What do female writers think about males writing from a female POV?

[Duleigh]

I’m told that I can be quite in touch with my female side (by people who never read Club Emily I guess), but what do women writers think when they read a work where the narrator is a female, but the author is a male?

All of my work is like that. Does it grate? Do you think “why the fuck does he think he can express what having my clit licked feels like?”.

I kinda worry that I am overlaying what things feel like from a male POV onto my female protagonist. Not that I am wholly against overlaying my female protagonist of course!

I once read a treatise on this subject and the conclusion was that men have a good comprehension on how a woman acts and thinks because the vast majority of us were raised nearly exclusively by women where very few of us were raised nearly exclusively by men. This gives men a wonderful insight to how women react to different situations and men can write from a woman's point of view as well as from a man's point of view. Female writers do not have that advantage unless they were raised by a stay-at-home father, the true feelings, motivations, and thought processes of a man are a mystery to them. I believe there's a lot of truth to that conclusion.

Note to women who want to write from a man's point of view - we're not all that complicated. We rarely spend much time worrying about other people's personal relationships, we'd rather collect stamps or baseball cards instead. And our thought process is quite linear. When you see a man in deep concentration, chances are that we may not be considering what the consequences of our actions might have on the fate of the world, more likely we're trying to decide what to have for lunch.

 

[lovecraft68]

It's alright, really it is. After all, I must get us to the idea of life after Serena. I'm sure there is life after Serena. I hope there is!

The good thing when it comes to an icon retiring is you can say to future fans of whatever sports "I saw their entire career."
I'm not a tennis fan, but the fact I still know how dominant she is says it all. Up there with Russel and Jordan, Ruth, Mantle...etc. Pick the sport and the legends and she's on that same Mt Everest.

 

[MillieDynamite]

Except, I'm sure there is no such list. So if I write a story from a first-person female point of view (I think I've done a few on different sites), then now do I know what I'm doing? I try to make it plausible, but I'm mostly just winging it. Either the readers buy it or they don't.

There are a few, actually, that list either words used more often by men or women. I'll give you two links. You may do with them as you please. Frequency of words used by men and women. words known only to men or women. Note, the second one says "only know by" which isn't right, women or men may know them but don't use them or may not know the meaning of, but as stated before, no such animal as absolute.

 

[gunhilltrain]

There are a few, actually, that list either words used more often by men or women. I'll give you two links. You may do with them as you please. Frequency of words used by men and women. words known only to men or women. Note, the second one says "only know by" which isn't right, women or men may know them but don't use them or may not know the meaning of, but as stated before, no such animal as absolute.

Thanks, but it was sort of a "throwaway" line on my part. But I will take a look.

 

[Lovecraft_Lore]

The best (or worse) are the women written by men who are so clueless about women that their statements are comically bad.

Like the guy with the 16-inch penises sticking it past a woman's cervix and immediately impregnanting her because he cam right on to her eggs.

Or any of the women written by men in the loving wife category.

 

[AlinaX]

ASexual, (not as used in biology) applied to a person means a person who has no interest in sex one way or another. They have friends and don't have lovers of either sex, they are not attracted to their sex sexually or the other sexy. I supposed if you applied it as a gender you could use it as a pronoun.

Asexual generally means experiencing little or no sexual attraction. It's not a gender or a pronoun, and is not the same as libido. Some asexual people do have sex. Sexual attraction is not a requirement for having or enjoying sex.

Romantic attraction and romantic relationships are mostly a separate matter.

 

[lovecraft68]

We write fiction. As Lifestyle said we make things up. In order to make things up you need creativity, you need imagination, and you need to have the inspiration and confidence to fuel those things.

Although you need to be somewhat grounded in reality this while most women this, most men this, most straight people this...might be based on some truths like all stereotypes are, but people are also unique. "Women wouldn't swear as much as men" I know women that swear like truck drivers. I know women that speak as crudely about sex as men.

You are not required to portray the definitive woman or man, you're working on portraying your character and if your female says and does X...well hey that's them.

This is the typical running in circles, tail chasing over thinking over complicated situation too many people get themselves into and mire themselves so deeply in that guess what? You'll never do anything about it because now you're all conflicted and full of all the varied opinions here.

You're a creative individual with the gift to put thoughts and words into stories, work that gift, and keep working it. If its clunky at first, it'll get better.

One last point on Simon commenting about research. He's talking reading other stories, which can work for some people, but if you're like me it puts other peoples words and style in your head and suppresses yours. The best research is watch and listen to people, and how they behave and try and slide into their shoes, see what you can figure out about them, then take the basics and run with it.

Its not hard folks, its really not.

 

[Bramblethorn]

I once read a treatise on this subject and the conclusion was that men have a good comprehension on how a woman acts and thinks because the vast majority of us were raised nearly exclusively by women where very few of us were raised nearly exclusively by men.

