100% way to win her back

[bigbritish]

Ok, picture a guy that you were with for at least 1y and loved you HARDcore.

Whatever reason it broke off, imagine anything is possible. What changes your mind? It doesn't have to be overnight. The more you dislike or abhor or avoid this person, the better.

Pictures of him with other women you know he's been with? Display of wealth? Sincerity to correct the mistakes he made in the relationship? Personal issues?

 

[Bramblethorn]

Ok, picture a guy that you were with for at least 1y and loved you HARDcore.

Whatever reason it broke off, imagine anything is possible. What changes your mind? It doesn't have to be overnight. The more you dislike or abhor or avoid this person, the better.

Pictures of him with other women you know he's been with? Display of wealth? Sincerity to correct the mistakes he made in the relationship? Personal issues?

Are you looking for story ideas or real-life relationship advice here?

There's no general-purpose answer to your question. It depends on the people involved and the nature of the relationship between them - and there's no guarantee that there is ANY answer that will repair the relationship. (Also, if the answer is "display of wealth" or "make her jealous", it's probably not a relationship that ought to be repaired.)

Sometimes a woman (or man) just doesn't want a relationship with that particular person, and there's not a lot that person can do about it - other than accept the fact, and move on to a new chapter in their life.

 

[silverwhisper]

i'm assuming you're talking about a real relationship, not something for a story you're writing.

bramblethorn is entirely correct. further, i don't think there's any such thing as 100% guarantee re: getting someone to come back. the why of a relationship ending is pretty much the most important thing in determining whether it's even possible to get it back.

now, if you want advice, details like that are going to be needed if you want that kind of input.

ed

 

[bigbritish]

real relationship. sure,

she was off to grad school and i was still in community college scumming along. her sensibility i think drove in what a child i was being. i was her first boyfriend and also first sexual partner. she based her grad school decision based on where she thought i would be, which i urged her not to do. i went through rough and hell water. i gave her as much reason to distance from me because there was no way i was going to be with her under those circumstances. i would not be able to carry with myself with such a disparity in our -- i don't have a word to call it that i feel but it seems like it's best described as "socio-economic potential". toward the end i got very belligerent a number of times in ways that i regret and apologized profusely for. i was with her bar crawling (just her and i) in NYC and got terribly drunk and said she was a 4 out of 10. it was things like that that i suppose drove a wedge.

there was the aspect of not having finished any of my education that i could say stood in the forefront but there was other stuff too. her views were very liberal and she grew up poor and i grew up well-off in a conservative family. it didn't bother me as much, i was always eager to learn more about her and her way of life. i admired her a lot. initially after it finally broke off, of course i was without any options in my life so she was all i thought about. it was very difficult but i got my community college degree and then 4 year degree. i feel like i resolved a lot of my career difficulties and even surpassed her. soon after we broke up she refused to talk to me because i would drunk dial her a gazillion times. she blocked every line of communication you can think of.

i guess nowadays i have options women-wise, but i just don't believe in pursuing other women. she did say before we ended it she would forgive me some day. she said, "oh you'll probably end up with an unstable blonde you have to take care of" and i said of her, "you'll probably end up with some dweeb guy who is unremarkable and lame."

i sent her family address a pearl bracelet this summer which was of reasonable quality. i suppose in most circles this is like stalking on a whole different level. i suppose i felt like it was a matter of even personal pride that i demonstrate i had pulled myself out of the bad i felt i was in while we were together.

finally, in horribly poor style, i approached her in person. i gave her something that was less in the gift arena so much as it demonstrated what an impact she had on my life. getting near her wasn't easy, so this ended up happening in the sketchiest way one can imagine. it was dark and she was getting toward her car. imagine being approached by an old boyfriend out of the blue like this. it was terrible. it was clear she felt completely unsafe around me which felt mixed. on the one hand given the surprise of the circumstances that was 100% understandable. on the other, i felt like she didn't want to talk to me anyway.

