Feedback on dialogue

[DaddyAnal1966]

An anonymous reviewer of:

Wanting to be Wanted (https://literotica.com/s/wanting-to-be-wanted)

picked up on my dialogue being awful. Happy to take this on the chin, it was the first story I ever wrote.

I was asking for more specific feedback than “it sucks”. Seeking to improve.

DDA66

 

[ElectricBlue]

An anonymous reviewer of:

Wanting to be Wanted (https://literotica.com/s/wanting-to-be-wanted)

picked up on my dialogue being awful. Happy to take this on the chin, it was the first story I ever wrote.

I was asking for more specific feedback than “it sucks”. Seeking to improve.

DDA66

Why give credence to just one reader? I had a quick scan, the dialogue didn't seem too bad, no better, no worse, than many stories. Shrug, and move on - the comment was an opinion, nothing more, nothing useful.

Of course, being Anon, you can't wander off and check out their works of pure literary genius, and learn from the best! That's always the way; or if the comment comes from an account holder, you can usually be dazzled by their portfolio. A blank white page does that.

 

[AlinaX]

For one thing, you swap between single and double quotes.
No tagging?
Overuse of ellipses, perhaps...

 

[Zeb_Carter]

Hmmm... not really an over use of ellipsis. Only used on two lines of dialog. You did use double quotes on the first group of dialog then switched to single quotes. Conventions here at Lit is double quotes for dialog, single quotes for thought. Usually.

And anonymous usually isn't a very good reviewer. Usually someone who uses anonymous is a troll. You can turn off anonymous feedback if you wish in you profile in your Author dashboard.

 

[AlinaX]

On p. 1, but 9 out of the first 10 lines on p. 2.

 

[shakespeare_i_aint]

I believe you had three people bantering to each other about spinners. That's one too many. Also, those journal entries use quotes, which makes readers assume someone is speaking to someone--only to find out that it is merely an introductory journal entry. I'd use hyphens or asterisks or something to designate a journal entry.

Finally, you can add visual and aural cues to some of that dialogue. "Your use of dialogue could stand improvement," Shakespeare said with the bored certainty of an Literotica author without followers.

 

[DaddyAnal1966]

For one thing, you swap between single and double quotes.
No tagging?
Overuse of ellipses, perhaps...

I tried to use single for actual dialogue and double for things that are part of paragraphs. It is entirely feasible that I screwed this up however .

 

[BobbyBrandt]

As many others have stated, don't sweat the opinion of a single anonymous reader. I always enjoy the English majors who can't distinguish between narrative and dialog when criticizing grammar.

There are a lot of resources out there that you will likely encounter which would help you with your confidence when writing. I believe one of the more popular ones mentioned frequently in this forum is Grammarly (www.grammarly.com). The free version, from my experience, lends itself more to business writing than fiction, especially erotic fiction, but even a little help is better than none.

AutoCrit is another application that you might want to explore and I'm sure that others will add their recommendations.

 

[DaddyAnal1966]

Hmmm... not really an over use of ellipsis. Only used on two lines of dialog. You did use double quotes on the first group of dialog then switched to single quotes. Conventions here at Lit is double quotes for dialog, single quotes for thought. Usually.

And anonymous usually isn't a very good reviewer. Usually someone who uses anonymous is a troll. You can turn off anonymous feedback if you wish in you profile in your Author dashboard.

Didnt know the convention.

The double quotes were meant to be diary entries, the single quotes dialogue.

Maybe I got confused on occasion. Would have used italics of available in the web form.

 

[DaddyAnal1966]

As many others have stated, don't sweat the opinion of a single anonymous reader. I always enjoy the English majors who can't distinguish between narrative and dialog when criticizing grammar.

There are a lot of resources out there that you will likely encounter which would help you with your confidence when writing. I believe one of the more popular ones mentioned frequently in this forum is Grammarly (www.grammarly.com). The free version, from my experience, lends itself more to business writing than fiction, especially erotic fiction, but even a little help is better than none.

AutoCrit is another application that you might want to explore and I'm sure that others will add their recommendations.

I tried Grammarly for technical business writing (which is what I normally do and hated it .

Just to be clear, I’m not a technical writer, just soemone who ends up writing a lot in a technical discipline.

 

[DaddyAnal1966]

I believe you had three people bantering to each other about spinners. That's one too many. Also, those journal entries use quotes, which makes readers assume someone is speaking to someone--only to find out that it is merely an introductory journal entry. I'd use hyphens or asterisks or something to designate a journal entry.

Finally, you can add visual and aural cues to some of that dialogue. "Your use of dialogue could stand improvement," Shakespeare said with the bored certainty of an Literotica author without followers.

I agree - should have done in Word and used italics for the journal entries - would have been clearer.

 

[DaddyAnal1966]

For one thing, you swap between single and double quotes.
No tagging?
Overuse of ellipses, perhaps...

I am overly fond of ellipses it has to be said :-o

 

[DaddyAnal1966]

On p. 1, but 9 out of the first 10 lines on p. 2.

Thanks. I took me so long to get this published - a story edit might not ever see the light of day!

 

[MillieDynamite]

The only advice I have no dialogue is this, don't make it too perfect. We don't speak perfect English, and we sometimes leave out the verb. Some sentences often have missing words. Think of Joey Tribbiani on Friends, "How you doing?" Seriously, How you doing? I mean, how are you doing? LOL

 

[BuckyDuckman]

I didn't bother to review your writing - any-mouse is an idiot, always. Read up on the conventions for how to distinguish dialog and be done with it. Basically, make it clear who is speaking and use quotes. "That's what he said," he said, and he was right. KeithD is very good at providing style guide instructions.

