Your thoughts on monogamy

[tolyk]

Monogamy is highly over rated.

 

[AnnyMouse28]

Me personally, I live variety.. which is why I'm currently single. I'm not very good at being in a committed relationship.

I may not be either, haven't really had the opportunity to find out.

 

[Kat73]

I have never been in a monogamous relationship as an adult, I am clearly not wired that way. I have been with hubby (mrppv) for over 30 years. In that time I have had multiple partners, men and women, all known to him. Some have been ONS, others have lasted longer. He has had several partners as well.

I enjoy watching him with another woman, always have. I tend to not be jealous as long as things are out in the open.

I have fallen hard and fast for several people. Some have lasted, most have not. I do love the the chase and the feeling of falling. Often times that has fizzled for one of us, or we have nothing in common past the initial attraction. So we move on.

I am always searching, always flirting, always wondering what if.

Open marriage has worked for us for the most part, but that is not easy, it is not for everyone and it is work. Communication is the key for us. You have to be able to talk to your partner for anything to work.

 

[Jingling_Geordie]

I think a lot about this and have read a lot about it too. It's something I struggle with in my head a lot. I don't think I believe we are born to be monogamous.
I cheated in every relationship I'd ever had. But I wanted a family. I wanted that security. So I did what society expects and got married.
But I crave that newness, lust, excitement of someone new all the time. But I also don't want to give up what I have for it.
I'm also not sure how I'd actually be in a polyamorous relationship. I'm 99% sure I couldn't handle it and would get jealous.
Basically I conclude I'm just a very selfish person! Because in my ideal world I'd have a partner who was faithful to me, but I'd be free to have sex with other people And I know I can't have my cake and eat it!

Lots of men like to let others enjoy their partner. I know it’s something I’ve enjoyed with a girlfriend in the past, knowing other men wanted her made me feel lucky she was with me. We had fantasised about it and eventually went to a swingers club which then led to a MFM threesome. I was always happy for her to play with other men, never alone, just when we were together.
I’m guessing your husband doesn’t feel the same, although maybe you haven’t asked so don’t know. Perhaps drop some hints see how he reacts. You might be able to have your cake and eat it!

 

[Deleted member 6592667]

Over the years I've grown to see the appeal of polyamory. Older swinger couples are the happiest motherfuckers ever. It's individualistic I think. And depends on the partner dynamics as well.

Question for poly people: Would you say it's easier to begin a poly relationship as poly right off the bat or to start mono and shift to poly?

 

[Sn0wBelle]

Lots of men like to let others enjoy their partner. I know it’s something I’ve enjoyed with a girlfriend in the past, knowing other men wanted her made me feel lucky she was with me. We had fantasised about it and eventually went to a swingers club which then led to a MFM threesome. I was always happy for her to play with other men, never alone, just when we were together.
I’m guessing your husband doesn’t feel the same, although maybe you haven’t asked so don’t know. Perhaps drop some hints see how he reacts. You might be able to have your cake and eat it!

Yeah, I'm not convinced he'd be into that...but you're right, we've never had that conversation. Maybe one day...
He knows I'm a flirt from our younger days of nights out drinking, and whilst he never said anything or acted jealous, I doubt he was particularly happy about it!

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

Apparently I’m in a monologuing mood, so let's talk monogamy!

I tend to agree that strict monogamy is practiced more in patriarchal societies. I read a book a few years back (I can’t remember the name but I can look it up if anyone cares) from an anthropologist whose conclusion was that females in most species and societies tend to be less monogamous (genetically driven to produce the strongest offspring) while males in most societies and species fight to be the only stud in town (wanting to pass along their genetic material). I think this holds largely true in my experience. Men want to be someone’s one and only and women are a little more open to more partners. I don’t mean this is everyone. Clearly from this thread it’s not but I think it’s more than we know or see. Historically and societally, women have been very trained to want certain things and behave certain ways which often flies in the face of what’s best for the women and always serves what’s best for men. While men have had to play the counterpart. Good for me but not for thee, dear Eliza.

Ok enough book learning.

For me, monogamy won’t do but I do need a safe home base. I’ve learned and grown so much, done a lot of self-reflecting and had lots of hard conversations. No one person can be my everything and all. Not because one person isn’t good enough, not at all. But because we as humans are so weird and wonderfully complex. Admitting that I wasn’t enough for my partners was the first step to understanding that within myself. The arrangements I have now work really well (except for the shortage of time and connection but that’s another story). I love my home base and we are thoughtful and careful with anyone that enters our bubble, either separately or together. And that’s been one of my favorite parts of being more open.

But like anything sexual, everyone is so different. I think everyone should pursue the thing that makes them the most happy and fulfilled BUT I think they should do that while being as open and honest about their desires and expectations as they can in that moment. I’m not here to change hearts and minds though I’m totally open to a conversation if people want to understand better. But god, after this ramble, why’d you want to? Lol

 

[Mo_Bandy]

Dude I prefer my side pieces to be into monogamy.

 

[AveryElle]

I thought this might be an interesting topic for Lit. Monogamy is a norm in some species and not others. As humans, at least westerners, monogamy has become a societal norm. But are we as human creatures meant to be monogamous?

What are your views?

My view is that you should do what works best for you, as long as everyone agrees.
Some people are great in closed, monogamous relationships. Others are not. Others are fine if their spouse is with someone while they aren't, etc. So to me, as long as everyone is on board with their relationship structure, it's all gravy. Are we meant to be monogamous? I don't know, but I do know what sociology says about marriage and the family structure that I can appreciate within reason.
I'm not monogamous, but I'm also not poly. I didn't like the poly community I interacted with, and I am decidedly not "kitchen table" poly. Not my thing. If it's yours, awesome - but we probably wouldn't work out.
I don't think comparing us to other species is helpful. My animals are neutered so what do they care about monogamy?!

