.

[canadiancutie]

who dat?

shaun majumder, he's a pretty super comedian...he knows my parents, haven't seen him since I was like, 10 haha. he was on that Cedric the Entertainer show that lasted like, a week on FOX, and he hosts(hosted) the just for laughs festival for the comedy network. and he has a brief part in Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle haha

 

[snowy ciara]

you look like a darker skinned Justin Timberlake from his Nsync days

Nah.. M was cuter. And NSync sucked. Never did like the boy band thing.

 

[Aeroil]

who dat?

He's a comedian up here in Canada.

 

[Aeroil]

shaun majumder, he's a pretty super comedian...he knows my parents, haven't seen him since I was like, 10 haha. he was on that Cedric the Entertainer show that lasted like, a week on FOX, and he hosts(hosted) the just for laughs festival for the comedy network. and he has a brief part in Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle haha

You know him? coolio, I think he's great.

 

[shy slave]

Three women go to heaven

St Peter meets them at the gate and tells them they are in heaven for all enternity but they must not step on the ducks.

In heaven the ducks are everywhere, its difficult to avoid them

On the first day the first woman steps on a duck.

St Peter appears and tells her as penance she must be chained to an ugly man for all eternity. He then disappears.

The second woman steps on a duck after a few days.
St Peter appears and with him is an ugly man, he chains the ugly man to her and disappears.

The third woman is very careful, some months go past and she has not stepped on a duck.

One day St Peter appears with a gorgeous man, toned body, muscles and looking edible.

Without saying a word he chains the man to her and disappears.

The woman turns to the man and says 'What did I do to deserve being chained to you?'

The man replies 'I don't know, but I stepped on a duck!'

 

[shy slave]

This married couple was sitting in a fine restaurant when the wife looks over at a nearby table and sees a man in a drunken stupor.

The husband asks "I notice you've been watching that man for some time now. Do you know him?"

"Yes" she replies, "He's my ex-husband, and has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago."

"That's remarkable" the husband replies, "I wouldn't think anybody could celebrate that long."

 

[ghosst_K&H]

This married couple was sitting in a fine restaurant when the wife looks over at a nearby table and sees a man in a drunken stupor.

The husband asks "I notice you've been watching that man for some time now. Do you know him?"

"Yes" she replies, "He's my ex-husband, and has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago."

"That's remarkable" the husband replies, "I wouldn't think anybody could celebrate that long."

 

[landcruisergal]

olde one

A bear and a rabbit wear taking a stroll through the woods.
The bear says to the rabbit, "excuse me a minute buddy, I must answer the call of nature"...and wanders off behind a bush.
A few minutes later the bear returns and is mumbling to himself.
The rabbit, being a helpful little fellow, says "whats wrong my friend?"
The bear replies..."awe shucks, dont you hate it when you get shit stuck in your fur?"
The rabbit shakes his head and says " I dont have that problem at all."
"Wow!" says the bear, and picks up the rabbit and wipes his ass.

 

[landcruisergal]

a really crap one.

A vampire bat flies home to the cave covered in blood, goes to his usual roost and tries to go to sleep.
The other bats return one by one, and seeing him drenched in the red sticky sweet stuff, start harrassing him and demanding that he tell them all where he's been.
He wraps himself up in his wings and tries to sleep.
But the smell drives them crazy with hunger and they wont let him rest.
He tells them to leave him alone as he is too tired, but they keep on and on at him and he realises he will get no sleep at all unless he 'fesses up.
So aching with fatigue he agrees to show them.
They all head out into the predawn light.
He leads them over open fields, across a river, around a great snow capped mountain, and as the sun is rising he leads them to a dense forest.
"see over there?" he says.
" yes yes yes " they all cry, excitedly.
"see that big tree there?"
" yes yes yes" they all cry .
" well I fucking didnt."

 

[shy slave]

Essex girl Jokes

Three pregnant women (an Essex girl, a Surrey girl and a Sussex girl) are discussing the facts of life.

The Surrey girl declares, "I'm going to have a boy". "How do you know?", asks the Essex girl.

"Well, I was on the bottom when we did it and so its going to be a boy", replied the Surrey girl.

The Sussex girl replies, "If that's the case, my child is a girl because I was on top".

The Essex girl then starts bawling, "Then I'm going to have a puppy".





A Essex girl and a Surrey girl were discussing their boyfriends:

Surrey girl: Last night I had three orgasms in a row!

