Why do some women's sex drive just stop? and others don't?

[JoeBeans2751]

I have been on LIT for awhile I have written 4 stories. I see/read about so many women that are sexually active in their 50's and even 60's..Why are some stilll active and why do some just shut down completely?? I think many divorces, (among other reasons) happen this way!

 

[screwher]

If you’re married and still in relatively good health, I think it’s cruel to just decide one day you’re going to end your sex life if your spouse is still ready and willing to go. And to have the mentality of “Well, I’m done. So he is too now” is just...wrong.

 

[Islander55]

I am a 64 year old woman. Still active and enjoying sex. I know I am not 20 any more but still when that orgasm starts, it is as good as ever. I have chatted with a lot of men whose wife is not longer interested but I have also chatted with some who are still going strong. I am no expert but I expect there are many reasons that older women give up on sex. Probably at the top of the list is a variety of mental issues. stress, anxiety, depression. Perhaps not significant enough to impact their day to day life but enough to impact their libido. I also expect that relationship issues may have some impact as well. It really is unfortunate because even for us older folk, a simple cuddle with a naked body is fun and good for us.

 

[oneblueye]

hey...

I have been on LIT for awhile I have written 4 stories. I see/read about so many women that are sexually active in their 50's and even 60's..Why are some stilll active and why do some just shut down completely?? I think many divorces, (among other reasons) happen this way!

you may as well ask why the sky is blue and why don't we all look alike and all like the same things.

 

[klippert]

you may as well ask why the sky is blue and why don't we all look alike and all like the same things.

Sunlight reaches Earth's atmosphere and is scattered in all directions by all the gases and particles in the air. Blue light is scattered more than the other colors because it travels as shorter, smaller waves. This is why we see a blue sky most of the time.
Hat tip NASA

 

[klippert]

My wife has had a struggle with menopause. She’s lost her grove leading up to the pause. It hasn’t affected our marriage, because our marriage isn’t based on sex.

 

[cubbyfire04]

For the same reason some men's sex drive just stops... And others don't.

Hormone and physical health decline due to aging is surely a factor, but what about complacency? Is it possible relationships have stagnated as two people grow older together but one and/or the other refuses examine their own relationship dynamics?

Part of what drives me sexually is continuing to find new ways to keep sex fun, exciting, and interesting. Is it possible there are just less and less new experiences to look forward to?

Also... I feel like the most sexually charged people I know are physically and mentally fit, regardless of age... And by fit, I don't mean skinny. I mean comfortable and confident in their body and emotions. They're where they want to be with those two things specifically. Mental health begets physical health begets sexual health.

 

[TalkToMeInSB]

I have a 64 year old woman friend who hasn't had sex in 7 years. She has not even given herself an orgasm.

When asked why she said she doesn't want to have sex until she meets her forever man. She has a full, active life, has tried dating but has found no one yet.

Recently we started dating and she has decided to start fooling around with me. Started with make out sessions which got heavier and heavier. I sensed she has some pent up passion, and last night on her bed there was lots of dry humping and grinding. Thought I detected little mini orgasms which she wouldn't admit to. She is super shy talking about sex stuff. I've told her I'm not her forever man so she has some reconciliation to do. Clearly she has a sex drive.

The point is that this woman chose to forego sex for years. It was a conscious decision apparently not driven by her sex drive.

 

[TallOne]

Being able to talk to a doctor about it and explore options can make a big difference. Hormonal changes, untreated depression, and a host of other factors can be at play. As well as simply a husband who has given up on date nights, seduction, etc and just expects it.

 

[JoeBeans2751]

Being able to talk to a doctor about it and explore options can make a big difference. Hormonal changes, untreated depression, and a host of other factors can be at play. As well as simply a husband who has given up on date nights, seduction, etc and just expects it.

TallOne... I have tried everything! I have stopped even trying...That;s why I am on LIT. I read about others and watch the mini movies...Of course thats NOT to say I dont look at the ladies!

 

[KatieDoes]

Heterosexual women are the demographic least likely to have an orgasm during sex.

Only 65% of heterosexual women achieve orgasms, while 95% of heterosexual men do.



