On Male Characters Crying

[Lifestyle66]

It’s not about writing for the audience you want to attract, it’s about all of us helping you tackle your deep-seated emotional issues.

Tell me what you think about when you see a cigar?

What deep seated emotional issues? As far as I know and in my experience, I'm normal. I was just raised to find crying as a waste of time.

As for cigars? Bill and Monica.

 

[AWhoopsieDaisy]

The only time I was caught crying was by my six-year old Grandson, following the death of my dog. I sat in the middle of my garden and cried. He was so bothered, he reported to my wife, then he came back and gave me a big hug,.

I wasn't there obviously by the description you've given sounds less like the kid was disturbed and more like the kid was worried or just out of their depth. In my experience with younger kids they tend to go to adults when they don't know what to do. I distinctly remember in elementary I was at a friends house and the friend being the oldest of his siblings was stuck on babysitting duty for the toddler while his mom cooked dinner. When the toddler cried his go to response was to go to his mom about it, not because he found the crying disturbing but because he didn't know what the toddler needed. The first time I saw any adult cry I went to the other adult in the house about it for similar reasons.

 

[AWhoopsieDaisy]

Tell me what you think about when you see a cigar?

Oh? Is this a therapy session now?

 

[Paul_Chance]

So I'm of the opinion that real life human men should be allowed to cry. It's healthy, we all need to do it. But every time I consider making a grown man cry in fiction there's a little bug in the back of my head trying to warn me that he'll come off as weak or girly (especially if he's gay or younger).

So men and boys of the authors hangout, what are your thoughts on men crying in fiction? What situations are worth tears? Would it be more realistic for a character to be ashamed or embarrassed for crying? Should they attempt to cry only in private? What are the social rules on male tears irl?

Help a girl out.

In fiction, if it is appropriate for the character, then let them cry. All of the subsequent questions boil down to me to the simple story driven question of "Is it appropriate for this character to cry under these circumstances and does it aid the story." That would include the ashamed or embarrassed reaction and the question of whether or not to cry in public.

I don't think there are hard and fast societal rules. In terms of a fictional character, there may be rules that influence the character development or character expression in their fictional world, and then it would be appropriate for the character to react according to those rules.

So, find the heart of the character and then reveal that heart.

 

[jsmiam]

Here are some premises.

Older male, 50s and up, his collectible 66 mustang is wrecked

Younger, 30s to 40s: his Xbox/PlayStation and high score history is smashed/broke/lost

18 to 20s: banned from tiktok

It’s just a matter of the right context. You didn’t mean relationships or love, right, you meant important stuff with legit reasons to cry? ;-)

 

[AlexBailey]

Here are some premises.

Older male, 50s and up, his collectible 66 mustang is wrecked

Younger, 30s to 40s: his Xbox/PlayStation and high score history is smashed/broke/lost

18 to 20s: banned from tiktok

It’s just a matter of the right context. You didn’t mean relationships or love, right, you meant important stuff with legit reasons to cry? ;-)

I cried when I wrecked my classic Mustang!

 

[Paul_Chance]

LOL - I am pretty sure in the Guy Manual "Crying over wrecked classic Mustang" is one of the acceptable reasons to cry.

 

[Mnkinkcpl]

In a story I'm working on the man cries when his puritan wife discovers his porn collection and he thinks he is going to lose her.

The last time I cried was at my sister's funeral it was a bad year. My dad died in May, mom's dementia exploded and within a few days she no longer recognized me or anyone else, so I lost her to. Then my sister passed on Thanksgiving from her long fight against ALS (maybe the worst disease ever, functional brain trapped in a non responsive body.)

It was all to much, I hadn't really grieved for my dad, to busy taking care of mom, watching my sister fade away, her begging me to put a pillow over her face and kill her. After the service I went outside for a cigarette and sat on a stone wall in the freezing cold and cried for over an hour.

It's been almost five years now and I haven't cried since.

 

[ElectricBlue]

To be fair the series CARDINAL was excellent and very emotional throughout.

William Campbell was brilliant in that show.

