Sexless Marriages

[Strixaluco]

I feel this every day. I just keepmasking someday she will get the hint. I asked to take a road trip alone, she got supper defensive and asked if i had another woman. I said no. I hope it was the wake up call because i want to find someone to cuddle up with and have some sexy time every once in a while. Not be degraded because she doesnt want to out in some effort into it either.

I really hope you're right and it was a wakeup call, but I wouldn't bet on it. Most people don't take hints that way.

 

[silky52]

I feel this every day. I just keepmasking someday she will get the hint. I asked to take a road trip alone, she got supper defensive and asked if i had another woman. I said no. I hope it was the wake up call because i want to find someone to cuddle up with and have some sexy time every once in a while. Not be degraded because she doesnt want to out in some effort into it either.

Did you tell her that in no uncertain terms? Have you been to couple's counselling? As another Lister said hints are not always recognised. Be plain and honest with her. Sex is part of life and if she can't agree to that then you need counselling....I know divorce is not always the answer or even possible, but you are a human being with needs too. Don't sell yourself short you will regret it later on in life.

 

[JackKingOff]

I see reading some of these not sure I beling here, i have been told I have a sexless marriage because I get sex maybe 3 times a year but I see many going several years with out. How do you do this? Have you noticed a decrease in your own sex drive because of this?

 

[Strixaluco]

Have you noticed a decrease in your own sex drive because of this?

I definitely had a decline on my own sex drive as well. Especially with my late husband when even non-sexual intimacy was lacking. It was one of the things dragging me down to depression.

 

[silky52]

I see reading some of these not sure I beling here, i have been told I have a sexless marriage because I get sex maybe 3 times a year but I see many going several years with out. How do you do this? Have you noticed a decrease in your own sex drive because of this?

Well, I know I'm a woman and your message is probably meant for men, but I just want to say that if I am lucky I have some nice vanilla sex, about once a month. However, due to the fact that it's all on hubby's terms and we did not have sex for over 10 years I believe I'm in the right place. So I am sure you are too. Besides there is always something to learn from someone here. S

 

[silky52]

I definitely had a decline on my own sex drive as well. Especially with my late husband when even non-sexual intimacy was lacking. It was one of the things dragging me down to depression.

I so agree with you, affection is one of the things so lacking in my marriage, even though we do have some sex....

 

[Paddydrack]

Anyone else with this problem?
I have a high sex drive and the wife doesn't.
Looking for others with this problem, and possibly helping fill our needs.

I was in one for a few years. No kids but a big mortgage so i felt trapped. I had an affair and said fuck this im out. I’ve never looked back. Sure im financially worse off but i fuck my South American sex bomb from Tinder every

 

[IARainman]

I am a woman who also has a sexless marriage to my hubby who had surgery and the surgeons accidentally severed his sex drive nerves (I'm sure this is not the technical term). It left him impudent. I am also a woman who is in her 50s and is very horny. I just have my toys and porn. Sucks!

Is hubby understanding of your needs, would he support you finding a playmate?

 

[Britva415]

I see many going several years with out. How do you do this? Have you noticed a decrease in your own sex drive because of this?

Certainly not.

 

[expertlinguist]

Sounds like he thought it was just that one thing. Not an attitude against sex in general.


I in a way pity the women who have been taught sex is something ugly and only endured to get kids. How much do they miss...

Blame religions . . . all of them.

 

[expertlinguist]

I think degrading the other ones need for sex is outrageous behaviour - degrading is something a good spouse never, ever, in any circumstance does, not even when fighting. Even ignoring is red flag. A good spouse would at least agree to talk about it.

Me thinks Intrepid meant denies not degrading . . . still ground for divorce for me . . . but then people get comfortable in sharing house and sundries . . . even a micable divorces put a serious financial strain on both parties, especially in later years.

 

[Britva415]

Me thinks Intrepid meant denies not degrading

"Degrading" is completely plausible. The frequency with which spouses who want sex get told by their denying spouse, "You're acting like a sex maniac, get control of yourself, what's wrong with you" is significant.

 

[Strixaluco]

Blame religions . . . all of them.

I do.

 

[Intrepid47]

"Degrading" is completely plausible. The frequency with which spouses who want sex get told by their denying spouse, "You're acting like a sex maniac, get control of yourself, what's wrong with you" is significant.

I think that I meant to use “degrading.”

“That’s all you ever think about.”

“That’s gross!”

“Ewww! That’s weird, no I would never do that!” (That one in response to me telling her a fantasy of being teased and not allowed to cum.”

Degrading. The thing that you’re thinking is wrong, and you are gross and strange for wanting ____.

 

[Strixaluco]

I think that I meant to use “degrading.”

“That’s all you ever think about.”

“That’s gross!”

“Ewww! That’s weird, no I would never do that!” (That one in response to me telling her a fantasy of being teased and not allowed to cum.”

Degrading. The thing that you’re thinking is wrong, and you are gross and strange for wanting ____.

Dealing with an asexual would probably be easier than that.

 

[Britva415]

Dealing with a asexual would probably be easier than that.

Well - keeping in mind that asexuals aren't all the same and some aren't even identifying as asexual, how do you think it would go?

 

[Strixaluco]

Well - keeping in mind that asexuals aren't all the same and some aren't even identifying as asexual, how do you think it would go?

