Female people: What's your opinion of straight men writing from women's pov?

[EmilyMiller]

Yes, I added a bit. Scroll up.

OK - yes I see. Didn’t get the connection with coombe, but that makes perfect sense.

Em

 

[XerXesXu]

In Cornish 'coombe' is a tributary river, which is, of course, situated at the bottom of a valley.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

It’s formed by the head of a glacier and pronounced - I think - “coom”.

Em

Yup. I mean W is called double-u. It's a clue, I tell you. A blatant clue. Blatant!

 

[EmilyMiller]

In Cornish 'coombe' is a tributary river, which is, of course, situated at the bottom of a valley.

Too many Celtic languages!

Em

 

[Kumquatqueen]

Too many Celtic languages!

Em

Còmh in Gaelic. No idea about Breton or Irish...

 

[EmilyMiller]

Còmh in Gaelic. No idea about Breton or Irish...

Corrie in Scotland. Whether that is Gaelic or something else, I have no idea.

Em

 

[Britva415]

how did Tolkien get away with writing from a hobbit’s POV?

Are you talking about the m'er f'er who f'in invented hobbits!?

 

[Seadog777]

I get my wife and my 3 sisters input when I write a story from a female POV.

 

[Rustyoznail]

Another thread that turned left at Albuquerque.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Are you talking about the m'er f'er who f'in invented hobbits!?

I believe that was a term of endearment between him and his wife.

Em

 

[nice90sguy]

LOTR has given me a couple of wank-fantasies:
mainly Galadriel, Shelob. I like powerful women/spiders.

Wished there were a few more female dwarfs featured.

 

[KatieDoes]

I generally prefer reading things written by women. Especially erotica. I find that a genuine women‘s perspective tends to ring truer and resonate with me more effectively.

That being said, I initially reached out to my Dom after reading something he’d written about a female lead character, from her perspective. It struck all sorts of chords with me. One of his intentions when writing and publishing it was that it would appeal to a very specific type of woman, and it did.

 

[Athalia]

Another thread that turned left at Albuquerque.

Boy, it really did, didn't it?

But to put it back on track, I am a Female People, and I have no problem with it. There are male writers who understand what a woman goes through in life, even though they don't directly experience a lot of it. If they can pull off a good story, good for them! But when I reach the sex scenes, I can usually tell which men have a clue and which men don't.

Conversely, I had the hardest time for a while writing from a male point of view. I wondered if I was doing my male characters justice or just stereotyping them. But reader response has been positive for the most part.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Conversely, I had the hardest time for a while writing from a male point of view. I wondered if I was doing my male characters justice or just stereotyping them. But reader response has been positive for the most part.

Of course you are stereotyping them. Just as I am stereotyping any female in a story that isn’t me. That’s how we build models of the world, or at least what we perceive as the world.

Em

 

[countdowntolov3]

How do people handle describing pleasure from the opposite sex's point of view? I almost always write in first person and have avoided writing erotica from a man's point of view because I'm worried I'll describe his orgasm in a hilariously bad way.

Like, I fell like at this point in my life I understand the mechanics of the male sexual response cycle rather well. I know that input A tends to elicit reaction B. But there's just no way for me to know how that really feels for him. So I feel silly trying to then describe it in anything more than, "I felt my orgasm approaching."

I suppose I could take other stories as a guide and steal their metaphors. But that feels dishonest to me.

Outside of smut, I think it's already been well covered here that as writers we will always fail to capture the true complexity of real people. Doesn't seem to matter too much to me if I'm failing to capture a man or a woman. Besides, I understand a lot of my male friends a whole lot better than some women I've met.

 

[Zenith77]

I've written a bunch of stuff from the Female POV in first person. Both my latest series involved lesbian sex, one first-person one not, both from a female POV (yes, I know, not too surprising given it was lesbian). And, for the avoidance of doubt, I'm a man.

In some respects I find it easier than writing about sex from the male perspective. Dunno what that says about me...

 

[PastMaster]

Is a gay man's writing from a female POV more or less accurate than a straight man's?

 

[Euphony]

But there's just no way for me to know how that really feels for him.

Two things: First, there's a general acceptance that male orgasm can be described in it's base, physical elements (of which you're aware) and few feathers will be ruffled. This relies on the stereotypes that men aren't as sexually emotionally complex and that we only really speak to each other about these things in an accomplishment way, the completion/conquest being the talking point, not quality nuance/differences this time/emotional experience, etc. (fairly true)

Second: There's a ton of information out there to research and we are different (men & women) but not so much you can't reasonably describe what occurs (even emotionally) to a believability level. While we may not discuss it, the male audience you'd want to be writing for (since you are concerned w/believability, expression of the holistic experience) can identify with that, even if their experience isn't exactly mirrored. (maybe we aren't AS nuanced as women but we ARE nuanced and I think plenty of dudes understand that is the case on some level)

If you want to write the male perspective, write it. With earnest effort, you have every reasonable expectation to write it capably.

