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[HyunnaPark]

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[Ssbbw4u1974]

I've been both a sub, and Domme..
Being a Domme is exciting because of the power play.. I'm in charge; I'm calling the shots and he, as a man, gives up his control..

 

[CuriousRick]

What turns me on, excites me. Having earned the trust of my partner. To be in control, knowing her limits. The ones she wants to push, the that hard limits. Giving her what she needs, mentally and physically. Taking the give of control that has been given. A huge ego boost.

 

[filthytrancendence]

I think I've shared enough with you that I don't have to qualify this much. But, keeping in mind I'm a switch at heart...

The most arousing thing anybody's ever said to me was, "You can do anything you want to me..."

She went on and set a couple boundaries, the details of which are not relevant but the fact that she set them is. It was a sincere invitation and she established the boundaries she needed clearly and specifically.

In a word, the feeling of dominance for me is freedom. I am trusted. I am invited. The boundaries are clear. I don't have to worry about any of that. I don't have to ask any more. I can just do.

It's a lot like the thrill of authoring a story, but you're authoring a sexual encounter. The limit is your imagination, and the result is unavoidably some kind of reflection of who you are.

There's also a unique kind of satisfaction in indulging a submissive's particular kinks. And a lot of the fun can be finding what those even are. You can probe and assess and dig deeper, find their weak spots, find their strong spots, and use all of that to drive them crazy. It's a really unique kind of intimacy and it can be really intense for both people.

And finally, I've had control used against me in malicious ways a lot in life. There's a special kind of catharsis that comes from wielding control benevolently, for me at least. Control is in many ways a burden, and it is always a responsibility. Proving that I can shoulder that burden gracefully feels like a powerful affirmation of my own humanity.

 

[cocokittysurprise]

What's going through your head when you're exercising that role? What is it about being the Dominant that turns you on and excites you?

When I'm Domming, the foremost thing that I am thinking about is the safety, care, and comfort of my sub. How their day/week has gone, any situation they're dealing with in life, work, etc., can all influence how we play with one another. I want to ensure that any interaction is built on a sense of open communication, mutual understanding, and trust.

Trust is a turn on for me. The fact that my subs trust in me explicitly, knowing that I ultimately have their best interests at heart is truly transformational, because I understand what a huge responsibility that is. They trust me to know their limits; to know when to push or when to be more gentle, reassess, and push some more. When we are together, I control their physical and emotional release, and they have ecstatically given that power to me, with no hesitation. As such, I treat their submission as the gift it is.

 

[MrsLaMere]

I have had both female and male subs and my greatest pleasure comes from theirs. The in control part means that I find out where their triggers are and use them to turn them on or off...

Being a domme is about wanting someone to feel such intense pleasure, pushing their boundaries and having them crumpled at your feet from exhaustion and unable to even utter 'thank you'. My turn on is being in control of that, the timing, the reading of their body language, listening to their reactions and being the best at letting them experience such intense pleasure.

I am not big on punishment alone, that is not my kind. But I love turning a good girl into a brat and back to a good girl with the flick of a hand.

 

[MasterDarcy]

I'm a psychological Dominant, so for me I love that I've used my mind to seduce and infiltrate and that I've used it to earn the trust of a submissive.

Trust is a huge thing.

It's also intoxicating to be their whole world. The respect. The adoration.

It's a powerful feeling.

 

[SirSparky]

What turns me on, excites me. Having earned the trust of my partner. To be in control, knowing her limits. The ones she wants to push, the that hard limits. Giving her what she needs, mentally and physically. Taking the give of control that has been given. A huge ego boost.

This is the same for me. I am new to being a Dom and only had one online sub a couple years ago. She taught me how to be a Dom and I felt honoured that she chose me. She gave me the gift of owning her. Learning her limits, pushing some of them further but knowing when to stop. Would never push on her hard limits. It got to the point where she wanted to give up total control of herself to me. I wojkd make decisions for her. She would have to ask permission for most things. I also found that I enjoyed being sadistic to her when she needed punishment, both pain and embarrasing She got off on that big time

 

[JessiQueVix]

I dont like to he dominant. I always prefer to be submissive. Cause i am submissive. When the libido is on fire, hormones rushing to my head, i cant think clearly so i cant take the lead then. Thats why its always better to be submissive, enjoy by giving pleasure

 

[Carmina24]

How does it feel to be dominant?
I wouldn’t know…
But here I am, notebook open, scribbling thoughts that pulse beneath the surface.
The idea of yielding, of belonging in someone’s hands— it tempts me.
Not out of weakness, but out of desire to be unraveled… slowly.
All of this is stirring something deeper.
Maybe I’m not just curious.
Maybe I’m ready to find out what it means to kneel with intention.

