Sex & Shenanigans

[servant_heart]

First of all, George is a dick. He's named for a king who lost a huge war. If he didn't see your gorgeous eyes and fall in love just a little bit, pox on him!

Here's my 4th grade story, on how I really had to pass gas, like really bad, and a fantastic happenstance occurred. I was in the library and I went to this area of three large bookshelves that made a sort of alcove. Perfect spot to let go, unnoticed. Or, so I thought. I don't know what I'd eaten to cause such a funk, but let me tell you, a stink came out of my 10 yr old body that can only be described as "dead pheasent" (where my fowl hunters at?)

I see Suzy, who wasnt so nice to me and was of course the most popular girl in my grade, walk toward me. I quickly slink out of there. Just as she gets there and the unholy reek hits her, so does the librarian and a whole class of younger kids, who also walked into the rotted fog I'd left behind. They all assumed it was Suzy. She was known as Stinky Suzy for the last 2 months of school. SWEET REVENGE!

My favorite part of that story was the words “rotted fog”

 

[crazychemgirl]

Am I getting something really cool, like a '59 El Dorado? https://reviews.ipmsusa.org/sites/default/files/reviews/1959-cadillac-eldorado-biarritz-convertible/1959_cadillac_box_art.jpg

It can be for anything you want.

 

[SalaciousMonkey22]

In fourth grade I mainly finished my work fast so I could sit in the corner and read Ranger Rock magazines. I feel so boring. I wasn’t noticing tits or accents or farting profoundly.

 

[Deleted member 6568729]

Ever lay in bed and think about George in 4th grade who called you ugly and said you have a stupid face …
Even though you were young and almost all kids are mean at some point in their youth and you probably did look kind of janky before the braces and let’s face it … fashion in the late 80s and 90s wasn’t doing us any favours … and you know deep down you’re more than your looks anyway … and George is probably just a stupid face now!!

And yet..

Yes. But his name was Justin. I vividly remember playing tag at recess and him telling someone to pick me because I was fat and slow and wouldn't catch anyone. I was just an average sized kid, not the smallest but not the biggest, and had never been called fat before. But thus began my struggle with body dysmorphia.

 

[Deleted member 6592667]

4th grade I remember my family took a vacation to Montreal. We saw the Olympic stadium which was neat. Then we walked around for something like an hour to find something familiar to eat before stopping at Wendy's. 4th grade wasn't that bad I don't think.

5th grade was pretty shitty though. I got jumped on the playground by a couple kids that were way bigger than me and got beat up. Then throughout the year it was open season on me getting picked on by other kids. The main one that picked on me was this redneck dipshit named John Curly (even his name was totally shitty). He was hassling me one day following me down the hallway. I had enough and I wheeled around and punched him directly in the face. Full on movie punch. It connected and made a sound. He immediately started scream crying. I walked off and went to class. It was glorious. He never bugged me again.

 

[SalaciousMonkey22]

Yes. But his name was Justin. I vividly remember playing tag at recess and him telling someone to pick me because I was fat and slow and wouldn't catch anyone. I was just an average sized kid, not the smallest but not the biggest, and had never been called fat before. But thus began my struggle with body dysmorphia.

Kids are the worst. I was always the “fat” kid too. And it sucked. I look back at pictures though and I’m like WTF? I wasn’t good at sport but I walked and/or rode my bike to and from school everyday. And swam most days I could. I wasn’t lean and mean but I was definite not fat. Again, kids are the worst.

 

[Strixaluco]

If someone came up to you and offered you a deal … for your soul.

Would you take it?

Either the chap is trying to cheat me, and I ain't falling for that.

Or then it's the highly unlikely situation that he's actually the devil, and then I have even less reason to do anything with him.

I prefer to never know whether I avoided getting cheated or ending in hell

 

[SalaciousMonkey22]

Either the chap is trying to cheat me, and I ain't falling for that.

Or then it's the highly unlikely situation that he's actually the devil, and then I have even less reason to do anything with him.

I prefer to never know whether I avoided getting cheated or ending in hell

My thoughts exactly. Theres exactly nothing in this transaction that is good for me.

 

[crazychemgirl]

Kids are the worst. I was always the “fat” kid too. And it sucked. I look back at pictures though and I’m like WTF? I wasn’t good at sport but I walked and/or rode my bike to and from school everyday. And swam most days I could. I wasn’t lean and mean but I was definite not fat. Again, kids are the worst.

You’re never as fat as the time you thought you were fat.

 

[jason28053]

If a tree falls in the forest, and there's no one there to hear it...

So you’re saying you want to see his timber?

 

[Strixaluco]

Again, kids are the worst.