Essex girl: That's nothing; last night I had over a hundred.

Surrey girl: My god! I had no idea he was that good.

Essex girl: ( looking shocked ) Oh, you meant with one guy.



Q. What's the difference between a Walrus and an Essex Girl?
A. One is wet, has a moustache and smells of fish - the other is a walrus.


Q. What do Essex girls use for protection during sex?
A. Bus Shelters.


Q. What do Essex girls and computers have in common?
A. You don't know what you are missing until they go down on you.

 

[shy slave]

A young boy asks his father, "Dad, is it ok for us guys to notice all the different kind of boobs?"

Surprised, the father answers, "Well, sure son, we wouldn't be normal if we didn't.... there are all kinds of breasts...depending on a woman's age-- In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions."

"Onions, Dad?"

"Yeah, you see them and they make you cry...."

Not to be outdone, his sister asks her mother, "Mom, how many kind of penises are there?"

The mother, delighted to have equal time, answers, "Well, daughter, a man goes through three phases. In a man's twenties, a man's penis is like an oak, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree."

"A Christmas tree?"

"Yep, dried up and the balls are only there for decoration..."

 

[shy slave]

For all the male pyl's

S & M
One day Mom was cleaning Junior's room and in the closet she found a bondage S&M magazine.
This was highly upsetting for her. She hid the magazine until his Father got home and showed it to him.

He looked at it and handed it back to her with out a word. So she asked him, "What should we do about this?"

Dad looked at her and said, "Well I definately don't think you should spank him."

 

[shy slave]

For everyone who points out my spelling & grammer erors !

A teacher is instructing her fourth grade class, and she's telling them that the word of the day is 'contagious.' She asks if anyone can use this word in a sentence, and several students raise their hands. "Carl," she says. Carl says, "My dad told me to stay away from kids with mumps 'cause they're contagious." "Very good," says the teacher. Then she picks Suzie, who says, "The atmosphere was contagious." The teacher says, "Excellent, Suzie!" Then she notices that little Johnny has his hand up at the back of the class. "Yes, Johnny?" Johnny says, "The other day, me and my dad's a-sittin' around, and we saw our blonde neighbor painting her fence. She had a tiny little model car paintbrush, and she was going in tiny little strokes up and down the fence, and my dad says to me, 'Jesus, it's gonna take that cunt ages to finish that fence.'"

 

[tealsphynx]

S & M
One day Mom was cleaning Junior's room and in the closet she found a bondage S&M magazine.
This was highly upsetting for her. She hid the magazine until his Father got home and showed it to him.

He looked at it and handed it back to her with out a word. So she asked him, "What should we do about this?"

Dad looked at her and said, "Well I definately don't think you should spank him."

ROFLMAO That's great shy! *chuckles*

 

[esclave_PP]

Okay. Here is a bad one, and it's a dirty joke to boot:

A boy and girl were kissing. They went for a walk. Holding hands they went skipping along and fell into a muddy puddle.

wacka wacka wacka.

 

[tealsphynx]

Little Johnny and Little Jilly were eating chicken sandwiches. Jilly turns to Johnny and says "I need to stop eating chicken, I'm starting to sprout feathers {points to her neather regions} down there ."
To this Johnny replied "Oh, no...I've been eating alot of chicken lately too."
"Here let me check for you" says littel Jilly as she drops his pants and goies looking for him.
"Uhm, Johnny, I think you need to stop eating chicken all together, you've already got a neck and gizzards!"

 

[Killishandra]

Little Johnny and Little Jilly were eating chicken sandwiches. Jilly turns to Johnny and says "I need to stop eating chicken, I'm starting to sprout feathers {points to her neather regions} down there ."
To this Johnny replied "Oh, no...I've been eating alot of chicken lately too."
"Here let me check for you" says littel Jilly as she drops his pants and goies looking for him.
"Uhm, Johnny, I think you need to stop eating chicken all together, you've already got a neck and gizzards!"

I hope you aren't planning on feeding me chicken after that joke!

 

[tealsphynx]

CHICKEN FOR EVERYONE BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Not sure what I'll feed you, maybe bread crust and water for a couple of days just to get you feeling good and starving then a whole chicken!!!! LOL, if you have any meal preferences let me know, I'm a decent cook.

 

[tealsphynx]

Killi! You're new AV Yum!

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Did you hear about the dyslexic atheist?
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He didn't believe in dog.

