Lord Pmann Wants to Start a Cult

[Lord Pmann]

So, I’ve been watching a fair amount of documentaries about cults lately- The Vow, Love Has Won, Twin Flames, etc.

It makes me want to start a cult, honestly. I mean, with my charming personality and knack for branding people, I think I could really be a great cult leader.

But it got me thinking about all the things that make a good cult. And different people want different things. As the leader, I’m mostly concerned with sex and money. Maybe a little power. But if I’m going to promise you some unachievable shit, what is it that you want to be promised?

I want to know what people are looking for in a cult. And do you think there was ever a time in your life where you could’ve fallen victim to a cult?

 

[RosevilleCAguy]

I'm in it for the koolaid.

 

[ydahecnot]

I was heavily into Blue Oyster Cult back in the day

 

[barefootgirl69]

I'd want there to be some feet washing involved, personally.

I've been to a few churches where it felt like a cult. Doing what the Pastor says instead of what the Bible says is a big clue. I didn't stick around.

 

[Taegul]

I hear that a really good starting point for a successful cult is to recruit Tom Cruise as your right-hand man.

 

[Lord Pmann]

I was heavily into Blue Oyster Cult back in the day

Was it the cowbell?

 

[ydahecnot]

Was it the cowbell?

I dunno, it just felt as if they were burning for me

 

[luv2custrip]

If it’s a cult that worships beautiful naked women and has us groveling at their feet, I’m in. I hereby volunteer to gently bathe our volunteer goddesses and oil their bodies in preparation for worship.
Thank you.

 

[Deleted member 6607120]

A prescribed uniform, preferably including sandals would be great.

Increasingly expensive classes on how to advance in the cult would be super helpful as I try to reach Tom Cruise level.

A pilgrimage to some sort of holy land or location. It'll probably be Farmer Bob's cornfield again. He got really mad last time we frolicked through the crops.

On a side note, if you're into learning about cults, the book Cultish: The Language of Fanaticism by Amanda Montell is a really interesting read from the perspective of someone who was in one as a child and talks about how the language they use entices people to join.

 

[barefootgirl69]

I dunno, it just felt as if they were burning for me

Those burning sensations need a prescription. We should probably have a few nurses on stand-by.

 

[Lord Pmann]

I'm in it for the koolaid.

Koolaid is very cheap. My cult will be a lot classier than that. Snapple or better.

I'd want there to be some feet washing involved, personally.

I’m not particularly into feet, but perhaps you can find one of my subjects who is.

I hear that a really good starting point for a successful cult is to recruit Tom Cruise as your right-hand man.

Ya know, he seems to recruit some decent people. I was particularly interested in the NXIVM cult leader’s recruiting method. He was getting some really beautiful women with a lot of money. I need some funding, so rich girls go to the front of the line.

If it’s a cult that worships beautiful naked women and has us groveling at their feet, I’m in. I hereby volunteer to gently bathe our volunteer goddesses and oil their bodies in preparation for worship.
Thank you.

I’m not into groveling. This is a dignified cult.

A prescribed uniform, preferably including sandals would be great.

Increasingly expensive classes on how to advance in the cult would be super helpful as I try to reach Tom Cruise level.

A pilgrimage to some sort of holy land or location. It'll probably be Farmer Bob's cornfield again. He got really mad last time we frolicked through the crops.

On a side note, if you're into learning about cults, the book Cultish: The Language of Fanaticism by Amanda Montell is a really interesting read from the perspective of someone who was in one as a child and talks about how the language they use entices people to join.

Whatever the prescribed uniform is, it will include thigh highs. I’m not sure how well that will work with sandals, but perhaps casual Fridays will work with sandals and your casual thigh highs.

And thank you for the recommendation on how to sharpen my cult speaking skills.

 

[RosevilleCAguy]

Koolaid is very cheap. My cult will be a lot classier than that.

This is a deal breaker for me.

I'm very disappointed. I expected more from a person seeking to gain "Godlike" status.

My new life's mission will be to de-program your followers.

 

[Inthesewalls]

Comfort, naps, caffeine,hugs, good conversations. Snapple isn't my favorite. Koolaid is meh. Can we agree on coffee and tea? Caffeine is a must.

Did you watch the one about The Garden?that was pretty interesting to me as they wouldn't do anything without clearing ti with everyone. They did live rough though. I would want actual housing though- none of this off the grid shit. I like electricity and climate control. Is that a deal breaker?

Also I think we are all part of different "cults" its really unavoidable. There's a good podcast called "Sounds like A Cult", they discuss the cult like aspects of modern life from peleton to kpop to runners. We all have our things.

I'm too lazy to actually lead a cult, but I like coming up with ideas. I volunteer as tribute when you decide to start up. If you'll have me of course.

 

[Inthesewalls]

Comfort, naps, caffeine,hugs, good conversations. Snapple isn't my favorite. Koolaid is meh. Can we agree on coffee and tea? Caffeine is a must.

Did you watch the one about The Garden?that was pretty interesting to me as they wouldn't do anything without clearing ti with everyone. They did live rough though. I would want actual housing though- none of this off the grid shit. I like electricity and climate control. Is that a deal breaker?

