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Exercise: Descriptions without adjectives.

gauchecritic

gauchecritic

When there are grey skies
Joined
Jul 25, 2002
Posts
7,076
Talking to a good friend the other night I was reminded of a phrase I think I coined, pertaining to 'flowery prose' (anyone else read that as 'flow-ery'?) as opposed to Hemingways(?) spare or even sparse style.

When I get into the 'flowery prose' vein I tend to use the "histories of things" ( (c) GC 2003) approach.

The very first creative writing exercise I ever did involved describing a thing. Instead of describing it I gave it a short history.

Exercise: Look around you and choose some physical object. Describe it with little or incidental reference to its obvious use.

So instead of this:

The rainbow coloured CD contains all manner of programmes and useful bits of information for the enthusiast.

Et voila;

Every month a periodical is delivered. Sellotaped to it's garish front cover is a disc. Very occasionally I will take from it something of interest. Otherwise it does what it's doing now: keeping my desk from being burned by a hot cup of tea.

Gauche

I do realise that the second contains adjectives. Get over it.
 
History you said.

Not one, but two ice ages had passed over those shores, dry-humping even the mountain ridges into sumbission. And between them, thousands of years of winter storms and salt corrotion slowly bludgeoned every rock and pebble into baby-bottom smoothness. But not this stone. I picked it up and tossed it between my hands. Someone must have put it there.

I suck at grammar, are there any adjectives in there?
 
Icingsugar said:
[BI suck at grammar, are there any adjectives in there? [/B]
Click to expand...

Who gives a fuck? I like it anyway. Very well written. Beats "gray pebble shaped rock" any day.

Gauche
 
yes, icing, several, e.g. "mountain"

I think what you've done is use only adjectives which are also nouns (elsewhere). This has made for a piece of pretty good prose.

Misused or overabundant adjectives tend NOT to be nouns, hence you freshened up your prose.

Besides quantity, the other 'sin' of bad writing, and purple porn is the routine choice of trite adjectives.

J.

OK, it's a fine variation a pebble, its history; how about a cock?

Dangling at the crotch for ages, the nib had mostly appeared to the lad as a thing of decoration, and occassionaly of fun in private during his baths. Then the twig had been frequently jerked into wakefulness at pussies of the foxes that were passing by, some wanting a sample. It had been controlled, grudgingly in the 20s, by Jehoshuah and was more rarely thrust without consent in the gashes of those he encountered in prowls during the night. But the rage of lust was still there, llke the fire in coals lurking under the surface of volcanoes, within the citizen of repute, as he appeared to those who didn't know him.

no adjectives except articles
 
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Thread Nazi time

Erm. Exercise thread Pure. We've done this before. Please don't.

Gauche
 
gauchecritic said:
Exercise: Look around you and choose some physical object. Describe it with little or incidental reference to its obvious use.

I do realise that the second contains adjectives. Get over it.
Click to expand...


Wait a minute. Do you want us to describe something without saying what it's used for, or do you want us to describe something without using adjectives?

---dr.M.
 
Re: Re: Exercise: Descriptions without adjectives.

dr_mabeuse said:
Wait a minute. Do you want us to describe something without saying what it's used for, or do you want us to describe something without using adjectives?

---dr.M.
Click to expand...

Not mutually exclusive doc. If you'd quoted the whole of the post, instead of being almost as 'clever' as what I am, then you'd have seen included the phrase "histories of things".

Do you wanna do the damn exercise or not? No reply = 'no'

Gauche
 
Re: Re: Re: Exercise: Descriptions without adjectives.

gauchecritic said:
Not mutually exclusive doc. If you'd quoted the whole of the post, instead of being almost as 'clever' as what I am, then you'd have seen included the phrase "histories of things".

Do you wanna do the damn exercise or not? No reply = 'no'

Gauche
Click to expand...

No, I don't want to do the damn exercise. I don't like damned exercises for the most part, but I am trying to figure out what you want, which apparently poses some sort of threat.

I don't understand why "baby-bottomed" in Icing's example isn't an adjective, and I don't understand how it is you want a description of something without referring to its use, and then as an example you cite using a CD as a coaster.

I'm missing something. Possibly everything.

---dr.M.
 
Re: Re: Re: Re: Exercise: Descriptions without adjectives.

dr_mabeuse said:
I don't understand why "baby-bottomed" in Icing's example isn't an adjective, and I don't understand how it is you want a description of something without referring to its use, and then as an example you cite using a CD as a coaster.

I'm missing something. Possibly everything.

---dr.M.
Click to expand...

It is and it doesn't matter. Like I said. Twice. I never used the word coaster (not intended use anyway) and there's the other part of the answer.

Any threat, inferred or implied, came from contextual misappropriation.

Chu xhappy bonny now?

Gauche
 
Re: Re: Re: Re: Exercise: Descriptions without adjectives.

dr_mabeuse said:
I don't understand why "baby-bottomed" in Icing's example isn't an adjective
Click to expand...
Ok, for the record, niether do I. Quothe me: "I suck at grammar".

On the other hand the word I used did not include that -ed, and all I know is that the prase "baby-bottom smoothness" would be written and read as one noun in my native tougne. I also fail to see how Mountain, in any context, could be anything but a noun, as Pure pointed out. I guess it's back to school for this camper, eh?
 
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Hysterical.. oops! Historical days . . .

Today was full of sunshine and people. People going about their business, skipping or plodding, matters not which, as long as they do it like Mama said; with a smile upon their face.

