How does it feel to be a Dominant?

[TheRedLantern]

I understand that Dom/sub relationships vary widely in terms of how far they go, how defined the roles are, and when the relationship is "active" (ie, maybe in the bedroom only occasionally when the mood strikes, maybe play extends further than that, etc)

I also understand that both parties entered into it willingly, and that a successful Dom/sub relationship is dependent upon good and open communication, both inside the D/s and outside. And that trust is essential.

At the core of all that is the relationship between the Dom and the sub, and that's what I'm curious about.

The submissive side ... that I think I get. I can intellectually understand why someone would find that sexy. I can also feel it at a visceral level when I picture myself being confidently told to do something in a sexual situation by someone that I trust and respect.

The dominance side, however, I'm less clear about. My brain can accept that someone could find it sexy to be given sexual power over someone, but my heart can't really connect with that idea. I like being in control, but it doesn't excite me. I'd like to better understand the perspective of a Dominant (because I'm curious but also because my writing will inevitably touch on this and I want to write my Dominant-tending characters as authentically as possible).

So my question is for the Dominants out there. What's going through your head when you're exercising that role? What is it about being the Dominant that turns you on and excites you?

 

[Ssbbw4u1974]

I've been both a sub, and Domme..
Being a Domme is exciting because of the power play.. I'm in charge; I'm calling the shots and he, as a man, gives up his control..

 

[CuriousRick]

What turns me on, excites me. Having earned the trust of my partner. To be in control, knowing her limits. The ones she wants to push, the that hard limits. Giving her what she needs, mentally and physically. Taking the give of control that has been given. A huge ego boost.

 

[filthytrancendence]

I think I've shared enough with you that I don't have to qualify this much. But, keeping in mind I'm a switch at heart...

The most arousing thing anybody's ever said to me was, "You can do anything you want to me..."

She went on and set a couple boundaries, the details of which are not relevant but the fact that she set them is. It was a sincere invitation and she established the boundaries she needed clearly and specifically.

In a word, the feeling of dominance for me is freedom. I am trusted. I am invited. The boundaries are clear. I don't have to worry about any of that. I don't have to ask any more. I can just do.

It's a lot like the thrill of authoring a story, but you're authoring a sexual encounter. The limit is your imagination, and the result is unavoidably some kind of reflection of who you are.

There's also a unique kind of satisfaction in indulging a submissive's particular kinks. And a lot of the fun can be finding what those even are. You can probe and assess and dig deeper, find their weak spots, find their strong spots, and use all of that to drive them crazy. It's a really unique kind of intimacy and it can be really intense for both people.

And finally, I've had control used against me in malicious ways a lot in life. There's a special kind of catharsis that comes from wielding control benevolently, for me at least. Control is in many ways a burden, and it is always a responsibility. Proving that I can shoulder that burden gracefully feels like a powerful affirmation of my own humanity.

 

[cocokittysurprise]

What's going through your head when you're exercising that role? What is it about being the Dominant that turns you on and excites you?

When I'm Domming, the foremost thing that I am thinking about is the safety, care, and comfort of my sub. How their day/week has gone, any situation they're dealing with in life, work, etc., can all influence how we play with one another. I want to ensure that any interaction is built on a sense of open communication, mutual understanding, and trust.

Trust is a turn on for me. The fact that my subs trust in me explicitly, knowing that I ultimately have their best interests at heart is truly transformational, because I understand what a huge responsibility that is. They trust me to know their limits; to know when to push or when to be more gentle, reassess, and push some more. When we are together, I control their physical and emotional release, and they have ecstatically given that power to me, with no hesitation. As such, I treat their submission as the gift it is.

 

[MrsLaMere]

I have had both female and male subs and my greatest pleasure comes from theirs. The in control part means that I find out where their triggers are and use them to turn them on or off...

Being a domme is about wanting someone to feel such intense pleasure, pushing their boundaries and having them crumpled at your feet from exhaustion and unable to even utter 'thank you'. My turn on is being in control of that, the timing, the reading of their body language, listening to their reactions and being the best at letting them experience such intense pleasure.

I am not big on punishment alone, that is not my kind. But I love turning a good girl into a brat and back to a good girl with the flick of a hand.