it just felt like i never even got any closure. obviously doing things like i did after the relationship ended is not helpful to let the dust settle, but i went through a tremendously difficult time in my life and to just get treated like a crazy person for it kind of sucks.

i think now that a lot of my other circumstances of living are much better, it's time to move on but yea -- it feels a bit uncertain. i've been with other women since but i don't really want to be with other women in a non-serious kind of way. i'd have reservations about being serious with another woman although i'd of course let it happen. i just don't think there's anything else i can do and as a person with near-extreme amounts of resolve to succeed in all facets of life, this is really tough for me.

in hindsight, this girl had a lot of problems. she herself had a tough resolve to succeed because she had so many issues growing up. it taught me not to get mixed up with people with issues, and that goes 3-fold for having sexual relations with them. my mother said that any decent woman would have returned the pearls if i gifted them and they didn't want them, but it just seems like any show of care is taken for me to be some huge creep-a-zoid. there may have been things i showed in the relationship that came off that way, but they largely have little to do with who i am.

to feel judged by another person this way makes me just unspeakably a whole bunch of things. mostly it makes me hugely resentful of less well-off people but i know that's wrong. i want to do something about it but it seems like the lesson i'm forced to learn is to let the crazy people have their crazy. there are plenty of nice women who don't have nearly the level of baggage this one had.

just a passing thought and huge unresolved life mishap of mine that i reflect on from time to time.......

 

[Bramblethorn]

There's a lot I could say here, but it might be helpful to start with this question:

Do you like her?

Because it really doesn't sound like you do. It sounds more like you feel you've been unfairly judged, and it bugs you that she thinks badly of you, and you think getting back together would erase that unfair judgement.

I can relate because I've been there. I was in a relationship with a woman I loved, and after four pretty good years, things changed. We ended up breaking up, in part because she made all sorts of judgements on me. I felt those judgements were unfair. Five years on, I still believe they were unfair, and it still bugs me now and then. She shared those judgements with others, and I lost a couple of friends as a result - although the good ones stayed.

For a very long time I wanted her back. But eventually it got to the point where I tried to imagine what sort of relationship "having her back" would look like, and I couldn't imagine a relationship that was worth having. I didn't admire and respect her any more, I just wanted her to admit that she'd been wrong about me, and that's not a good reason to get into a crappy relationship.

I may be projecting, but it sounds like you're in a similar place to where I was. If so, you need to swallow a bitter pill and accept that you will probably never get the validation you want here. You're not going to walk back into her life and have the satisfaction of hearing her say "I was wrong about you".

Even if she WAS completely wrong about you... after a few years, people tend to remember events in the light that makes them look best, and probably neither of you are carrying around an accurate picture of what really happened. It's impossible to establish the rights of a situation when nobody really understands what happened any more (if they ever did).

But eventually you'll get to a place where you don't need her approval any more. The sooner you get rid of that need, the sooner you can go on to the next chapter of your life.

On a side note: if she's blocked communications with you, she has the right to make that choice. Even if it's a shallow, misguided, unfair, mistaken judgement, she STILL has the right to make that choice, and you need to respect it.

 

[satindesire]

I think you have serious boundary issues here and you don't really even love her, you just want her because you can't have her. You also seem incredibly blind to how selfish you are.

You are putting your wants over her needs.

She needs to not be in a relationship with you. She needs to not speak to you or see you. You WANT to be with her, see her, speak to her, whatever. And your desire to have her, in your eyes, trumps her desire to be left alone.

You know what other guys do things like this?

Rapists. She's told you no MULTIPLE times. She's made it absolutely CRYSTAL CLEAR she wants absolutely NOTHING to do with you.

You need to learn how to respect her as a human being. You're treating her like property instead of people. I also think it's hysterically ironic that you're resentful of ALL "poor people" because of your experiences with this ONE girl, and you've decided that you don't want to date anyone "with issues", while being completely blind to the fact that you are one big pile of serious issues yourself.

