Chasing Married Men

[Smileyouronnow]

@SusanHoward isn't the only one. There are a ton of women on here who love pleasing their partners, love giving oral, and have really active & fun sex lives. There is no "why", just the magical intersection of love & attraction. Knowing that I turn him on, turns me on, ergo, I want to do things that make him feel good

I have chatted with many women, married and dating and have not heard that from any of them.
You my dear are quite a find! Your guy is more than lucky.
I also chat with lots of married men who report that their wives want oral on them but are not so keen on doing it for their husband's. They tell me that before marriage they would consider doing it, but seldom after.
As I said, your guy is way more than lucky! Wish more women would be more like you!
Husband's would be happier and would be less likely to step out on them with a male or female.

 

[MindYaBitness]

I have chatted with many women, married and dating and have not heard that from any of them.
You my dear are quite a find! Your guy is more than lucky.
I also chat with lots of married men who report that their wives want oral on them but are not so keen on doing it for their husband's. They tell me that before marriage they would consider doing it, but seldom after.
As I said, your guy is way more than lucky! Wish more women would be more like you!
Husband's would be happier and would be less likely to step out on them with a male or female.

You might be hanging out in the wrong forums. The PG Aural thread had a whole discussion yesterday with several of us who are oral fans, and there's another newish thread of a woman asking men what is they look for in good oral.

or perhaps it's a generational thing, I know for many women, particularly older than me, for whom it is an absolute taboo and they feel it's degrading (in a bad way) to do it.

The only complaint I've heard from women is that some men do t have good hygiene. So fellas, trim the busses and scrub with a pH balanced wash for Christ's sake!

My spouse is very reserved & vanilla, & isn't comfortable with locker room talk or porn. However, when he heard his coworkers complaining about living in a BJ desert, well he became a chatty-Cathy. Everyone at his old work knows he gets them as often as he'd like

 

[HotLoadLover]

I can totally see how married guys would be the easiest

If you just want him so he can feed you his nut, a married man is perfect. Many of them don't get oral sex often, so they will give up their seed pretty quickly, then go home to their families with a smile on their face. They won't want you to spend the weekends and holidays with them. When they call or message you, they're almost always looking for "Right Now". Dinner is served.

 

[areolaman1]

You know that’s why women are always smiling as they walk down the wedding aisle.
They are thinking, “I’ve given my last blowjob!”

LMAO

 

[Cherylinheels]

Do you really have to CHASE married men? Depending where or how you meet them they're usually there to satisfy their curiousity or get something they can't at home? I prefer married men, no games, no commitments (no disease?) Two consenting adults enjoying some time together. Enjoying each other and the pleasure derived from it.

 

[Travler99921]

I am married and out to my wife. She prefers that the men I meet are married. That is my preference too. However, part of our agreement is that I won't bring a man home except when she is out of town. Most of the men I meet are not out to their wives. That makes it difficult to find a place. Nonetheless I love to service frustrated married, and they really appreciate it.

 

[Greytruck]

I am married and out to my wife. She prefers that the men I meet are married. That is my preference too. However, part of our agreement is that I won't bring a man home except when she is out of town. Most of the men I meet are not out to their wives. That makes it difficult to find a place. Nonetheless I love to service frustrated married, and they really appreciate it.

You are very lucky your wife accepts this.. most others do not

 

[wetsawdust]

As a married guy who's looking for potential playmates to explore my bi side, I'm MUCH more interested in married dudes (whether married to a guy or girl). Discretion, worrying about catching something, maturity, hangups/hassles/bs, it just makes sense to find someone with as much to lose as you do.
And I say this by sticking to....I'm looking for stuff my wife cannot give me.

 

[Greytruck]

As a married guy who's looking for potential playmates to explore my bi side, I'm MUCH more interested in married dudes (whether married to a guy or girl). Discretion, worrying about catching something, maturity, hangups/hassles/bs, it just makes sense to find someone with as much to lose as you do.
And I say this by sticking to....I'm looking for stuff my wife cannot give me.

Totally agree with all you said.
married guys have a lot to loose.. discreet is a must

 

[Uncut1969]

You might be hanging out in the wrong forums. The PG Aural thread had a whole discussion yesterday with several of us who are oral fans, and there's another newish thread of a woman asking men what is they look for in good oral.

or perhaps it's a generational thing, I know for many women, particularly older than me, for whom it is an absolute taboo and they feel it's degrading (in a bad way) to do it.

The only complaint I've heard from women is that some men do t have good hygiene. So fellas, trim the busses and scrub with a pH balanced wash for Christ's sake!

