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[AndersonsBiographer]

.

 

[AlinaX]

I read the first half of Tommyknockers, nearly 17 years ago. It was creepy af. What Stephen King does so well generally is have a cast of ordinary people well characterised, and only occasionally and deliberately step out from a close personal narrative to give the reader a bigger picture.

In Dome, the outside world is kept forcibly separated throughout the story, and adds a level of fascination and horror. In The Midwich Cuckoos, the outside world is kept at bay during the alien visitation & impregnation, and adds to the mystery.

You're talking about a quarantine. It would take something fairly extreme to make the government perceive a breeding kink as transmissible and dangerous. At the same time, you want to seduce readers into enjoying it. Which is an interesting challenge.

ETA. It might be interesting to have the opening chapter be a meeting in the White House where evidence is being presented reluctantly to an increasingly aroused President...

 

[AndersonsBiographer]

I was thinking that FBI agents "Scullery" and "Mouldering" are sent to investigate a small strange town where, all of the sudden, there doesn't seem to be a single young adult who is fit for service in the nationwide military draft (that's part of the "dystopian" theme). In fact, a lot of young people suspected of evading the draft, especially young women, seem to be gravitating towards the area as if something is psychically pulling them in. Local draft board had been asked to explain, and they report that--nah bro we're not joking!--everyone here really is 4-F (unfit for military service) for reasons of meningitis, pinkeye, tuberculosis, and bubonic plague. Better stay out if you don't want to catch anything!

The intrepid G-men are.... not convinced.

 

[AlinaX]

So you're going more for parody?

I'm never convinced that parody plays well with erotica, but maybe that's just me.

And what is the purpose of the breeding kink? Does unprotected sex allow the infection to spread, or is the breeding itself the purpose? If the latter, is a pregnant woman no longer interested in that kink, until nine months later? Are children alien in some way?

I'm sorry. I'm asking questions rather than volunteering to edit. I'm wary of doing so because it's the sort of story I'd want to rewrite completely.

 

[AndersonsBiographer]

So you're going more for parody?

I'm never convinced that parody plays well with erotica, but maybe that's just me.

And what is the purpose of the breeding kink? Does unprotected sex allow the infection to spread, or is the breeding itself the purpose? If the latter, is a pregnant woman no longer interested in that kink, until nine months later? Are children alien in some way?

I'm sorry. I'm asking questions rather than volunteering to edit. I'm wary of doing so because it's the sort of story I'd want to rewrite completely.

Fair questions.

Not really parody. There are... attempts at humor, and there's definately points where I'm clearly having fun and playing with myself (heh), but it isn't my main point for the story.

Breeding is the main purpose. We never know for sure why the visitor so is intent on impregnating women, convincing women to become pregnant, and convincing men to make them pregnant. Even he doesn't seem to know for sure what he is or how his powers operate, but they seem to be based more on telepathy and possibly pheremones rather than physical infection. Children will still be physically human, but they'll gain a lot of positive traits (including telepathy) that may put them above the human norm.

On the other hand, the thing about us naked murder-apes and making us faster and stronger and smarter and so on is that it also a lot better at killing each other. Like Gard said in the King novel: we have the knowelege to build Chernobyl and Three Mile Island but not the wisdom to NOT build them. And the dead chaps in the spaceship seemed to be even worse in that way than we are.

 

[AndersonsBiographer]

Here's the opening disclaimer (which cause quite a stir in the thread where I first asked about it):

This story takes place in a fantasy universe where it is physically impossible for those below the age of 18 (below the age of 21 in some jurisdictions) to have or to even know of the existence of sex.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is unfortunate and disturbing.

This story contains references to mind control, impregnation, harem/multiple partners, paranormal phenomena, crude behavior and attitudes, profanity, bad spelling, bad grammar, bad attempts at humor, and badly-written sex scenes. This story is meant solely to entertain and is not intended to promote or support any beliefs or ideology of any kind, though I will lampoon all of them. Persons attempting to find a plot herein will be shot.

Author does not condone the use of mind control powers as a means of taking over small towns and turning them into personal breeding colonies. It'll creep out the authorities, then they'll send in the troops and kill you.

 

[AlinaX]

Meh. Ditch it. Anyone reading in Mind Control knows all bets are off.