Is it realistic to have sexually sheltered young people

[MrPixel]

Sorry, coming from a somewhat sheltered background myself, what does this mean?

I mostly think of skinheads, which doesn't seem right given the girl + religiously conservative context.

Somewhat aggressive body language with a distinct sexy vibe, in a fleeting side-glance sort of way.

 

[AchtungNight]

Here are a few crazy ideas-

- have them sheltered in a strange sexual environment where a certain fetish is the norm and new members of the community only come from outside, are then asked to renounce their past relationships and orientation. Then the protagonist develops an orientation in opposition to that fetish and must escape.

- perhaps an antagonist denies the fetish you want to endorse, calls it divergent or some other derogatory term. They seek to suppress it among the community. The child grows up sheltered, but only because everyone is living in fear of the antagonist. Except perhaps a supportive lover or outside stranger who starts encouraging the fetish once the child comes of age. Naturally they grew up in isolation and the fetish doesn’t take shape until they’re eighteen or above.

- the protagonist assumes they’re straight and lives that life. Then they’re cast in a film with a same sex kiss and it awakens them. Replace the same sex kiss with an appropriate other kink if you want.

I already did that last plot twice, but don’t mind other writers using it again.

 

[MrPixel]

- have them sheltered in a strange sexual environment where a certain fetish is the norm and new members of the community only come from outside, are then asked to renounce their past relationships and orientation. Then the protagonist develops an orientation in opposition to that fetish and must escape.

Sounds like snippets of IRL cults that hit the news every decade or so.

Can't put my finger on specific recollections, but that may be because I've been brainwashed to forget.

 

[lovecraft68]

Allow me to cut through the fog of the big thinkers here and give you the true answer.

If you write it realistically the reader will believe it. It's on you and no one else to be convincing.

Its that simple.

 

[TheArsonist]

Like they are cis, straight, and it doesn't occur to them that other people might have different sexual orientations.

Even if people are aware of something in theory, they can be pretty oblivious in practice. Not to mention misinformed.

 

[Pabiporffor]

Lit rules are pretty strict around this, so you've almost got to create a world where everyone is blissfully unaware of how babies are made until their 18th birthday.

I tend to bend the rules by having the characters discover various sex practices go on in their community e.g. their parents are swingers or everyone has anal at Christmas. I let the reader assume the character would have had sex education at school and learnt things underage via TV, movies, friends etc.

In one previous story, girls in a village have to perform public oral sex a few days after turning 18 to celebrate a hero who saved the village with his soup spouting penis. Everyone knows about it but underage kids are kept in the dark and the village tell them he had a magic finger.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Maybe not now, but I made it into my twenties so narcissistic that I had no idea people were hitting on me. So, in writing, I could build a character on that from experience--and probably have.

Yep, I still think about the time I went on a date without realising it was anything more than a nice person being hospitable to a new acquaintance. About ten years later I looked back at it and thought "wait a moment..."

 

[Bramblethorn]

Even if people are aware of something in theory, they can be pretty oblivious in practice. Not to mention misinformed.

Yeah, and I think it's possible to have a disconnect between "I know gay people exist, in the same kind of way that Alpha Centauri exists, somewhere remote from my life" and "It's possible some of the people close to me are gay".

 

[Stimtheone]

This subject is one that is changing with the times. Often, you can tell the age of the writer if they think "fresh 18-year-old" mean they have no idea that sex exists compared to a modern one who thinks second base is anal. But another thing to remember is that people are incredibly diverse in personality and experience. You could equally have a man that knew all about sex while his fresh college peers had never seen a titty in the 80's (and there was a documentary on one such dude) or you could have someone in this modern day and age when tits are at a wrong key press away who has managed to avoid it either by dumb luck or incredibly neurotic parents...

In the end, I think that you should use what character would work better in the story. The contrast is often what makes better stories. Though in mine, the contrast was between "I know what sex is and see it with regularity in recordings" to "Allow me to describe exactly how I can make my mother squirt four meters away".

 

[MediocreAuthor]

I know this isn't the answer you are looking for, but honestly, when you write, you don't need to worry too much about the "realism" of those sorts of things.

If I want to create a sexually sheltered and naive character, I just do it... realism be damned.
Think about the character of Carrie. She's so sheltered that she doesn't even know what a period is, and while her character isn't exactly realistic, no one faults the character for it. She is who she is.

"No teenage girl is that ignorant!" Someone might say.

"Huh... and yet one is, you can read about her right here. I've just described her, and so she exists, within the fiction that I've created. Astounding." Stephen King might retort.

Blake within the story Women's World is very sheltered, naive, and gullible, and as such, he's probably pretty unrealistic. But who cares? Since when are we required to stay within the realm of realism within our writing?

 

[Strixaluco]

In my part of the world sex-ed is obligatory in school, so even without Internet, kids will know of different sexual orientations way before they are of legal age, way before they go to high school.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

In my part of the world sex-ed is obligatory in school, so even without Internet, kids will know of different sexual orientations way before they are of legal age, way before they go to high school.

It's compulsory in mine too, though parts of PSRE (personal, social and relationships education) can be opted out of. But some schools provide comprehensive education on the subjects, and others don't.

