Fantasy good, reality bad

[bejjinks]

I have never had a sexual experience that I have enjoyed. I have been attracted to men my whole life and I have fantasized sexually about men my whole life but my actual experiences have all been bad, some worse than others. I was wondering if I could talk about that here to see if I could figure out how to have better experiences in reality.

My first time was after I got married. I did sex the proper way like a good Christian should. I managed to orgasm (which led to pregnancy) but the orgasm did not feel right. I can't describe what was so wrong about it but it felt more like being electrocuted than it did like being electrified if that makes any sense. Also, there was never any connection or chemistry between her and I. She wanted sex a lot and I obliged her a few times but she never seduced me. She never even tried. She just demanded and it didn't take long before I didn't want to do it anymore.

My first time with a man also lacked connection and chemistry. It was a one night stand where he got his rocks off and then kicked me out.

One of my experiences was very awkward because the guy expected me to know what I wanted but I hadn't had enough experience to know what I wanted. I know that I want to involve the whole body from the head to the feet but when I told him that, he said, "So your a foot fetishist." No, I am not a foot fetishist. If I'm anything, I'm a cock fetishist but I also want to kiss and hold hands and do other things besides focus on any one body part.

One guy kept repeating to me, "You can fuck me if you want to." I wanted him to shut up. Yea, maybe I would fuck him but I wanted to enjoy the foreplay, the connection and the chemistry. I did not want to merely insert tab A into slot B like a machine.

I've been with many guys but the closest I ever came to enjoying it was with K. He let me explore his chest for a while. But then suddenly he wanted to rush to orgasm. Then he got sleepy and asked me to stop touching him.

What do you think? What can I do to make it better?

 

[mtsnowrider]

Find a guy who thinks like you and wants what you want. (Easy to say, I know)

 

[Terrylipstick]

It’s not easy. So many guys want to get right to the deed and when they’re finished, they want to cut out. I’ve been guilty of this more times than I care to admit to. But there are a few guys out there that I’ve connected with. There are so many flakes out there. You have to learn to be discriminating. Some guys ( me included sometimes) just want to suck a cock and get back on the road… or get their cock sucked and head back home to their wife. I met a guy, who turned into a very regular and long lasting hookup for me, sucking his cock in a bookstore gloryhole. We left there and went to a hotel room, got naked and messed around in bed until I came. When I did, I freaked out and made excuses and left. A year or so later I found him again on Craigslist and we’ve been hooking up ever since. The sex has only gotten better. We’ve had some hookups that were better than others and a few that have left the two of us gasping for air and totally spent. It’s part of the adventure. Best of luck to you. I hope you find a person to fulfill your wants and needs

 

[tristantrotsky]

I have never had a sexual experience that I have enjoyed. I have been attracted to men my whole life and I have fantasized sexually about men my whole life but my actual experiences have all been bad, some worse than others. I was wondering if I could talk about that here to see if I could figure out how to have better experiences in reality.

My first time was after I got married. I did sex the proper way like a good Christian should. I managed to orgasm (which led to pregnancy) but the orgasm did not feel right. I can't describe what was so wrong about it but it felt more like being electrocuted than it did like being electrified if that makes any sense. Also, there was never any connection or chemistry between her and I. She wanted sex a lot and I obliged her a few times but she never seduced me. She never even tried. She just demanded and it didn't take long before I didn't want to do it anymore.

My first time with a man also lacked connection and chemistry. It was a one night stand where he got his rocks off and then kicked me out.

One of my experiences was very awkward because the guy expected me to know what I wanted but I hadn't had enough experience to know what I wanted. I know that I want to involve the whole body from the head to the feet but when I told him that, he said, "So your a foot fetishist." No, I am not a foot fetishist. If I'm anything, I'm a cock fetishist but I also want to kiss and hold hands and do other things besides focus on any one body part.

One guy kept repeating to me, "You can fuck me if you want to." I wanted him to shut up. Yea, maybe I would fuck him but I wanted to enjoy the foreplay, the connection and the chemistry. I did not want to merely insert tab A into slot B like a machine.

I've been with many guys but the closest I ever came to enjoying it was with K. He let me explore his chest for a while. But then suddenly he wanted to rush to orgasm. Then he got sleepy and asked me to stop touching him.

What do you think? What can I do to make it better?

So very sad, such an unfortunate admission.
There is so much unhappiness and frustrated desires behind the apparent bragging and playful stories here on the Literotica Forum. But talking and sharing these things does help.
Thinking purely of the sex is maybe the wrong way of going about it. If you connect with a person, another human being that you can relate to, and where that is reciprocated, is a better place to begin. It's the caring and the consideration, thinking of your partner's pleasure rather than your own selfish needs, that is the path to good sexual harmony...
I wish and hope that you find the happiness you deserve...

 

[slipprywenwet]

I have never had a sexual experience that I have enjoyed. I have been attracted to men my whole life and I have fantasized sexually about men my whole life but my actual experiences have all been bad, some worse than others. I was wondering if I could talk about that here to see if I could figure out how to have better experiences in reality.

