Complicated tense question, I think

[29wordsforsnow]

I'm trying to help an author with - what I think - a terribly complicated construction:

• story with a personal narrator, in past tense
• reporting the direct speech of another character
• who used a kind of conditional clause in the previous past before the actual storyline (like "I'll try that when I turn 18.")

Right now this sentence is given in present tense which just feels wrong, to me. While I think it would be much easier to tell it by using direct speech - "And then I was like 'yeah, I'll try that when I turn 18'." - it would be nice to know how to put that in reported speech referring to a point in the past of the narrating timeline.

Thanks for any advice on this.

 

[ElectricBlue]

Is the speech being reported as dialogue? If so, it would take on the tense of the spoken conversation, regardless of the tense of the narrative itself.

I'd be decomposing what the dialogue is doing, then fit the narrative around that.

 

[NotWise]

I don't fully understand the need to put it in past tense, but you could try

'Yeah, I thought I'd try that when I turned 18.'

 

[furiousdistribution]

A narration kind of works like spoken dialogue. So if you were reporting someone had told you something you'd say -
"He had told me that in the past he had said 'Yeah, I'll try that when I turn 18'"
Just as you'd say it aloud.
Or if you wanted to put it in the past progressive - the action was ongoing at the time in the past - you could say
"He was telling me that in the past he had said 'Yeah I'll try that when I turn 18'"
Alternately if you're trying to say that the character in the past was saying the thing in an ongoing sense
"He was telling me that in the past he was telling everyone, 'Yeah I'll try that when I turn 18'"

The notion is a little awkward, but without seeing the original sentence, it's hard to understand what the problem is.

 

[29wordsforsnow]

In the author's work, a third-party character tells the personal narrator facts and thoughts of her younger self which the narrator retells by using a kind of reported speech.

Here is a slightly shortened version of the original sentence

She learned about it from her friend in school and decided to try them when she turns 18.

The problem is, from my point of view, the reader already knows this character is older at the time of narrating, so these future plans of her younger self happened already in the past of the storyline. (And this is one of the more easy-to-explain examples, there are even more complex timeline references with conditional clauses, etc.)

To be honest, for now, this has become a much more hypothetical question as the author agreed to turn it into direct speech so the characters can use the appropriate tense referring to the moment they talk.

 

[SimonDoom]

In the author's work, a third-party character tells the personal narrator facts and thoughts of her younger self which the narrator retells by using a kind of reported speech.

Here is a slightly shortened version of the original sentence

She learned about it from her friend in school and decided to try them when she turns 18.

The problem is, from my point of view, the reader already knows this character is older at the time of narrating, so these future plans of her younger self happened already in the past of the storyline. (And this is one of the more easy-to-explain examples, there are even more complex timeline references with conditional clauses, etc.)

To be honest, for now, this has become a much more hypothetical question as the author agreed to turn it into direct speech so the characters can use the appropriate tense referring to the moment they talk.

I'm still not entirely clear about what you are asking. It might help to give more examples of how you think you would do it, and then people can tell you whether it's the right way.

If I understand it, you have a story, which will be told in the simple past tense, as most stories are. Within the story, there is a character narrating something that happened in her past, and she narrates what, as a younger person in the past, she wanted to happen in the future, which is prior to the time that the main story takes place and when the character is narrating.

Generally speaking, the account of what happened would be told in the past perfect tense, UNLESS the narration is told as a quotation, in which case it would be told in simple past tense.

If the narration is told in past perfect tense, then statements about the future would be told in conditional, UNLESS they are in quotations, in which case they would be told in future tense.

Examples:

My friend told me about her dreams when she was a young girl. She told me she had always wanted to be a ballerina, and that she would do everything she could to become one.

Or:

My friend told me about her dreams when she was a young girl.

"I always wanted to be a ballerina," she said. "When I was young I told myself, 'I will do everything I can to become one.'"

 

[29wordsforsnow]

I'm still not entirely clear about what you are asking. It might help to give more examples of how you think you would do it, and then people can tell you whether it's the right way.

If I understand it, you have a story, which will be told in the simple past tense, as most stories are. Within the story, there is a character narrating something that happened in her past, and she narrates what, as a younger person in the past, she wanted to happen in the future, which is prior to the time that the main story takes place and when the character is narrating.

Generally speaking, the account of what happened would be told in the past perfect tense, UNLESS the narration is told as a quotation, in which case it would be told in simple past tense.

If the narration is told in past perfect tense, then statements about the future would be told in conditional, UNLESS they are in quotations, in which case they would be told in future tense.

Examples:

My friend told me about her dreams when she was a young girl. She told me she had always wanted to be a ballerina, and that she would do everything she could to become one.

Or:

My friend told me about her dreams when she was a young girl.

"I always wanted to be a ballerina," she said. "When I was young I told myself, 'I will do everything I can to become one.'"

The first example is what I was looking for. Thank you, and everybody else as well.

 

[nobodyridesforfree]

also

I'm trying to help an author with - what I think - a terribly complicated construction:

• story with a personal narrator, in past tense
• reporting the direct speech of another character
• who used a kind of conditional clause in the previous past before the actual storyline (like "I'll try that when I turn 18.")

Right now this sentence is given in present tense which just feels wrong, to me. While I think it would be much easier to tell it by using direct speech - "And then I was like 'yeah, I'll try that when I turn 18'." - it would be nice to know how to put that in reported speech referring to a point in the past of the narrating timeline.

Thanks for any advice on this.

As all have stated here, keep past tense simply in or out of direct quotes.
Best way to not confuse the reader.
ALSO

"...try that when I turn 18'."
should be .' " in case it was missed