You are NOT a good boyfriend or good relationship material. You grew up with a silver spoon in your mouth and never wanted for anything. This is the first time you've ever really heard NO and you just can't stand it, because you're spoiled, and your wants are more important to you than anything else in the world, even another human being's emotional health.

YOU, my friend, are the one with "issues", and regardless of the fact that your parents have money, you certainly aren't better than anyone else without money. You certainly didn't seem to learn any altruism, character, charity or kindness with all that cash, did you?

Leave. Her. Alone. She doesn't want you and never will again. Don't be the creepy rapist dude who can't take no for an answer, that's not a good look.

 

[bigbritish]

First I'll respond to the "do you like her", and then "YOU'RE A RAPIST!" lol.

I don't think I like her, in fact I don't even know if I like many of the things in my life right now. It's kind of weird. Trying to remove the loud and proud cries of RAPIST from the next poster, I think a lot of the changes that came about during that relationship (still trying not to feel super guilty...) made me start doing a lot of things I didn't like much.

In my heart of hearts, I knew she was no good. I tried to dump her early on after having a severe panic attack and I just didn't have the muscle behind it because I had no other life experience to go off of. She dragged me around through the mud a lot because again -- I was just some rich kid with no idea what suffering meant so I was eager to learn. Sorry, I'm too busy hearing "RAPIST" in my mind so it's hard to respond with more clarity.

I had an atheist best friend like this who stopped being friends with me. He also grew up rather poor and was also liberal. Again, someone calls you "RAPIST!" you kinda can't shake that so you start using language that becomes defensive and is counter-productive. Years later that same friend who I feel like kinda just ditched me was spouting the same atheist crap. Years later I can see that same person in perspective that I really wouldn't want much to do with them.

Still, this all gets lensed in that I explored and came familiar with much of the world during this time period. There seem to be a lot of circumstances we live with that we don't want exactly.

All in all though, this lady presented no harmony for the other things in my life. She had nothing to offer the harmony of my work, passions, family, friends. Still, going into the relationship with her I left all of my friends behind. I shifted a lot of the work I was doing, and my family had been kind of shit to me anyway. In a way, I felt that the partner I wanted should know nothing about what I do anyway. I feel as though women should have no part in what I do.

That seems to suffice for how I felt to respond to "do you even like her". You are right in most respects, my course of action is as stated. Like a religion, I carried out every duty I felt I owed. When there was clearly no interest or response, I did the bare minimum just enough that I deserved some justice as a human being. I think I accomplished this.


On to "RAPIST" lady.


I jarred on in some other post, so maybe you feel this is a good opportunity to dish some shit my way. Fair. Your train of thought also seems logical even if it's phrased in a horribly unpleasant way. Also fair. Actually, this has unfortunately been something said to me in my life before. If I conduct myself the same way in business what would you call it? Look, I guess in a lot of ways I realize I'm a shit human being. I spent a few years with absolutely nothing, living out of my car etc. Still, I think you're probably as much a shit human being. Nonetheless, I try try try to do better.

I think you're right. That was a very tough and desperate part of my life. I pulled myself out of it, though. What's funny is that I think I managed to do the entire process with 1 person in my heart. I feel like there are a lot of other people that pull themselves out of the gutter hurting all sorts of other people along the way. I'm so very confused about it, so say what you will.

It's really very hard to live one's life sometimes when you feel like there is a foundation of bad things underneath it. What I learned over time is that there is little morality in poverty or there is hardly any honor to it.

Given that you took offense to the "poor" commentary, I'd offer that my family hardly gives a flip about me. What I learned hanging out and getting to know people without money is that they truly stick together and really do things that demonstrate a deep care for each other. It confused me wildly that I had no place in that even if I wanted it. When you make a journey like I did, when you didn't get something to love and cherish to start, you kind of have to make some commitment to help and protect people like this.

Again, yours to attack. I'll edit only if I think of something else to say...

 

[bigbritish]

I'd also note that during the course of the relationship or breakup I did begin to think of her not as a vagina I stuck my dick in, branding all sorts of magic that equate to love and what have you -- but as someone I was repeatedly offending in contacting.