Someone understands! It was the scene at the end of the episode where John has found out who killed his wife, and Delorme turns up with their next case notes. I must write a story based on the way she looks at him with those eyes. She's divine. As I say, my latest crush .

 

[Voboy]

I’ve found that a lot of cryers have difficulty relating to people who don’t cry. it’s happening in this very thread, and in the reactions to specific posts.

Cryers: believe me, people who don’t cry are not broken. They are not necessarily repressed. They are not in need of help, or psychoanalysis, or even pity. They are fully capable of deep emotions. They just express that differently than you do.

Vive la difference.

 

[MrPixel]

Pain. Physical pain, that is. Interesting. I don't cry even when the pain is at 11 on the doctors 1-10 scale. Like four years ago when bronchitis had me coughing so hard I gave myself a double hernia. Nearly passed out, but no crying, or screaming, just pass the morphine, please.

 

[Lifestyle66]

Pain. Physical pain, that is. Interesting. I don't cry even when the pain is at 11 on the doctors 1-10 scale. Like four years ago when bronchitis had me coughing so hard I gave myself a double hernia. Nearly passed out, but no crying, or screaming, just pass the morphine, please.

No. I told the nurse to stop the morphine. I needed to see how bad the pain would be when I left the hospital. I was up all-night pacing on crutches after 2 days on morphine!

But no tears. Just waiting out the withdrawal symptoms.

 

[yukonnights]

I was watching a Canuck cop program last night, Cardinal, with a wash up scene with John Cardinal and his partner cop (played by my latest crush Karinne Vanasse = so fucking sexy), with tears on my cheeks. What can I say? It gets into my stories.

I'm too old to man up. It's not worth the effort!

Not the same show, but even before reading your response I was going to say something very similar. I often "tear up" for a variaety of reasons; my spouse's suffering from physical pain, a small innocent animal murdered by a careless driver, memories of those I've loved and are now no longer living — and yes, even some movie or television show. I consider it a blessing to have an empathetic soul. If men weren't supposed to cry, then no bout we wouldn't have the capacity to do so.

 

[jsmiam]

…So men and boys of the authors hangout, what are your thoughts on men crying in fiction? What situations are worth tears? Would it be more realistic for a character to be ashamed or embarrassed for crying? Should they attempt to cry only in private? What are the social rules on male tears irl?
…

Coming back to the question: clearly there are strong opinions on both sides of the fence.

If it’s that important to the plot, by all means include it. Good news though! the character can be as varied as the real life responses you see here. Machismo. Sensitivity. Hiding deep (hold on, my lip is quivering) inner angst through humor. ;-). I think a lot of people, myself included, are a little embarrassed depending on the situation. I’m not embarrassed if I cry at a funeral. I am embarrassed if I get misty eyed at a formulaic movie.

And if not important, dodge it?

Now please Excuse me. I have to go split some firewood now. With an ax! A big ax.

 

[Rob_Royale]

I'm a highly empathic/emotional fella so I tear up pretty frequently when watching something sad or very happy. Happily, it's a quality that my wife adores about me. At least she's not the only one a mess at the end of a sad film.
As for adding to your story, it's something I hadn't considered in erotica. I think if you have properly fleshed out the male character as someone highly emotional and how he feels about what's gone on, crying would seem a natural reaction.

 

[KeithD]

If my male characters have something to cry about and the point isn't that they are being stoic, I let them cry. They do it quietly, though. I haven't had any characters who would blubber.

 

[Comshaw]

Yes men cry. When my best friend died, I cried. It was in my car with my wife driving to Seattle. She was asleep. When I made my visit to the Wall, the Vietnam Memorial, I cried. The guys that took me there (all of them Viet Vets) saw what was happening and walked way, giving me my space and time to cry. My father was a tough as nails Okey logger. He had his back broken twice, was shot and had a hole in his back bone from it. But the day my grandmother died, he cried. He didn't think anyone was around, he didn't know it but I happen to be and saw him. The thing is when someone that tough cries, you know the pain is huge and they need to let some out.

