Is it realistic to have sexually sheltered young people

[alohadave]

In this day and age with the amount of information floating around, is it realistic to have a character that is somewhat sexually sheltered?

Like they are cis, straight, and it doesn't occur to them that other people might have different sexual orientations.

Or are young people well aware of LGBTQ+ from school and peer groups?

I'm working on a story and it occurred to me that I'm approaching it from a male fantasy angle instead of thinking through to what the characters should be thinking and feeling.

 

[EmilyMiller]

It was a while back for me. But - even at Catholic school - I was pretty aware of (and kinda intrigued by) what I would have then called “different lifestyles” (now I’d just say lifestyles).

I think they would have to be cloistered for some specific reason. Being from PA, I’d say maybe Amish, but that’s probably just me displaying my ignorance (what’s new, right?)

Em

 

[SimonDoom]

I think things are night and day different today from when I was in school. High schools today have gay and trans student clubs. I don't know how one could be unaware unless one lived in a community that was somewhat isolated and very conservative.

 

[KeithD]

In this day and age with the amount of information floating around, is it realistic to have a character that is somewhat sexually sheltered?

Like they are cis, straight, and it doesn't occur to them that other people might have different sexual orientations.

Or are young people well aware of LGBTQ+ from school and peer groups?

I'm working on a story and it occurred to me that I'm approaching it from a male fantasy angle instead of thinking through to what the characters should be thinking and feeling.

Maybe not now, but I made it into my twenties so narcissistic that I had no idea people were hitting on me. So, in writing, I could build a character on that from experience--and probably have.

 

[BgDaddy33]

A few years ago I would have said yes, it is possible until my very young daughter came up to me declaring her views on LGBTQ after watching her favorite influencer making reaction videos on Ytube talking about it during pride month shattering my perception of what I thought she knew. We were watching a cookie decorating video once and the subject went there. I was surprised. It is more prevalent than one would think so the setting in which you place your character is important. If they are isolated, then maybe? Keep in mind if they attend public schools it is very embedded in there these days.
(not here to argue whether this is right or wrong, just answering the posted question - please don't hate the messenger.)

 

[Bamagan]

In America, it's increasingly improbable I'd say, but still plausible if the character comes from a tiny, isolated rural community somewhere, with little or no access to TV or internet to connect them 'culturally' with the wider world. But lack of TV and internet implies the character won't be very 'worldly' as Americans think of the term, so it might be a challenge to depict such naivety without making the character seem totally uneducated or incredibly oafish.

 

[TheRedChamber]

You'd have to work hard for it. Like, the parents don't let them watch TV or use YouTube, they are either home schooled or go to a weird religious school and so on.

It's probably easier to set the story 20 or 30 years ago than to try and justify it now.

 

[alohadave]

Thanks, everyone. You are confirming what I thought. With no kids, and being 25+ years out of high school, it's hard to have perspective sometimes.

 

[Euphony]

I'm with the consensus, sheltered from even the concepts of LGBTQ would take a lot of setup since it'd be such an outlier.

Now, invalidation of such concepts, i.e. they "say" they're gay but they "can't truly be" b/c god doesn't make mistakes and that would go against his words, etc., that has plenty of plausibility and conflict to use in all sorts of ways.

Feels like you could naivete someone all the way down to understanding the claim that people can love outside of man and woman but foundationally believing it is an impossible state of being so not really real. (then you build up her "justifications" however best work for your conflict)

*edit * It's not as far as complete ignorance of concepts (if your story needs to go that far, it won't work) but it goes so close but with a much wider application.

 

[AchtungNight]

Reality aside, some people still want things to be a certain way and try to maintain that image. This is especially true when it comes to parents and children. I recently had a debate with my relative who was horrified thinking about drag queens in schools. I had to remind her about the 90s film Mrs. Doubtfire and how much we enjoyed it back when it first came out. She calmed down, but still doesn’t want sexually explicit material around her kids. I don’t blame her, and have pledged to keep a balance regarding it as they grow up. Hope it works.

As for the process of discovering and accepting alternative sexualities in general, everyone goes through their own. Just make it specific to your characters. Read my stories or other people’s if you need inspiration. I put plenty of parallel universe celebrities through their personal processes- including some religious ones. As you prefer.

Good luck.

 

[MrPixel]

In this day and age with the amount of information floating around, is it realistic to have a character that is somewhat sexually sheltered?

I’d say ‘no', from direct experience. Sequestering doesn’t seem to work, for the reasons you give. For example, through my music teaching I’m recently acquainted with a couple of teenage girls from a very religiously-conservative family. The younger of the two is unbelievably “edgy” (in that way) in spite of years of home-schooling and overbearing helicopter parents.