 

[SirSparky]

How does it feel to be dominant?
I wouldn’t know…
But here I am, notebook open, scribbling thoughts that pulse beneath the surface.
The idea of yielding, of belonging in someone’s hands— it tempts me.
Not out of weakness, but out of desire to be unraveled… slowly.
All of this is stirring something deeper.
Maybe I’m not just curious.
Maybe I’m ready to find out what it means to kneel with intention.

To have you kneel in front of me, hands behind your back and mouth open ready with intent to greet me as I come home and walk through the door. That would be a welcome sight indeed

 

[PleasureDaddy]

It feels powerful, and that power triggers an almost feral response. You know you want your man to get you naked and control the situation…

 

[spawnofdavey]

I have had both female and male subs and my greatest pleasure comes from theirs. The in control part means that I find out where their triggers are and use them to turn them on or off...

Being a domme is about wanting someone to feel such intense pleasure, pushing their boundaries and having them crumpled at your feet from exhaustion and unable to even utter 'thank you'. My turn on is being in control of that, the timing, the reading of their body language, listening to their reactions and being the best at letting them experience such intense pleasure.

I am not big on punishment alone, that is not my kind. But I love turning a good girl into a brat and back to a good girl with the flick of a hand.

I'm a switch, but recently have been exploring my Dom side and this is exactly what I feel too. I love seeing and hearing their pleasure. That's what turns me on the most.

 

[scienceoffalling]

Pleasing my partner and trust, of course, but in particular as a woman it's so nice to let go of being polite, deferential, and charming all of the time. I can say/do cruel things and my partner doesn't hate me or begrudge me, and it's really cathartic. Also, the rush of power and control!

 

[Fingerfuxs]

So my question is for the Dominants out there. What's going through your head when you're exercising that role? What is it about being the Dominant that turns you on and excites you?

… Personally speaking the aftercare experience is the most interesting and intimate in the D/s dynamic. When she’s in *sub space , my pain brand still warm and stinging to the touch. This fellow human being’s entire body , mind and soul has been given to me freely to explore , enjoy and nurture within our bdsm -arts dynamic.

When not in a physical play scene scenario , her service submissive side to please me is something that I very much enjoy. Being her Sir confidant in her vanilla world problem solving scenarios. Talking through the different aspects of problem solving playing the long game rather then bandaid fixes we have to endure in the vanilla universe.

The power of well thought out suggestive thinking advice , rather than just tasking a solution for a situation that might arise in my submissive’s world is very empowering as a Sir in a D/s relationship.

 

[IronRose35]

I always say being a Dominant is like handing me the keys to the sub's favorite car. He trusts me not just to drive it, but to take care of it, to know every bump on the road, and to adjust the speed when needed. That trust makes me feel so great that I never, ever want to let him down.

 

[RozayTrell]

I know for me being a dominant is like a light switch because I’m a teddy bear and caring but once that switch comes on I’m very dominant. Even if someone tries to take control it always turns out with me becoming the dominant or a woman cumming for me

 

[Lindabj101]

Such a great bunch of answers.
As a sub I truly respect anyone that can be a dom not just because it's a natural mindset for me but because I can understand what a hard (yet thrilling) position it is too hold.

I also find boundaries a massive challenge. My ultimate desire is to give my Master whatever he wants and so I naturally feel that it is not up to me to have boundaries. But rather to work with my Master by being completely open and honest in my communication so that he understands how to push my through these whilst also maintaining my full trust and devotion.

See...really bloody hard job!

 

[Nicefella]

Such a great bunch of answers.
As a sub I truly respect anyone that can be a dom not just because it's a natural mindset for me but because I can understand what a hard (yet thrilling) position it is too hold.

I also find boundaries a massive challenge. My ultimate desire is to give my Master whatever he wants and so I naturally feel that it is not up to me to have boundaries. But rather to work with my Master by being completely open and honest in my communication so that he understands how to push my through these whilst also maintaining my full trust and devotion.

See...really bloody hard job!

Good luck!! I love everything about your post

 

[Carmina24]

It feels like cradling a storm and a secret in the same hand - power that hums through your veins, dark and molten, while their surrender blooms against your skin. Every tremor is a confession, every glance a promise, and in that quiet ruin, you own the night.

