Sexless Marriages

[silky52]

I'm not sure I understand this; my financial ruin! Aren't finances shared with a spouse? Therefore the funds belong to both of you, and are split down the middle, right? Or am I being naive? With so many people divorcing these days I can't think that they are all 'ruined', most wives work nowadays, and actually end up doing three jobs, taking care of their kids, taking care of their homes, and taking care of their husbands! At least that's what it was like in my day. My husband always came home to a meal on the table, our home was clean and more or less tidy, and yes I worked too. So how is it just 'your ruin' or just your money? I don't get it sorry.

 

[Strixaluco]

I'm not sure I understand this; my financial ruin! Aren't finances shared with a spouse? Therefore the funds belong to both of you, and are split down the middle, right? Or am I being naive? With so many people divorcing these days I can't think that they are all 'ruined', most wives work nowadays, and actually end up doing three jobs, taking care of their kids, taking care of their homes, and taking care of their husbands! At least that's what it was like in my day. My husband always came home to a meal on the table, our home was clean and more or less tidy, and yes I worked too. So how is it just 'your ruin' or just your money? I don't get it sorry.

As far as I've understood, the divorce laws in some US states are still nuts.

In my country it's like you describe. Unless if you have antenuptial agreement, then it might be something different.

 

[Booboobear84]

I'm not sure I understand this; my financial ruin! Aren't finances shared with a spouse? Therefore the funds belong to both of you, and are split down the middle, right? Or am I being naive? With so many people divorcing these days I can't think that they are all 'ruined', most wives work nowadays, and actually end up doing three jobs, taking care of their kids, taking care of their homes, and taking care of their husbands! At least that's what it was like in my day. My husband always came home to a meal on the table, our home was clean and more or less tidy, and yes I worked too. So how is it just 'your ruin' or just your money? I don't get it sorry.

This is the same mentality, where a man can be put into the hospital by the woman and then get served for physically abusing her (happened to an employee where I used to work, though a bit before my time). In Massachusetts the man is always wrong.

 

[silky52]

As far as I've understood, the divorce laws in some US states are still nuts.

In my country it's like you describe. Unless if you have antenuptial agreement, then it might be something different.

What does that mean nuts??? The spouse gets 50% of his 'hard earned' money, 50% of a house she's cleaned for a hundred years? Not sure what you mean. Yes, we have prenups here too! In any event how bad can it be, how many people are so rich that they will be 'ruined' by divorce. I think that's just an excuse to stay. Yes, I know there are some guys who do come off badly from divorce, but what I am asking is how? For instance here in Israel a woman is entitled to 50% of a man's private pension, for life. But she spent her life with him, didn't she? BTW if the woman is rich then it could 'ruin' her too!

 

[silky52]

This is the same mentality, where a man can be put into the hospital by the woman and then get served for physically abusing her (happened to an employee where I used to work, though a bit before my time). In Massachusetts the man is always wrong.

Makes a change. I'd like to see the stats on that! I'm not saying it does not happen, but the stats are totally weighed towards men, believe me.

 

[eomerson]

I forget most folks don't know NY....If you make more you owe support and it would be for 15 years. She made 15% less than me but I lose. If it was reversed she would get hit. NY is a terrible place...its too bad most of it is nice and people are friendly. Our laws are very punishing...

 

[Strixaluco]

What does that mean nuts??? The spouse gets 50% of his 'hard earned' money, 50% of a house she's cleaned for a hundred years? Not sure what you mean. Yes, we have prenups here too! In any event how bad can it be, how many people are so rich that they will be 'ruined' by divorce. I think that's just an excuse to stay. Yes, I know there are some guys who do come off badly from divorce, but what I am asking is how? For instance here in Israel a woman is entitled to 50% of a man's private pension, for life. But she spent her life with him, didn't she? BTW if the woman is rich then it could 'ruin' her too!

The 50/50 share isn't nuts. But as I've understood it, some states across the pond have laws that make the husband liable for supporting his ex-wife continuously after the divorce. Not just dividing the existing property. And the way it's calculated may be nuts. Not something you, or we here in Europe, would expect.

 

[Strixaluco]

Makes a change. I'd like to see the stats on that! I'm not saying it does not happen, but the stats are totally weighed towards men, believe me.

But if the man abuses his wife, the wife won't be sentenced for that at least.

 

[Mtnmike]

I'm not sure I understand this; my financial ruin! Aren't finances shared with a spouse? Therefore the funds belong to both of you, and are split down the middle, right? Or am I being naive? With so many people divorcing these days I can't think that they are all 'ruined', most wives work nowadays, and actually end up doing three jobs, taking care of their kids, taking care of their homes, and taking care of their husbands! At least that's what it was like in my day. My husband always came home to a meal on the table, our home was clean and more or less tidy, and yes I worked too. So how is it just 'your ruin' or just your money? I don't get it sorry.

