A Brief Recap

[tortoise]

...of the story so far:

http://faculty-web.at.nwu.edu/slavic/theater/woodcut-45.jpg

Alexei, after many months of fruitless searching, finally found his soul mate, Ted.



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This greatly aroused the ire of Alexei's former lover, Timmy, who immediately began plotting a most terribly vengeful vengeance.



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Timmy, overcome with jealous hatred, ordered his manservant Karl, whose smithy skills nearly surpassed his prowess in the bedroom, to destroy all of Alexei's silverware.



http://www.crimelibrary.com/criminology2/women1/images/Woodcut-of-Mary-Ann-Cotton.jpg

Luckily, Timmy's chambermaid, Miss Bellwether, upon discovering the heinous silverware plot, rushed to warn Alexei, for whom she had formed a lasting affection. The crafty Alexei then hid all of his good silverware, replacing it with an old rusty set left over from his younger days as an itinerant oystermonger.




Stay tuned for further developments...

 

[firefighter02]

I always wondered how Timmy ended up in that wheelchair.

 

[intrigued]

*claps*

 

[Guest]

 

[Rubyfruit]

...Stay tuned for further developments...

I will!

Good to see you, sweetheart.

 

[Ginny]

is Alexei the cool dude in the jester getup or the Russian looking one with the donkey?

 

[tortoise]

Alexei is the donkey.

 

[Ginny]

ooooohhh.....gotcha.....donkeys need love, too....

 

[Ginny]

meanwhile...

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Princess Klinefelter of Klondykia waited patiently for the return of her beloved cousin, the Earl of Douchechester. They were more than kissing cousins.

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The frail Earl was battling the dreaded Skeletonians, cursing his Osteoporosis.

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Bjork the Bear serenaded the princess night after night, to no avail. The Princess was not interested in bear cock.

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Four fortnights later, a Fed Ex package arrived for the Princess. Poor Cousin Earl.

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A hairy hare hopped by the castle.

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The mourning but extremely horny, young Princess spent her evenings spying on Rogers, the castle's bisexual gardener, as he swung nude in the moonlight.

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Oliver the Owl/Parrot hybrid hooted night after night, "Go fuck her! Go fuck her!" not knowing Rogers was deaf.



ily

 

[tortoise]

and then...

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Lillian Tambour, distracted by her vivid dreams of joining her aunt Gertrude's Ukrainian folk ensemble, shirked her lifeguard duties as several of her progeny were sped out to sea by a particularly vicious riptide. Her eldest son Chauncey, rendered unable to swim by an albatross attack when he was a toddler, attempted to snap her out of her reverie, to no avail.

 

[glamorilla]

oh god i just love you two.

 

[Ginny]

http://www.fantazos.com/engravings/images/TURTLES'PROGRESS.jpg

Trudging down the rocky beach, were the Terrapinpointles, a nasty band of warrior turtles from the Pointea Sea, drawn to Lillian's beach by the awful smell emanating from her exposed pit. Tiny little itty bitty shell fairies lived in the pointy castles atop each Terrapinpointle.

 

[honeylick]

are the fairies into the pit smell too?

 

[tortoise]

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B0000019HU.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

Miraculously, the riptide suddenly reversed itself, returning the Tambour children back to the lagoon, just in time to witness their neglectful mother's trampling by the Terrapinpointles. Reacting to the bizarre event with more bemusement than distress, the gently bobbing Percival Tambour was heard to mutter while shaking his head: "I told her to use deodorant!"

 

[Ginny]

are the fairies into the pit smell too?

<shaking head solemnly>.....no.....the poor but delightful fairies are olfactionless.....



sexy glam

 

[Ginny]

http://www.lib.monash.edu.au/exhibitions/Recent/RA15ss.jpg

"NoGood" Boyd Tambour was oblvious to his potato-headed wife's demise on the seashore, his offspring's close crazy current call, and the quite large shark fin trailing him as he floated out to sea in the family dingy, thinking of no one but himself and his mistress, Sasha Pootie, who had an enormous booty as well as chronic intestinal problems. Boyd was hoping her gastroenterologist visit went well this afternoon in Poonberg.

 

[Ginny]

http://www.seas-expo.com/PhotoContestWinners/images/great%20white%20shark.jpg

Boyd never saw it coming.



After a packed, all-you-can-eat buffet reception at Long John Silver's following the funeral for both of their parents, the full-bellied Tambour children were whisked away to the Follicle Island Orphanage.

 

[unclej]

oooh, i wanna play too. if the princess doesn't like bear cock then there's a really good chance she'll like pig cock. yep, good chance.

bye the way, you two are weird, and i like that about you.

 

[tortoise]

Anyone and everyone can play, uj. Just contribute what you "remember" of the story so far.



Meanwhile...

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Follicle Island Orphanage was a bleak, desolate institution high on a windswept bluff on a bleak, desolate island. It was a hellish existence for the newly-orphaned Tambour brothers, until one morning, while exploring the tidepools in the rocks below the orphanage, they met Anemone:

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B000003RVR.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

...and her sister, Ammonia:

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...who opened their eyes to a whole new universe, one full of intrigue, danger, beauty, and wild uninhibited sex with stuffed animals:

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B00000I406.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

 

[Ginny]

http://www.keithturner.info/dorks.jpg

Ammonia and Anemone had twin brothers, Enigma and Enema, who both preferred masturbating themselves and one another with loofah sponges they gathered on the beach. After the jellyfish sting incident, Enema was always certain to check the sponge cavities before inserting his penis.

 

[celiaKitten]

oh god i just love you two.

How could you not, honestly? lol

This is the coolest trash novel I've ever read

 

[nimbus9]

Boyd never saw it coming ~ ginny

LMAO

 

[tortoise]

http://www.turtlebay.org/monolith/images/conveyor_diagram_s.jpg

Meanwhile, plans for the ultra-secret Space Modulator were nearing completion.



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Ingmar and his crew of slightly-above-average-height dwarves were already hard at work on the initial stages of construction.



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Ingmar took several breaks throughout the day for "conjugal visits" from his patron's wife, Precus (pronounced "precious," a point on which Precus was extremely adamant).



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Alas for Ingmar, his patron was less than understanding when he found out about the conjugal visits.

 

[Hamletmaschine]

How in the hell did I miss this the first time around?

You, my fiend, are a man of tremendous potency.

 

[Ginny]

http://www.angelfire.com/ego/diaboluswhore/images/bordello.jpg

Ever the high society wife, Precus volunteered at the local correction facility.

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After Ingmar's head was sliced in half, Precus was on the prowl again at the Hieny State Penal Home. She had her eye on a set of twins, Enigma and Enema, who were soon to be paroled after serving their three year sentences for public sponge splooging.

http://www.newhomemaker.com/catalog/images/sponges.jpg

Precus often smuggled in sponges for the boys. She hid them in her vagina. Her vaginal secretions trapped inside the sponges entranced the siblings and made their jailhouse masturbation much, much more fun.

http://www.cleveland.police.uk/images/press/jailbreak.jpg

Enigma was puzzled, but soon figured out a way to steal the guard's keys. Free at last, free at last. They hightailed it to Precus' manor on the coast.