As I thought more about this, I thought more and more about this person as someone who was unaffected by whatever rhythm had existed but was making conscious decisions. Of course the only reaction is to operate that this is a person and you begin to remove your own passions and rhythms through sheer will. This is around the time I decided that this person has major issues.

It messes up your view of love and people in general. The epitomy of human interrelation is marred. It's worth a direct challenge of the human spirit, history, and it generated a lot of anger toward the social structures I felt had created a divide environmentally. After all, the major wedge was that she was in grad school and I had a lowly community college degree. How's that for flipping the tables of rich vs. poor?

At the end of the day, I may have whatever issues are perceived, I claim nothing to myself but I just respond to every person in lieu of what rhythm feels natural. Of course that's absurd and I think it's the death of us all.

The difference I learned over time about poor vs. people that are not poor is that they will lower themselves willingly to your level. The amount of pain I went through by the sheer blindness of this person as to what I had given up taught me that you deserve SILENCE.

Let crazy lie.

 

[TeaforMe]

Your whole "she's no good" and " I am better than her now" speaks volumes about your condescending nature and asshole attitude. Sorry, but I can't sugar coat this. You treated her like garbage, and continue to talk to her like she is a 'less than." Oh, and I am sure telling her she was a 4 out of 10 made you feel like a real man, too.

Honestly, you don't want anything from her except for her to want you again, which will never happen, because you acted like a piece of shit to her.

As it was said before, leave the girl alone. I am sure at this point she is contemplating a court order against you to stay away from her, I know I sure would if I found you stalking me after work.

 

[bigbritish]

Your whole "she's no good" and " I am better than her now" speaks volumes about your condescending ...

No worries, it's ok. As I've learned this types of posts are nice to respond to because a lot of times it helps our own healing and gaining of perspective. It's not like an overnight process.

I'll kindly excuse myself from being held captive, if you don't mind.

Best of luck overcoming whomever it is I remind you of. No one deserves to be treated that way. Whatever it is a guy is trying to accomplish is second to treating the people around them with dignity. Usually if he's trying to tarnish people around him, he's not cut out for what "greater" things he's seeking anyhow.

EDIT: sexual intimacy is one of life's joys. It's marked as part of every person's development probably b/c there really isn't anything to prepare for what it feels like. No one can anticipate how it turns out, but at the end of it it's subject to the same principles that every other routine or action we carry out is.

 

[satindesire]

You can't even stop and consider the fact that perhaps it's just you and your actions and words that we're reacting to, and not some outside influence that's secretly making us project onto you, can you?

That's arrogant beyond belief.

Dude, trust me when I say that you don't remind anyone of anything but a D-bag.

Just leave her alone and get over yourself.

 

[TeaforMe]

No worries, it's ok. As I've learned this types of posts are nice to respond to because a lot of times it helps our own healing and gaining of perspective. It's not like an overnight process.

I'll kindly excuse myself from being held captive, if you don't mind.

Best of luck overcoming whomever it is I remind you of. No one deserves to be treated that way. Whatever it is a guy is trying to accomplish is second to treating the people around them with dignity. Usually if he's trying to tarnish people around him, he's not cut out for what "greater" things he's seeking anyhow.

EDIT: sexual intimacy is one of life's joys. It's marked as part of every person's development probably b/c there really isn't anything to prepare for what it feels like. No one can anticipate how it turns out, but at the end of it it's subject to the same principles that every other routine or action we carry out is.

Actually, you don't remind me of anyone I know....thankfully...and I am not overcoming anyone as I am married to a man who treats me like gold.

You posted your history with this woman, who is obviously much better off without you. What you wrote gave the reader (me included) keen insight to your selfish, narcissistic, and somewhat misogynistic behavior. You titled you thread "100% way to win her back" then spouted off how you degraded her, pushed her out of your life, then when you realized she wanted nothing to do with you, you now want her back. You even stated you don't like her. This has nothing to do with her and everything to do with your ego.