 

[Orchidea73]

I thought this might be an interesting topic for Lit. Monogamy is a norm in some species and not others. As humans, at least westerners, monogamy has become a societal norm. But are we as human creatures meant to be monogamous?

What are your views?

I see it as a choice and not something you're meant or not meant to be. There are many things that were are not "meant" to be or do, in our primal state. Yet, we do them because they are of beneficial to us. Monogamy can be marvelous, if you meet certain requirements. It is not there to combat your jealousy but to protect your relationship.

"Happy ever after" or “Until death us do part” takes work. True life-partnerships are extremely demanding. They take up a lot of time, energy, money and emotion. And because it is both extremely valuable and extremely demanding, it is only natural (at least for some,) and reasonable to want to protect an existing relationship by agreeing to avoid creating new relationships. Other extremely demanding relationships (children, work etc.,) may compete with your partner for time, energy and emotional investment, but they also deepen the relationship itself.

Monogamy should not require either partner to sacrifice a key aspect of a well-rounded life. And it should not require either of them to abandon pre-existing or unavoidable obligations. But it does require to dig deep into yourself and understand your true desires, and what is really valuable to you.

I prefer going deep with one person as opposed to juggling many partners. And I enjoy feeling special and uniquely prioritized by a romantic partner. I like the simplicity of having just one relationship to nurture. I know that by being monogamous I am missing out on other sexual relationships, which can be great. But they would be "additional goods". So, the question would be whether I need these additional goods to have a well-rounded life or not. There are risks on both sides, monogamous and non-monogamous relationships. Neither is for everyone. "Know thyself" and choose carefully.

 

[YoWhatsGood]

I don’t think I could ever be in a non-monogamous relationship

 

[Orchidea73]

I don’t think I could ever be in a non-monogamous relationship

Now, that's a surprise.

 

[YoWhatsGood]

Now, that's a surprise.

As much as I enjoy sleeping around, one day I will settle down and commit to one woman…just not any time soon

 

[Orchidea73]

As much as I enjoy sleeping around, one day I will settle down and commit to one woman…just not any time soon

Awwww! Be still my heart.

 

[SoCalAshley]

The simple answer to your question is no. Humans, as a species, to continue to exist must reproduce. It was not until religious organizations and moral Puritans started imposing their beliefs that monogamy became a thing. Imagine a fictional world where you were taught that sexual encounters with multiple partners were routine. Can monogamy work if two people are willing to make it work in this fictional world? Come to think about it; I am sure that story has been written.

 

[YoWhatsGood]

It was not until religious organizations and moral Puritans started imposing their beliefs that monogamy became a thing.

Is this actually true?

 

[SoCalAshley]

Is this actually true?

I do not know for a fact that this is true. But it could be.

 

[Deleted member 6592667]

Absolutely different strokes for different folks. People can do whatever as long as theyre not dicks about it.

Me? I like the idea of boning other people being a fun couple's activity.

 

[Dribble]

Let me ask my AI lover...hey babe...do you only want to make me happy...or do you need more?

 

[Dribble]

Is this actually true?

Well...we moved out of the cave life and sleep piles for a reason. I thought it was the first blow job. But I guess it could have been something else

 

[Rob_Royale]

My mom and dad have a great relationship. A 50+ year love story. That is all I've ever wanted. One woman who loved me completely and exclusively.

My wife came from a family with exactly zero successful marriages. Her dad was married three times and had a child with each. She's the eldest. Mom and grandma both living with married men. I could go on. Growing up with all that drama and strife, all she ever wanted was one man to love her completely and exclusively.

We both got our wish. It's not about being for or against monogamy. It's about having or getting what you want. Simple as that. And being honest enough when you start a relationship, to admit to it. If an open relationship or some sort of poly arrangement works for you and it's what both of you want, carry on! Live long and prosper. But it's gotta be both.

 

[ronde]

Is this actually true?

While it's true that religions have defended monogamy and at times have even treated any other type of relationship as a crime, I think monogamy goes back much further than that. The reason is the human female.

In almost all of the animal kingdom, the female of the species isn't particularly affected by pregnancy except for perhaps the last month or so. She can still feed herself and run from danger. Only in humans is the ability of a female to survive on her own threatened by pregnancy. As her pregnancy progresses, it becomes more difficult for her to do things like bend over and run, and therefore her ability to obtain food and be safe from danger.

As has been said above, proliferation of genetic traits was of the utmost importance when lives were short, so it was the the benefit of both male and female humans to form monogamous relationships. The female was assured that she'd have food and would be defended so her genes would pass to her children. The male was assured his genes would pass on to his children as long as his female remained safe, well fed and healthy. We have to remember that up until fairly recently in the history of humanity, women had no choice in if they would become pregnant. It was only a matter of when and how often. Multiple partners did nothing to insure her survival. Women get one chance a year to pass on their genes so it was to their benefit to attract and "keep" one man as a mate.

That's not to say other types of relationships didn't exist. Men have probably always been less monogamous than women, for the simple reason that a man can impregnate many women in a short period of time and therefore spread his genes more efficiently. In many cultures, a man having more than one "wife" was a display of his wealth and virility. In others such as several Native American cultures, widows were married by men who already had one wife.

 

[caitiff1969]

Not for everyone, but I don't judge either way

 

[Mr_bogey]

It sucks.

 

[AnnyMouse28]

What does it mean to be monogamous? Does it mean you only ever have sex with one person ever? Is a series of relationships where you only have a sex with your partner? If you are single and you are only having sex with one other single person at a time (FB/FWB) are you still monogamous?