The best way to avoid adjectives (subject noun modifiers) is to go through your sample and ask "What sort of?" as you read. Such as:

What sort of? Today was full of What sort of? sunshine and What sort of? people. What sort of? People going about their What sort of? business, skipping or plodding, matters not which, as long as What sort of? they do What sort of? it like What sort of? Mama said; with a What sort of? smile upon their What sort of? face.

Now, if you answer the What sort of?'s with a descriptive modifier then you haven't successfully completed the exercise. So, if you go through IcingSugar's try, you will find that he does modify his subject nouns with other descriptive nouns thus failing to keep his prose adjective free, although, as Pure mentioned, "[sic] . . . hence you freshened up your prose."

Not one, but two ice What sort of? ages had passed over those What sort of? shores, dry-humping even the mountain What sort of? ridges into sumbission. And between What sort of? them, thousands of What sort of? years of winter What sort of? storms and salt What sort of? corrotion slowly bludgeoned every What sort of? rock and What sort of? pebble into baby-bottom What sort of? smoothness. But not this What sort of? stone. I picked What sort of? it up and tossed What sort of? it between my What sort of? hands. What sort of? Someone must have put What sort of? it there.
 
Phewwwwww!!!

Shit son, this is all way above an old country boy like me, pheww some really clever folks on here tonight:D
 
Re: Hysterical.. oops! Historical days . . .

champagne1982 said:

Not one, but two ice What sort of? ages had passed over those What sort of? shores, dry-humping even the mountain What sort of? ridges into sumbission. And between What sort of? them, thousands of What sort of? years of winter What sort of? storms and salt What sort of? corrotion slowly bludgeoned every What sort of? rock and What sort of? pebble into baby-bottom What sort of? smoothness. But not this What sort of? stone. I picked What sort of? it up and tossed What sort of? it between my What sort of? hands. What sort of? Someone must have put What sort of? it there.
Click to expand...
Interresting. Taking notes, but still not quite fully understanding. :)

You are right, "ice age" and "salt corrotion" are nouns with modifiers. But are the modifiers adjecives? The modifiers look an awfully lot like other nouns to me. I guess it's not the words themselves, but the use of them?

I guess it's my Swedish haunting me here. We would always write and treat those pairs as single words (writing them apart is a sure sign of uneducation). So instinctively I want to write 'mountain ridge' without the space. And putting a What kind of in front of mountainridge takes the point out of that one, right?

And another thing. You didn't bother with a "What..." in front of bottom in baby-bottom. Does that mean that I'd been in the clear if I had used - instead of space wherever that might apply?

Or I could just use any damn adjective I want to. :rolleyes:

/Ice - Icing What sort of? Sugar
 
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Re: Phewwwwww!!!

pop_54 said:
Shit son, this is all way above an old country boy like me, pheww some really clever folks on here tonight:D
Click to expand...

I'm with Pops here... Way over this poor boy's head, hehe =)
 
Re: Re: Phewwwwww!!!

raphy said:
I'm with Pops here... Way over this poor boy's head, hehe =)
Click to expand...
And I'm with the both of you, let's go find a cozy pub (and Pops can bring his gauche son if he can find him). I think this thread's come undone.

'dita
 
Re: Re: Re: Phewwwwww!!!

perdita said:
And I'm with the both of you, let's go find a cozy pub (and Pops can bring his gauche son if he can find him). I think this thread's come undone.

'dita
Click to expand...

Can I join you? I got lost half an hour ago. ;)

Lou :devil:
 
Re: Re: Hysterical.. oops! Historical days . . .

Icingsugar said:
[. . .]I guess it's not the words themselves, but the use of them?[. . .]
/Ice - Icing What sort of? Sugar
Click to expand...
You answered every question you raised with that one of yours above.

I asked What sort of? in front of subject nouns only. English is a lazy language in that a verb isn't used with every subject, instead they are implied, just a subject isn't used with every verb. It's one of the reasons ESL is so damned difficult and I do admire ;) those who have learned English well enough to write poetry and stories in it.

If you had typed baby bottom smoothness, I would have shown your example: baby What sort of? bottom What sort of? smoothness. It doesn't matter how many modifiers you use, there is still only one subject noun.

So, with that being clear as mud, mountain is an adjective because it modifies/describes what sort of noun the subject ridges are, the same way brow or rocky would have, had you used those words instead.

Beer time?
 
Re: Re: Re: Re: Phewwwwww!!!

Tatelou said:
Can I join you? I got lost half an hour ago. ;)
Click to expand...
Yes, please, good to have another gurl to share the blokes. :p
 
It's perfectly okay for a noun to modify a noun. Summer shower. Knock-out punch. Championship game. Baby shoes. I don't know if you call then anything special though.

We need Angeline or Weird Harold or some other language maven. Language maven.

---dr.M.
 
Re: Re: Re: Hysterical.. oops! Historical days . . .

champagne1982 said:
Beer time?
Click to expand...
Still, "baby-bottom" is ok as one noun but "baby bottom" is not? Makes very little sense.

I'm sorry, between my current state and MathGirl's AV, I'm obsessed with baby-bottoms at the moment.

Oh, whatever. Let's hit the pub.
 
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Phewwwwww!!!

perdita said:
Yes, please, good to have another gurl to share the blokes. :p
Click to expand...

What's this about sharing??? Now you're talking my language:devil:
 
Birthday party. Cloud cover. Picture book. Swim fins...

Somebody help me!

garden gate, milk shake, snow shovel, water cannon, oboe reed...


---dr.M.
 
Oforchrissakes, you had it, Mab. The term and part of language is modifier. Use the net or your dictionary why don't you.

Modifier: a word*, esp. an adjective or noun that qualifies the sense of another word.

*but it can be an adverb, phrase or clause. And they shouldn't dangle, but like Gauche - who gives a fuck!?
 
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