A Gangster's Obsession

[SoulLover123]

I've been having this Idea and wondering if I should post it as my first story.
I could definitely use some advice.

Its about a mobster owned Hitman who falls for his target's ill treated girlfriend / secretary after killing him in front of her ....so she'd also be a witness.
I'm puzzled whether I should use the obsessive stalking , non-consent version or slowly unexpected love and romance theme. [ OR BOTH ]

I also want to know if I'm not jumping into a cliche or anything.

 

[silverwhisper]

gotta be honest, i think that's been done. if that lack of novelty isn't a problem, i would suggest perhaps making witness/non-witness status ambiguous.

you're in goa? the only thing i know about your state is that's where vindaloo originated.

ed

 

[SoulLover123]

gotta be honest, i think that's been done. if that lack of novelty isn't a problem, i would suggest perhaps making witness/non-witness status ambiguous.

you're in goa? the only thing i know about your state is that's where vindaloo originated.

ed

Well... thank you very much for your help. i'll consider it..

And yes dude I'm "presently" in goa, not a resident. comes with the profession. But man ... if vindaloo is the only thing you know about Goa.. then you know very little.

 

[silverwhisper]

i'm not saying you're wrong re: my ignorance of goa. i'd like to know more but your thread probably isn't the right place.

ed

 

[Sean Renaud]

Contrary to my normal posting I'm gonna support this idea. I'm sure it's been done but that's one of the beauties of certain ideas. Once you get used ENOUGH nobody cares. If you write a story about say a rich guy who makes a park and fills it with dinosaurs you're a dirty copy cat without an original idea in the world. Even if you go to outerspace to harvest dinosaurs from the past or something. However if you write a story about a guy who's partner was going to retire in three days and was instead gunned down and then went on a roaring rampage of revenge. Well then you're in good company!

My advice would be to simply run with it, the only way I would make this a non-con would be if for whatever reason he was trying to stall for time. Otherwise this is more of a "Come with me if you want to live." Situation that's immediately followed with the burning of her place and the elimination of her old life. She may not consent (think like V. . Vivi. . .Violet? Whatever Natalie Portman's character in V for Vendetta was called) to her imprisonment but she's not raped and any romance that does happen is fully consentual once it gets around to happening.

 

[callmeismael]

I think you can find an interesting spin on it. Although writing it well is always more important than being original. There are a lot of crime erotica and erotic thrillers out there, and the ones that stand out aren't necessarily the most original, they're the most well-constructed and well-written. What setting were you thinking? Contemporary? Historical? I'm partial to the prohibition-era midwest or mid-century hollywood setting, but perhaps you've got your own idea? I think that for good gangster writing, the plot and the setting should be really intertwined.

Hitmen stories are actually full of potential, because hitmen are really cogs in a machine, hired for their loyalty and short-sightedness. What happens when the cog starts to ask questions about the machine around him?

I think erotic thriller sort of story might be the best fit, if you're willing to put the time into a complex plot. He kills the guy, he discovers that the fiancee was a witness (fiancee because we'd assume she'd have more loyalty than a girlfriend or secretary, so there's more potential), he stalks her, seduces her, but she doesn't know that he's the killer... or does she? He's begins to suspect that he's being played... either by the girl or by someone controlling her. They've both got backstories with dark (potentially erotic) secrets that they reveal in bits and pieces, maybe some of what they reveal are lies. Perhaps learning about why the hit was on this guy in the first place was key. Perhaps the hit was only on as a plan by someone else to get these two together. Make sure that your characters have real flaws, and there's a villain behind the scenes manipulating these flaws. There's deceit and betrayal, dangerous situations, and lots of hot sex, made all the hotter and more taboo by the connection between them.

What I've described here isn't really a plot. Just sort of a sense of how such a story would progress, and really, this is really something novella-length. If you want to do something short-story length, perhaps try something that hints at this sort of depth around the characters, but is just a single scene... the murder in the past, his mind full of conflict about seducing a victim's lover, his own fears that he's being manipulated. The setting and these conflicts are what provides a hook for the reader. Give the reader just enough to have a sense of the big picture, and then have a revelation in the scene that answers one or two of those questions, but doesn't actually solve anything, perhaps instead just shows him how little he actually knows about what's going on.

 

[sr71plt]

Stalking turned to romance, maybe? And, for god's sake, her realizing she wants it before he does it rather than afterward. Maybe him backing off and her going after him for it then. Try not throwing the nonconsent formula into it. That may be what will make it a fresh approach. Make them both scarred and damaged goods.

 

[SoulLover123]

Hitmen stories are actually full of potential, because hitmen are really cogs in a machine, hired for their loyalty and short-sightedness. What happens when the cog starts to ask questions about the machine around him?

I think erotic thriller sort of story might be the best fit, if you're willing to put the time into a complex plot. He kills the guy, he discovers that the fiancee was a witness (fiancee because we'd assume she'd have more loyalty than a girlfriend or secretary, so there's more potential), he stalks her, seduces her, but she doesn't know that he's the killer... or does she? He's begins to suspect that he's being played... either by the girl or by someone controlling her. They've both got backstories with dark (potentially erotic) secrets that they reveal in bits and pieces, maybe some of what they reveal are lies. Perhaps learning about why the hit was on this guy in the first place was key. Perhaps the hit was only on as a plan by someone else to get these two together. Make sure that your characters have real flaws, and there's a villain behind the scenes manipulating these flaws. There's deceit and betrayal, dangerous situations, and lots of hot sex, made all the hotter and more taboo by the connection between them.

Man...You are a blessing. I never realized this genre might have such potential. I agree to it all completely. But I'd like to make both of these characters sort of like victims to fate rather than a preplanned conspiracy from the guy's part, mostly because i've began my work and its turning out interesting.

I'm glad to be getting so much help. Long live Literotica.

 

[HeyAll]

Man...You are a blessing. I never realized this genre might have such potential. I agree to it all completely. But I'd like to make both of these characters sort of like victims to fate rather than a preplanned conspiracy from the guy's part, mostly because i've began my work and its turning out interesting.

I'm glad to be getting so much help. Long live Literotica.

What do you have so far?

 

[SoulLover123]

What do you have so far?

Well... in short [ not revealing much ].... the hitman is a failed soldier turned gun for hire to his mafia boss, the girl is a secretory to our killer's target. Their lives collide when the killer saves her from her lusting boss and his colleagues in an alleyway [ or so she thinks ]. He kills the boss and stalks the girl [ who can't figure out if she was saved or did she land up in deeper shit. ]. The guy's dilemma is whether to kill this girl who reminds him of his failed past [revealed as the story progresses ] , or give in to his confused state of obsession knowing his boss wouldn't allow losing his most precious asset. [ action baby.... ]

The sex turns from initial raw hunger slowly turning meaningful...... or even love.

What do ya think ? I'm still open to suggestions AND CRITICISM.