A bit on the side perhaps?

[SeaCat]

Okay here's a question to titilate your angst.

Why is it so wrong in our so called highly advanced societies to get a bit on the side?

Many of us are the sons and daughters of the Free Love Generation. The levels of education are much higher than they have been in the past.

We know about genetics, we know about Birth Control and about Safe Sex.

We are open about sex and sexuality for the most part. Very little is taboo, and yet having sex on the side is such a nasty thing that it causes people to be looked down upon.

Even the hint of this is frowned upon in our so called highly civilized and free society.

A good example of this was my good friend Rosa. We were often seen embracing in public. Hell we would often kiss. (Oh hell I would often grab her very grabbable ass.) This was highly frowned upon. People were highly upset about this because I happened to be married.

Why does this matter in the least to people who aren't directly involved?

Is it jealousy or is it perhaps more?

Dare I mention that my wife and her were often seen hugging, kissing and grabbing each other? No one seemed to mind that for some reason.

Your thoughts please.

Cat

 

[fille]

Okay here's a question to titilate your angst.

Why is it so wrong in our so called highly advanced societies to get a bit on the side?

Many of us are the sons and daughters of the Free Love Generation. The levels of education are much higher than they have been in the past.

We know about genetics, we know about Birth Control and about Safe Sex.

We are open about sex and sexuality for the most part. Very little is taboo, and yet having sex on the side is such a nasty thing that it causes people to be looked down upon.

Even the hint of this is frowned upon in our so called highly civilized and free society.

A good example of this was my good friend Rosa. We were often seen embracing in public. Hell we would often kiss. (Oh hell I would often grab her very grabbable ass.) This was highly frowned upon. People were highly upset about this because I happened to be married.

Why does this matter in the least to people who aren't directly involved?

Is it jealousy or is it perhaps more?

Dare I mention that my wife and her were often seen hugging, kissing and grabbing each other? No one seemed to mind that for some reason.

Your thoughts please.

Cat

Society is a very uptight thing, because it doesn't want others to have what it perceives it cannot have for itself.

Something on the side is only "on the side" if that's how you and your partner consider it. You and the one you love have to make your own rules. As long as you play by the rules the two of you have set, and don't violate promises made and trust established, who is society to tell you you are right or wrong?

 

[rgraham666]

Two things.

Envy. A lot of people don't have a relationship at all. Or are stuck in bad ones. To see others comfortable like that makes them envious. I suffer from that, I'm afraid.

The other is culture. It's taught practically from day one that we're supposed to be monogamous. Most people believe it. And they don't look with favor on those who break the rules.

 

[Boxlicker101]

I'm not sure if you are referring to "something on the side" with your SO's knowledge and approval, or if you are slipping around, as they used to say in C&W music. In the former case, it's nobody's business. In the latter, it's only the business of your SO.

As for why people care, one reason is envy. Another is for the same reason they condemn gay people, because they think it's sinful. I have no problem about it, even if there were something a person might have an opinion about it, and don't think anybody else should.

 

[emap]

You live in the wrong state silly. Florida is full of religious people who follow the whole one man one woman for life thing. Well the life part is remarkably flexible to them but otherwise.

So anybody who is married that is seen kissing or holding and so forth someone they are not married to is a sin. Not to mention what they see happening behind closed doors, which gets them excited which is another sin. They feel guilty because they ar ehaving inpure thoughts about someone they are not married to so they of course have to take it out on someone else because it's not their fault. That last part isn't exactly a religious thing but seems to go hand in hand.

Let's of course not forget that alot of people have this rather silly not in public thing. Don't hold hands in public, don't kiss in public, don't hug in public and so forth.

Not around here though, mexicans are rather hug happy. At least to their visitors, I assume mostly family members and well me when they find me out someplace. Though I'm not so sure that is a friendship hug.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

It's Sensory Pollution, Cat!

Bull shit. Religion has nothing to do with it.

When I go to a restaurant I dont wanna be around asshats without shirts and shoes.

People are fed up with the exhibitionism of people like CAT.

I was in a restaurant recently, and some guys were cursing like drunk sailors. The grandkids were with me.

If you wanna play grab-ass and cuss and prance around in your underoos, keep it at home.

 

[Liar]

Why does this matter in the least to people who aren't directly involved?

Is it jealousy or is it perhaps more?

