unattractive but desirable (aesthetics vs. sex appeal)

[Susscrofa]

When someone, or at least a straight man, describes a woman as beautiful or attractive, it's usually assumed that this means that he finds her sexually desirable, and vice-versa.

But is this always true? I've encountered a lot of women who aren't aesthetically pleasing at all (not just plain, but aesthetically unattractive) that have great sex appeal, just something about the way they act or present themselves turns you on even though they're definitely not eye candy.

Similarly, there are a lot of women who may be aesthetically pleasing in the sense of looking good on a magazine cover or on a painting but don't seem sexually desirable at all, at least not to me.

Do a lot of other people have a similar disconnect between what's pretty vs. what really turns them on in a woman?

 

[wildp]

When someone, or at least a straight man, describes a woman as beautiful or attractive, it's usually assumed that this means that he finds her sexually desirable, and vice-versa.

But is this always true? I've encountered a lot of women who aren't aesthetically pleasing at all (not just plain, but aesthetically unattractive) that have great sex appeal, just something about the way they act or present themselves turns you on even though they're definitely not eye candy.

Similarly, there are a lot of women who may be aesthetically pleasing in the sense of looking good on a magazine cover or on a painting but don't seem sexually desirable at all, at least not to me.

Do a lot of other people have a similar disconnect between what's pretty vs. what really turns them on in a woman?

I have found that alot of women i can find something that makes them attractive. Can be a number of things that no one else would think

 

[Islander55]

For me whether a man is sexually desirable is more mental than physical. I am in my 60's so have some wear and tear on the body and have never been the hot chick. Good sex is about having fun and not just looking at a hard body. Perhaps the key for me is whether I sense that he is enjoying being with me. And I think for men or women, showing some enthusiasm is more important than a perfect body.

 

[twister947]

Laughing at my jokes, no matter how awful, goes a long way.

 

[hulmule]

To me , love a great conversation. But its just the chemistry that hits at the moment when seeing them. Not into a bunch of makeup. Love more a natural look and down to earth person.

 

[Susscrofa]

I have found that alot of women i can find something that makes them attractive. Can be a number of things that no one else would think

The first girl I ever went all the way with - several decades ago, i.e. both of us just out of high school - was probably homely by just about anyone's standard. However, she was a very sexual person and her whole personality and bearing projected that, even when she wasn't doing or saying anything suggestive or provocative. I still think about my experiences with her more often than I do some of the more conventionally attractive women I had been with, and not just because she was my first..

 

[cdstefi]

Attractiveness is kinda but not much to do with looks. There are some outwardly plain looking people that just have that thing about them, you can call it charisma, self-confidence, charm, whatever, but they have it where a lot of model material folk just don't.

I think part of it is maybe people born blessed with the looks gene never have to try that hard to get attention. It just finds them and probably makes them a bit lazy and complacent. We ordinaries have to try harder, be better, fucking work what we've got.

Think about how many leading part actors have the looks but are often, frankly, a bit dumb. And how many renowned comedians are, by Playboy or Cosmo standards, not exactly hawt, but still famous and still pulling.

I kinda relate this to the body hair argument. I've known women who didn't shave or preen, confident in their raw natural femininity who were utter fuckbeasts, and ones who took endless care to conform to how society tells them a lady should look, who were honestly nothing to write home about.

 

[cubbyfire04]

For me, it's about confidence. Period. Granted, a good personality and kindness need to be there for ME... But I've been with women of all shapes, sizes, and colors. If you were to rank them based off of "traditional beauty" alone, I assure you the ones I still think about sexually are not topping that list for the most part.

 

[Susscrofa]

Think about how many leading part actors have the looks but are often, frankly, a bit dumb. And how many renowned comedians are, by Playboy or Cosmo standards, not exactly hawt, but still famous and still pulling.

Definitely true about actors - not just unintelligent overall, but untalented in their own supposed craft. While some handsome/gorgeous leading men/ladies are or were also talented actors, many of them are just eye candy and not much else, while plain-looking character actors can actually, well, act. Compare and contrast Keanu Reeves vs. Richard Jenkins or Jessica Alba vs. Kathy Bates when it comes to acting chops.