That's a lot of exposure to women, sure, but it seems like a very narrow perspective. Does growing up with a woman wiping his bum and cooking his dinner help a guy understand who a woman is, beyond the things she can do for him?

This gives men a wonderful insight to how women react to different situations and men can write from a woman's point of view as well as from a man's point of view. Female writers do not have that advantage unless they were raised by a stay-at-home father, the true feelings, motivations, and thought processes of a man are a mystery to them. I believe there's a lot of truth to that conclusion.

On the other hand, I have only to step into a cinema to be immersed in media written primarily by men, focussing primarily on male perspectives. The balance is better than it used to be but there's still so much out there that treats women only as accessories to men.

 

[SimonDoom]

One last point on Simon commenting about research. He's talking reading other stories, which can work for some people, but if you're like me it puts other peoples words and style in your head and suppresses yours. The best research is watch and listen to people, and how they behave and try and slide into their shoes, see what you can figure out about them, then take the basics and run with it.

Everybody's different, and you've done well so I'm in no position to tell you how to do things, but I think you are unusual.

To me, writing is not magic. It's like everything else. It's like chair making. If you want to learn how to build chairs, you learn from other people who've done it. You don't say to yourself, "I'm not going to do that, because then my chairs will be just like everyone else's." That's just not true, as a matter of history. And if you don't learn from others who have built chairs, the chances are good you are going to build bad chairs. Most of the authors throughout history that we think of as great or favorite authors learned from others, by doing a lot of reading. Reading Hemingway doesn't mean you're going to copy Hemingway.

As I say, everybody's different, but in general I think it's true that if you want to do something well you are well advised to look at earlier examples of how something was done well and profit from them.

 

[Duleigh]

That's a lot of exposure to women, sure, but it seems like a very narrow perspective. Does growing up with a woman wiping his bum and cooking his dinner help a guy understand who a woman is, beyond the things she can do for him?



On the other hand, I have only to step into a cinema to be immersed in media written primarily by men, focussing primarily on male perspectives. The balance is better than it used to be but there's still so much out there that treats women only as accessories to men.

First of all, Cinema is written to either the lowest common denominator, or snobs that will vote on the Academy Award, no middle of the road. Yes, James Franco did Flyboys, something close to what actually happened in 1916 - 1918 without the true horror of being a fighter pilot with no training and a life expectancy of 4 days, but then he teamed up with Seth Rogan a few times and wiped that away

As for diminishing the job of parenting a child by imaging that it's just butt wiping and making dinner, that's just wrong, just completely sad and wrong.

 

[Bramblethorn]

As for diminishing the job of parenting a child by imaging that it's just butt wiping and making dinner, that's just wrong, just completely sad and wrong.

But I was raised by parents. Are you telling me that's not enough to understand what it's like to be a parent?

 

[XerXesXu]

But I was raised by parents. Are you telling me that's not enough to understand what it's like to be a parent?

But, there's a subtle transformation in one's understanding after the transition from, 'being a child with parents', to 'being a parent with children'.

 

[MillieDynamite]

But, there's a subtle transformation in one's understanding after the transition from, 'being a child with parents', to 'being a parent with children'.

Amen!

 

[Bramblethorn]

But, there's a subtle transformation in one's understanding after the transition from, 'being a child with parents', to 'being a parent with children'.

Yep, and that's the point I was making from the start: being raised by somebody doesn't give anywhere near a complete perspective on their world. It doesn't even guarantee a good understanding of parenting, let alone all the other facets of a woman's existence that are far less visible to her child.

 

[Athalia]

I once read a treatise on this subject and the conclusion was that men have a good comprehension on how a woman acts and thinks because the vast majority of us were raised nearly exclusively by women where very few of us were raised nearly exclusively by men. This gives men a wonderful insight to how women react to different situations and men can write from a woman's point of view as well as from a man's point of view. Female writers do not have that advantage unless they were raised by a stay-at-home father, the true feelings, motivations, and thought processes of a man are a mystery to them. I believe there's a lot of truth to that conclusion.

I beg to differ. I think that women have a greater understanding of a man's mind than men have of a woman's. This is because we are more dependent on men for social standing and employment advancement. In so many ways, it's still a man's word, and we are taught from childhood to observe men carefully and figure out what makes them tick.

As for fiction, I think that a man can write from a woman's perspective if he has had enough feedback from women, either personally or via the fiction that women write. That's assuming that the woman actually writes from a woman's point of view, describing the sensations she feels. When I started visiting this site, I mentioned that we don't actually feel the warmth of the man's ejaculate in fucking, because it's just body temperature stuff going into a body temperature cavity. It was pointed out to me that it's a trope in erotic fiction, and makes the story "hotter." But I don't write it that way, because it would not be true to my own experience. I do describe the sensation of warmth that comes from my own orgasm, which almost never coincides with my partner's ejaculation.

