Ummm...I don't know how to explain this one. Help?

Howdy, all.

I'm usually very open with my children. Of course, there are things a five-year-old and a four-year-old simply don't need to know when it comes to sex, and I think I have found a good common ground when it comes to talking about things. They know the basics, they know sex is meant to be a special thing shared between adults...things like that.

Here's the problem.

I have a plethora of sex toys. A veritable treasure trove of them. I keep them in a 'treasure chest' (which actually looks like a treasure chest) that stays under my bed. Usually very well-hidden. Somehow, someway, my son chanced upon it.

So I walk into my bedroom and he's sitting there on the floor with this treasure chest open, looking at the array of naughty things. There are NO pictures or magazines, anything like that in this chest, so he didn't see anything other than the sex toys themselves. I was mortified and stood there for a moment, utterly speechless.

He asked me what 'those things' were...then, thank GOD, my little girl hollered at him from outside and he suddenly got up and ran off to play. (The joys of being a kid, huh?) Anyway...I dodged the bullet and didn't have to answer, because he wasn't too interested. But I know it will come up again. SOON. He's not the kind of kid to forget things.

So...what the hell do I say? I have no problem explaining sex to my kids, but I never expected to have to explain vibrators and dildos and anal beads!

Anybody else ever have their toy chest plundered by an unsuspecting kid? How did you handle it? What explanation did you give?

ANY help would be spectacular, great, wonderful. Thanks...

S.

Find a better hiding spot and lie.

Lynnezertorte said:

Find a better hiding spot and lie.

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Find a better hiding spot...oh, hell yes. I already have.

Lie? I hope you're not serious...

S.

sheath said:

Find a better hiding spot...oh, hell yes. I already have.

Lie? I hope you're not serious...

S.

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So you are actually considering telling a 4/5 year old the truth about what he found?

To me, there are just some things that a kid doesn't need to know the truth about and mommy's sex toys would be one of them.

You know your own kid and you have to do what's best for him and obviously you think you need to explain it. I can't help you there because I just wouldn't go there.

Good luck with this one. I hope someone else can give you the help you are looking for.

Lynnezertorte said:

So you are actually considering telling a 4/5 year old the truth about what he found?

To me, there are just some things that a kid doesn't need to know the truth about and mommy's sex toys would be one of them.

You know your own kid and you have to do what's best for him and obviously you think you need to explain it. I can't help you there because I just wouldn't go there.

Good luck with this one. I hope someone else can give you the help you are looking for.

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Well, of course I'm going to tell the truth. I'm sure there is a way I can tell the truth tactfully, giving just enough information that he understands. I don't believe in lying to children about anything. Ever. Not even sex toys.

There are things they don't need to know, of course...I'm not going to drive home the concept of swinging or explain how to perform anal sex, for God's sake...but you know, I got caught red-handed, so to speak, with the sex toy thing. Now I have to figure out how to explain it. If he had not found the toys, then I would never have had to explain it, would I? My fault, yes. But something I have to take care of now.

I'm just not sure how to find that 'tactful' point in this particular situation.

Thanks for your input.

S.

Wow...tough one. Yeah, i definitely would not lie, but i would also be very careful of the euphamisms one might use in this situation. I would definitely not call them "toys" or "tools" because you can just imagine how that would come back to haunt you. I wish i could come up with something more helpful. I guess the more vague you are, the better...without daring the kids to play with them while you're not in the room.

I'm not making a judgement here....good for you for being straight with your child. You're a better person than I in this situation.

dollface007 said:

Wow...tough one. Yeah, i definitely would not lie, but i would also be very careful of the euphamisms one might use in this situation. I would definitely not call them "toys" or "tools" because you can just imagine how that would come back to haunt you. I wish i could come up with something more helpful. I guess the more vague you are, the better...without daring the kids to play with them while you're not in the room.

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dollface, thanks. VERY good point about not saying 'toys' in any way when explaining things. I didn't think of that.

S.

IF it were my child... which she has chanced upon my toy drawer before, I just tell her that those are mommy's personal toys, and very private. They arent to be looked at or played with, and for use by adults. Kind of corny I know, but she says "okay" and goes on with her day, curiosity satisfied.

sheath said:

dollface, thanks. VERY good point about not saying 'toys' in any way when explaining things. I didn't think of that.

S.

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Hehehehe....you're little one asking sitting on Santa's lap at the mall and asking him for a 10" dildo would NOT make you look like the mother of the year

ChromeCollar said:

IF it were my child... which she has chanced upon my toy drawer before, I just tell her that those are mommy's personal toys, and very private. They arent to be looked at or played with, and for use by adults. Kind of corny I know, but she says "okay" and goes on with her day, curiosity satisfied.

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I like that...very simple, straightforward. I hope something like that works with my kids.

S.

dollface007 said:

Hehehehe....you're little one asking sitting on Santa's lap at the mall and asking him for a 10" dildo would NOT make you look like the mother of the year

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LOL!