And your right, no one deserves to be treated the way you treated that woman.

 

[bigbritish]

The harpies have had their day. You painted this the way you saw interesting, distorted facts, and went after a guy getting pretty personal and open about something. Rather than inquire where you didn't understand, you assumed and went about it anyway. You're harpies because you went about this without a real interest or intent. It would be excused if you had some personal interest in going about it, but you seem committed in a way that has no end-point. I'm sure I'll continue as I do every day to seek out forgiveness, but clearly it won't be among the likes of you.

I'll just again quote myself:

It's worth a direct challenge of the human spirit, history, and it generated a lot of anger toward the social structures I felt had created a divide environmentally.

EDIT: i don't think i once said anyone was wrong in this thread for how they responded. it's a damn process though, and pushing someone to go through it a million miles is unfair.

 

[bigbritish]

Yea, no, I think how you two ladies responded is correct. I'm just trying to do better now.

I think creating this thread was based on impulse. I did it probably with an intent that was fleeting, but obviously I need to be even careful about that kind of thing. There was an arrogance to it, and probably that's what I need to be more cognizant of.

EDIT: it was a roundabout way to suggest some frustration that I feel like I've done everything to correct what bad things I did in the relationship and it's still not enough. I wasn't open and honest about that because I dunno -- I think we all protect these kind of things close to our hearts. It was just a less mature way to go about being bitter that money and simple psychological triggers can influence the way a person acts. obviously a lot of this mixed me up.

 

[satindesire]

The harpies have had their day. You painted this the way you saw interesting, distorted facts, and went after a guy getting pretty personal and open about something. Rather than inquire where you didn't understand, you assumed and went about it anyway. You're harpies because you went about this without a real interest or intent. It would be excused if you had some personal interest in going about it, but you seem committed in a way that has no end-point. I'm sure I'll continue as I do every day to seek out forgiveness, but clearly it won't be among the likes of you.

I'll just again quote myself:



EDIT: i don't think i once said anyone was wrong in this thread for how they responded. it's a damn process though, and pushing someone to go through it a million miles is unfair.

The truth hurts. Calling us harpies because we're calling you out on your asshole behavior and telling you to leave her alone and stop being an aggressive, pushy asshole isn't going to deflect the fact that you're an asshole.

 

[bigbritish]

I can live that I acted like an asshole, I just want to be less of an asshole (and can it please start here?)

EDIT: and it sucks, i just wish this was the kind of thing i could have done for this person. it's the right thing to do anyway, and if not them someone else.

 

[Bramblethorn]

I don't think I like her, in fact I don't even know if I like many of the things in my life right now. It's kind of weird... I think a lot of the changes that came about during that relationship (still trying not to feel super guilty...) made me start doing a lot of things I didn't like much.

In that case, the question you need to work on is not "how can I win her back?" but "how can I move on?"

If you don't like the things you've been doing in your life, take responsibility for changing that. It's really tempting to blame somebody else for changing you (been there, done that!) but it's not helpful. In the end the world reacts to the way you behave, not to your backstory.

In particular, a lot of people like to demonise their ex as a coping strategy - "I'm really a good guy, but this one woman fucked me up". Don't be one of those people; they put far too much effort into making excuses for not changing, instead of making changes that would make their life happier.

FWIW, satindesire and I are saying a lot of the same things here, just in different ways. I've chosen to express them more gently - partly because I've made a lot of those mistakes myself - but it would still be wise to listen to what she has to say.

 

[TeaforMe]

I can live that I acted like an asshole, I just want to be less of an asshole (and can it please start here?)

EDIT: and it sucks, i just wish this was the kind of thing i could have done for this person. it's the right thing to do anyway, and if not them someone else.

The right thing for you to do is to let her move on and heal from any pain or aggravation this relationship caused her. She has taken all the steps necessary to block you from her life, now show her some respect by honoring those boundaries.

If you are sincere about your wanting to repent and grow from this, then the best thing to do is just that. Looking in the mirror and seeing who you are and what you care to change is the first step.

