On Male Characters Crying

[AWhoopsieDaisy]

So I'm of the opinion that real life human men should be allowed to cry. It's healthy, we all need to do it. But every time I consider making a grown man cry in fiction there's a little bug in the back of my head trying to warn me that he'll come off as weak or girly (especially if he's gay or younger).

So men and boys of the authors hangout, what are your thoughts on men crying in fiction? What situations are worth tears? Would it be more realistic for a character to be ashamed or embarrassed for crying? Should they attempt to cry only in private? What are the social rules on male tears irl?

Help a girl out.

 

[Euphony]

I would find it a breath of fresh air personally while simultaneously expecting poor reception overall as emotional intelligence is lacking across society.
To minimize fallout (if important) you have to establish an otherwise run o mill cis male plus traits foundation. Can dial that back a bit of you make the inciting event bigger stakes (loss of child, wife, parent etc) and maybe*help* the stunted with an in story proxy who finds positives in the emotional outpour.
I like more cutting against the grain (here) ideas and this one is especially intriguing.

 

[Euphony]

As for rules, feels like they are as diverse as religious upbringing. Depending on the models they had, reactions could run the gambit.
Were I going for it, I'd focus on displaying the characters emotional nature, or lack thereof, and make their actions congruent.

 

[Euphony]

Lol at the comment about lack of emotional intelligence.

It is sad to me how you mention that in-story proxy because it is almost as if we don't even trust readers to be intelligent enough to just follow the character's emotional journey without falling into Brad Pitt -esque archetypes. "I gotta save my wife and kid" type of shit.

We have enough movies about that. So yes, more working against the grain, please.

I feel you.Could totally be my false perception but empathy feels at low tide over the last few years.
This has led me to prioritize incorporating it my stories (as example and also to have it in my escapism) and the counter research can really drag your soul down, maybe throw off your calibration.

 

[ElectricBlue]

I was watching a Canuck cop program last night, Cardinal, with a wash up scene with John Cardinal and his partner cop (played by my latest crush Karinne Vanasse = so fucking sexy), with tears on my cheeks. What can I say? It gets into my stories.

I'm too old to man up. It's not worth the effort!

 

[Handley_Page]

I was taught that public crying was not a good thing.
The only time I was caught crying was by my six-year old Grandson, following the death of my dog. I sat in the middle of my garden and cried. He was so bothered, he reported to my wife, then he came back and gave me a big hug,.

 

[Rustyoznail]

Like most things, it depends on the person and the situation. I don't tear up a lot, not because it's unmanly. I just don't. I get desperately sad and introspective.

 

[SimonDoom]

Absolutely, men do cry, in a variety of situations, but it depends a lot on the person and the situation.

I seldom cry. From the age of about 13 until the age of 49, I'm pretty sure I did not cry one single time. Nobody ever told me I shouldn't, but I just didn't. I never saw my father cry, ever, except when he let out a little sob when I left for college.

I've gotten softer in my older age. I cried at 49 after a breakup. I sometimes get teary at movies. I have tried to make myself cry, just to see if I can, and have done so by thinking about something sad.

No one has ever seen me cry, at least, not since I was a little kid.

It's perfectly legitimate to write male characters who cry. Depending on the character, you might want to include that there's an element of internal conflict when the man lets himself cry, or that he feels somewhat ashamed of himself for losing control.

 

[Emotional]

"Let him cry" is one of my favorite stories on Lit, and very well received.

 

[lc69hunter]

Crying is a part of life. Where I get angry is in the BTB stories, where they portray the husband as this emotionally weak man who cries and pukes, and runs away and hides, like a little boy who has had his favorite toy stolen by a bully. THAT is not realistic, and that is not a man.

 

[Voboy]

Lots of men are cryers in real life. Lots of others aren’t.

A well-drawn character should let you know whether he’s a cryer or not. It follows that making him cry in the story should be an expression of his character, and so should NOT making him cry. It should never feel forced.

My male characters don’t generally cry, but then I don’t think I often put them in situations where they might.

 

[MrPixel]

The MMC in my rom/com series sheds a subtle tear once in a while, mostly in reaction to displays of unconditional love towards him. He has not yet experienced deep loss, and I'm sure he'll close his office door and have a good sob when and if he does.

I cry when appropriate, such as when my canine best friend of 12 years passed two months ago. The memory is still tough, frankly.

 

[Emilymcplugger]

Personally I cry at loads of things, especially TV and Movies, and some of them various people would think "Why are you crying at that?"

I think often the tears I shed are happy ones, happy at a memory, happy at a moment in life, happy that I got to enjoy whatever it is that's getting me tearful.

One of the most recent things that's made me tear up is the Season Five Doctor Who Finale when Amy Pond recites the old wedding poem and brings back The Doctor.

That's how much of a soppy nerd I am.

Other things however that I probably should feel tearful about, such as significant loss, does not affect me. I'm sure some will further down the line and that won't be enjoyable but I largely cry happy tears rather than sad ones. If that makes me less of a man then I will feel sad over it...but as I just pointed out, I will shed no tears.

 

[AwkwardlySet]

It's fine, if it's for the right reasons. If you aren't crying in some really tough and emotional situations, maybe you are just hardened by life. Then again, you could simply be a heartless asshole.

 

[Smuttyandfun]

At some time in our lives, everyone cries. It's part of being human to show our emotions. In several of my stories I've had male characters getting a little misty eyed or wiping at their eyes, when a situation was intense. I don't think it makes a man look weak. I think it shows that they have a heart and are capable of feeling real emotions.