 

[water_moutina]

Definitely true about actors - not just unintelligent overall, but untalented in their own supposed craft. While some handsome/gorgeous leading men/ladies are or were also talented actors, many of them are just eye candy and not much else, while plain-looking character actors can actually, well, act. Compare and contrast Keanu Reeves vs. Richard Jenkins or Jessica Alba vs. Kathy Bates when it comes to acting chops.

You're saying Richard Jenkins and Kathy Bates are eye candy, right? lol

To me, it depends on what I'm looking for. My husband is handsom, not a drop-dead-turn-men-into-gay kinda handsom, but a decent handsom. And he cannot keep up with my kinks. But those are not what I'm looking for in a husband. It'd be great if he did, js

There are guys I've slept with only because they looked good. Don't know if they are shitty people, don't care if they are not. These are the one-nighters. They leave no mark in my sexual life. They are an itch, and my pussy gets dry for them as quickly as it got wet for them

Then there are those who I slept because our kinks matched. These were mostly with friends and others in the fetish group

And then, there are those who I have spread my leg bcause he told me to. A confident man who knows what he wants, and tells me he's gonna have it. *purrrr*

 

[Chazwill]

You're saying Richard Jenkins and Kathy Bates are eye candy, right? lol

To me, it depends on what I'm looking for. My husband is handsom, not a drop-dead-turn-men-into-gay kinda handsom, but a decent handsom. And he cannot keep up with my kinks. But those are not what I'm looking for in a husband. It'd be great if he did, js

There are guys I've slept with only because they looked good. Don't know if they are shitty people, don't care if they are not. These are the one-nighters. They leave no mark in my sexual life. They are an itch, and my pussy gets dry for them as quickly as it got wet for them

Then there are those who I slept because our kinks matched. These were mostly with friends and others in the fetish group

And then, there are those who I have spread my leg bcause he told me to. A confident man who knows what he wants, and tells me he's gonna have it. *purrrr*

I find Lit is very educational

 

[PMarky]

Intelligence in a woman is more of a turn on for me than looks, and the intellectual connection almost always comes first. The young woman I refer to as 'Muse' is kind of cute but no beauty. However, but she is well-read, thinks for herself, and is no slouch in the IQ department, and I find her all but irresistible.

 

[Susscrofa]

Intelligence in a woman is more of a turn on for me than looks, and the intellectual connection almost always comes first. The young woman I refer to as 'Muse' is kind of cute but no beauty. However, but she is well-read, thinks for herself, and is no slouch in the IQ department, and I find her all but irresistible.

Yeah, personality and intelligence certainly count for something.

However, I wasn't even talking about non-physical traits when I made my post. I was referring more to a situation where a woman who's average (or even by most people's standards below average) in the looks department walks by still has something about her body or manner that really turns you on. Ordinary or even homely, but you still feel sexually drawn to her without knowing anything else about her.

 

[Get_happy_1]

The body language is the differentiator. The way a women laughs, walks, the things she doesn’t say vs. the things she says, if she is smiling rather than looking like she is about to choke someone, everything else but the actual face and body. If she has implants, not interested. Overly made up, next. Both trying too hard and indicating a complete lack of self confidence. So agreed, billboard beauty does not necessarily translate into desirable. There is nothing better than the scent of a desirable woman.

 

[oneblueye]

hey...

For me whether a man is sexually desirable is more mental than physical. I am in my 60's so have some wear and tear on the body and have never been the hot chick. Good sex is about having fun and not just looking at a hard body. Perhaps the key for me is whether I sense that he is enjoying being with me. And I think for men or women, showing some enthusiasm is more important than a perfect body.

after the posts you posted that I have read as well as some of the replies I've gotten from posting about your own; I have come to the decision that I can neither accept nor believe that YOU --, were never 'the hot chick'.
Now its true that I have a HUGE imagination but even with all that, I can't see that statement about your not being the hot chick being true.
And if that offends--, too bad.

 

[EasyOnMe]

Life lesson there. I think that initial attraction to an appearance can be what brings two people together but after that is when the true attraction occurs or flops. I have met men that are hot and after talking with them I have no desire to spend anymore time with them let alone get into bed with them. At the same time I have met men that may never be on a magazine cover but are so fun to be around and spend time with and that truly attracts me.

 

[timburrtwo]

I agree. Attitude and Enthusiasm are the key to great sexual experiences for me.