I know every man on lit ever has made every woman they’ve ever touched cum multiple times. From my inbox, they could also make me cum so hard baby just by showing them my tits and watching them play with their dicks on cam.

But somewhere, somehow, a lot of women aren’t getting properly fucked. So they stop bothering with it. Or take care of it themselves while you’re golfing.

 

[haventdonethat]

Help!!

The other end of the spectrum . . .
My GF, a widow, is 63, a few years younger than me.
I do try and be romantic . . . make her fave food and wine, always time for talk, lots of hugging, fondling and kissing, buy her sexy underwear, candles in the bedroom.
She thinks about sex a lot. She wants sex all the time whether it is just making out on the couch or fondling me while I prepare food in the kitchen.
Talk about insatiable; she sucks, fucks, strokes me, plays with vibrators, fingers herself, cums heaps, squirts copiously.
The only affect of menopause is that most of her body hair disappeared. I sometimes tell her it also opened her up sexually and that I may have to hire someone to help me.

 

[JoeBeans2751]

If you cant get here to fool around HOW can you give it to her???

 

[SlutAddicted]

Heterosexual women are the demographic least likely to have an orgasm during sex.

Only 65% of heterosexual women achieve orgasms, while 95% of heterosexual men do.



I know every man on lit ever has made every woman they’ve ever touched cum multiple times. From my inbox, they could also make me cum so hard baby just by showing them my tits and watching them play with their dicks on cam.

But somewhere, somehow, a lot of women aren’t getting properly fucked. So they stop bothering with it. Or take care of it themselves while you’re golfing.

I think that even to the extent that men come to grips with this reality (heterosexual women achieve orgasms less frequently than men) we tend to assume that this outcome is the result of some unique aspect of female sexuality or the individual woman's circumstances. We don't seem to adequately consider the possibility that many of these women simply aren't getting fucked properly.

The way many men approach this subject strongly suggests some degree of self delusion. I don't claim to be a great lover, but I do seek a sincere connection and honest dialogue. Every woman that I have ever discussed this with says that they don't orgasm every time or as predictably as men. The actual research and anecdotal data suggests that every man who is even moderately sexually active sometimes does not bring his partner to orgasm.

One of the most comical claims I hear on here is of men who say that if she doesn't get off to penetrative sex they "always" make sure to satisfy her with oral or other means. It is a laudable intent, but in my experience it just doesn't work that way. Sometimes it just doesn't happen and my wife (or the woman I am with) is ready to move on with her day.

What do you think? Is the difference in orgasmic pleasure the result of differences in female sexuality/anatomy, the performance of their male partners or both?

 

[Shivers89]

I imagine everyone will have their own reasons. I've heard some people tell me they run from wake up until sleepy time and by that time they are exhausted. Some people have said kids make it difficult to be sexy except for rare opportunities. Some have said boredom when one partner is only into doing it in one way and that's all they will do. Of course as we all get older we age and our bodies do as well so the physical aspect changes. Then of course you can toss in mental and health reasons as well. It can be just the same as why people stop gaming, reading, going out, etc.

 

[oneblueye]

hey...

The other end of the spectrum . . .
My GF, a widow, is 63, a few years younger than me.
I do try and be romantic . . . make her fave food and wine, always time for talk, lots of hugging, fondling and kissing, buy her sexy underwear, candles in the bedroom.
She thinks about sex a lot. She wants sex all the time whether it is just making out on the couch or fondling me while I prepare food in the kitchen.
Talk about insatiable; she sucks, fucks, strokes me, plays with vibrators, fingers herself, cums heaps, squirts copiously.
The only affect of menopause is that most of her body hair disappeared. I sometimes tell her it also opened her up sexually and that I may have to hire someone to help me.

You anywhere near DETROIT?

 

[KatieDoes]

I think that even to the extent that men come to grips with this reality (heterosexual women achieve orgasms less frequently than men) we tend to assume that this outcome is the result of some unique aspect of female sexuality or the individual woman's circumstances. We don't seem to adequately consider the possibility that many of these women simply aren't getting fucked properly.

