Lootequiette: Pmann's Totally Original/Unaffiliated Thread

[Endless_Night]

I have no weird places, and ixnay on the getting caught.

You people are making me feel so inferior.

First thing that comes to mind...

While driving my VW down the highway during the 3rd trimester of my first pregnancy.

I'm sure there's more.

Dear Lord.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

I have no weird places, and ixnay on the getting caught.

You people are making me feel so inferior.



Dear Lord.

What?! I was under a lot of stress!

 

[Trekka]

First thing that comes to mind...

While driving my VW down the highway during the 3rd trimester of my first pregnancy.

I'm sure there's more.

Welcome to parenting.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

#2

The location isn't special but the story's kinda fun!

So I was hanging out at the park on a lazy summer afternoon with a guy I had the hots for. We pick a quiet spot and chill on a blanket. Lying on our backs, just talking. I roll up on my side, facing him, and he slides his hand down the front of my shorts. There's no one around but it's broad daylight and I don't much fancy getting caught, so I roll onto my stomach. He doesn't take his hand out.

I laugh and turn my head away from him, and notice that someone has pulled up in a work truck maybe 100 feet away. He's talking on the phone and eating his lunch, and although there's nothing but grass between here and there, he doesn't seem to notice us. The guy I'm with hasn't noticed the truck, and I don't tell him because... well... it's kinda hot that he doesn't know.

So he's fingering me, and I'm trying to be quiet, and I'm watching the guy in the truck to make sure he doesn't catch us. But then I stop hoping he doesn't catch us and start hoping - just a teensy bit - that he does.

*bites lip*

He didn't.
I know.

But that's fine, because the fun for me is in the anticipation, not in the getting caught. I did finally tell the guy I was with about the guy in the truck. My guy grinned and asked if the other guy had seen us. He was much less worried about getting caught than I was, clearly.

Good times!

 

[alwaysaway]

Well now Always Away is walking around winking at everyone knowing she's leaving them in the bed with a hard on.

Got asked if I had Tourette’s today

 

[Lord Pmann]

Got asked if I had Tourette’s today

That’s because you have a filthy mouth and curse like an eloquent sailor.

 

[alwaysaway]

That’s because you have a filthy mouth and curse like an eloquent sailor.

My best qualities.

 

[_Ritch_]

The most awkward place I've ever masturbated would have to be at 38,000ft en route to Cyprus with my step-sister asleep next to me.

It was a night flight - it's nearly a 5hr flight from the UK and the lights were out after dinner. People took naps.

I ended up stealing my step-sister's blanket and going to town. The only thing that made it awkward was it was only a Boeing 737 so there wasn't much room so I'm sure I looked like I was wanking in a coffin, desperate to not smack elbows with her next to me.

I eventually finished and came in the blanket, which I then stuffed under my seat.

The really awkward bit came a couple of days later when my step-sister admitted she was awake,.knew what I was doing and pretended to be asleep.

 

[hotwords229_A]

The most awkward place I've ever masturbated would have to be at 38,000ft en route to Cyprus with my step-sister asleep next to me.

It was a night flight - it's nearly a 5hr flight from the UK and the lights were out after dinner. People took naps.

I ended up stealing my step-sister's blanket and going to town. The only thing that made it awkward was it was only a Boeing 737 so there wasn't much room so I'm sure I looked like I was wanking in a coffin, desperate to not smack elbows with her next to me.

I eventually finished and came in the blanket, which I then stuffed under my seat.

The really awkward bit came a couple of days later when my step-sister admitted she was awake,.knew what I was doing and pretended to be asleep.

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/05/50/44/055044e8dfd0ddb7f9a0e76c0650e8f0.gif

What you failed to mention is that the guy across the aisle also woke up, saw you masturbating, was so horrified that he turned to look out the window, saw the gremlin tearing the plane apart and stopped it.
Your hard dick inadvertently saved the entire plane.

You sir, are a hero! (Actually your dick is).

 

[_Ritch_]

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/05/50/44/055044e8dfd0ddb7f9a0e76c0650e8f0.gif

What you failed to mention is that the guy across the aisle also woke up, saw you masturbating, was so horrified that he turned to look out the window, saw the gremlin tearing the plane apart and stopped it.
Your hard dick inadvertently saved the entire plane.

You sir, are a hero! (Actually your dick is).

Every time I masturbate, I'll now tell myself I'm saving lives. Thats great!