So, guys, if you want to write convincingly from a female perspective, read stories written by women, or by men who have done the homework.

 

[Athalia]

I just thought of something else: look for the comments. When a woman compliments a writer for his or her description of an erotic scene told from a woman's perspective, I give it more weight than when a man comments on it.

 

[MillieDynamite]

I beg to differ. I think that women have a greater understanding of a man's mind than men have of a woman's. This is because we are more dependent on men for social standing and employment advancement. In so many ways, it's still a man's word, and we are taught from childhood to observe men carefully and figure out what makes them tick.

As for fiction, I think that a man can write from a woman's perspective if he has had enough feedback from women, either personally or via the fiction that women write. That's assuming that the woman actually writes from a woman's point of view, describing the sensations she feels. When I started visiting this site, I mentioned that we don't actually feel the warmth of the man's ejaculate in fucking, because it's just body temperature stuff going into a body temperature cavity. It was pointed out to me that it's a trope in erotic fiction, and makes the story "hotter." But I don't write it that way, because it would not be true to my own experience. I do describe the sensation of warmth that comes from my own orgasm, which almost never coincides with my partner's ejaculation.

So, guys, if you want to write convincingly from a female perspective, read stories written by women, or by men who have done the homework.

Even when I actually fucked men, note fucked, not made love, I never climaxed. I often write women having orgasms in unison with the man, not because I believe it happens often, but because that's the trope. However, with a woman, or more specifically, my woman, I often climax in rough unison with her. Rough, as in I start a shade before or shade after her. Of course, sometimes, I get her off in servicing her, or she does the same to me.

 

[Duleigh]

I beg to differ. I think that women have a greater understanding of a man's mind than men have of a woman's. This is because we are more dependent on men for social standing and employment advancement. In so many ways, it's still a man's word, and we are taught from childhood to observe men carefully and figure out what makes them tick.

As for fiction, I think that a man can write from a woman's perspective if he has had enough feedback from women, either personally or via the fiction that women write. That's assuming that the woman actually writes from a woman's point of view, describing the sensations she feels. When I started visiting this site, I mentioned that we don't actually feel the warmth of the man's ejaculate in fucking, because it's just body temperature stuff going into a body temperature cavity. It was pointed out to me that it's a trope in erotic fiction, and makes the story "hotter." But I don't write it that way, because it would not be true to my own experience. I do describe the sensation of warmth that comes from my own orgasm, which almost never coincides with my partner's ejaculation.

So, guys, if you want to write convincingly from a female perspective, read stories written by women, or by men who have done the homework.

I was just reporting on what a writer once commented on the subject, when I can find the document, I will report her name here. As for the ejaculate trope, I've asked my lovers in the past what they felt and some responded, "I felt your cock twitching as you came" and one responded, "I don't know, I was busy cumming at the time" another said "You ask the dumbest fucking questions." If you read my stories and you find a comment said by the woman that sounds a bit off the wall, it's an actual comment that I've heard. I don't know if she was teasing me or if it was real. One of the oddest was, "When you make me cum it makes my palms itch." Some things you can't make up, but I do pay attention.

 

[MillieDynamite]

Duleigh ​

If men are so in tune with women, their feelings, and the way their mind works, why do their eyes glaze over and go blank when a woman tries to talk about something that bothers her?

 

[Bubo_bubo]

Duleigh ​

If men are so in tune with women, their feelings, and the way their mind works, why do their eyes glaze over and go blank when a woman tries to talk about something that bothers her?

Now don't worry your pretty little head about that!
(j/k).

 

[MillieDynamite]

Now don't worry your pretty little head about that!
(j/k).

I'm married to another woman, so I don't worry about it. But find it amazing that men think they are in tune with their wives when they haven't listened to half of what the woman has to say in their entire marriage. The number one cause women list as the reason for divorce isn't money, sex, or affairs, it's lack of communication. And for the record, my face is beautiful, and my brain is gianormous.

 

[Bubo_bubo]

I'm married to another woman, so I don't worry about it. But find it amazing that men think they are in tune with their wives when they haven't listened to half of what the woman has to say in their entire marriage. The number one cause women list as the reason for divorce isn't money, sex, or affairs, it's lack of communication. And for the record, my face is beautiful, and my brain is gianormous.

You know what (j/k) means I hope?

 

[MillieDynamite]

Yeah, I do, just don't like "pretty little head" directed at me.

Also, just wanted to get my point across that men don't know women as well as they think.

 

[Bubo_bubo]

Yeah, I do, just don't like "pretty little head" directed at me.

Also, just wanted to get my point across that men don't know women as well as they think.

OK, if the joke didn't land that's OK. I'm sorry, then.

 

[MillieDynamite]

It landed, but I've never claimed not to be a bitch!