My spouse is very reserved & vanilla, & isn't comfortable with locker room talk or porn. However, when he heard his coworkers complaining about living in a BJ desert, well he became a chatty-Cathy. Everyone at his old work knows he gets them as often as he'd like

And I am sure very envious of your husband! Thanks for sharing! I am in the desert also!

 

[Britva415]

Great agreement. At least you are able to be honest about your being bisexual, and have rules. I'm too scared to cross that line to see what happens. I would love to hear more about how you did it.

Being out from the very start helps a lot.

Also - Travler didn't say but I presume that what's happening at home, and we know that what's happening at home for a lot of these guys, is that the wife doesn't want sex. It's definitely my position. So, presuming that, it also helps a lot to have a wife who can concede without defensiveness that you need what she's not providing, and can also have a sense of empathy for what it must be doing to you to not get it and to have no prospects of getting it short of leaving or cheating. I never threatened her with any of that, she just gets it because she's not stupid or in denial.

So, not having to come out as bi, and not having to worry about defensive and unsympathetic push-back, are how I did it. I don't see another way, really. The whole process still took about a year.

The coming out is something I did before we were married. When we first met, really. The rest of it is something she did because she's a grown-up who isn't triggered by grown-up talk.

 

[Britva415]

Thanks for your response. It's great insight

Too bad it's not a road-map for people who don't have the conditions I described.

However:
For at least some of these couples, it might be possible to develop them.

Step 1 might be to just come out already, or that might be Step 2 after taking the step of working as hard as necessary together - this takes two, you both have to be into it - working as hard together as you can to develop the communication skills I talked about.

Yes, that's communication skills. I put it in terms of my wife being sympathetic and not defensive, but those follow from the communication skills of listening and taking what you hear seriously, whether it's what you want to hear or not.
Additionally, not getting defensive is a skill.
Knowing when your feelings are the result of triggers which are present in your own psychology and not having anything to do with the other person's intentions - that's a skill.
Active listening is a skill.

None of those skills have anything to do with talking persuasively, or with "nonviolent communication" except to the extent that that term has a listener's side as well as the speaker's side, these are the things we usually think of as "communication skills," especially in the context of a relationship. However, that second one is also a whole set of necessary skills. This is where we finally talk about the speaker's communication skills. But the hearer has to have the above. And both partners need both need both sets, since they'll be going back and forth.

My wife and I already did pretty well with communication skills, but when sex became a real mis-match and source of conflict and incompatibility between us, we put a ton of effort into the stuff I've been talking about. We prioritized that higher than any specific actions for resolving the conflict, until we were confident that we could go there without risking button-pushing, perceptions of blame, or checking-out.

This is why the process took a year. There was also lots of time during that year where we didn't communicate about it. We let things ripen. And wouldn't you know it, time spent digesting things we said to and heard from each other resulted in changed perspectives.

Until one day we just went all the way to Step 3. I was ready to say, and she was ready to hear, what it was I really wanted, if I was going to feel like my situation was a fair one. And she had already come to empathize with that unfairness, and to realize that what I wanted wasn't the threat she had previously thought it was - or, at least, it didn't have to be, and she was willing to try it and see.

 

[wetsawdust]

I came out to myself as bi when I turned 50. I'd have done it any day prior if I had known. It was seriously just a light switch on one day. So I'd totally have come out to my wife at the time if I knew. I don't think I'd be a married guy, at least to her, if I did.
And I don't feel good to come out to her now, because it would hurt her. And honestly, it isn't what she signed up for.
In my defense, I didn't sign up for this either.

 

[Travler99921]

Since several of you have inquired, my wile and I were still having sex when I came out to her. The frequency was low and the intensity was not great. I knew I did not want to cheat on her, but my gay desires were growing. I was going to seek professional help, not to "cure" me but to help me deal with staying celibate on my gay side.

I told her one weekend morning. Her reaction was to say I could not help my feelings, but she did want me acting on them. Over the next two weeks we had many conversations, and I was asked many questions. Then one morning she said I should have a gay sex experience. I believe she wanted to know if I was gay or bi. I needed to know the same thing.

Shortly thereafter I had my first gay encounter. I liked it and knew it would be a one time thing. I also knew it did not replace my need for sex with my wife. In fact our marital sex improved in quantity and quality. It also became more adventurous. We met with other couples in "mixed orientation" marriages", not for sex but to learn from each other.

Once my initial gay lust was satisfied, I found gay sex about once a month was enough to keep me satisfied, and that was acceptable to her. In some ways it was the best time in our marriage.

 

[Britva415]

That's a good healthy marriage with compassion and communication. Congratulations, may you abide together forever.

My situation's just a little different. I already had experienced sex with men before my marriage. My longest relationship besides my wife was with a man. So, I was out from the start and there hasn't been any "you need to experience this" element - I mean, beyond needing extramarital sex in general.

