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[canadiancutie]

ooooh disgusting jokes make me giggle

What the best thing about having sex with a 10 year old girl?

Slick her hair back and she looks 8

whats the second best thing about having sex with a 10 year old girl?

flip her over and she becomes a 10 year old boy


what's more disgusting than a pile of dead babies?

one live one in the middle trying to eat its way out

anyone want more dead baby jokes?

 

[Killishandra]

anyone want more dead baby jokes?

Nope.

I have nightmares about such things.

New subject?

 

[canadiancutie]

Nope.

I have nightmares about such things.

New subject?

wuss.

 

[Killishandra]

wuss.

Well, that was a boring joke.

 

[canadiancutie]

Well, that was a boring joke.

...ouch

 

[fsmepls]

what do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
You better not have to tell her anything........the bitch done been told twice!

 

[fsmepls]

why are wedding dresses white?.....you want them to match the stove and the fridge dont ya?

 

[fsmepls]

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one

Friday evening at about closing time with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told

the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.



The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a

$5,000 ring and showed it to him. The old man said, "I don't

think you understand, I want something very special!"



At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and

brought another ring over.



"Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said.



The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled

with excitement.



The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old

man stated by check. " I know it's late and you need to make sure the check

is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank on Monday

to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon,"

he said.



Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man.

"There's no money in that account."



"I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I

had?"

 

[fsmepls]

You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish
you were dead.

At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" "Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."

A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds: "Husband Wanted" Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished.

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying."

A young son asked, "Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son."

Then there was a woman who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and by then, it was too late."

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.

Just think, if it wasn't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

First guy says, "My wife's an angel!" Second guy remarks, "You're lucky. Mine's still alive."

A Woman's Prayer
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom, to understand a man , to love and to forgive him, and for Patience, for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll just beat him to death.

 

[fsmepls]

Dave works hard at the office and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym.
His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.
The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin?"
His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
"Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."
When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.
His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"
"She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, starts to rub herself all over him and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"
Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab.
Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.
Dave tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.
She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every cuss word in the book.
The cabby turns around and says, "Geez Dave, you picked up a real bitch this time".

 

[Marquis]

What do you call a nigger who flies airplanes?



A PILOT, you fucking racist!!!

Isn't it "What do you call a black man who flies airplanes?"

 

[Marquis]

what do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
You better not have to tell her anything........the bitch done been told twice!

What do 9 out of 10 abused wives have in common?








They just don't fucking listen!

 

[Killishandra]

Isn't it "What do you call a black man who flies airplanes?"

Yeah, I think you're right. I couldn't remember which way I heard it, and was figuring that by using the "N" word then it would make it seem more like a racist joke... then be funnier at the end when it's not.

*shrugs*

I was totally gonna tell the one about a woman with two black eyes, but someone else beat me to the punch. hahahaha

 

[Pelagie]

Knock, knock

Who's there?

The interuppting cow

Knock, knock

Umm.... who's there?

The interuppting co-

Mooo!



It's much funnier in person.

 

[shy slave]

Why do women have small feet?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

So they can get closer to the sink

 

[Marquis]

Knonk, knock

Who's there?

The interuppting cow

The interuppting co-

Mooo!

It's much funnier in person.

I still cracked up!

 

[shy slave]

What is that a lawyer can do that a duck can't?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Stick his bill up his ass.

Whats the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?
.
.
.
.
Once a botom-crawling scum sucker
the other's a fish

 

[Sir_Winston54]

A priest, a rabbi, a minister and a world-renowned lawyer are in a lifeboat encircled by sharks after their ship sinks. The lifeboat, however, can only safely hold three. The priest, the rabbi and the minister all say they're willing to believe the Lord will save them if they go over the side and hold on to the boat; however, while they're discussing it, the lawyer calmly slips over the side of the lifeboat. Several hours later, all four are rescued, and the three men of God go to sickbay, where the lawyer is being treated for exposure and hypothermia.

"How..." begins the priest.
"Did you know..." the rabbi continues.
"You'd be safe?" finishes the minister.

.
.
.
.
.
.
"Never any worries," smiles the lawyer. "I relied on professional courtesy."

 

[Killishandra]

K, a few weeks ago I came across a book of lawyer jokes at a used bookstore and bought it for Marquis. Needless to say, I never got a chance to give it to him, but here's some more funny lines poking fun at lawyers.

- A lawyer is a liar with a permit to practice.

He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides. - Charles Lamb.

A lawyer is someone who defends your interest, and takes the principal.

- There are two kinds of lawyers: those who know the law, and those who know the judge.

Solicitor to client: "You have an excellent case, Mr. Peabody, how much justice can you afford?" - Punch

Talent whips truth every time. - Judge Don B. Morgan


I have TONS more, but that's enough for now. There's mildly amusing at best.

 

[shy slave]

More laywer jokes:

How do you stop a lawyer drowning??
.
.
.
.
Why would you want to?




Whats black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
.
.
A doberman.


Whats the difference between a prostitute and a lawyer?
.
.
.
A prostitute stops screwing you when your dead.


And finally...

The university has stopped using rats for experiments.The have decide to use laywers instead
1. Lawyers are more plentiful than rats.
2. Some rats are nice
3. There are just somethings rats won't do

Sorry Marquis

 

[Marquis]

No offense taken.

I've always been a fan of being vilified.

 

[Miss Diva]

This thread is really funny considering that the Just for Laughs Comedey Festival is in full swing in Montreal.

 

[jasonlf]

What's great about fucking twenty eight year olds?






















THERE'S TWENTY OF EM!

 

[canadiancutie]

What's great about fucking twenty eight year olds?






















THERE'S TWENTY OF EM!

pervert

 

[astralkiss]

Why did Michael Jackson go to walmart?

He heard little boys' pants were half off.