Does your family know?

I'm pretty sure this has been done before, or maybe not. However, I was just curious, Does your family know about your choice of lifestyle?

I come from a very strict religious upbringing, and no my family does not know about my lifestyle. I feel that they would not be supportive at all, knowing how they are and all that.

So anyone care to share?

edited for spelling.......sheesh....lol.

No my family doesn't know the extent of my involvement in D/s nor would they understand if they did. My sister has noticed a change in the way I behave around a Dominant vs the way that I behave normally. (If it can be said that I behave normally!!) I choose to keep some things in my life private and this will be one of those for me.

For future reference, I started a thread a couple of weeks ago (in BDSM Talk, not the Cafe) called Have you told your parents? There are lots of replies in there.

No, my family doesn't know although one family member has some idea.

(He found this forum on my pc, one afternoon!)

In any event, they didn't know how, when or under what circumstances I conducted myself in an intimate relationship before I became involved with BDSM, either.




*waves to dixi*

Hi darlin!

I'm close to 95% sure that my family believes that sex of any kind is totally excluded from my life. We have a don't ask/don't tell arrangement that works perfectly.

lassarina - I understand what you mean fully. I think some people will notice a slight difference in behavior when a sub is around a Dom, but they may not be able to put their finger on what the difference really is. Thank you for your response.

Etoile - Thank you, I was sure this had probably been done before. I was sort of lazy in not searching first. I've been away for a while. I'll go check out the other thread too.

Miss T - Hiya darlin, good to see ya again. Also thank you for your response. Did your family member figure you out after visiting the forum? I doubt seriously any of my family members would ever find me out in that way..lol.

Morninggirl - that sounds like a really good arrangement to me. Thanks!

dixi

Hi Dixi...

No, my family doesn't know. I'm not about to tell my 82+ year old Catholic father, and my Mom had been gone for almost 9 years. I've never talked sex life with my sisters, and see no point in doing it now. I don't care to hear about their sexual lives anyway. Not that I don't love them, I just don't need that information to live my own life.

Will family members see a change in me when I am around the one that I love? Maybe, maybe not. Certain terms of endearment will remain private. But, because I love the one that I have in my life, they will most likely see my love for him. Pure affection. It's a good way to see how they react, and how to move on with the transitions that may be needed in the future.

Ummm

I think this will make me sound some what weird...but some of my family DOES know. My mother knows all about me...my choice in sexual behaviors included. I came out about my interest in the BDSM lifestyle to her at the beginning of last year...and she has been my safety when i meet a new Dom/me since that time. She does not know the extent or length of my involvement, she does know my seriousness in Searching for a Dom/me to belong to in R/L.
Others in my family who know about it include my brother and in some respects (though i do not want to worry them) my children.
I can understand the various points made on this thread, but in my case...my family is my safety net (those i have mentiond at least) and we DO not keep important secrets from one another.
(then again, i came out to my mom at 16 concerning my interest in women...so this was no big shock for her!!!)
I will be checking back to see who else adds their opinion...but for the nonce...Y/you have mine...
PET

Many years ago I found a copy of "Bound Bimbos" while going through my parents' sex drawer. I've referenced my own interest in BDSM in things like my LiveJournal profile, and very recently my mother told me that the word for "non-BDSM" is "vanilla" - I told her gee thanks, but I already knew!

Arden - Hiya sweet lady. Thank you for your reply, I think you've made some really good points. I think anytime our family is introduced to the one we love it takes an adjustment period for all parties. I'm sure you will handle it just fine.

apet4you - Thank you for your reply. I am glad to see a different opinion on the subject. It sounds like your mom is a great support for you in your journey.

Etoile - Thank you again for replying. Isn't it funny how our parents always seem to think we don't know very much? At least you are able to chat with her about these things.

dixi

Yes, I came out about BDSM to my father/step-mother and all friends nearly five years ago, and my mother and step-father several months ago when a good opportunity presented itself. My father has even enjoyed playing around with my floggers, and delights in seeing the different toys... they brought a bullwhip home for me from their holiday in Spain and have given other gifts that relate to BDSM. I've been very fortunate!

I had a head start on "coming out" as I also came out to my immediate family about being a lesbian at 18, and to all of my extended family at about 24 years old. Mainly because they were coming from the midwest to Ca. on holiday and planned on dropping by SF and staying with me and my girlfriend... you'd be surprised what love can overcome.

I was very unsure of how my grandparents might react - my German grandmother being heavy duty Catholic and her favorite saying being "it's a good life if you don't weaken", and my grandfather showing quite a few "old fashioned" prejudices across the board. No one had come out as gay in any of my extended family before to my knowledge.

The most that was said was "you are the same person we have always loved"... and, they "liked that show 'Ellen', she's a funny woman". Of course I had to listen to my nieces and nephews, saying this or that "is so gay" out of habit as I played tour guide, but it takes understanding and tolerance on both parts to bridge the gap. At least no one in my family has asked me about boyfriends in the last ten years!