 

[Voboy]

Meh. You can feel “real emotions” without crying. I do it all the time.

Being a non-cryer isn’t a weakness. It’s certainly not something to be shamed. People are just different, that’s all.

 

[stickygirl]

I was watching a Canuck cop program last night, Cardinal, with a wash up scene with John Cardinal and his partner cop (played by my latest crush Karinne Vanasse = so fucking sexy), with tears on my cheeks. What can I say? It gets into my stories.

I'm too old to man up. It's not worth the effort!

You cried at a cop movie? That would be unexpected but I'd lend you a hug and go find a malt

 

[Emilymcplugger]

You cried at a cop movie? That would be unexpected but I'd lend you a hug and go find a malt

To be fair the series CARDINAL was excellent and very emotional throughout.

William Campbell was brilliant in that show.

 

[Lifestyle66]

It depends on how the man is raised.

My mother never hugged us after the age of five, because that's how she was raised. "We don't hug kids after they are five," she once told my wife. (BTW: My maternal grandmother grew upin an orphanage, which was why SHE raised her kids that way.) After we were five years old, we were expected to just "suck it up, and get back outside!" When my older brother at age 12 was hit in the eye with a baseball, he went to our mother. She looked at his eye to determine if it was still there, then said "Good for you! Next time you'll know to CATCH the ball!"
For us, crying never elicited sympathy, so why bother? We learned that whatever happened, you brush it off, fix the problem, and move along.

So, when I read a story about a man crying, I just can't relate to that character.

 

[Emilymcplugger]

It depends on how the man is raised.

My mother never hugged us after the age of five, because that's how she was raised. "We don't hug kids after they are five," she once told my wife. (BTW: My maternal grandmother grew upin an orphanage, which was why SHE raised her kids that way.) After we were five years old, we were expected to just "suck it up, and get back outside!" When my older brother at age 12 was hit in the eye with a baseball, he went to our mother. She looked at his eye to determine if it was still there, then said "Good for you! Next time you'll know to CATCH the ball!"
For us, crying never elicited sympathy, so why bother? We learned that whatever happened, you brush it off, fix the problem, and move along.

So, when I read a story about a man crying, I just can't relate to that character.

I’ll tell you a story I know about a man crying.

Someone I know their dad was a farmer, as was their grandfather. Father and grandfather had worked together for years until one day when the dad was walking back to the farm and saw the grandfather on the floor. He had literally just dropped down dead.

Years later he was watching “Superman: The Movie” and when the scene came on where Jonathan Kent collapsed and died, the dad burst into tears.

Crying isn’t unmanly.

Some cry at the birth of a child, the loss of a loved one, the breaking of a bone, but it does happen.

 

[jehoram]

So men and boys of the authors hangout, what are your thoughts on men crying in fiction? What situations are worth tears? Would it be more realistic for a character to be ashamed or embarrassed for crying? Should they attempt to cry only in private? What are the social rules on male tears irl?

The men in my fiction sometimes cry, when they are overwhelmed by emotions of joy, or sorrow, or regret. That's realistic.

I cried at the loss of my first wife, and of my parents, and of dear friends, and at each of the deaths of the many pets we've had over the past few years. I've cried when I saw my best friend being honored in front of a crowd of people, after years of hard work. I can't tell you the number of times I've been glad that I had a box of Kleenex by me when I was watching a movie.

I'm not embarrassed about it. Whether I would have been embarrassed when I was younger, I couldn't say. I wasn't raised in a family where boys crying was frowned on, but there were probably times in the larger culture (in school, for example) where I might have been discouraged from doing it.

 

[AlexBailey]

I’m not exactly a model of masculinity but I cry.

I cry when I’m sad, overjoyed, stressed, in a lot of pain… why not? I’m not trying to maintain any facade and crying can be such a release!

There are a few songs I can’t get through because they choke me up too much

 

[Lifestyle66]

I’ll tell you a story I know about a man crying.

Someone I know their dad was a farmer, as was their grandfather. Father and grandfather had worked together for years until one day when the dad was walking back to the farm and saw the grandfather on the floor. He had literally just dropped down dead.

Years later he was watching “Superman: The Movie” and when the scene came on where Jonathan Kent collapsed and died, the dad burst into tears.

Crying isn’t unmanly.

Some cry at the birth of a child, the loss of a loved one, the breaking of a bone, but it does happen.

I'm not saying it doesn't happen.

I'm saying, I was raised a certain way, and I described how and why I was raised that way.

I just CANNOT relate to it. Even the last time I broke my leg, I didn't cry. I swore a lot when the medics moved me and tried removing my boot, but no tears came.

So, write to the audience you want to attract.

 

[Emilymcplugger]

I'm not saying it doesn't happen.

I'm saying, I was raised a certain way, and I described how and why I was raised that way.

I just CANNOT relate to it. Even the last time I broke my leg, I didn't cry. I swore a lot when the medics moved me and tried removing my boot, but no tears came.

So, write to the audience you want to attract.

It’s not about writing for the audience you want to attract, it’s about all of us helping you tackle your deep-seated emotional issues.

Tell me what you think about when you see a cigar?

 

[AWhoopsieDaisy]

To minimize fallout (if important) you have to establish an otherwise run o mill cis male plus traits foundation.

Excuse me for pointing at the elephant in the room but I am curious as to what traits are in that "plus" and why deviation from that should expect more backlash.