 

[bigbritish]

Yes agree.

For all intents and purposes, the account is closed. I have a date upcoming this week. I think as was said, I'm not relationship material right now. I need to do some dating to continue figuring out the mistakes I made.

After the encounter I mentioned, I have committed myself that it is as said -- what the record shows is what counts. Somehow I made the decision to make another human symbolic of my process of reaching that realization. It was poetic and accompanies those stereotypes of foolish, vain, and arrogant. Nonetheless, that means that person is very important to me. Still, I know that that person is a person regardless of what meaning I ascribe them. No matter how important I think they have been to me, they deserve treatment as any other person deserves. (Usually what that means is to listen very carefully to exactly what that person is asking for or not asking for.) Somehow, the whole thing is incredible! This person is (has been) my muse, even if it has little to do with who they are now. I think what I'm hearing though is that I need to begin to detach even the positive ideas from this person. I would say today (albeit with far less enthusiasm) this person brought a lot of good change into my life and made me a better person. I think what I'm hearing is that I need to give myself the credit for that change and difficult road I walked. They don't want that credit, and so I shouldn't give it to them. At least, if giving them credit means me doing things that they don't want, then I shouldn't give them credit.

Bottom line: she wants to be left alone, leave her alone.

How the hell do I move on?! haha

EDIT: i'm totally not eager either to get back into dating, it just seems like -- I don't know haha, i'm mostly focused on my career right now lol

 

[satindesire]

There's no reason you should absolutely rush headlong into dating right now. That would probably be a mistake, in your current emotional state. Usually when we're feeling lonely and vulnerable, we attach greater significance to relationships than what's there in reality, and the last thing you want to do is fall into a shallow, hollow "rebound love" with the next woman who's kind to you and then end up realizing six months later that you don't actually love her at all.

I actually have to say that in my opinion, being single and taking a while to really sort your life out would be beneficial to everyone in question, in the long run. It can be hard and incredibly lonely to be single, but right now, I think you're too raw to date in a healthy way.

 

[BeachMomma]

First, there isn't a 100% guaranteed way to win anybody back. The best way to try, however, is by being yourself and being genuinely remorseful for the way you treated her. Don't try to manipulate her into coming back to you; that never works out in the long run and creates more resentment than it's worth.

Here's my best relationship advice:

Be very careful what you say. What has been said cannot be taken back nor can it be unheard. Hurtful words live forever. Especially be very careful what you say in anger. What's said in anger is typically a knee-jerk reaction, and most people rarely truly feel what they say. It doesn't make the angry words go away though. They live on forever.

When I first learned that very difficult lesson, I spent a lot of time practicing a key sentence alone with a mirror. "I'm too angry to discuss it right now. Give me time to cool off, and we can discuss it then." I practiced saying that until I could say it without even thinking about it. When I get angry now, I won't say much at all until I give myself time to cool off. See, I know myself too well. I know I'll lash out and say very hurtful things to the people who love me most.

Another lesson you need to learn is that wealth means absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of things. I have a lot of friends who are very probably wealthier than you'll ever imagine. Sure, it may mean you can have more toys - more expensive toys - but other than that, it means very little. It certainly means very little in a relationship - except maybe that you have to wonder if people like you for you or for your money. I've found that excessive wealth brings more problems than it solves. When it comes down to it, rich people put their pants on one leg at a time just like the rest of us, and rich people's shit smells just as bad as everybody else's. How's that for a little perspective? I can't count how many rich, old people I've seen die alone, sad, and scared because they alienated friends and family along the way. How rich were they then?

Obviously, I don't know this girl. I can tell you from my perspective that I've been burned before. I don't trust easily because of it. I also give very few second chances because of it. She may be in the same place or she may not be. If she's in that place, the only way you'll prove you changed (if, in fact, you really did), is through long-term, sustained change. In other words, you'll have to prove it to her over the long haul. That, my friend, is one hell of an uphill battle. As far as she's concerned, you've dug yourself into a grave. Now you get to dig your way out again - if she'll even allow you that opportunity.

