Sexless Marriages

[Yorkiemom66]

Anyone else with this problem?
I have a high sex drive and the wife doesn't.
Looking for others with this problem, and possibly helping fill our needs.

Went thru this the last 10 yrs in my 35 yrs marriage no sex drive with the husband nine was off the charts n still is today needless to say divorced 10 yrs n loving it

 

[Yorkiemom66]

I am totally in a sexless marriage and have been pretty much for a few years! We’re out there but we are a bit like unicorns

I am a woman in her 50’s with the sex drive of an 18 yr old boy, that’s not normal I’ve been told by female friends the same age and male friends. I should be settling down for my old age with my hormones dying a slow death, but hell no!

Hell no im the same queen live life n enjoy is my motto

 

[AspiringAuthor]

I actually might be in the minority here with my pending divorce (still need to talk to a lawyer to find out if what I've researched is true.) He is disabled and relies on me for a fair amount of caregiving. In my state, I might be on the hook for spousal support if he would need to hire help to replace what I've provided to him for "free" (it's not free, trust me. My care has come with a heavy price for me) until he either remarries, which I can pretty much accurately predict won't happen, or until one of us dies. This is the unfair part for me. His disability benefit is more than mine. He has VA, so all of his care is covered. And he is a verbally, emotionally and (formerly) physically abusive fuckwad. If research is correct, I'd be better off to just stay married and let the stress kill me.

 

[Mtnmike]

I actually might be in the minority here with my pending divorce (still need to talk to a lawyer to find out if what I've researched is true.) He is disabled and relies on me for a fair amount of caregiving. In my state, I might be on the hook for spousal support if he would need to hire help to replace what I've provided to him for "free" (it's not free, trust me. My care has come with a heavy price for me) until he either remarries, which I can pretty much accurately predict won't happen, or until one of us dies. This is the unfair part for me. His disability benefit is more than mine. He has VA, so all of his care is covered. And he is a verbally, emotionally and (formerly) physically abusive fuckwad. If research is correct, I'd be better off to just stay married and let the stress kill me.

Sorry to hear this, looks like your state has outdated divorce law's like mine. It puts a lot of us in a precarious predicament, it sucks.

 

[AspiringAuthor]

Sorry to hear this, looks like your state has outdated divorce law's like mine. It puts a lot of us in a precarious predicament, it sucks.

Yeah, it does suck, because someday, I'd love to marry the man who has my heart while we're both still young enough to enjoy each other.

 

[Britva415]

If research is correct, I'd be better off to just stay married and let the stress kill me.

Could you stay married but physically leave?

 

[AspiringAuthor]

Could you stay married but physically leave?

With some planning, yes. Right now, I have nowhere to go and no money to get there. I'm working hard to make my break unless he forces my hand like he almost did today. If I have to leave with my cats in tow and little else, somehow I'll survive, but it won't be pretty at first.

 

[eomerson]

Reading through the thread, there are many reasons to stay. I made the tough decision to be there for my kids and then ended being there to support my daughter and her child coming back home from an abusive situation. Sometimes you sacrifice for others and that may include a sexless marriage.
This along with bad state laws leaves many people...men and women...in bad situations.

 

[eomerson]

With some planning, yes. Right now, I have nowhere to go and no money to get there. I'm working hard to make my break unless he forces my hand like he almost did today. If I have to leave with my cats in tow and little else, somehow I'll survive, but it won't be pretty at first.

I wish you luck and my best hopes for you.

 

[Britva415]

Anyone [...] can have an orgasm, rocket science not usually required. It's the beginning and after that makes it special.

And for anything else than the orgasm you need to somebody else.

Sure, anyone can have an orgasm alone.

But "before and after" without anything sexy in between is not made-up-for by solo orgasms.

 

[Cherry_Brandy]

Yeah, it does suck, because someday, I'd love to marry the man who has my heart while we're both still young enough to enjoy each other.

I really feel for you. Ending up with someone you can love and live out the rest of your days happy with shouldn't be impossible but it seems in some of your state's it's making it so.

We don't have those difficulties here and I managed to get out eventually but mentally it's not easy. In my head I wanted to not hurt anyone and not change other people's lives (and I'm still trying to make it as pain free as possible) but if I'd waited longer I'd have left in a box. The only consolation is whatever happens now is preferable, even living in a tent on a roundabout and that's a literal statement.

We can all make up reasons for staying and it makes it easier to reason with, in our heads, when we're deeply unhappy but the mental cost is huge. Many of us put everyone else's needs way before our own and get nothing back. I'm not religious, I'm not going to get rewarded in my next life (unless the Gods surprise me) so in the end this one had to get some priority. I'm 61 and I know I'm in a downward slope but I'd quite like to hit the bottom of it with a smile on my face and some good flash backs.

