When it's all too much...

[Lucy_Lastic]

I'm stalled on my third story which is autobiographical, same as the others.

part of the issue is that I didn't enjoy the encounter much at the time. It was rough and abusive and borderline consensual and it was only in hindsight that I realised the degradation I'd felt during the experience made me let it happen.

Part of me wants to skip it completely, the other part thinks its important because it played a large part in what I like sexually now.

Help!

 

[TempSpawn]

I'm stalled on my third story which is autobiographical, same as the others.

part of the issue is that I didn't enjoy the encounter much at the time. It was rough and abusive and borderline consensual and it was only in hindsight that I realised the degradation I'd felt during the experience made me let it happen.

Part of me wants to skip it completely, the other part thinks its important because it played a large part in what I like sexually now.

Help!

That's a difficult decision. I can see the logic behind either way forward.

I'm sure plenty (men) would say that you should do it for their entertainment. But regardless of how much it influenced your current desires, if it's too personal or too hard to come to terms with revisiting the encounter there's no need for you to do so.

 

[Sojourner47]

Hi Lucy -

I think it depends on your objective. It may be worth documenting what happened. It could also set the tone for future stories. Whatever you decide, it will be great.

 

[AlexBailey]

Hi Lucy

I began my writing as a form of journaling, a counselor recommended it as a way to work out some of my past issues. As I got into writing I became interested in posting it somewhere and found lit and the author's hangout.

My original auto-biography was full of under-age stuff and many parts that were more raw than I really wanted to put out there, so I changed my writing to more of a fantasy perspective. When I did it made the writing easier to work through but it was still very cathartic. I found I was able to seriously reflect on real events but I was also able to have fun with some of the things that had been hard to bring up when it was all non-fiction... it makes for a better story too.

You know the truth yet you owe it to no one but yourself. You can rewrite any parts you want and share only what you want to, you can add in other details or leave things out however you wish. I enjoyed the process more once I let go of trying to be historically accurate of my own history.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

Unless you are under contract for an autobiography, I see no need for you to share personal, painful moments with the world at large.

If, as you seem to say, it’s a therapeutic thing, Abe Lincoln wrote scads of flaming letters to people who had irritated him. He wrote them, but never mailed them. He apparently got the relief he needed just by writing. There’s nothing requiring you to actually publish anything you wrote.

Good luck!

 

[MillieDynamite]

I'd suggest the following from personal experience in writing some of the things that formed me. One, you'll have trouble getting it down. Two, document what happened and worry about making it acceptable for here after you're done. Get the experience down as you remember it will the gory, painful details. Once the tale is saved in a file, go back and make a Lit story. Keep the pain, the angst, and the realization after the fact that it wasn't what you wanted.

But do write it as it happened. This will help you to sort it out. It helped create who you are, make it about you and your experience and feelings both during and after the encounter. And if you want, write a little fantasy ending of what you wanted to do to the bastard or bastard-ett!

 

[JGittes]

Fictionalize it to make it the experience you wish it would have been.

 

[Lifestyle66]

I'm stalled on my third story which is autobiographical, same as the others.

part of the issue is that I didn't enjoy the encounter much at the time. It was rough and abusive and borderline consensual and it was only in hindsight that I realised the degradation I'd felt during the experience made me let it happen.

Part of me wants to skip it completely, the other part thinks its important because it played a large part in what I like sexually now.

Help!

As others are saying, write it for you.

But I recommend you write it, then set it aside for at least a few weeks and after you write some other stories. Don't rush to post just because you think it belongs there in a sequence. Revisit it occasionally to decide if it really tells the story in a way you want about the experience.

If you learned something from a bad experience, you have a story to tell. Just take your time and make sure it's what you want to say.

 

[stickygirl]

Part of me wants to skip it completely, the other part thinks its important because it played a large part in what I like sexually now.

Aye, there's the rub ^^ as Shakespeare put it. Going through the process of writing down an experience is in itself cathartic and might help you resolve the emotional dilemma you are still working through. As others have suggested, treat writing as a therapy of sorts, see if that helps and then later look at writing a story with a clearer head.

Alex B suggested writing in fantasy form to keep an emotional distance between the real life events, your readers and your present state of mind. Some of my stories have elements of real life - whose don't? - but that doesn't mean you have to be a slave to the truth or that by cherry picking the bits you want to include that you have let yourself down or been disingenuous.

 

[SimonDoom]

I don't think anyone can advise you effectively unless they know what you really want to achieve.

Is this primarily a therapeutic thing? Something you want to get off your chest or process?

Or are you primarily interested in getting a story done as a creative endeavor.

I'm not a therapist so I won't give an opinion about the first. Regarding the second, I'd say if you're stuck, move on to a new story and come back to this one when you are ready.

 

[AlinaX]

Maybe try writing it from an outside perspective, e.g., as an omniscient narrator. Try changing the tense. Try writing the story in a nonlinear way. Detail the story and ask someone else to write it for you, or with you.

 

[KeithD]

Write a version that makes it deeply erotic. You aren't limited to reality in fiction, and a positive version will take the edge off the memory of it. Writing erotica isn't supposed to be painful, I don't think.

 

[ElectricBlue]

Write a letter to yourself, for yourself. Once the words are out and on paper, then decide what to do with them. They might be far too intimate, too personal, to ever publish; but they might also take on another shape, another meaning, and you might be able to use them creatively.

It sounds to me that this could be therapeutic, cathartic, so if the words must be written, they will be, or they'll be forever choked up inside.

I have a philosophy that says words, once written, should be read, but only you can choose who reads them.