 

[MasterDarcy]

I'm a psychological Dominant, so for me I love that I've used my mind to seduce and infiltrate and that I've used it to earn the trust of a submissive.

Trust is a huge thing.

It's also intoxicating to be their whole world. The respect. The adoration.

It's a powerful feeling.

 

[SirSparky]

What turns me on, excites me. Having earned the trust of my partner. To be in control, knowing her limits. The ones she wants to push, the that hard limits. Giving her what she needs, mentally and physically. Taking the give of control that has been given. A huge ego boost.

This is the same for me. I am new to being a Dom and only had one online sub a couple years ago. She taught me how to be a Dom and I felt honoured that she chose me. She gave me the gift of owning her. Learning her limits, pushing some of them further but knowing when to stop. Would never push on her hard limits. It got to the point where she wanted to give up total control of herself to me. I wojkd make decisions for her. She would have to ask permission for most things. I also found that I enjoyed being sadistic to her when she needed punishment, both pain and embarrasing She got off on that big time

 

[JessiQueVix]

I dont like to he dominant. I always prefer to be submissive. Cause i am submissive. When the libido is on fire, hormones rushing to my head, i cant think clearly so i cant take the lead then. Thats why its always better to be submissive, enjoy by giving pleasure

 

[Carmina24]

How does it feel to be dominant?
I wouldn’t know…
But here I am, notebook open, scribbling thoughts that pulse beneath the surface.
The idea of yielding, of belonging in someone’s hands— it tempts me.
Not out of weakness, but out of desire to be unraveled… slowly.
All of this is stirring something deeper.
Maybe I’m not just curious.
Maybe I’m ready to find out what it means to kneel with intention.

 

[SirSparky]

How does it feel to be dominant?
I wouldn’t know…
But here I am, notebook open, scribbling thoughts that pulse beneath the surface.
The idea of yielding, of belonging in someone’s hands— it tempts me.
Not out of weakness, but out of desire to be unraveled… slowly.
All of this is stirring something deeper.
Maybe I’m not just curious.
Maybe I’m ready to find out what it means to kneel with intention.

To have you kneel in front of me, hands behind your back and mouth open ready with intent to greet me as I come home and walk through the door. That would be a welcome sight indeed

 

[PleasureDaddy]

It feels powerful, and that power triggers an almost feral response. You know you want your man to get you naked and control the situation…

 

[spawnofdavey]

I have had both female and male subs and my greatest pleasure comes from theirs. The in control part means that I find out where their triggers are and use them to turn them on or off...

Being a domme is about wanting someone to feel such intense pleasure, pushing their boundaries and having them crumpled at your feet from exhaustion and unable to even utter 'thank you'. My turn on is being in control of that, the timing, the reading of their body language, listening to their reactions and being the best at letting them experience such intense pleasure.

I am not big on punishment alone, that is not my kind. But I love turning a good girl into a brat and back to a good girl with the flick of a hand.

I'm a switch, but recently have been exploring my Dom side and this is exactly what I feel too. I love seeing and hearing their pleasure. That's what turns me on the most.

 

[scienceoffalling]

Pleasing my partner and trust, of course, but in particular as a woman it's so nice to let go of being polite, deferential, and charming all of the time. I can say/do cruel things and my partner doesn't hate me or begrudge me, and it's really cathartic. Also, the rush of power and control!

 

[Fingerfuxs]

So my question is for the Dominants out there. What's going through your head when you're exercising that role? What is it about being the Dominant that turns you on and excites you?

… Personally speaking the aftercare experience is the most interesting and intimate in the D/s dynamic. When she’s in *sub space , my pain brand still warm and stinging to the touch. This fellow human being’s entire body , mind and soul has been given to me freely to explore , enjoy and nurture within our bdsm -arts dynamic.

When not in a physical play scene scenario , her service submissive side to please me is something that I very much enjoy. Being her Sir confidant in her vanilla world problem solving scenarios. Talking through the different aspects of problem solving playing the long game rather then bandaid fixes we have to endure in the vanilla universe.

The power of well thought out suggestive thinking advice , rather than just tasking a solution for a situation that might arise in my submissive’s world is very empowering as a Sir in a D/s relationship.