I also see the same thing in the Mennonite and Amish communities surrounding our summer cabin. They know. They just know.

 

[Euphony]

It is more prevalent than one would think so the setting in which you place your character is important.

Target has Pride Month displays in their stores.

When milquetoast corp. America has co-opted a particular movement for profit, it almost assuredly reached social saturation first.

 

[joy_of_cooking]

they are cis, straight, and it doesn't occur to them that other people might have different sexual orientations.

Agree with @Euphony that rejection or misunderstanding is much more plausible than total ignorance. Or maybe knowing about it theoretically but not expecting any relevance to their own lives, e.g., still being shocked that someone they know is one of "those people."

I would also expect a big spread between the different kinds of (broadly speaking) gender, romantic, and sexual minorities. E.g., maybe they know about L and G but are fuzzier on B and T, and haven't heard of intersex, ace, aro, demi, poly, kink...

 

[Euphony]

I think things are night and day different today from when I was in school.

Surely the desks are more comfortable than they were for us.

 

[joy_of_cooking]

On further thought, my answer is assuming recreational access to English internet. If you don't have internet access (which implied homeschooling and no phones) or you don't speak English, maybe? I have no idea how common this stuff is on, say, Yiddish Internet.

 

[joy_of_cooking]

unbelievably “edgy” (in that way

Sorry, coming from a somewhat sheltered background myself, what does this mean?

I mostly think of skinheads, which doesn't seem right given the girl + religiously conservative context.

 

[AchtungNight]

Growing up overseas in different cultures, I was surprised by a commonality- lots of people in religious communities like to find their own way, not be told how to be. And they particularly appreciate reasonable friends and authority figures who support them.

I gave the people struggling with sexuality in my ficverse similar networks. Too bad these networks don’t always exist irl.

 

[AchtungNight]

Sorry, coming from a somewhat sheltered background myself, what does this mean?

I mostly think of skinheads, which doesn't seem right given the girl + religiously conservative context.

Hey, Hitler was originally a conservative lapsed Catholic!

Now excuse me while I suit up as the original BJ Blascowitz and take down his cyber enhanced version again!

 

[Euphony]

On further thought, my answer is assuming recreational access to English internet. If you don't have internet access (which implied homeschooling and no phones) or you don't speak English, maybe? I have no idea how common this stuff is on, say, Yiddish Internet.

I'm willing to go maybe?

My experiences have more mirrored @MrPixel 's . Most people know concepts even those who don't support the concepts are likely to know even if just to set their opposition.

If I *had* to go full oblivious for story, feels like I need the big guns, either time period shift, go full religious/cult isolation, or a ton of setup/explanation that doesn't immediately come to mind (serious workshopping to problem solve.)

I love outlier narratives where people cleverly drag plausibility kicking and screaming where it doesn't want to naturally reside. But it a high degree of difficulty thing.

Sometimes that hyperdrives your motivation engine, sometimes that's what kills your idea dead.

I respect both sides of that sword as I've lived both far too often.

​

 

[AchtungNight]

Denial, manipulation, and fanaticism are usually a good way to explain voluntary isolation behavior. Put a happy slut with the right twisted preacher and all sorts of bad things can be pushed aside, excused… and then condemned. Until the slut’s supportive friends get them back on the good side. That was the plot of my “Counseling” series.

 

[Nellymcboatface]

I work with a very straight laced 23 Yr old. Catholic, Born in India... very sheltered went to a Catholic school and whilst she has a concept of the variety of relations out there that she claims to understand... Another who is outgoing brash and very vocal about her preferences makes her blush all the time when us co-workers explain the concepts being discussed that translate to her niaivity... whilst remaining within PC limits... So I don't think it is unrealistic at all...
The patriarchal structure she lives in, restricts her life and social activities way completely opposite to the one I grew up in.
Unfortunately we have another Indian expat who exhibits the same traits as his parents hunt for a suitable wife to bare his children!

 

[HeyAll]

1) Use another time period (this works best)

2) Make them immigrants

3) Make them from a sheltered religious community

 

[JGittes]

I don't think you can underestimate the ability of people to not know something. Write it to make them real people and they'll be convincingly ignorant.

 

[HordHolm]

Another way around this might be to make it, for example, post-apocalyptic - all that technology basically dead, perhaps a wind-up radio at best, but who's broadcasting?

 

[soflabbwlvr]

I think to some extent it depends on the school. I can tell you that my kids were in high school during the 00s and 10s, and they went to school with a lot of LGBTQ+ kids. One daughter was in a magnet arts school and it seems half the kids there were LGTBQ, most of them were fully out. But they were going to school in a major metropolitan area. I suspect in rural areas, or in some private religious schools, it may be possible to be sheltered. Or if they are home schooled.