In our state everything is split 50/50 which includes what I make working, the retirement i'm already drawing plus my other retirement when I retire again. Also because she is considered disabled I would have to pay alimony till one of us dies and the starting at 800.00 month. Yes some states have some seriously screwed up law's.

 

[Strixaluco]

Here normally only what you already own is taken into account. Only in rare cases can there be any alimony... Sometimes happens in the case of "hockey wives" (in practise those who've been in NHL and have big money, they can actually afford it).

Usually alimony is only for underage kids.

 

[Mtnmike]

Here normally only what you already own is taken into account. Only in rare cases can there be any alimony... Sometimes happens in the case of "hockey wives" (in practise those who've been in NHL and have big money, they can actually afford it).

Usually alimony is only for underage kids.

I was shocked by this to, never heard of it till 5 year's ago when I saw a divorce lawyer. Why i'm still here, with the cost of rent and everything today, I would be on the street, homeless. The law's need to take everything into acct, unfortunately doesn't happen here, they side with the woman.

 

[Strixaluco]

I was shocked by this to, never heard of it till 5 year's ago when I saw a divorce lawyer. Why i'm still here, with the cost of rent and everything today, I would be on the street, homeless. The law's need to take everything into acct, unfortunately doesn't happen here, they side with the woman.

Your laws sound outdated. Though I guess some of them are because of lacking social security.

 

[Mtnmike]

Your laws sound outdated. Though I guess some of them are because of lacking social security.

Yes there outdated, problem with being in the southern Bible Belt.

 

[Strixaluco]

Yes there outdated, problem with being in the southern Bible Belt.

Kind of as it was meant to punish you from getting divorced. Though not all religions think of divorcing in the same way, and the state should be neutral in that sense.

 

[Cherry_Brandy]

I was shocked by this to, never heard of it till 5 year's ago when I saw a divorce lawyer. Why i'm still here, with the cost of rent and everything today, I would be on the street, homeless. The law's need to take everything into acct, unfortunately doesn't happen here, they side with the woman.

I can understand why guys stay if this is the case but what I find difficult to grasp is why, if your relationships make you feel so bad for so many years (often, from what I read on here, half your adult lives) you don't lay down your own rules. If a spouse changes the dynamics of your marriage and turns them into friendships (at best) then why is it unreasonable for you to make your own changes? Why not insist you are able to find what's lacking for your happiness, elsewhere, discreetly (or not) if you want/need to? Your mental health is every bit as important as theirs. Maybe then spouses would realise how much their actions affect you.

I really don't understand why so many partners just accept that being sexless/affectionless for the remainder of their lifetimes is okay. You didn't sign up for a friendship and if having only that makes you miserable and hopeless, then why tolerate it indefinitely? When kids are involved it's different, I understand the commitment to them but handing your lives on a plate, to someone who doesn't deserve your loyalty is not the slightest bit sensible to me, you only have one life - unless you believe in reincarnation. And I say this having left a 32 year relationship. It's not easy but I have hope to wake up to every morning and whether I get what I'd like in the end, I don't know but I sure as hell am not tolerating what I don't want.

 

[silky52]

I can understand why guys stay if this is the case but what I find difficult to grasp is why, if your relationships make you feel so bad for so many years (often, from what I read on here, half your adult lives) you don't lay down your own rules. If a spouse changes the dynamics of your marriage and turns them into friendships (at best) then why is it unreasonable for you to make your own changes? Why not insist you are able to find what's lacking for your happiness, elsewhere, discreetly (or not) if you want/need to? Your mental health is every bit as important as theirs. Maybe then spouses would realise how much their actions affect you.

I really don't understand why so many partners just accept that being sexless/affectionless for the remainder of their lifetimes is okay. You didn't sign up for a friendship and if having only that makes you miserable and hopeless, then why tolerate it indefinitely? When kids are involved it's different, I understand the commitment to them but handing your lives on a plate, to someone who doesn't deserve your loyalty is not the slightest bit sensible to me, you only have one life - unless you believe in reincarnation. And I say this having left a 32 year relationship. It's not easy but I have hope to wake up to every morning and whether I get what I'd like in the end, I don't know but I sure as hell am not tolerating what I don't want.

Very well said.

 

[Mtnmike]

I can understand why guys stay if this is the case but what I find difficult to grasp is why, if your relationships make you feel so bad for so many years (often, from what I read on here, half your adult lives) you don't lay down your own rules. If a spouse changes the dynamics of your marriage and turns them into friendships (at best) then why is it unreasonable for you to make your own changes? Why not insist you are able to find what's lacking for your happiness, elsewhere, discreetly (or not) if you want/need to? Your mental health is every bit as important as theirs. Maybe then spouses would realise how much their actions affect you.

I really don't understand why so many partners just accept that being sexless/affectionless for the remainder of their lifetimes is okay. You didn't sign up for a friendship and if having only that makes you miserable and hopeless, then why tolerate it indefinitely? When kids are involved it's different, I understand the commitment to them but handing your lives on a plate, to someone who doesn't deserve your loyalty is not the slightest bit sensible to me, you only have one life - unless you believe in reincarnation. And I say this having left a 32 year relationship. It's not easy but I have hope to wake up to every morning and whether I get what I'd like in the end, I don't know but I sure as hell am not tolerating what I don't want.