 

[graceanne]

Did you hear about the dyslexic atheist?
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He didn't believe in dog.

Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac? He stayed up all night wonderinf their was a dog.

 

[graceanne]

Where's Artic Stranger?

So shortly after Alaska is bought by the US, a cowboy walks into an Alaskan bar.

He drawls, "I've been a member of the largest state in the union my entire life, and I don't intend to stop. I wanna know what I need to do to become a real Alaskan."

Well the Alaskans exchange amused looks and one of them stands up and says. "Well their's three things you gotta do. You gotta drink down a whole jug of whiskey, you gotta wrestle a polar bear, and you gotta fuck an eskimo woman."

The Texan grabs the jub of whiskey, jugs it down, then walks out of the bar.

Days go by, and they're starting to wonder where he's at, when one day he stumbles back into the bar. He's covered in scratches, and bite marks.

"All right!" he gasp. "Where's that eskimo woman I gotta wrestle?"

 

[kerker_miester]

So shortly after Alaska is bought by the US, a cowboy walks into an Alaskan bar.

He drawls, "I've been a member of the largest state in the union my entire life, and I don't intend to stop. I wanna know what I need to do to become a real Alaskan."

Well the Alaskans exchange amused looks and one of them stands up and says. "Well their's three things you gotta do. You gotta drink down a whole jug of whiskey, you gotta wrestle a polar bear, and you gotta fuck an eskimo woman."

The Texan grabs the jub of whiskey, jugs it down, then walks out of the bar.

Days go by, and they're starting to wonder where he's at, when one day he stumbles back into the bar. He's covered in scratches, and bite marks.

"All right!" he gasp. "Where's that eskimo woman I gotta wrestle?"

ok good one graceanne

next

Boudreaux (for those in the dark pronounced Boo drow )is out on his dock one day when he see's Thibadeaux (Tib a doe) paddling down the bayou.
Boudreaux say's "Thibadeaux what you got dare boo?"
Thibadeaux says "I got me some duck tape I gonna get me some ducks"
Boudreaux he say's "Boo you can no catch no duck's with no duck tape"
Thibadeaux says "Oh" and keeps going an hour later he comes back with his boat full of ducks and Boudreaux just can't belive him eyes.
Next day here come Thibadeaux and Boudreaux say "hey Thibadeaux what you got wit you today eh.
Thibadeaux say "Boudreaux you man need some of them spectacles can you not see I got me some Nutra Sweet Im a giong to catch me some Nutria" (alarge rodent in the south)
Boudreaux he say "Man you can't catch no nutria with no nutra sweet"
Thibadeaux says "Oh" and keeps going, an hour later he comes back by with his boat over full of nutria and Boudreaux say "Man that guy is something else"
Next day here comes Thibadeaux and you guessed it Boudreaux he says "eah Thibadeaux what you got today there?"
Thibadeaux says "I got me some young pussywillows"
Boudreaux yells "HOLD ON IM GOING WITH YOU"

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Mary Poppins was traveling home, but due to worsening weather, she decided to stop at a hotel for the night. She approached the receptionist and asked for a room for the night.

"Certainly madam," he replied courteously.

"Is the restaurant open still?" inquired Mary.

"Sorry, no," came the reply, "but room service is available all night.

Would you care to select something from this menu?"

Mary smiled and took the menu and perused it. "Hmm, I would like cauliflower cheese please," said Mary.

"Certainly, madam," he replied.

"And can I have breakfast in bed?" asked Mary politely.

The receptionist nodded and smiled.

"In that case, I would love a couple of poached eggs, please," Mary mused.

After confirming the order, Mary signed in and went up to her room for the night.

The night passed uneventfully and the next morning Mary came down early to check out. The same guy was still on the desk.

"Morning madam...sleep well?"

"Yes, thank you," Mary replied.

"Food to your liking?"

"Well, I have to say the cauliflower cheese was exceptional, I don't think I have had better. Shame about the eggs, though....they really weren't that nice at all," replied Mary truthfully.

"Oh...well, perhaps you could contribute these thoughts to our Guest Comments Book. We are always looking to improve our service and would value your opinion," said the receptionist.

"OK, I will...thanks!" replied Mary....who checked out, then scribbled a comment into the book. Waving, she left to continue her journey.

Curious, the receptionist picked up the book to see the comment Mary had written.

"Supercauliflowercheesebuteggswerequiteatrocious!"

 

[esclave_PP]

GROAN....but smiling. That was great