I don't have a concept of "celibate on my A/B/C side." In both of those relationships I was monogamous. My male partner was always terrified I'd cheat on him with a woman or leave him for a woman. After 4 years I did, but not because "it was inevitable." We had other problems and it was falling apart anyway, so, a couple weeks before we finally broke up completely I did get together with a woman - there's an extent to which it was a self fulfilling prophecy he created, because that constant insecurity was part of what broke us up. The insecurity, not the infidelity. I'm sure he's thought "see, I knew it would happen" all these years now - because he did find out, later.

That was so long ago I haven't thought about it in years. My wife agreed to non-monogamy for completely different reasons other than some idea that I needed sex with "the other side." She and I have just become sexually incompatible, and our marriage is now one of those sexless ones you read about in other threads here. I don't know what I'd do if she did offer sex now. I'm sure I'd say "no thanks" unless she were really, convincingly, actively seducing me into it, because unenthusiastic "compromise sex" isn't sexy to me.

So our agreement isn't even about whether sex with men is OK, it's about whether extramarital sex with anyone is, whatever their sex/gender/orientation/marital status/other axis of identity. I've been going with gay men because it's easiest. Married guys have been too squirrely and haven't followed through to actually meet. I swear they'd really rather just chat, talk dirty, beg for dick pics and video play, rather than dare to get anything face to face. Women, married or otherwise, are on the table too, but less "easy" like gay men are, you know? Especially for a "no-strings" situation.

That's the expectation - extramarital sex is OK, an extramarital relationship is not. Which is fine with me. I love my wife and am not looking for an affair or a polyamorous type situation. This agreement has improved our relationship.

 

[Travler99921]

At the same time my wife made it clear that it was OK for me to have gay sex she also made it clear that having sex with other women was not ok. Her reason for preferring that I had sex with married men was she thought there was less chance I would develop romantic feelings toward any of my sex partners. While I have had intense sexual experiences with men I was and remain hetroromantic.

 

[Rob_Royale]

Chasing Married Men​

Probably a good idea. We're generally a little more out of shape and easier to catch.

 

[Smileyouronnow]

At the same time my wife made it clear that it was OK for me to have gay sex she also made it clear that having sex with other women was not ok. Her reason for preferring that I had sex with married men was she thought there was less chance I would develop romantic feelings toward any of my sex partners. While I have had intense sexual experiences with men I was and remain hetroromantic.

Sounds like she knows you very well! Smart woman! I'm also a hetroromantic guy! Very bi-curious with a couple of experiences with 2 married guys, but love love love woman.

 

[Cardinal]

Gay friend told me that married guys in the 50’s start experimenting all the time

 

[niniku18]

Gay friend told me that married guys in the 50’s start experimenting all the time

Yum! Let me know if they have contact info

 

[nostuff]

@SusanHoward isn't the only one. There are a ton of women on here who love pleasing their partners, love giving oral, and have really active & fun sex lives. There is no "why", just the magical intersection of love & attraction. Knowing that I turn him on, turns me on, ergo, I want to do things that make him feel good

Wow, I identify with this so much.

I love going down on a woman, and I'll eat her out all night long (figuratively speaking). And it's not so much for the physical stimulation I get, but because of her wonderful reaction. Sucking a cock is pretty much the same thing. Yes, I enjoy having my mouth full, to have him pushing into my throat, but the real goal is to make my lover squirm.

 

[jackthelad11]

Gay friend told me that married guys in the 50’s start experimenting all the time

Same here. Gay friend tells me at least 50% of guys he has met on Grindr are "straight" and married. It pisses him off because it looks like these guys look on gays as "gay sluts" who just want sex and not a relationship

 

[CliimaxForYou]

You know that’s why women are always smiling as they walk down the wedding aisle.
They are thinking, “I’ve given my last blowjob!”

Yep. Negotiations have ended at that point. Usually so does the oral, and for some of us, the intimacy and intercourse, too.

 

[Smileyouronnow]

Yep. Negotiations have ended at that point. Usually so does the oral, and for some of us, the intimacy and intercourse, too.

ClimaxForYou, marriage ends many sexual favors! It absolutely does!

 

[wetsawdust]

Same here. Gay friend tells me at least 50% of guys he has met on Grindr are "straight" and married. It pisses him off because it looks like these guys look on gays as "gay sluts" who just want sex and not a relationship

I kinda struggle with this part of it. Like, I am a tourist in a world I really cannot fully commit to. But then again, it takes two consenting adults....
I just try and approach situations and people with respect, and all fine print understood ahead of time, as to avoid any unneeded distraction.