My first time was after I got married. I did sex the proper way like a good Christian should. I managed to orgasm (which led to pregnancy) but the orgasm did not feel right. I can't describe what was so wrong about it but it felt more like being electrocuted than it did like being electrified if that makes any sense. Also, there was never any connection or chemistry between her and I. She wanted sex a lot and I obliged her a few times but she never seduced me. She never even tried. She just demanded and it didn't take long before I didn't want to do it anymore.

My first time with a man also lacked connection and chemistry. It was a one night stand where he got his rocks off and then kicked me out.

One of my experiences was very awkward because the guy expected me to know what I wanted but I hadn't had enough experience to know what I wanted. I know that I want to involve the whole body from the head to the feet but when I told him that, he said, "So your a foot fetishist." No, I am not a foot fetishist. If I'm anything, I'm a cock fetishist but I also want to kiss and hold hands and do other things besides focus on any one body part.

One guy kept repeating to me, "You can fuck me if you want to." I wanted him to shut up. Yea, maybe I would fuck him but I wanted to enjoy the foreplay, the connection and the chemistry. I did not want to merely insert tab A into slot B like a machine.

I've been with many guys but the closest I ever came to enjoying it was with K. He let me explore his chest for a while. But then suddenly he wanted to rush to orgasm. Then he got sleepy and asked me to stop touching him.

What do you think? What can I do to make it better?

so, is it safe to assume that you jack off on your own from time to time AND does that satisfiy your expectations?

 

[bejjinks]

so, is it safe to assume that you jack off on your own from time to time AND does that satisfiy your expectations?

yes and no. It satisfies sexually but not emotionally.

 

[muycurioso]

ok, dont get mad. but, did someone do anything sexual to you when you were a child. Obviously it would have been non consensual on your part.

 

[bejjinks]

ok, dont get mad. but, did someone do anything sexual to you when you were a child. Obviously it would have been non consensual on your part.

Why would I get mad? Yes, I was raped as a child but I have already worked through that.

If you are going to blame that experience for my feelings, you would be wrong. Neglect had more of an impact on me then one single, isolated incident.

They once did a study where they wanted to figure out whether baby monkeys preferred mother's milk or mother's affection. So they put baby monkeys in cages with two artificial monkeys, one that provided milk and one that was covered in soft, warm fur. The baby monkeys didn't have any other monkeys with them. They just grew up in a world that was just two artificial mothers and one baby monkey.

After the experiment, when the monkeys were put back with all the other monkeys, the ones who had grown up with artificial mothers found each other, somehow recognized each other, and clung together, but they avoided all the other monkeys.

 

[SPARTAN047]

I have never had a sexual experience that I have enjoyed. I have been attracted to men my whole life and I have fantasized sexually about men my whole life but my actual experiences have all been bad, some worse than others. I was wondering if I could talk about that here to see if I could figure out how to have better experiences in reality.

My first time was after I got married. I did sex the proper way like a good Christian should. I managed to orgasm (which led to pregnancy) but the orgasm did not feel right. I can't describe what was so wrong about it but it felt more like being electrocuted than it did like being electrified if that makes any sense. Also, there was never any connection or chemistry between her and I. She wanted sex a lot and I obliged her a few times but she never seduced me. She never even tried. She just demanded and it didn't take long before I didn't want to do it anymore.

My first time with a man also lacked connection and chemistry. It was a one night stand where he got his rocks off and then kicked me out.

One of my experiences was very awkward because the guy expected me to know what I wanted but I hadn't had enough experience to know what I wanted. I know that I want to involve the whole body from the head to the feet but when I told him that, he said, "So your a foot fetishist." No, I am not a foot fetishist. If I'm anything, I'm a cock fetishist but I also want to kiss and hold hands and do other things besides focus on any one body part.

One guy kept repeating to me, "You can fuck me if you want to." I wanted him to shut up. Yea, maybe I would fuck him but I wanted to enjoy the foreplay, the connection and the chemistry. I did not want to merely insert tab A into slot B like a machine.

I've been with many guys but the closest I ever came to enjoying it was with K. He let me explore his chest for a while. But then suddenly he wanted to rush to orgasm. Then he got sleepy and asked me to stop touching him.

What do you think? What can I do to make it better?

Very sorry to hear that.

I've honestly had more disappointing experiences with people than positive ones, and maybe you and I are expecting too much.

Perhaps the solution is to relax and let things go, just enjoy the moment, or to find someone who's really compatible with your desires.

I think I was sometimes disappointed because I'm a fetishist who wants my fetishes fulfilled and help fulfill others' as well, not just have sex. Most people I met wanted a bang and that's it. Maybe that's the case with you too?

 

[bejjinks]

Very sorry to hear that.

I've honestly had more disappointing experiences with people than positive ones, and maybe you and I are expecting too much.

Perhaps the solution is to relax and let things go, just enjoy the moment, or to find someone who's really compatible with your desires.