 

[BongoGal]

Speaking of masturbating in a hospital, today we have a simple question…

Where is the weirdest place you’ve had sex or masturbated?

A couple of years ago, I had a serious operation that kept me in the hospital for a couple of weeks. After the painkillers wore off after a few days, I was left bored in bed all day. Eventually, I realized that I was horny as hell after nearly a week since my last orgasm. I knew the comings and goings of the nurses and such, and I had a room to myself, so I figured that I could get away with a furtive masturbation session. I decided to be quick about it so that I could be sure not to be interrupted. So I went at it under my sheet, and as I was nearing completion, there was a sudden commotion approaching my door. The next thing I knew, there were two or three people in my room who were concerned about the sudden change in my vital signs as measured on the monitor in the nurses' station. I quickly calmed everyone down by saying that I had been having a scary dream. That seemed to soothe their worries. Of course, I was a bit keyed up from getting close and getting close to caught. Once I chilled out, I decided to wait an hour or two before I tried again. Protip: if you take your time and slowly fiddle with yourself, you can avoid setting off alarms in the nurses' station.

 

[Trekka]

I would rather jill off in a German hotel stairwell.
And I did.
While he filmed it.

 

[SassySheDevil]

I would rather jill off in a German hotel stairwell.
And I did.
While he filmed it.

So you'll be posting with Aussie?

 

[Lord Pmann]

Places/events when I’ve masturbated (I have no good sex stories as I am a virgin):

Church
A restaurant bathroom
The very first time I ever drove a car
A hospital
A doctor’s office
Disney (the theme park, not the movies): It’s a Small World, Space Mountain, Pirates of the Caribbean
On a kayak
In school
Whilst on a Zoom call

 

[Trekka]

Places/events when I’ve masturbated (I have no good sex stories as I am a virgin):

Church
A restaurant bathroom
The very first time I ever drove a car
A hospital
A doctor’s office
Disney (the theme park, not the movies): It’s a Small World, Space Mountain, Pirates of the Caribbean
On a kayak
In school
Whilst on a Zoom call

Fuck me running, P.
Space Fucking Mountain?!

 

[aussiegeekygal]

Whilst on a Zoom call

Congratulations, you are now eligible to run something.

 

[Lord Pmann]

Fuck me running, P.
Space Fucking Mountain?!

I forgot the Haunted Mansion, too. I worked there. Late at night. Often by myself. What’s a boy supposed to do?

Congratulations, you are now eligible to run something.

Like the United States?

 

[alwaysaway]

I forgot the Haunted Mansion, too. I worked there. Late at night. Often by myself. What’s a boy supposed to do?

It was more fun thinking about you doing it during business hours. Whilst ON the rides.

 

[Lord Pmann]

It was more fun thinking about you doing it during business hours. Whilst ON the rides.

I did always have a thing for the ghosts. You know every time you yawn, a ghost sticks its dick in your mouth, right?

 

[alwaysaway]

I did always have a thing for the ghosts. You know every time you yawn, a ghost sticks its sick in your mouth, right?

I thought they stuck their dicks in your mouth when you yawn. I draw the line at vomit.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

Like the United States?

Sure. I was thinking more like a local news station, but why the hell not?
You meet all the qualifications; you're pale and male. Granted, you're a little less stale than some of your competition. That may hinder your prospects a little.

 

[Lord Pmann]

I thought they stuck their dicks in your mouth when you yawn. I draw the line at vomit.

Why must my phone be such a prude?

Sure. I was thinking more like a local news station, but why the hell not?
You meet all the qualifications; you're pale and male. Granted, you're a little less stale than some of your competition. That may hinder your prospects a little.

I’m not really all that pale. But I get what you’re saying. I’d be like new blood. I’d be the best president of the new millennium. #HighBar

Damn...ghosts must have really tiny dicks, I've never gagged even once while yawning

Maybe you just don’t have aggressive ghosts where you’re from. Here they’ll throat fuck you at the first sign of fatigue.

 

[alwaysaway]

Maybe you just don’t have aggressive ghosts where you’re from. Here they’ll throat fuck you at the first sign of fatigue.

And coincidentally, he’s allllllllways tired…

 

[Orchidea73]

I’m not really all that pale. But I get what you’re saying. I’d be like new blood. I’d be the best president of the new millennium. #HighBar

I would def. vote for you. And I mean it. lol

 

[Mrtenant]

I would def. vote for you. And I mean it. lol

How much he pay you to post that?