The way many men approach this subject strongly suggests some degree of self delusion. I don't claim to be a great lover, but I do seek a sincere connection and honest dialogue. Every woman that I have ever discussed this with says that they don't orgasm every time or as predictably as men. The actual research and anecdotal data suggests that every man who is even moderately sexually active sometimes does not bring his partner to orgasm.

One of the most comical claims I hear on here is of men who say that if she doesn't get off to penetrative sex they "always" make sure to satisfy her with oral or other means. It is a laudable intent, but in my experience it just doesn't work that way. Sometimes it just doesn't happen and my wife (or the woman I am with) is ready to move on with her day.

What do you think? Is the difference in orgasmic pleasure the result of differences in female sexuality/anatomy, the performance of their male partners or both?

Hmmmm… that’s an interesting question. That number only dips to 65% when women are having sex with men. 86% of lesbian women cum when they have sex. So while it’s still a bit lower than hetero men at 95%, it’s significantly higher. I think it’s fair to say that some women aren’t getting off for physiological reasons. Something particular to that woman, be it anatomy or a medication reaction, or some other cause. But there’s that 20% gap between women that are fucking men and women that are fucking other women. So we have to consider that at least part of the cause is men that aren’t giving them what they need.

If I’m in the mood to want to get off, and I’m alone, and have enough time available, I can get myself off. Every time.

If I’m not in the right place, mentally, and having sex because my partner wants to, I’m way less likely to cum. Sometimes I will, but less than 50%. For clarity, I don’t have sex if I genuinely don’t want to. But if I’m ambivalent, and H is really in the mood, I’ll try to give him what he needs.

If I’m in the mood to want to get off, and my partner doesn’t listen to me, doesnt give it to me the way I need, then I won’t cum. I can sometimes get myself there in spite of it, but it’s not likely. Then I typically smile politely and end up back in bed alone w my gadgets after he leaves.


So for me…it’s not physiological, in that my anatomy doesn’t allow it. But if my brain isn’t fully engaged, my body won’t respond either.


Pro tip: when a woman says ‘right there’ we mean, ‘keep doing exactly what you are doing exactly the way you are doing it until I tell you to stop or until your hand/tongue/finger/cock falls off’ We absolutely do not mean ‘if she likes that, she’s going to like this different thing even better, so I’m going to stop when she says right there and do this different thing because magical penis is magical’

 

[HampshireBoy]

Heterosexual women are the demographic least likely to have an orgasm during sex.

Only 65% of heterosexual women achieve orgasms, while 95% of heterosexual men do.



I know every man on lit ever has made every woman they’ve ever touched cum multiple times. From my inbox, they could also make me cum so hard baby just by showing them my tits and watching them play with their dicks on cam.

But somewhere, somehow, a lot of women aren’t getting properly fucked. So they stop bothering with it. Or take care of it themselves while you’re golfing.

I'm interestedn by your statistics, do you have a source? I'm not questioning your assertion, just interested if someone has done scientific research.

My wife very, very rarely orgasms from intercourse - nerves in the "wrong" place, we believe. TBH I suspect that there are quite a few other women like this. She enjoys intercourse, it just doesn't quite get her there. So afterwards she or I help her orgasm manually, generally once is enough for her - multiple orgasms aren't really her thing, we have been there so she can if in the mood.

I had a previous girlfriend who didn't often orgasm from vaginal sex but always did from anal, which surprised the hell out of me.

As to the original question, everyone is different and people change as they age. My first wife was never really interested in sex and has totally lost interest after the menopause, her mother on the other hand went sex mad after the menopause.

 

[HampshireBoy]

Pro tip: when a woman says ‘right there’ we mean, ‘keep doing exactly what you are doing exactly the way you are doing it until I tell you to stop or until your hand/tongue/finger/cock falls off’ We absolutely do not mean ‘if she likes that, she’s going to like this different thing even better, so I’m going to stop when she says right there and do this different thing because magical penis is magical’

A lesson all men should learn, I had this pointed out to me in my twenties but still sometimes forget

 

[luckyseven]

I am a 64 year old woman. Still active and enjoying sex. I know I am not 20 any more but still when that orgasm starts, it is as good as ever. I have chatted with a lot of men whose wife is not longer interested but I have also chatted with some who are still going strong. I am no expert but I expect there are many reasons that older women give up on sex. Probably at the top of the list is a variety of mental issues. stress, anxiety, depression. Perhaps not significant enough to impact their day to day life but enough to impact their libido. I also expect that relationship issues may have some impact as well. It really is unfortunate because even for us older folk, a simple cuddle with a naked body is fun and good for us.