I think I was sometimes disappointed because I'm a fetishist who wants my fetishes fulfilled and help fulfill others' as well, not just have sex. Most people I met wanted a bang and that's it. Maybe that's the case with you too?

No, I don't expect too much. The real problem I have is that I live in a red state and all the good guys fled to blue states.

 

[SPARTAN047]

No, I don't expect too much. The real problem I have is that I live in a red state and all the good guys fled to blue states.

That could be it, sure.

 

[nostuff]

Yes, I was raped as a child but I have already worked through that.

If you are going to blame that experience for my feelings, you would be wrong. Neglect had more of an impact on me then one single, isolated incident.

Let me begin by emphasizing I have absolutely no background that would qualify me to advise you, and I should probably keep my thoughts to myself. But I find it troubling that you would describe rape as an "isolated incident." Rape, any rape, is significant in the extreme and causes years, even decades of deep emotional suffering.

I strongly encourage you to seek professional help. If you don't know where to turn, call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-4673.

If you have already sought professional help, find somebody else. Whomever that might have been, that person failed you by leaving you with the idea that your trauma was a mere isolated incident.

 

[bejjinks]

Let me begin by emphasizing I have absolutely no background that would qualify me to advise you, and I should probably keep my thoughts to myself. But I find it troubling that you would describe rape as an "isolated incident." Rape, any rape, is significant in the extreme and causes years, even decades of deep emotional suffering.

I strongly encourage you to seek professional help. If you don't know where to turn, call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-4673.

If you have already sought professional help, find somebody else. Whomever that might have been, that person failed you by leaving you with the idea that your trauma was a mere isolated incident.

I spent years working through it. All I said was that I have worked through it. As far as a single, isolated incident, I was five and he was not family. He was a stranger who molested me and left town. I never saw him again. So yea, STFU. Do you think that most rape victims get raped multiple times? You are not qualified to talk. You should throw your thoughts in the garbage and get an education cause you're an idiot.

 

[mmarfox]

Just like any sexual partner, it’s about who you connect with. I’ve had partners that it seemed great in chat, but when we got to it in real life didn’t live up to expectations, and then others that it did. It’s all about finding the person who understands your desires and needs and meets them while also enjoying their own with you.

 

[nostuff]

I spent years working through it. All I said was that I have worked through it. As far as a single, isolated incident, I was five and he was not family. He was a stranger who molested me and left town. I never saw him again. So yea, STFU. Do you think that most rape victims get raped multiple times? You are not qualified to talk. You should throw your thoughts in the garbage and get an education cause you're an idiot.

I apologize.

I was not criticizing you, and I did not mean to offend you. I wish you only the best.

 

[curiousgolf]

Seems to me that the first thing you seek is an emotional connection. Do you have a hobby that you love and can get excited about that has nothing to do with sex? If not, try to find one. If yo are having a great time your enthusiasm might be contagious to others around you. They might also be having a great time. There might be a connection that can build and lead to meaningful sex. If you need a new hobby to try, I suggest looking at meetup.com. Good luck.

 

[Bearkat14]

I have never had a sexual experience that I have enjoyed. I have been attracted to men my whole life and I have fantasized sexually about men my whole life but my actual experiences have all been bad, some worse than others. I was wondering if I could talk about that here to see if I could figure out how to have better experiences in reality.

My first time was after I got married. I did sex the proper way like a good Christian should. I managed to orgasm (which led to pregnancy) but the orgasm did not feel right. I can't describe what was so wrong about it but it felt more like being electrocuted than it did like being electrified if that makes any sense. Also, there was never any connection or chemistry between her and I. She wanted sex a lot and I obliged her a few times but she never seduced me. She never even tried. She just demanded and it didn't take long before I didn't want to do it anymore.

My first time with a man also lacked connection and chemistry. It was a one night stand where he got his rocks off and then kicked me out.

One of my experiences was very awkward because the guy expected me to know what I wanted but I hadn't had enough experience to know what I wanted. I know that I want to involve the whole body from the head to the feet but when I told him that, he said, "So your a foot fetishist." No, I am not a foot fetishist. If I'm anything, I'm a cock fetishist but I also want to kiss and hold hands and do other things besides focus on any one body part.

One guy kept repeating to me, "You can fuck me if you want to." I wanted him to shut up. Yea, maybe I would fuck him but I wanted to enjoy the foreplay, the connection and the chemistry. I did not want to merely insert tab A into slot B like a machine.

I've been with many guys but the closest I ever came to enjoying it was with K. He let me explore his chest for a while. But then suddenly he wanted to rush to orgasm. Then he got sleepy and asked me to stop touching him.

What do you think? What can I do to make it better?

I’m all fantasy so far for sex with another man so I can’t say

 

[Eastradlad]

I’m all fantasy so far for sex with another man so I can’t say

Let's talk kat!

 

[ZacharyFagg]

Find a guy that you have good chemistry with. And don't judge by your first encounter. Ongoing things tend to be better, as you both relax and find out what each other likes. Random hookups can be great, or they can be really, really bad.