 

[PapaRomantic]

Hot Cheerleader - "Are all nerds that good?"

Lewis - "All jocks think about is sports. All nerds think about is sex."

Loosely quoted from "Revenge of the Nerds"

 

[FeelingLikeMyself]

When someone, or at least a straight man, describes a woman as beautiful or attractive, it's usually assumed that this means that he finds her sexually desirable, and vice-versa.

But is this always true? I've encountered a lot of women who aren't aesthetically pleasing at all (not just plain, but aesthetically unattractive) that have great sex appeal, just something about the way they act or present themselves turns you on even though they're definitely not eye candy.

Similarly, there are a lot of women who may be aesthetically pleasing in the sense of looking good on a magazine cover or on a painting but don't seem sexually desirable at all, at least not to me.

Do a lot of other people have a similar disconnect between what's pretty vs. what really turns them on in a woman?

I found this out in my 20s. It's their confidence in the bedroom. They KNOW how good they are and once they're sure, the gloves come off, so to speak.

I think it's because they might be aware of the aesthetics and have spent plenty of time stewing in their juices that they know exactly what they want and how to get it. I've never had a boring time and learned to not judge a book by it's cover.

 

[Islander55]

after the posts you posted that I have read as well as some of the replies I've gotten from posting about your own; I have come to the decision that I can neither accept nor believe that YOU --, were never 'the hot chick'.
Now its true that I have a HUGE imagination but even with all that, I can't see that statement about your not being the hot chick being true.
And if that offends--, too bad.

To put it in perspective, I have come to accept and even appreciate my body as I have aged. But as a teen, I was very skinny, developed very late and I never did develop much in the way of boobs. Funny thing about getting older, those girls with the nice boobs and bodies tend to get a bit heavy in their 60's. Younger I was quite insecure and probably over compensated with sex. I guess I was always the horny chick but not necessarily a hot chick. Though for those who appreciated an open mind and enthusiasm, I may have done all right by them.

 

[Foolhen]

I definitely understand what you mean. I think aesthetics often appeal more to our egos than anything else and personality can make a world of difference. That said, I think that everyone has a set of physical characteristics that matter to them and others that don't.

When someone, or at least a straight man, describes a woman as beautiful or attractive, it's usually assumed that this means that he finds her sexually desirable, and vice-versa.

But is this always true? I've encountered a lot of women who aren't aesthetically pleasing at all (not just plain, but aesthetically unattractive) that have great sex appeal, just something about the way they act or present themselves turns you on even though they're definitely not eye candy.

Similarly, there are a lot of women who may be aesthetically pleasing in the sense of looking good on a magazine cover or on a painting but don't seem sexually desirable at all, at least not to me.

Do a lot of other people have a similar disconnect between what's pretty vs. what really turns them on in a woman?

 

[ppd1107]

I have known several women who, if you saw their photo would be viewed as average looking or only mildly attractive. However due to their carriage or attitude or openness or some inarticulable trait or combination of traits in person I find very hot and are on my mind often.

 

[oneblueye]

hey...

To put it in perspective, I have come to accept and even appreciate my body as I have aged. But as a teen, I was very skinny, developed very late and I never did develop much in the way of boobs. Funny thing about getting older, those girls with the nice boobs and bodies tend to get a bit heavy in their 60's. Younger I was quite insecure and probably over compensated with sex. I guess I was always the horny chick but not necessarily a hot chick. Though for those who appreciated an open mind and enthusiasm, I may have done all right by them.

one of the things that we can agree on, (at least I think so--,) is that beauty isn't always a definable thing or feature that we can point to and say "OH YEAH!, THAT"S WHAT IT IS BABY, THAT'S WHAT I NEED."
And 'hotness' isn't based purely on the current standards or opinions of what beauty is or is not.

 

[hpycpl]

Laughing at my jokes, no matter how awful, goes a long way.

That's so funny Twister!

hahahahahahahaha

{{how did I do? have I got a chance?}}

 

[thespiceoflife]

For me whether a man is sexually desirable is more mental than physical. I am in my 60's so have some wear and tear on the body and have never been the hot chick. Good sex is about having fun and not just looking at a hard body. Perhaps the key for me is whether I sense that he is enjoying being with me. And I think for men or women, showing some enthusiasm is more important than a perfect body.

Agree totally