 

[SimonDoom]

It wasn't awful. Don't get discouraged by one person's opinion. People have very, very different opinions on this subject.

I scanned the dialogue in the story, and here's my opinion, but please keep in mind it's just my opinion.

1. Be consistent in your formatting. Your format doesn't have to be the same as everyone else's, but be consistent about it. Use double quotation marks for dialogue. Or single. Don't do both.

2. The single thing I would change the most is your aversion to dialogue tags. It bugs me. I think dialogue tags, used judiciously, dramatically enhance the clarity of your dialogue. I do not understand why some authors avoid them. To me it's a tic, a weird habit. With no dialogue tags, it's much harder to follow your dialogue. I don't understand the point of it.

That's pretty much it, for me. These are the only two significant issues I have.

 

[ElectricBlue]

Didnt know the convention.

The double quotes were meant to be diary entries, the single quotes dialogue.

Maybe I got confused on occasion. Would have used italics of available in the web form.

I think you've followed the Brit practice for your quotation marks. American English is the other way around - but there are plenty of Brit English authors here, so don't sweat that. Just be consistent.

I write Australian English, which uses "double quotation" marks but English spelling. Readers manage to cope okay with that - I reckon you just got the ignoramus (or it's an erotica vs porn thing, because, well, you know ).

Anyway, if you want to use italics, use html coding <i> italics </i>, same goes for bold and underline - plenty of threads about that (use in moderation is the common advice, coz when it goes wrong, it can go spectacularly wrong).

You'll figure it out. We all did!

 

[DaddyAnal1966]

I tried Grammarly for technical business writing )which is what I normally do and hated it .

I think you've followed the Brit practice for your quotation marks. American English is the other way around - but there are plenty of Brit English authors here, so don't sweat that. Just be consistent.

I write Australian English, which uses "double quotation" marks but English spelling. Readers manage to cope okay with that - I reckon you just got the ignoramus (or it's an erotica vs porn thing, because, well, you know ).

Anyway, if you want to use italics, use html coding <i> italics </i>, same goes for bold and underline - plenty of threads about that (use in moderation is the common advice, coz when it goes wrong, it can go spectacularly wrong).

You'll figure it out. We all did!

Thanks - I feel a d’oh! is appropriate, no idea why I didn’t just try markup - I really should know better :-o

 

[DaddyAnal1966]

I didn't bother to review your writing - any-mouse is an idiot, always. Read up on the conventions for how to distinguish dialog and be done with it. Basically, make it clear who is speaking and use quotes. "That's what he said," he said, and he was right. KeithD is very good at providing style guide instructions.

Thanks for the advice

 

[DaddyAnal1966]

It wasn't awful. Don't get discouraged by one person's opinion. People have very, very different opinions on this subject.

I scanned the dialogue in the story, and here's my opinion, but please keep in mind it's just my opinion.

1. Be consistent in your formatting. Your format doesn't have to be the same as everyone else's, but be consistent about it. Use double quotation marks for dialogue. Or single. Don't do both.

2. The single thing I would change the most is your aversion to dialogue tags. It bugs me. I think dialogue tags, used judiciously, dramatically enhance the clarity of your dialogue. I do not understand why some authors avoid them. To me it's a tic, a weird habit. With no dialogue tags, it's much harder to follow your dialogue. I don't understand the point of it.

That's pretty much it, for me. These are the only two significant issues I have.

Hi and thanks.

I’m not sure what the deal was with no dialogue tags, I sort of stated that way and kept going. I suppose unconsciously I wanted narration and dialogue separate. Not sure why.

 

[DaddyAnal1966]

It wasn't awful. Don't get discouraged by one person's opinion. People have very, very different opinions on this subject.

I scanned the dialogue in the story, and here's my opinion, but please keep in mind it's just my opinion.

1. Be consistent in your formatting. Your format doesn't have to be the same as everyone else's, but be consistent about it. Use double quotation marks for dialogue. Or single. Don't do both.

2. The single thing I would change the most is your aversion to dialogue tags. It bugs me. I think dialogue tags, used judiciously, dramatically enhance the clarity of your dialogue. I do not understand why some authors avoid them. To me it's a tic, a weird habit. With no dialogue tags, it's much harder to follow your dialogue. I don't understand the point of it.

That's pretty much it, for me. These are the only two significant issues I have.

Hi and thanks.

I’m not sure what the deal was with no dialogue tags, I sort of stated that way and kept going. I suppose unconsciously I wanted narration and dialogue separate. Not sure why.

 

[XerXesXu]

Hi and thanks.

I’m not sure what the deal was with no dialogue tags, I sort of stated that way and kept going. I suppose unconsciously I wanted narration and dialogue separate. Not sure why.

Not everyone loves dialogue tags. Between two persons, an occasional reminder may be required. In multi-way conversations, the change in partners to the dialogue may be signaled. You used the method of addressing the partners by name within the dialogue. It reads better if you use 'beats' instead of 'tags', which also has the virtue of keeping the characters in motion.

 

[DaddyAnal1966]

I’m sorry, I don’t know what that means. Using beats with a BDSM sort of guy may create the wrong impression

 

[Bubo_bubo]

I’m sorry, I don’t know what that means. Using beats with a BDSM sort of guy may create the wrong impression

Bubo_bubo sighed. "It's when you put a little action in before or after a line of dialogue."

 

[DaddyAnal1966]

Sorry - newbie writer her (and Maths major!)

Thanks