Those of us of a certain age would never let anyone see us cry. Not because we think it's a weakness to cry, but we don't want anyone thinking we can't bear the pain of what ever it was. We were taught that we, as men, need to be the stable rock to get everyone through what ever is happening. We were taught to swallow our pain so that we could afford others that comfort of grief. Yeah, maybe that ain't the best thing, but it is what we were taught, the way we were raised.

Comshaw

 

[Lady2020]

FWIW, I saw my dad cry twice. I think if he had been able to cry more often as well as learn to relax, eat right, exercise, he wouldn't have died the horrible way he did, one leg amputated, the doctors saying he should start kidney dialysis the next day.

 

[Djmac1031]

I had an older man weep after an emotional breakthrough with his new, much younger girlfriend.

I was a tad surprised I got zero negative feedback on it.

In fact, several comments praised the chapter for it's strong emotional connection between the characters.

 

[NakedNymph]

I had an older man weep after an emotional breakthrough with his new, much younger girlfriend.

I was a tad surprised I got zero negative feedback on it.

In fact, several comments praised the chapter for it's strong emotional connection between the characters.

I haven't read the story, but it sounds like you did a really good job forming that emotional connection between the characters and the reader. This isn't just about men crying, but when anyone's crying in a story I want to feel that empathy and understanding and for it to make me want to cry too

 

[theWollstonecraftWoman]

I have no problem with men crying over the death of a loved one, losing the Superbowl by their team, or crying over some traumatic experience. But men who get weepy over a sad movie, cry when they bust a toe, or hit a thumb with hammer, that's too much for me. Yes, I like a man to manly, if he is weak and overly emotional, crying during arguments, well, that's a turnoff. If you intend to show a weak man, you can have him cry over the suspicion of a cheating wife, or cry because she's ignored him.

Edited after AWhoopsieDaisy pointed out a few errors.

 

[AWhoopsieDaisy]

I have no problem with men crying over the death of loved one, the loss of the Superbowl by their team, or crying over some traumatic experience. But men who get weepy over a sad movie, cry when they bust a toe, or hit a thumb with hammer, that's to much for me. Yes, I like a man to manly, if he is week and overly emotional, crying during arguments, well, that's a turn off. If you intend to show a week man, you can have him cry over the suspicion of a cheating wife, or cry because she's ignored him.

What's the difference in your mind between crying over the superbowl and crying over a sad movie?

In both cases he'd be crying over entertainment on a screen. How is one more weak than the other?

I'm genuinely confused.

(Also, check your homophones.Weak=/= Week. To=/=Too.)

 

[theWollstonecraftWoman]

What's the difference in your mind between crying over the superbowl and crying over a sad movie?

In both cases he'd be crying over entertainment on a screen. How is one more weak than the other?

I'm genuinely confused.

(Also, check your homophones.Weak=/= Week. To=/=Too.)

You mustn't have a football team you live for. My husband never cried when the bronco's lost the first Superbowl with Peyton Manning, but I sure did, and think he teared up. Sports teams are different than a sad movie, we put our hearts into them. We feel we are part of the team. Go Bronco's (not this year), Nuggets, Avalanche, Rockies. Perhaps, I jest a little on the sports thing. But not much!

 

[Wonderer67]

I’m male and I cry occasionally. I’m a combat veteran. A farmer. Covered in tattoos. You’d look at me and think I’m a “manly man.” (Whatever that is or means)

I cry sometimes (a movie, when people just fucking suck, when I got divorced, visiting the Imperial War Museum… it moved me to tears) and I don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks.

And if it works for the story, or shows a character as complex, I think it’d be fine.

I’m gonna go sob now.

 

[Seadog777]

My father would beat me when I cried when I was growing up.
I learned how to keep all that shit down growing up and even when I was a young adult.
I've seen horrific atrocities and death in my time serving, and I kept it all bottled up.
It took me having my daughters and years of therapy to understand that it's OK for a man to cry.
It doesn't make us "less than" to show our emotions.
It actually really healthy to cry.
Once that dam broke for me, I literally felt decades of weights lift off my mind, body and soul.