It's assumptions.

They assume you're doing this behing your wife's back. And if she knew, against her wishes.

Because that's how their life works. For most people, the question "Honey, is it ok with you if I screw my secretary?" will be met with a "If it's ok with you that I cut off your balls."

And there's nothing wrong with that opinion either. A relationship is an agreement, and if two people agree on absolute monogamy, then so be it. The problem is that they then apply it to other people, people who may not share those values. Because they can't fathom that some maybe don't.

And that's why they think you're being a bit of a dick for grabbing extra-marital behinds. They see a cheater.

 

[EmeliaBell]

I agree with Liar.

If I saw a man snuggling up to a woman who I knew was not his wife whilst the wife was not present then I'd apply that to my life and how *I'd* feel if my husband was doing such a thing. Most people can't help themselves when it comes to relating situations to their own lives, it's how we work. To many people the thought that your wife was aware of and happy with such behaviour just wouldn't occur because a truly open relationship is actually still quite rare.

Just my two penn'orth.
~E~

 

[Lady_Guenivere]

Interesting post...

I have been curious about the same question for awhile now.

Seems we put so many limitations on ourselves for the sake of propriety.

Bottom line is, most people are full of fear and anything non-traditional is threatening to them, regardless of whether or not they are directly involved.

That is why religion was invented...to control the masses.

I say be whatever you want to be...or do who ever you want to do, in your case.

 

[TE999]

In the words of the old jazz/blues song; "Ain't nobody's bizness if I do."

If you don't like what I'm doing, don't look...and keep your pie hole shut.

As far as 'somethin' on the side'... well, thats between the spouses...not some self proclaimed moral arbiter.

 

[oggbashan]

I don't have 'a bit on the side'.

I do know several women who hug me and kiss me on the cheeks in public. My wife does the same for their husbands.

We do it whether or not we are accompanied by our SOs. Whether it is a French custom that we have acquired locally or whether we are just more demonstrative than we used to be, I don't know.

I get hugged several times a day. I think I approve.

Og

 

[Chantilyvamp]

A long time ago before my rebirth/awakening I had a problem with it as well. Living in the bible belt can do that to a person.

But there came a time after the fateful event that I understood and no longer judge them or myself for any feelings or show of emotion that is considered out of the norm. (we don't have an open relationship but that is an agreed between us.) The relationship wouldn't withstand it.

Maybe sometimes its fear of accepting something that you are told is wrong from the moment you are born. Or like some have said a jealous nature of what is being allowed and enjoyed.

Many cannot believe that people can care for more than one person at a time which is total bs as we are made to love and care and sometimes yes care for more than one person.

As long as its not hurting any of the parties than have at it and the starers and whispers and the putdowners can all jump off the bridge. Then again I am a believer that what makes you happy and harms no one is none of anyone else's business.

 

[lesbiaphrodite]

I tend not to judge other people (or at least I try not to). What people do with their bodies is their own business and that's where my concern ends. Having said this, however, I will tell you that I have never cheated on anyone I've been involved with and would regard it as the height of insult if someone who said they loved me cheated on me. Call me old-fashioned. Call me romantic. But, I believe in fidelity....loyalty. I don't impose my perspective on society, but I am upfront with SOs that fidelity is important to me and their lack thereof would be a deal-breaker.

 

[neonlyte]

I tend not to judge other people (or at least I try not to). What people do with their bodies is their own business and that's where my concern ends. Having said this, however, I will tell you that I have never cheated on anyone I've been involved with and would regard it as the height of insult if someone who said they loved me cheated on me. Call me old-fashioned. Call me romantic. But, I believe in fidelity....loyalty. I don't impose my perspective on society, but I am upfront with SOs that fidelity is important to me and their lack thereof would be a deal-breaker.

Kudos... not that you need them.

I've said this before, but probably before you began posting. I'm lucky enough to live in a latin country where kissing is the norm... even perfect strangers if they are introduced to you as friends or relatives of your friends or relatives.

At Charley and Laurens wedding were a group of Charleys Canadian friends/relatives. They couldn't get the kissing thing I'm not sure they understood the open affection between men. It's not unusual here to see guys with their arms round each others shoulders - they are mates, nothing more.

A cultural difference, and it's someway off the point, but I agree with you, fidelity and loyalty are the foundation stone.