I've recently worked with 17yos on projects, and at one school the girls assured me that they'd had one lesson mentioning contraception ever, and the existence of emergency contraception and abortion had maybe been mentioned once in their previous 5 years of secondary school (age 11 up). With the result that about 10% of the year had got pregnant (the age of consent is 16 here), and three were mothers, one because she had no idea abortion existed.

Don't underestimate the potential ignorance and sheer gormlessness of some teenagers. I've met ones who knew gay people existed but were convinced by their parents that it was incredibly rare like conjoined twins, and the crowds claiming to be LGBT just wanted attention. Especially if you grow up in a community where people go to church or mosque each week and you're discouraged from having friends outside the community, it's quite plausible for a kid to reach 18 having never knowingly met a gay person and consider them a bit of an urban myth.

Similarly possible that they know the mechanics of sex but have assumed it's only really done during marriage or for the production of children.

 

[Bramblethorn]

It's compulsory in mine too, though parts of PSRE (personal, social and relationships education) can be opted out of. But some schools provide comprehensive education on the subjects, and others don't.

I've recently worked with 17yos on projects, and at one school the girls assured me that they'd had one lesson mentioning contraception ever, and the existence of emergency contraception and abortion had maybe been mentioned once in their previous 5 years of secondary school (age 11 up). With the result that about 10% of the year had got pregnant (the age of consent is 16 here), and three were mothers, one because she had no idea abortion existed.

Yep. I think modern curricula cover a lot more in this regard than they did in my day, but that doesn't guarantee it's going to be taught competently, or that the kid was in class that day and paying attention.

(My PSRE-equivalent was taught by a teacher on the verge of retirement who was clearly embarrassed to be discussing it at all. It was... not good.)

 

[Strixaluco]

It's compulsory in mine too, though parts of PSRE (personal, social and relationships education) can be opted out of. But some schools provide comprehensive education on the subjects, and others don't.

I've recently worked with 17yos on projects, and at one school the girls assured me that they'd had one lesson mentioning contraception ever, and the existence of emergency contraception and abortion had maybe been mentioned once in their previous 5 years of secondary school (age 11 up). With the result that about 10% of the year had got pregnant (the age of consent is 16 here), and three were mothers, one because she had no idea abortion existed.

Don't underestimate the potential ignorance and sheer gormlessness of some teenagers. I've met ones who knew gay people existed but were convinced by their parents that it was incredibly rare like conjoined twins, and the crowds claiming to be LGBT just wanted attention. Especially if you grow up in a community where people go to church or mosque each week and you're discouraged from having friends outside the community, it's quite plausible for a kid to reach 18 having never knowingly met a gay person and consider them a bit of an urban myth.

Similarly possible that they know the mechanics of sex but have assumed it's only really done during marriage or for the production of children.

Ermmmm... Nope. If if you don't have friends outside the religious community, especially the non-friends will, not too kindly, mock you out of that ignorance around here.

And these days there are likely visibly gay or trans kids in the school. (No school uniforms in this part of the world.)

In the 90's the sex ed was very varying, but these days contraception is taught about, and abortion mentioned (though not yet discussed) before kids are even teens. I was 11 I think... The more thorough discussion then in junior high (for 13-16 years). Teen pregnancy rates are low, and

Oh and actually they discuss the moral side of these things even in "confirmation camps" around 15 yo... The religious groups that have their own camps are rare, and as they don't have their own schools those kids have gone through the public system. Besides, the same curriculum requirements apply even to private schools.

Ignorance is always possible, but you seem to underestimate how much it is possible private the society to minimize it by at least making sure they cannot escape the facts.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

It depends hugely on the individual school and local community. Out of the dozen secondary schools I know about, and for reference I'm in London, UK, they range from totally accepting with nigh half the kids identifying as LGBT for a while, to ones where it's still unlikely for any pupils let alone staff to be out. And all levels in between.

Even if pupils are out to their friends, they may well not be to the whole year group, especially when they know there's kids who've been told not to speak to people like them, or are simply homophobic, generally encouraged by their evangelical churches or isolating mosques.

I've no idea what a confirmation camp is - usually for the CofE and Catholics here it's a year or so of after-school classes - but there is ridiculous variation in how well all this stuff is taught, ranging from schools who take it really seriously with a lesson a week on PHSE and subject experts brought in, to others who do the bare minimum in Biology and get unprepared form tutors to cover all the relationships and sex stuff in two lessons a year. And of course the parents who prefer it isn't taught much choose the schools which don't have Pride flags and posters for the LGBT soc on the walls.

 

[LeaHaven]

I think you're talking about me.

My dad would not allow any kind of discussion about sex at home. We never talked about it, except after one incident when I was a sophomore in high school. A girl at the school got pregnant, and the way he talked about her was very unfair and really awful. It scared me, and I felt sorry for her, because I know my dad wasn't the only person who thought of her in that way. It was just another thing in my childhood that made me stay as far away from sex as possible. I wanted to please my parents, and I knew that staying away from sexual content was what they wanted. And I never wanted people throwing words at me like they threw at that poor girl.