Also I think we are all part of different "cults" its really unavoidable. There's a good podcast called "Sounds like A Cult", they discuss the cult like aspects of modern life from peleton to kpop to runners. We all have our things.

I'm too lazy to actually lead a cult, but I like coming up with ideas. I volunteer as tribute when you decide to start up. If you'll have me of course.

i think we could fund ourselves through pmann merchandise. also some of us should entice rich idiots in while a group of us pretend to be deprogrammers. Then we charge people to "de program" their family members. So we get a membership and deprogramming fee. Those people can have a "special" area until we kick them out.

 

[AWonkyDonkey]

I'd want there to be some feet washing involved, personally.

I've been to a few churches where it felt like a cult. Doing what the Pastor says instead of what the Bible says is a big clue. I didn't stick around.

I'd be in it as long as I didn't have to be near the feet. I'm Podophobic.

@Lord Pmann - can you find me a senior position? Gun nut or something?

 

[Lord Pmann]

This is a deal breaker for me.

I'm very disappointed. I expected more from a person seeking to gain "Godlike" status.

My new life's mission will be to de-program your followers.

Dude… you’re not gonna lure any women with Kool Aid. That’s just not going to happen. If you want some bobo cult followers, then feed them Kool Aid. But don’t come complaining to me when your followers start losing their feet from all that sugar. Hobble right on back to your hippie barn.

Did you watch the one about The Garden?that was pretty interesting to me as they wouldn't do anything without clearing ti with everyone.

I have not. Where would I watch this?

I'm too lazy to actually lead a cult, but I like coming up with ideas. I volunteer as tribute when you decide to start up. If you'll have me of course.

This is the right attitude. I don’t need you to do a lot of “work”. You can be one of the higher ups. Have a seat on that couch over there.

I like electricity and climate control. Is that a deal breaker?

I assure you, I’m living in climate controlled areas in extravagance. So are the best women. The men and everyone else will live in huts, as we don’t want them wasting precious resources.

i think we could fund ourselves through pmann merchandise

Agreed. Who doesn’t want an “I stand with Lord Pmann” t-shirt for $49.95?

 

[Lord Pmann]

I'd be in it as long as I didn't have to be near the feet. I'm Podophobic.

Better than being a Podophile.

@Lord Pmann - can you find me a senior position? Gun nut or something?

I can’t have all senior level people. But I do need a body guard to keep people from harming or questioning me.

 

[Inthesewalls]

Dude… you’re not gonna lure any women with Kool Aid. That’s just not going to happen. If you want some bobo cult followers, then feed them Kool Aid. But don’t come complaining to me when your followers start losing their feet from all that sugar. Hobble right on back to your hippie barn.






I have not. Where would I watch this?



This is the right attitude. I don’t need you to do a lot of “work”. You can be one of the higher ups. Have a seat on that couch over there.



I assure you, I’m living in climate controlled areas in extravagance. So are the best women. The men and everyone else will live in huts, as we don’t want them wasting precious resources.



Agreed. Who doesn’t want an “I stand with Lord Pmann” t-shirt for $49.95?

I am honored to be a part this. I'll start work on the merchandise while I'm lounging on the couch. Altho I'm sure they will sale themselves.

The garden is on Discovery plus which yes, has many bigfoot ghost documentaries, but also comes out with some interesting stuff from time to time. It's like seven episodes. It's interesting because they do it from the point of view of people trying to get into the cult. Hope you enjoy it.

All Hail King PMann.

 

[RosevilleCAguy]

All Hail King PMann.

See! "King" not "Lord" or "God Empereror."

No kool-aid, no respect.

 

[RosevilleCAguy]

i think we could fund ourselves through pmann merchandise. also some of us should entice rich idiots in while a group of us pretend to be deprogrammers. Then we charge people to "de program" their family members. So we get a membership and deprogramming fee. Those people can have a "special" area until we kick them out.

Wait, i missed this. Scratch my kool-aid objection.

I'm in.

 

[Acktion]

https://i.pinimg.com/736x/94/f3/e5/94f3e53f8b356a29729f62f5ba7bd51b--toga-party-national-lampoons.jpg

 

[Taegul]

I'd recommend to Pmann to update your "end of the world" apocalypse date every 3-4 years. Gotta build up that sense of urgency to manipulate encourage the masses to join and cooperate.

And with our terrible leaders, your date might not be that far off anyway!

*Waves* to Biden and Trump.

https://c.tenor.com/CkKo4V6AkQwAAAAM/funny-wave.gif

 

[Crankbait88]

The right cult for me would have the following:

• Potluck Wednesdays
• Coed Indian Leg Wrestling
• Free Sandals / Clogs
• Extra tartar sauce for our Fried Fish Fridays
• The option of hunting one human annually

Give me that and I'd sign up.

 

[StillRain]

You’ll all stink of patchouli cum body odour in under a day because free range. Suddenly the only sexual pleasure you’ll ever have again is pretend pleasure in some faux trance state from your weirdo cult leader as they lay hands on your stanky bits and you tell yourself this is what you need to be free.

Don’t do it. Resist the cult.

 

[Wand3rlust]

I want lots of sex. That's got to be part of it, surely?
And make the men look after all the domestic duties. Yep.