CattySwinger
Experienced
- Joined
- Mar 10, 2003
- Posts
- 32
15. It's physically impossible to have sex and participate in intellectual conversation at the same time. Without fail, all competant individuals turn into gibbering idiots with about six words in their vocabulary. "Cunt, Cock, Fuck, Me, Hard, Fast"
Sometimes you get additional connecting words such as "Fuck me hard *and* fast *with your* cock *in my* cunt."
14. Sex in the shower is counter-productive, by the time you get clean, you're covered in cum and sweat and have to start the process all over again. Unless you happen to be in a hotel with an infinite hot water supply, your second shower is cold and unpleasant.
13. Sex causes a fear of spontaneously contracting a new STD, simply by being sexually active. Fourty years ago, no one had invented the term 'sexually transmitted disease,' now there are so many, and new one's are constantly appearing, I'm in mortal fear of having the next new culture named after me. "Well, the good news is, you're famous, the bad news is there's nothing we can do about your vaginal discharge."
12. Sex is a very competative sport. Even if you're perfectly content having a quiet night reading 'A Tale of Two Cities' for your book club, once the couple upstairs starts thumping, you're stark naked with the window open screaming vulgarities at the top of your lungs.
11. Everyone comes up with incredible fantasies and stories while they are having sex. There are words and thoughts that run through a person's mind while fucking that will NEVER appear for the rest of their life. The second that sex is over, it's lost. Masturbation would be so much better if we could tap into those sex-thoughts for just one moment.
10. In relation to #11, the orgasm is the natural destroyer of the short term memory. Have an important message to give someone later in the day? Don't have sex. Need to do some grocery shopping, but don't have time to write a list? Do NOT have sex. You've been warned.
9. The more you have sex, the more you want it. The less you have sex, the more you want it. What the hell kind of sick world is this?
8. Too much sex hurts, and can cause one trouble walking for short periods of time, the pain, and thus constant attention to one's groin area causes one to be aroused. You can't even injure yourself out of wanting it.
7. The concept of really old couples having sex disturbs most people, but most people also secretly wish that they get to stay sexually active into their 70s. No one will get to have sex for the rest of their life, without some amount of grief.
6. Aggressive playful sex is alluring, but it needs to be spontaneous. Spontaneous sex generally ruins nice clothing and lingerie
5. Those who have lost their virginity generally want to share their experience, those who are still virgins generally don't want to hear it.
4. This is a time honored favorite. "A male has promiscuous sex, he is a hero, some might even say 'the Man'... a woman has promiscuous sex, she is degraded to 'tramp,' 'slut,' and 'dirty skank.'
3. When having sex, there are a million different ways to say 'penis'. There are considerably fewer ways to say 'vagina.'
2. When men have sex for the first time, they look towards the next time they're going to have sex. When women have sex for the first time, they look towards their first gyno appointment.
1. You just can't give constructive critisism during sex. The second a suggestion is made, he's off, he's soft and he's watching porn.
Sometimes you get additional connecting words such as "Fuck me hard *and* fast *with your* cock *in my* cunt."
14. Sex in the shower is counter-productive, by the time you get clean, you're covered in cum and sweat and have to start the process all over again. Unless you happen to be in a hotel with an infinite hot water supply, your second shower is cold and unpleasant.
13. Sex causes a fear of spontaneously contracting a new STD, simply by being sexually active. Fourty years ago, no one had invented the term 'sexually transmitted disease,' now there are so many, and new one's are constantly appearing, I'm in mortal fear of having the next new culture named after me. "Well, the good news is, you're famous, the bad news is there's nothing we can do about your vaginal discharge."
12. Sex is a very competative sport. Even if you're perfectly content having a quiet night reading 'A Tale of Two Cities' for your book club, once the couple upstairs starts thumping, you're stark naked with the window open screaming vulgarities at the top of your lungs.
11. Everyone comes up with incredible fantasies and stories while they are having sex. There are words and thoughts that run through a person's mind while fucking that will NEVER appear for the rest of their life. The second that sex is over, it's lost. Masturbation would be so much better if we could tap into those sex-thoughts for just one moment.
10. In relation to #11, the orgasm is the natural destroyer of the short term memory. Have an important message to give someone later in the day? Don't have sex. Need to do some grocery shopping, but don't have time to write a list? Do NOT have sex. You've been warned.
9. The more you have sex, the more you want it. The less you have sex, the more you want it. What the hell kind of sick world is this?
8. Too much sex hurts, and can cause one trouble walking for short periods of time, the pain, and thus constant attention to one's groin area causes one to be aroused. You can't even injure yourself out of wanting it.
7. The concept of really old couples having sex disturbs most people, but most people also secretly wish that they get to stay sexually active into their 70s. No one will get to have sex for the rest of their life, without some amount of grief.
6. Aggressive playful sex is alluring, but it needs to be spontaneous. Spontaneous sex generally ruins nice clothing and lingerie
5. Those who have lost their virginity generally want to share their experience, those who are still virgins generally don't want to hear it.
4. This is a time honored favorite. "A male has promiscuous sex, he is a hero, some might even say 'the Man'... a woman has promiscuous sex, she is degraded to 'tramp,' 'slut,' and 'dirty skank.'
3. When having sex, there are a million different ways to say 'penis'. There are considerably fewer ways to say 'vagina.'
2. When men have sex for the first time, they look towards the next time they're going to have sex. When women have sex for the first time, they look towards their first gyno appointment.
1. You just can't give constructive critisism during sex. The second a suggestion is made, he's off, he's soft and he's watching porn.
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