There were times when someone would pull up a sex video on their phone, but to me those videos were always offensive. I could never bring myself to watch much more than a few seconds. That made me not want to look that stuff up on my own, although I couldn't have until I was a senior. I wasn't allowed to have a cell phone or a laptop until then. And besides, if my dad found out, he would have exploded.

I knew about LGBTQ, and I knew people who were gay, but even to this day, I don't understand it all. Things like "pansexual." I don't know what that means.

I found this site about a month ago, and there are things talked about in these forums I could never have imagined. But I know I am not alone. There were others like me at school. There weren't many of us, but as embarrassing as it is to admit it, we exist. I wish things had been different, because now I am married, and our sex life is kinda fucked up, and that is making everything between us awkward.

There is so much more I could say, but I think I've said enough. In this day and age, yes, a person can grow up very sexually sheltered.

 

[joy_of_cooking]

There is so much more I could say, but I think I've said enough.

I really appreciate what you've chosen to say already.

 

[Indatrouble1]

In this day and age with the amount of information floating around, is it realistic to have a character that is somewhat sexually sheltered?

Like they are cis, straight, and it doesn't occur to them that other people might have different sexual orientations.

Or are young people well aware of LGBTQ+ from school and peer groups?

I'm working on a story and it occurred to me that I'm approaching it from a male fantasy angle instead of thinking through to what the characters should be thinking and feeling.

Maybe homeschooled

 

[Bramblethorn]

I knew about LGBTQ, and I knew people who were gay, but even to this day, I don't understand it all. Things like "pansexual." I don't know what that means.

FWIW, "pansexual" is pretty much the same thing as "bisexual". There are some nuances and history in why some people prefer one term or the other, but very little difference in what those terms actually say about a person's orientation.

 

[MrPixel]

Think about the character of Carrie. She's so sheltered that she doesn't even know what a period is, and while her character isn't exactly realistic, no one faults the character for it. She is who she is.

You’re making me think of the Brooke Shields character in The Blue Lagoon.

 

[yowser]

There's a recent, fascinating and hilarious, work doing exactly this called 'Shmutz' about a Hasidic girl's discovery of porn (out there in the real world beyond her family and tight-knit community.) The collision between her and her worldly new college friends is riveting and you need to take care not to injure a rib or two laughing. Plus I doubled my yiddish vocabulary with all the new naughty slang words.

 

[ronde]

In this day and age with the amount of information floating around, is it realistic to have a character that is somewhat sexually sheltered?

Like they are cis, straight, and it doesn't occur to them that other people might have different sexual orientations.

Or are young people well aware of LGBTQ+ from school and peer groups?

I'm working on a story and it occurred to me that I'm approaching it from a male fantasy angle instead of thinking through to what the characters should be thinking and feeling.

I would suppose there are a few sexually sheltered kids out there, but not many. It's been that way since I was in high school. I won't tell you when that was, but we didn't have cell phones or Facebook or X. Our "social media" was slumber parties for girls and locker rooms and camping trips for guys along with what our moms and dads said when they thought we weren't listening. I know for a fact that I had a teacher who was gay because he vacationed at the same fishing resort as my family with another guy, and my mother told me they were lovers. He was also married, and that's how most gay men and lesbian women stayed in the closet back then. They married and sometimes had kids so nobody would suspect. We all knew about that.

What I think is more likely in today's world is encountering a young adult who is very naive about sex. According to the psychologists who study such things, couples aren't having sex as much because of three things.

1. Cell phones have taken the place of face to face conversation so there's little personal interaction that would lead to more intimacy.
2. The availability of porn has replaced sex with another person to some extent.
3. Dating apps can lead you to disappointment because people lie about their appearance, likes, and dislikes, etc. That makes people leery of forming intimate relationships once they get burned once.

 

[MediocreAuthor]

You’re making me think of the Brooke Shields character in The Blue Lagoon.

Sure. While that's a little bit different, (totally isolation) it still applies.

You know, I've wondered for a long time if two humans (male and female) raised entirely devoid of any human interaction, could figure out sex through instincts alone.

I mean, we do have instincts, but they aren't enough to keep us alive in a variety of situations. I wonder if they're strong enough to let us breed with another clueless human.

I imagine so, but I'm unsure

 

[Euphony]

I've wondered for a long time if two humans (male and female) raised entirely devoid of any human interaction, could figure out sex through instincts alone.

First thought is surely they would. I mean, we're only here b/c our pre-language ancestors bonked all the bonks.

But, too, we are social creatures and I don't know if we wouldn't break down physically or psychologically before we got to sexual maturity.

As messed up as those touch/attentioned starved babies in former cold war communist breeding factories, I gotta believe true isolation would doom them long before "Where does tab B go?"

 

[MediocreAuthor]

First thought is surely they would. I mean, we're only here b/c our pre-language ancestors bonked all the bonks.

But, too, we are social creatures and I don't know if we wouldn't break down physically or psychologically before we got to sexual maturity.

As messed up as those touch/attentioned starved babies in former cold war communist breeding factories, I gotta believe true isolation would doom them long before "Where does tab B go?"

Possibly. I truly wonder, but I never wanna find out, because of the horror it would require