 

[Hypocrites]

What turns me on, excites me. Having earned the trust of my partner. To be in control, knowing her limits. The ones she wants to push, the that hard limits. Giving her what she needs, mentally and physically. Taking the give of control that has been given. A huge ego boost.

Very well put.

In my case, I've always been dominant and in day-to-day that translates into my controlling situations, directing others and making what are often life and death decisions. My entire adult life style and career was one where being controlling and decisive kept me alive.

When I became sexually active, it was "natural" for me to be assertive and dominating. Orgasm control/edging/denial is probably my first truly dominant act I felt like I had my sub's entire world in my hands. There was a learning curve but I learned quickly that in BDSM, I was able to focus my sub on whatever their goals/needs were.

There was also internal conflict. I have a very traditional view of women and the idea of hurting one for anything but defense. I quickly learned that my skills and care made what I did with and to my lovers, fulfilling for them. For me, their reaction manifest in total devotion, subservience and worship born of explicit trust made me whole. The control and responsibility I felt when I did apply punishment, funishment, etc. somehow made my pleasure intensely powerful.

That my pleasure was enhanced at bringing pain (albeit directed and purposeful) to a woman giving me her obedience surprised me. The things I learned I was capable of when a sub wanted extreme treatment disturbed and titillated me. There's something feral that's just below the surface, controlled but fed when a sub is under my hand.

I never did what I did seeking gratitude but I suffer to this day from risking myself for others. Away from that, I was just another dude. So having a woman at my feet, wishing to please me while being guided, trained and even used made me feel thanked for lack of a better term.

There was always the immense pleasure in driving a sub mad with desire before allowing her to experience her own that made me even more voracious and aggressive in bed. I don't have the words to adequately describe the overwhelming power and satisfaction when a subs entire world is centered on what I give her or allow her to have.

When I married 40 years ago, I was dominant and my wife did things for me at my direction and yes, has been bound as every other lover I've ever had. But BDSM proper, pain (select exceptions apply) and humiliation were no-gos. Eventually the need to assert and dominate were strictly in the purview of what I did in the world. Sex had been a non-starter (her health) for many years period.

So a lot of firsts since the new year that are really irrelevant to the question brought me to where I am today. @HyposMuse and I find each other. The psychology is not important for this discussion either but her need for affection, caring, protection and discipline aligned perfectly with my skill set and philosophy of safety, checking in and after care.

She offered herself into my ownership and though an experienced sub, I can honestly say she'd never experienced the care and protection she has with me, even as she submits to sometimes harsh discipline. I feel like the most important man in the world because of the way she devotes herself to being my beautiful perfect good girl. Her life goal seems to be her perfection as a subservient to my dominant ownership. She not only awakened long dormant desires, her complete and total trust is what kept me continuously training and using her as she wanted. Her deferring to my judgement and yielding to my treatment, obeying and complying all speak of enormous trust without reservations.

It's difficult to describe the feeling of power AND responsibility when she submits to something that holds trauma for her. Rewriting the significance of what those acts mean to her. Trust is a hell of an aphrodisiac.

 

[NivKay]

I don't pretend to be a Dom. I feel dominant in my dealings with women, I enjoy the flirtation, the mind games, the manoeuvrings, the shifts in tone, and mood. But labelling myself a Dom spoils it for me. Because it becomes a role, a category, confined by rules, codes. But something dynamic, and borne through words, touch, looks, is all one needs...

 

[LFM90]

I’m looking for mommy to abuse me

 

[XupremeTop]

Knowing that you have the power and authority over a person is actually the most satisfying thing ever.
I have always known I am not just a regular kinda girl right from high school and I have been living up to it since then
It is good feeling knowing you have the power of a goddess!

 

[notexactlymelville]

I've never had a "successful" relationship where I wasn't firmly a dom, but that's very situational, right? I'm a bleeding heart, I cry without shame, I'm a shameless dog-kissing pet-dad and I try my best to be sweet and generous. I also demand absolute respect in return, which may not be completely intuitive. I feel like softness needs to be reinforced with hardness, like if I'm baring myself I need a rigid framework to support that for the sake of my own self respect, or something?

All I really know for sure is that I'm a very soft guy who abandons control in many aspects of a relationship, but longs to have complete safety with my partner and the best way I find to feel that safety is to take complete control in bed, to abandon all uncertainty about the truest most intimate aspects. That contrast, soft/rough, gentle/firm, is really sexy to me and it's been hard to maintain a relationship where that feeling wasn't reciprocated.

TLDR; It feels great to be a dom because I experience ultimate safety and ultimate wish fulfilment