Funny you should ask....

This past weekend Sir took me 4 hrs. away to meet his 80 year old father and 46 year old sister and brother-in-law. He told me his family "knew" about us and that, in fact, his father is a Dominant.

However, that didn't prepare me for how open he is! I kneeled at his feet during most of our visit and at one point, when just his father was in the room (who looks like everyone's idea of a grandfather) he grabbed me by the hair and told his father, "She's such a wonderful slut" and proceeded to tell him about his plans to but ring bolts on our bed, etc. I was flabbergasted. But at the end of our visit, this wonderful grandfatherly man grabbed me and hugged me and thanked for for serving his son.

Quite an experience... especially when Sir's sister pulled me aside into the kitchen to ask, "Just what IS a training collar?"

-justina (who's still giggling and kinda shaking her head)

Not really

I've never expressly said it, but I think I've dropped a few hints over the years because I won't lie about it. If they ask I'll tell them straight. When I started getting into BDSM I made a vow to never hide what I am.

No, but then agian.....

They don't know much about what I do. That is how I like it, and that is how I keep it.

do they know

i don't think so. my brother may have a suspicion, he is mildly interested in bdsm but my family never talks about sex. that's ok. no problem i just do what i like there's no need to discus my sexual tastes with them.

Well, not really. I have told mom how me and my Joe are traditional in that he is the dominate and I am the submissive in our relationship. She is old fashioned so likes that idea. Of course she doesn't know that it is in reference to D/s.

My sister knows I'm kinky and I have mentioned some stuff, but not in any detail either. I feel the less they know the better, but I also don't plan to hide anything.

One of my big sisters knows... The rest of my family would probably run the spectrum from amused to horrified (that last adjective pertaining to my stepmother, probably.)

Ironically enough, they are very supportive of me stripping, and even nude acting roles. BDSM would probably finally raise some eyebrows.

My sister kind of knows, not sure how much she knows though. One of my cousins knows and I'm not sure how much he talks about it to the rest of our family (I know his secret too, so I think he's keeping quiet so I won't tell his) But all in all. I think my mom suspects, my dad, I'm not sure how much he knows or guesses. Someday when I'm more comfortable with it myself I'll tell them.

I'm sure I've said this before (somewhere - can't remember where) but my family doesn't really know. It's not cause I'm ashamed or anything - it's laziness, pure and simple. I don't wanna deal with it.

I think that my sister and best friend know we're kinda kinky. Hell, I know they do. They know about when my daughter and her best friend found the shackles - if that didn't clue them in nothing will.

Nope, and they won't. Everything is fine, just the way it is. This is much better than a "don't ask, don't tell" policy. It's a "don't know and won't" policy.

I come from a pretty strict religious background as well If my parents found out theyd either have heart attacks and die or else try to take me to church and have me 'cleansed' or somethin so i dont go to hell. Only my friends who are like-minded know about it, either. We have a few friends that have made jokes about it but I dont think they seriously think we play that way.
Shauntanis's parents would also have heart attacks I think. we dont talk to them very much and theyre thousands of miles away so thats not as big of a concern.

Always an interesting question. Unlike most of my friends I am pretty open with my parents and they both know. My mom just sort of looked at me for a minute and said she never would have guessed while my dad wasn't at all surprised.

Since they're not married I told them seperatly and alone because the stepparents are a bit prudish. My stepdad would probably find it amusing but the stepmom would FREAK...there are days I consider letting it slip in front of her just for the look of utter shock and terror that woud cross her face.

ohh wow I have a story to tell. My parents do not know about the extent of our lifestyle HOWEVER , Masters WHOLE damn family does.

He has an ex wife/slave she is a mean (they called her mean jean) miserable sad excuse for a human. His family is pretty religious. Ok probably very religious and she is weird. I dunno, they divorced, but she still wants him ect ect. (i have only met the witch once but she hates me with a passion!)

So I keep a journal and I used to also keep an adult section (self cencorship sucks thanks Bush) and she found it.
And she printed pictures (yup we posted pics of needle play, knife cutting ect ect) and took them to His family. Along with the entries.

Ya no shit.

Nice way for His family to find out. SOme of them had enough common sense (like the 82 year old grandparents) to tell her to go to hell, others like His mom, well..lets just say we haven't spoken to her since jan.

Moral of this story

watch out for the ex...

Nope.
However, i found literotica through my dad's links on his computer. He reads the stories. He doesn't post, as far as i know, because that would be just icky.
Also, i've posted enough here that he would know if he was here. He's not.

My future brother-in-law knows, but he is into the lifestyle as well so all is good! No one else in either of our families know and we intend to keep it that way. His dad is VERY religious and my parents are just really traditional. I just don't think it's any of their business what I do in private.