I would write the experience through a physical lens (body sensations, focusing on lovers bits when showing trying to stay aroused or going for the big O, her physical responses to you/your actions, maybe a slight satisfaction w/his own ability/power in taking the lead for them both and shepherding events and the experience to the expected conclusion for them both (you can write non-orgasmic but I think there's a real divide between the reality of sex and what each gender will "accept" in fiction)

In a way, you are right, if a man is more knowledgeable/focused on his sexual response, you would likely struggle to mirror it. Hell, I live it and oft struggle to describe it. But that's where the real difference lies. We run on a social script that says women are "mysterious" and each so vastly different that we accept women might not see themselves but so accurately reflected in a characters experience. I understand how varied each woman can be but I think the acceptance comes from women's sexual experience only becoming socially important in recent History. As with media, when 2nd classed group didn't have proper representation, they "made do." Positive representation still gets a "bump" from this and iffy representation is often spared the slings and arrows from vestigial "it's just the way things are."

Dudes are less complicated in expectation (orgasm/erections soak up so much word space) but could stand to have their bars raised. Most aren't going to sit around talking body/emotional nuance but why not offer up an invitation to self-reflection in one of the best artforms to do it? (reading is covert and an induvial, soulful act if you allow it to be)

TL: DR The naysayers are technically correct that you won't easily reflect the opposite sex's response to the sexual experience. They are wrong in assuming that

a) A same gendered individual often mirrors their readers experience/responses to an objectively accurate degree

b) If I can't meet that accuracy bar, it's not worth doing.

Seriously, fuck that noise.

Write what you feel compelled to write. If your male characters are stereotyped "effeminates" on the sexual spectrum, you aren't writing cookie cutter, an audience does exist, and you are moving what can be done/expectations forward.

Learn from each writing experience. Calibrate as you feel necessary. Engage in creativity choice discussion with readers/other authors you feel a kinship/understanding with and will help you move towards your opposite sex "end goal."

Enjoy the beauty, novelty, and creativity boost that comes from writing complexly outside of yourself.

Gatekeeping oneself is contagious with artists. Think of all the stories that were true fiction we wouldn't have if authors didn't allow themselves some leeway in plausibility, accuracy, and honesty of it being a lived life experience.

If you're earnest, you can't possibly write it worse than if you never write it at all.

 

[Zenith77]

I mean, Reddit is your friend. You don't have to scroll too far through the r/AskReddit to find a question like "what does it feel like to have sex as a woman?" ...man?"

Bingo. Research done.

 

[Euphony]

I mean, Reddit is your friend. You don't have to scroll too far through the r/AskReddit to find a question like "what does it feel like to have sex as a woman?" ...man?"

Bingo. Research done.

Every author sets their own accuracy bar but, having done tons of research on the subject for my own work, Reddit is a poor source for anything but the basics of the basic.

And all self-reported. (esp. problematic w/males and their gender stereotypes)

Most won't bother with academic research but I was shocked less by the research conclusions and more by how it changed my views of my own sexual response and how I'd describe it.

There's an language to understanding. Academic research helped me unlock some of that language and contextualize/be more attuned to my personal response.

 

[Zenith77]

Every author sets their own accuracy bar but, having done tons of research on the subject for my own work, Reddit is a poor source for anything but the basics of the basic.

And all self-reported. (esp. problematic w/males and their gender stereotypes)

Most won't bother with academic research but I was shocked less by the research conclusions and more by how it changed my views of my own sexual response and how I'd describe it.

There's an language to understanding. Academic research helped me unlock some of that language and contextualize/be more attuned to my personal response.

TBF I was joking

 

[Euphony]

TBF I was joking

Fair.

So many around here aren't so my radar is often out of wack.

 

[nice90sguy]

Is a gay man's writing from a female POV more or less accurate than a straight man's?

I think it's often the case that one partner in a serious gay relationship is noticeably more in tune with a female POV than the other. I'm not sure "accuracy" is the issue, though, so much as empathy.

 

[EmilyMiller]

How do people handle describing pleasure from the opposite sex's point of view? I almost always write in first person and have avoided writing erotica from a man's point of view because I'm worried I'll describe his orgasm in a hilariously bad way.

When I tried. I asked three male Lit friends what various cock-related things felt like (touching it yourself, someone else touching it, jerking off, being sucked / licked, inserting it into a vagina or anus, cumming). They all said slightly different things, so I figured I’d be Ok making stuff up .

Em

 

[Voboy]

When I tried. I asked three male Lit friends what various cock-related things felt like (touching it yourself, someone else touching it, jerking off, being sucked / licked, inserting it into a vagina or anus, cumming). They all said slightly different things, so I figured I’d be Ok making stuff up .

Em

I just figure it feels about the same for everyone. So that's how I write it, even from a female POV.

I have yet to have significant complaints. Besides, every one of my characters cums a little differently anyway.