want to say that when the kid was 10yo or thereabouts, he used his mom's credit card to purchase some Bitcoin

 

[Senor_Smut]

Meh, this method of get-rich-quick was last effective maybe ten years ago, when smartphones still weren't as ubiquitous and the app market wasn't saturated by borderline AAA productions.

In 2020s, you instead want to say that when the kid was 10yo or thereabouts, he used his mom's credit card to purchase some Bitcoin

So many Japanese titles are just insane. "I Met My Boss' Wife At A Work Function And We Flirted So I Called Her Later And Arranged A Lunch Date But I Needed To Get New Shoes For That So I Went Down to Ginza And There I Ran Into An Old Friend Named Timmy..."

 

[Juannoche]

I posted this over in Story Advice but it might have been the wrong place because it didn't generate much interest. Anyway, I'm laying out a new story and I'd like some help with a title. The catalyst of the story is that a poor person creates a casual mobile game called "Flying Monkey Express," which blows up and makes the poor person wealthy. Hijinks ensue. Now, I think that "Flying Monkey Express" is an interesting and intriguing title. Unfortunately, I have it on muptiple reliable authorities that my taste in titles generally sucks. So, what do you guys think?

What are some of the antics that stand out in the story? Is there fetishes or kinks that are woven in?

 

[Senor_Smut]

What are some of the antics that stand out in the story? Is there fetishes or kinks that are woven in?

The main dynamic of the story is the son's growing confidence and assertiveness working with mom's growing submissiveness and dissatisfaction with her entire life up to that point. Early chapters will focus heavily on that and them doing more and more until they're having sex (in the second chapter). Later on I plan on working in a plethora of kinks and fetishes revolving around the son wanting both his young self and his incredibly inexperienced mother to have a wide variety of experiences both with and without each other. This obsiously leans heavily on swinging and sharing, and will include such things as bisexualty (for both of them), group sex, public sex, enhibitionism, tons of dominance/submission, some BDSM (nothing heavy, I don't really have the knowledge base to write heavy BDSM well), interracial, pregnancy, and more -- all this over the couse of multiple chapters. After mom's marriage inevitably falls apart and son get rich, there will be travel to glamorous spots around the world with attendant expected shenanigans. The pace won't be particularly fast, since I like to dwell on the moral and ethical dilemmas and the attendant psychological turbulence.

 

[Juannoche]

Does the flying monkey aspect relate to narcissism at all for you? If so maybe suggesting that either overtly or subtly to the relationship between flying monkeys and the wicked witch maybe?

 

[Senor_Smut]

Does the flying monkey aspect relate to narcissism at all for you? If so maybe suggesting that either overtly or subtly to the relationship between flying monkeys and the wicked witch maybe?

I'm not quite sure how to answer that. Flying monkeys have been a frequent feature of RPGs I've run going back to my teens (in the early 14th Century). Part of it comes from how scary I found the flying monkeys in The Wizard of Oz when I was a young 'un, but most of it comes from the fact that I think monkeys are inherently funny (see my profile pic).