Heaven forbid...

S.

Hmm... how about a little story...

These are Mommy's special toys, which have incredible magical powers, and if a little kid should use them a horrible bogeyman will come out of the toys and eat him, so s/he should never, never touch them until he's older...

...my kids are going to hate me some day, I'm going to make up so much bullshit just because I have an overactive imagination that they are going to just hate me...

I can empathise with your position Sheath, and I too think it is best to give an honest answer without overload or hedging. How about telling him they are massagers? You could satisfy a little curiousity if need be by letting him feel on the back of his hand how one vibrates and explain that helps with muscle and joint pain in adults, but is too harsh to use on children's injuries. If he mentions it to other adults, it is not entirely untrue, and there is no reason they need doubt what he is saying, or what you are doing. LOL, brings back memories of the scene in the Australian movie 'Spider and Rose' when she whips out her vibrator in front of the disgruntled young spunk of an ambulance driver, only to slyly grin as she shows and explains to him how she finds it invaluable for relieving the arthritic pain in her feet. Good luck.

Catalina

Hi Sheath....... I have to agree lying is not a good choice, however, nor is too much information as you say. I like the idea already presented that these are your personal items, and that they can relief muscles and joints. No lie, no lie by ommission either. I applaud your attempts to not lie to your children. Best to you on this one!

Cate

Honestly, the idea of explaining them as 'massagers' never crossed my mind. Heaven knows that's not what I use them for.

I'm glad you mentioned it, catalina! It is definitely an option when it comes to explaining things.

Cate: Thanks.

Summer Morning: Hey, at least your kids will grow up with overactive imaginations themselves, right?

S.

sheath said:

So...what the hell do I say? I have no problem explaining sex to my kids, but I never expected to have to explain vibrators and dildos and anal beads!

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In defense of my original post, I was responding to the above portion of your plight. I thought you actually were going to discuss the items and what each was for and that's why I said lie....as in don't do it. Don't I feel silly.

I'm glad others were able to get down to the basics and give you the info you needed. I just freaked. Sorry about that.

Re: Re: Ummm...I don't know how to explain this one. Help?

Lynnezertorte said:

In defense of my original post, I was responding to the above portion of your plight. I thought you actually were going to discuss the items and what each was for and that's why I said lie....as in don't do it. Don't I feel silly.

I'm glad others were able to get down to the basics and give you the info you needed. I just freaked. Sorry about that.

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No problem. I have read your posts on this board with interest, and you are always very thorough and thoughtful...so I was surprised at your original post on this thread...but now, I fully understand.

And given what you responded to, hell yeah...If the kids wanted a detailed explanation of each and every toy, then I might have to completely disregard my wish to never lie to them!

No apologies necessary.

S.

sheath said:

Well, of course I'm going to tell the truth. I'm sure there is a way I can tell the truth tactfully, giving just enough information that he understands. I don't believe in lying to children about anything. Ever. Not even sex toys.

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The "Truth" in this cae is "Those are MY things, in MY box, and you should not have been looking thorugh MY things."

Your son needs to learn more about respecting other people's property than he does about the details of what he found

sheath said:

Honestly, the idea of explaining them as 'massagers' never crossed my mind. Heaven knows that's not what I use them for.


S.

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In a way it is, at least the vibrators... think about it; when you're particularly worked up and horny, the muscles in that area are tense and almost sore in a similar way as a strained back. That's how it seems to me, anyhow. You might try explaining that there are things that grown up bodies can go through that need to be taken care of that children's bodies don't experience. Maybe point out that it's kind of like how kids get chicken pox but adults don't, but the other way around. There's probably a somewhat better analogy there, but you get my meaning. Try to be sure you say "can go through" it may help to avoid opening the door of "will I need these when I'm a grown up?"

On a cheekier note, I had to laugh at your choice of words in your original post that you "dodged a bullet"....

PorscheLynn said:

On a cheekier note, I had to laugh at your choice of words in your original post that you "dodged a bullet"....

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LOL! I didn't notice that until now. Leave it to me to say something witty only when I don't realize I'm doing it...

Weird Harold and CutieMouse, I would agree with you to some extent. If he had pulled the chest out from under the bed, I would have scolded him something fierce.

Alas, all this was MY mistake. The box wasn't concealed as well as it should have been. It was under the bed, yes, but I had taken the bedskirts off to wash them...so, given that, I should have known better. Besides that, it does look just like a treasure chest seen in old pirate movies. Very, very tempting for a child his age. I can see why he would look in there.

However...when we do talk about it, which I'm sure will come pretty soon, I will definitely be discussing the difference between HIS things and MY things, and how he should treat them accordingly.

S.

LOL!

Stressed out pirates...

Now the chest is hidden inside the big cedar chest...and the kids NEVER look in there.

I agree, a good discussion of personal privacy and responsibility can come out of this.

S.

The truth is always the best way to go. They are adult toys for adults. Plain and simple. That is what usually works best.