You make a very good point, i think part of it, for myself anyway is i'm afraid. Afraid of starting over, being alone, wondering why 2 failed marriages, is something wrong with me etc.

 

[Strixaluco]

You make a very good point, i think part of it, for myself anyway is i'm afraid. Afraid of starting over, being alone, wondering why 2 failed marriages, is something wrong with me etc.

I'm starting over for the 3rd time. I've left once, being a dumped once, widow once.

I know it's scary. I had to retake leaving from my first relationship because I was too scared to follow through the first time! (After 10 years, most of it living together.) After that it's been easier, I know I'll survive.

And I've learned a some things about myself, and what kind of partner I need, on the way. At this point there's also the fact that my childbearing age is over, so if something doesn't last long, it's not a catastrophe. I am happily dating at the moment. Am I sure it will work out? Hell no. I hope it will, I'm in love and in bed it's extraordinary. But I've learned there's no certainty, and trying to fit 2 lives together won't be easy. But I won't quit trying.

 

[cuck72]

I guess it all depends on where you are in your marriage and age plays a huge part as well. For me we had a great sex life for a lot of years from when my wife and I met as 18-19yos till our mid 50's. it has been tough for me over the last 10+ years. But at our age 68 n 70 I just except that's what happens to most our age. That said, I have always had fantasies about other men fucking my wife. So, even though she has lost interest in sex I still get off, Now I just think of being her denied cuckold. And I also get off with my cock sucking fantasies. I can see where a lot of older guys turn gay from a sexless marriage just looking for any kind of physical sex. I do think of looking for that older guy like me in a sexless marriage, but I'm ok with just jacking off thinking of being a caged cuckold, and my wife a dirty old whore granny, LOL!

I feel it works for me not having sex with my wife because of my fantasies of her with other men. If you're not into any of that I can see leaving the marriage especially if you're younger 30's 40s 50s.

 

[silky52]

You make a very good point, i think part of it, for myself anyway is i'm afraid. Afraid of starting over, being alone, wondering why 2 failed marriages, is something wrong with me etc.

Personally I think it's all very 'normal' for marriages to get rusty! Trying again to me sounds like you have courage!!! Not something wrong with you.

 

[Mtnmike]

Personally I think it's all very 'normal' for marriages to get rusty! Trying again to me sounds like you have courage!!! Not something wrong with you.

Thank You

 

[Mtnmike]

I guess it all depends on where you are in your marriage and age plays a huge part as well. For me we had a great sex life for a lot of years from when my wife and I met as 18-19yos till our mid 50's. it has been tough for me over the last 10+ years. But at our age 68 n 70 I just except that's what happens to most our age. That said, I have always had fantasies about other men fucking my wife. So, even though she has lost interest in sex I still get off, Now I just think of being her denied cuckold. And I also get off with my cock sucking fantasies. I can see where a lot of older guys turn gay from a sexless marriage just looking for any kind of physical sex. I do think of looking for that older guy like me in a sexless marriage, but I'm ok with just jacking off thinking of being a caged cuckold, and my wife a dirty old whore granny, LOL!

I feel it works for me not having sex with my wife because of my fantasies of her with other men. If you're not into any of that I can see leaving the marriage especially if you're younger 30's 40s 50s.

You make some good points, i'm in my early/mid 60s and starting over is scary. As for getting relief thru masturbation, it worked for year's but even that has quit on me. The biggest things I miss are the kissing, touching, playful banter, cuddling etc, not necessarily the sex itself, maybe it's my age or a combination of the circumstances I don't know anymore. Apologies for venting, she want discuss anymore and people here have been kind of enough to be my sounding board, much appreciated.

 

[Cherry_Brandy]

The biggest things I miss are the kissing, touching, playful banter, cuddling etc, not necessarily the sex itself, maybe it's my age or a combination of the circumstances I don't know anymore.

I think many will understand and relate to that. Anyone (health/mental problems aside) can have an orgasm, rocket science not usually required. It's the beginning and after that makes it special.

 

[Strixaluco]

I think many will understand and relate to that. Anyone (health/mental problems aside) can have an orgasm, rocket science not usually required. It's the beginning and after that makes it special.

And for anything else than the orgasm you need to somebody else.

 

[cuck72]

You make some good points, i'm in my early/mid 60s and starting over is scary. As for getting relief thru masturbation, it worked for year's but even that has quit on me. The biggest things I miss are the kissing, touching, playful banter, cuddling etc, not necessarily the sex itself, maybe it's my age or a combination of the circumstances I don't know anymore. Apologies for venting, she want discuss anymore and people here have been kind of enough to be my sounding board, much appreciated.

Sorry to hear, I don't think of it as venting, you're just telling us about your situation like we all have.