My wife has had a struggle with menopause. She’s lost her grove leading up to the pause. It hasn’t affected our marriage, because our marriage isn’t based on sex.

Menopause is a major factor which sadly with the information at our fingertips is still barely understood. It has gone under the radar for so many years.

Fortunately, there is help, advice and treatment out there that helps. HRT works for many women who find sexual intercourse uncomfortable but as said above a simply cuddle can help!

 

[Islander55]

From my experience, setting the mood is the most important thing for good sex. I don't mean that getting into bed and touching the right spots will set the mood. Setting the mood occurs throughout the day and could be all kinds of things from friendly pats to giving me a hand with a chore. These things can be difficult when both are working and while raising a family. It is easy to get out of the habit and perhaps some women just stop caring about it. And of course there are all kinds of physical issues as we age that need to be discussed. I am not one to always blame the man even though we all know that most things are their fault. The woman needs to figure out what she needs and let her partner know and the same is true for men as they age. As always, communications is key.

 

[hulmule]

From my experience, setting the mood is the most important thing for good sex. I don't mean that getting into bed and touching the right spots will set the mood. Setting the mood occurs throughout the day and could be all kinds of things from friendly pats to giving me a hand with a chore. These things can be difficult when both are working and while raising a family. It is easy to get out of the habit and perhaps some women just stop caring about it. And of course there are all kinds of physical issues as we age that need to be discussed. I am not one to always blame the man even though we all know that most things are their fault. The woman needs to figure out what she needs and let her partner know and the same is true for men as they age. As always, communications is key.

Yes your right. Try daily to put wife in mood and or please her and not just sexually. Between menopause and depression meds not easy. Waiting game to see when she comes around...

 

[KatieDoes]

I'm interestedn by your statistics, do you have a source? I'm not questioning your assertion, just interested if someone has done scientific research.

My wife very, very rarely orgasms from intercourse - nerves in the "wrong" place, we believe. TBH I suspect that there are quite a few other women like this. She enjoys intercourse, it just doesn't quite get her there. So afterwards she or I help her orgasm manually, generally once is enough for her - multiple orgasms aren't really her thing, we have been there so she can if in the mood.

I had a previous girlfriend who didn't often orgasm from vaginal sex but always did from anal, which surprised the hell out of me.

As to the original question, everyone is different and people change as they age. My first wife was never really interested in sex and has totally lost interest after the menopause, her mother on the other hand went sex mad after the menopause.

There’s a link to the data embedded in this article.

It seems lesbian women do have orgasms, so it’s not simply anatomy/elusiveness/etc


https://www.forbes.com/sites/janetw...men-are-given-fewest-orgasms-study-finds/amp/

 

[HampshireBoy]

There’s a link to the data embedded in this article.

It seems lesbian women do have orgasms, so it’s not simply anatomy/elusiveness/etc


https://www.forbes.com/sites/janetw...men-are-given-fewest-orgasms-study-finds/amp/

Interesting, it suggests that someone who understands the female body and "what women want" enables a woman to have more orgasms - which does make sense. One quote

According to researchers, women also reported being more likely to orgasm if their last sexual encounter had included “deep kissing, manual genital stimulation, and/or oral sex in addition to vaginal intercourse.”

Which again ties in with my wife (and others) experience. Lesbian sex will involve more of the former I assume, due to the lack of penis, hence that connection. I'm not saying that as a generalisation women don't make better lovers of women, as I say they should understand the female body better and are in general better at communicating/listening just that it isn't as clear cut.

 

[Delawareguy]

I have been on LIT for awhile I have written 4 stories. I see/read about so many women that are sexually active in their 50's and even 60's..Why are some stilll active and why do some just shut down completely?? I think many divorces, (among other reasons) happen this way!

It's kind of like asking why do some people like vanilla and others like chocolate.