 

[Cherry_Brandy]

Sure, anyone can have an orgasm alone.

But "before and after" without anything sexy in between is not made-up-for by solo orgasms.

For me (I'm sure I'm not alone), it's the 'before' that makes it sexy, the orgasm is as a result of that and the 'after' contributes to the 'want' to repeat it. A solo orgasm holds no interest at all. It's like turning up to your birthday party and finding you're the only one there. But I'll admit, I'm probably a tad unusual in that front lol

 

[Strixaluco]

I think divorce laws should acknowledge that humans are, in fact, serial monogamous by nature. You may initially want to stay together until death does you apart, but punishing for it not happening is not reasonable or just.

 

[Mtnmike]

For me (I'm sure I'm not alone), it's the 'before' that makes it sexy, the orgasm is as a result of that and the 'after' contributes to the 'want' to repeat it. A solo orgasm holds no interest at all. It's like turning up to your birthday party and finding you're the only one there. But I'll admit, I'm probably a tad unusual in that front lol

I never thought of it that way, it makes a lot of sense, it's exactly how i've been feeling about it for a while, just couldn't explain it. Very well put, thank you.

 

[Britva415]

it's the 'before' that makes it sexy

Let me be more clear.

"Sexy" is not "sex."

I know we're on the same page and basically saying the same thing, but just in case there were somebody who needed this spelled out... There we have it.

 

[Britva415]

A solo orgasm holds no interest at all

This isn't where I'm at, but it doesn't make up for "no partnered sex" and all that goes with it.

 

[AnnieLit]

I actually might be in the minority here with my pending divorce (still need to talk to a lawyer to find out if what I've researched is true.) He is disabled and relies on me for a fair amount of caregiving. In my state, I might be on the hook for spousal support if he would need to hire help to replace what I've provided to him for "free" (it's not free, trust me. My care has come with a heavy price for me) until he either remarries, which I can pretty much accurately predict won't happen, or until one of us dies. This is the unfair part for me. His disability benefit is more than mine. He has VA, so all of his care is covered. And he is a verbally, emotionally and (formerly) physically abusive fuckwad. If research is correct, I'd be better off to just stay married and let the stress kill me.

Do you have to get a formal divorce? What will happen if you just leave without filing any papers? Yes, you wouldn't be able to remarry, but that doesn't mean that you wouldn't be able to enjoy life and everything it might bring your way.

 

[Happyjack122448]

69+ male here. Wife ill. It has dawned on me every marriage will eventually become a sexless marriage. Now living with despair. No one to talk to who can actually do anything about it.

 

[silky52]

69+ male here. Wife ill. It has dawned on me every marriage will eventually become a sexless marriage. Now living with despair. No one to talk to who can actually do anything about it.

Isn't that the truth, although there are many in the care homes who still carry on with one another, at least a cuddle. Why do you think that so many died in the care homes?

 

[ffunguy38]

I can't decide which is worse, sexless marriage or being single.

that statement hits hard. and I haven't figured out the answer yet.

 

[Strixaluco]

that statement hits hard. and I haven't figured out the answer yet.

Just think, from which position is it easier to get into sexfull relationship.

 

[ffunguy38]

Just think, from which position is it easier to get into sexfull relationship.

is it easy just to jump into a sex full relationship. because in my experience even those can dry up and then you're left to do it all over again.

 

[mscpl389]

Do you have to get a formal divorce? What will happen if you just leave without filing any papers? Yes, you wouldn't be able to remarry, but that doesn't mean that you wouldn't be able to enjoy life and everything it might bring your way.

I know my state, and I'm sure most states, have abandonment as grounds for divorce. Many times, it would just delay the inevitable for a time period. Also it might look worse in the eyes of the judge, and cost in the long run.

 

[Strixaluco]

is it easy just to jump into a sex full relationship. because in my experience even those can dry up and then you're left to do it all over again.

My experience is different. I've had those that have dried up, but they weren't of the heated sort to begin with. And then those that have ended up from completely different reasons. With one ex I even had fwb-arrangement after breaking up - a lot better than hooking up with unknowns just for sex. (Which both of us would have found if needed, I'm sure.)

 

[AnnieLit]

I know my state, and I'm sure most states, have abandonment as grounds for divorce. Many times, it would just delay the inevitable for a time period. Also it might look worse in the eyes of the judge, and cost in the long run.

Many states also have a thing called "separation". You are not exactly abandoning your spouse, but it is not a formal divorce either. It might lead to somewhat different financial results. Or not. A divorce attorney should know specifics for their particular state.

(My state doesn't need any grounds for divorce at all, so here it wouldn't matter.)