When someone understands being an asexual, they usually understand people are different, too. So discussing about the situation, about the differences is easier. Finding a solution might not be easy - but when the one is degrading the other, even discussion is close to impossible.

 

[TomTeacher19]

When someone understands being an asexual, they usually understand people are different, too. So discussing about the situation, about the differences is easier. Finding a solution might not be easy - but when the one is degrading the other, even discussion is close to impossible.

This hits very close to home. I don't ever want to speak for anyone else. For us it did kind of help make things less like personally hurtful but it's still very complicated and difficult.

And yes, we also have a lot of religion involved in this one. Sigh

 

[Filipinawife]

When I escorted most of my clients were in sexless marriages. They also like to talk about it. How much they still love their wives and how frustrated they were.

 

[Britva415]

"Honey, we have to talk. You literally never want sex. It's been twelve years. Do you think you might just be asexual?"

*freakout ensues* "Why would you call me that? How dare you? Stop gaslighting me! Shut up and sleep on the couch! Don't you ever say that again! Keep it in your damn pants, maniac!"

My impression is that it's a lot rarer for the not-wanting-sex spouse to take the idea of asexuality on their own part seriously, and more common that they're unwilling, uninterested and threatened by talking about it, and projecting onto the wanting-sex spouse by painting them as oversexed even though they're only getting it once a year if that, and pulling teeth to get it at all.

My impression could be flawed, but the flaw wouldn't be about the dynamic, only about the frequency. Fuck if I know, maybe 99% of the spouses of those here are asexual-identified and out and proud about it. I've just seen the closet cases many times.

 

[Badkitty40]

Hey All, I am also in a sexless marrage I am 40 female we have been together 10 years. I didn't realize so many other people had similar situations. My hubby just isn't very interested. We might have sex every other month but that is generally me using my mouth on him and him giving me a hand. Or early in the morning no foreplay no stimulation and it dorsn't do anything for me. Its not satisfying for me. We touch, cuddle talk we just dont have sex. I am pretty interested all the time. I have run the gammit of emotions is it me, am I not enough was there someone else?? I have come to realize even though he might make sexual jokes, or slap my but and tease me he just is not interested in sex and finds it sinful or dirty. He is embarrased he has a low sex drive and just doesn't want it. I tried to just turn off my sex drive for a long time but that didn't work. So I am just frustrated and disappointed in that part of my life. Dont want a divorce, I truely love him. Just would rather have a sex life with it.

 

[Series 6]

I am a woman who also has a sexless marriage to my hubby who had surgery and the surgeons accidentally severed his sex drive nerves (I'm sure this is not the technical term). It left him impudent. I am also a woman who is in her 50s and is very horny. I just have my toys and porn. Sucks!

My question to you is has it killed his desire for sex along with his ability to have an erection? If he desires it, there is no shame in exploring options such as a penile implant or finding ways to enjoy intimacy without penetrative sex. As our bodies age and change, many times we have to find ways to be creative to enjoy sex and intimacy.

 

[LustyScribe]

Hey All, I am also in a sexless marrage I am 40 female we have been together 10 years. I didn't realize so many other people had similar situations. My hubby just isn't very interested. We might have sex every other month but that is generally me using my mouth on him and him giving me a hand. Or early in the morning no foreplay no stimulation and it dorsn't do anything for me. Its not satisfying for me. We touch, cuddle talk we just dont have sex. I am pretty interested all the time. I have run the gammit of emotions is it me, am I not enough was there someone else?? I have come to realize even though he might make sexual jokes, or slap my but and tease me he just is not interested in sex and finds it sinful or dirty. He is embarrased he has a low sex drive and just doesn't want it. I tried to just turn off my sex drive for a long time but that didn't work. So I am just frustrated and disappointed in that part of my life. Dont want a divorce, I truely love him. Just would rather have a sex life with it.

Has he had his testosterone checked? Any health impairments?

 

[LadyWhiteWolf15]

My husband and I have been married nearly 31 years. Sadly, he has suffered from Low T for many of those years, but has no problem whatsoever of pleasuring me,which is so very sweet of him. Yes, he is seeing a doctor and is taking medication for high blood pressure as well as high cholesterol medication and he's changed his diet so he is losing weight. He can get an erection, but has trouble maintaining it for a while. He also is suffering with having to have his knee replaced (Arthritis), probably having surgery this Fall. Otherwise, we have a great marriage and we are best friends.We're very communicative with one another which I think is key to our relationship. He fully supports me having a playmate, but I really don't want one if that makes sense.

 

[saintcero]

My husband and I have been married nearly 31 years. Sadly, he has suffered from Low T for many of those years, but has no problem whatsoever of pleasuring me,which is so very sweet of him. Yes, he is seeing a doctor and is taking medication for high blood pressure as well as cholesterol medication. He can get an erection, but has trouble maintaining it for a while. He also is suffering with having to have his knee replaced (Arthritis), probably having surgery this Fall, otherwise, we have a great marriage otherwise and we are best friends.We're very communicative with one another which I think is key to our relationship. He fully supports me having a playmate, but I really don't want one if that makes sense.

I have an ED issue like your husband. Cialis and Viagra did not work for me. Trimix has worked great. I like it and my wife does too. It’s an injection which sounds scary but is really no big deal. Also had two knee replacements. Maybe it would work for you two