I got the "why don't you wear Lewi's / Diesel / whatever" a lot (dammit, those expensive jeans didn't even fit at all). But mostly I was just left alone. The "you're not welcome" type alone. The "nobody's coming to your birthday party" type alone.

I then chose to go to another school, realised I could behave like I took it a given I'd get friends, and have been faking ever since. Until I met my Dom 18 months ago.

 

[jason28053]

I think about Juan Carlos Rodrigues who called me Dolly Pardon in the 5th grade when I walked in the door (because of my southern accent) but little does he know that I grew up to fill those shoes in more than one way. Sat next to him the whole year and had the biggest crush then to learn that he only wanted to cheat off me. *sigh*
The one that got away..

So you’re saying you have a great voice with super tits?

 

[Deleted member 1498366]

Ever wonder where your passport is at 2:30am and suddenly you can’t sleep …

Ever lay in bed and think about

it’s 4:00am … and suddenly you recall that thing you said at work that was supposed to be funny and no one laughed …

These things haunt me during the day too it definitely doesn’t have to be at night... but I’ll share some fun things that creep in during my night time anxieties…
Lwhen I yelled at my entire show choir (yes, I did show choir in HS) to watch the tempo on a song… which was not necessary or a thing… and everyone just stared at me, said nothing, and restarted the song.
Or when people in middle school told me a guy had a boner then made fun of me because I didn’t know what that meant…
I was just the “weird” kid all of elementary and don’t remember much but I do remember my last game of softball in 5th grade, we were losing, 2 outs, i went up to bat and my whole team very loudly groaned and basically said like “can someone hit for [them]?” Or “well great now we are definitely losing”

If someone came up to you and offered you a deal … for your soul.

Would you take it?

I mean, depending on the deal maybe? But I’d much rather take a deal to jump to a different universe or timeline.

 

[SalaciousMonkey22]

Kids are the worst. I was always the “fat” kid too. And it sucked. I look back at pictures though and I’m like WTF? I wasn’t good at sport but I walked and/or rode my bike to and from school everyday. And swam most days I could. I wasn’t lean and mean but I was definite not fat. Again, kids are the worst.

Oh no sad, I’m not trying to oversell my childhood trauma. I was never cool or picked anything other than last at sports and spent most Fridays and Saturdays watching movies or playing D&D. But I also was never isolated, I’ve always been sorta funny and thoughtful and not for everyone but always for someone. So it wasn’t too bad. Wish I’d had more sex I guess. Or any for that matter

 

[Photog1rl]

After today I might even take that.
I was white-knuckled the whole way to work this morning. First I got stuck in my driveway and had to pull myself out, and then 50 yard stretches of road all the way in were patches of 1/4 inch thick ice, both lanes.
It’s below 0 degrees F outside.
I’m leaving early. Ain’t no way I’m doing that at night.

I am so glad you made it safely. That is really scary and dangerous!
Be safe this afternoon Wolfie

 

[jason28053]

Yes. But his name was Justin. I vividly remember playing tag at recess and him telling someone to pick me because I was fat and slow and wouldn't catch anyone. I was just an average sized kid, not the smallest but not the biggest, and had never been called fat before. But thus began my struggle with body dysmorphia.

This JustIn, you’re smoking hot

 

[SalaciousMonkey22]

This JustIn, you’re smoking hot

What her name is Justin! How’s bigs her penis? AFAF

 

[MindYaBitness]

For all my insomniacs

View attachment 2306405

I approve of this message

 

[SalaciousMonkey22]

I approve of this message

Might help if you two slept on your stomachs?

 

[SalaciousMonkey22]

I got the "why don't you wear Lewi's / Diesel / whatever" a lot (dammit, those expensive jeans didn't even fit at all). But mostly I was just left alone. The "you're not welcome" type alone. The "nobody's coming to your birthday party" type alone.

I then chose to go to another school, realised I could behave like I took it a given I'd get friends, and have been faking ever since. Until I met my Dom 18 months ago.

Alls well that ends well. But sometimes it nice for the happy ending to get a move on!

 

[Deleted member 6568729]

What her name is Justin! How’s bigs her penis? AFAF

Not as big as @OrdinaryPerson or @Bbl87 . Sorry.

 

[SalaciousMonkey22]

Not as big as @OrdinaryPerson or @Bbl87 . Sorry.

Oh no, that’s perfect. I’m no size queen.

 

[MindYaBitness]

Might help if you two slept on your stomachs?

I'm a side sleeper, even if I start on my back or stomach, I always wake up on my left side

 

[Strixaluco]

Alls well that ends well. But sometimes it nice for the happy ending to get a move on!

Well, took a few decades and I still have the mental scars.

 

[jason28053]

I'm a side sleeper, even if I start on my back or stomach, I always wake up on my left side

Samsies, let’s spoon