I agree with the above poster who said you're not good relationship material right now. It seems to me that you first need to learn to love yourself before you try to love someone else. A little deep introspection will go a long way. You have to come to terms with YOU - not your wealth, your career, your education, or anything else. YOURSELF. When all is said and done, those other things are just window dressing. It may be pretty, but it's not YOU.

Will it bring the girl back? Who knows. It will make you a man who is able to love any woman. Before you can expect anybody else to love you, you have to be able to love you. Only then will you be able to give and receive love freely. You can never expect somebody else to make you happy if you aren't first happy alone.

 

[bigbritish]

There's no reason you should absolutely rush headlong into dating right now. That would probably be a mistake, in your current emotional state...

Are you a life coach? Look, -- no I don't know what you think.

I'll just respond what they say you're supposed to since you're getting all attach-y -- yes, you're correct. Dating is absolutely not something I should do right now. I am too raw and it would lead to unhealthy relationships. Are you trying to upgrade from harpy to voodoo witch?

You're talking about another man's business. I got rules. And if your words are true, I really don't need you injecting your thoughts. That's what I've learned.

EDIT: you also compared me to a RAPIST, jeez louiz

 

[bigbritish]

First, there isn't a 100% guaranteed way to win anybody back. The best way to try, however, is by being yourself and being genuinely remorseful for the way you treated her...

Agree. I think even if I took not as kindly to the way other people expressed them the sentiments are mostly the same across the board.

It broke my heart b/c I put my career before this woman. I had no experience and saw it as too risky to place my love for her above my career ambitions. That's not to say I was choosing what I thought to be piles of gold over a decent living -- I had no concept at the time.

My uncle is as you've described, the money he retired with drove the family apart. There needs to be a tight family culture around wealth otherwise it doesn't work.

I'm just looking for cool things to do in my life right now. I actually feel very lucky. It's strange b/c I'm kind of bored with myself. I don't know if anyone gets that, it certainly seems like the feedback so far seems to think I'm in the denial stage or the resentment stage or whatever. They're also private thoughts, so I'm not sure it was my intention to have others understand?

Eh, to life I say!

 

[satindesire]

Are you a life coach? Look, -- no I don't know what you think.

I'll just respond what they say you're supposed to since you're getting all attach-y -- yes, you're correct. Dating is absolutely not something I should do right now. I am too raw and it would lead to unhealthy relationships. Are you trying to upgrade from harpy to voodoo witch?

You're talking about another man's business. I got rules. And if your words are true, I really don't need you injecting your thoughts. That's what I've learned.

I don't know if you're still sore from me calling you an asshole or what, but I wasn't attacking you. You Are Not In A Healthy Emotional Place right now. It's not an insult, it's just facts.

I can understand you being defensive when I was chastising you, but getting snippy when I decided to help you isn't doing you any favors...

 

[bigbritish]

I don't know if you're still sore from me calling you an asshole or what, but I wasn't attacking you. You Are Not In A Healthy Emotional Place right now. It's not an insult, it's just facts.

I can understand you being defensive when I was chastising you, but getting snippy when I decided to help you isn't doing you any favors...

Acting like emotions are facts is gooey nonsense. Maybe it's misogynistic or whatever it got called. Usually I'm turned on by this sort of thing, but maybe that *is* old me. Yea, I guess I could still go there if that's your thing, but otherwise I got nothin'.

EDIT: by experience, to treat you as any old person, you don't make me comfortable and I really don't see myself receiving well much of what you have to say so it doesn't make sense to me why you persist. It has to do with you coming off the way you did and trying to take it all the way down the rabbit hole. It's just weird. 1) most of everything I said about this person I really cared about came from my own account -- you know nothing about them except what I've shared 2) i'm talking about you as a person on a forum, there has been at least one other instance you've come off this way toward me, *you do not make me comfortable* and i don't think it has to do with what is my own business but the way you are interacting with me