My current situation is complicated and even though I am seeing a sex therapist at the current moment. I wanted to know if this sounds like I've turned into a sex addict. I can't seem to get enough of sex. It's nearly an obsession. I am 43 years old and currently married to a 50-year old woman. Who has lost her libido. Porn doesn't seem to help me anymore. And my hand isn't enough. We haven't had sex in six years. I've tried talking to her about why we haven't had sex in such a long time. She doesn't wanna talk about it. Any advice would be appreciated.
Sex Obsession
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shewantsmore
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Any kind of obsession or addiction is extremely hard to break,its good your seeing a therapist im sure they will help or at least give you good advice
FGB
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I had THAT Tee Shirt.
I threw it into the U Haul along with the rest of her crap... Drove it to LaPorte,Tx.
On the way back I sang "Thank God and U Haul She's Gone!"
Cost me a butt load of some of the best money I ever spent.
No work, No Clean, No Cook AND NO Pussy, then bitch about something I did or didn't do to her satisfaction when I walked in the door after working ten hours or so.
Drank like a fish, ate like a pig and when I got down sick for a few weeks abusive!
OH HELL NO!
I threw it into the U Haul along with the rest of her crap... Drove it to LaPorte,Tx.
On the way back I sang "Thank God and U Haul She's Gone!"
Cost me a butt load of some of the best money I ever spent.
No work, No Clean, No Cook AND NO Pussy, then bitch about something I did or didn't do to her satisfaction when I walked in the door after working ten hours or so.
Drank like a fish, ate like a pig and when I got down sick for a few weeks abusive!
OH HELL NO!
Bramblethorn
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This.
Some questions need a answer. Like does your wife know you are seeking help about you're sex life? What does she say? Has this Therapist wanted to include your wife in these sessions? She is a part of this, and I'd think he'd want to chat with her as well.
My situation is a little different being in our 60's, with my wife who has lost MOST! interest in sex. We stopped having intercourse years ago, but still get intimate a couple times a month. Still have oral sex, or we make out and she rubs me off in my undies. I'm ok with jacking off to porn everyday with my fantasies. I love thinking about other men fucking her, so I make the most of those thoughts. I really get off playing out being like her cuckold, and that she's only fucking these other guys I know and think about, It works for me. And I also have these faggot fantasies as well, being a guys bottom. So that helps because then I'm not thinking of my wife, just thinking of being a guys sissy girl. There are a few guys that I love to think about being a cock sucker for.
I know your Therapist would think I'm a real nut job, and need help. My wife knows I jack off everyday to porn. I tell her "yeah I need help, I hope she's a hot looking Therapist, LOL!"
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Zeb_Carter
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Sounds like one of the tropes in Loving Wives. I don't know which would be cheaper, the sex therapist, the marriage counselor, or a Private Eye.
Maybe she found someone else just like her.
Ah well, good luck.
Maybe she found someone else just like her.
Ah well, good luck.
Bramblethorn
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IDK if it works differently for sex therapy, but back when I was getting couples counselling the counsellor wasn't willing to also see me as an individual patient, because that would have created a conflict of interest. Seeing a therapist one-on-one, the therapist is expected to be in your corner; seeing a couples counsellor, they're working for both of you. Those roles can conflict.
OP can ask, but don't be surprised if the therapist says they should get a different person for couples counselling.
My wife knows that I am seeing a sex therapist. As for her participation, she does not wish to take part in it. She doesn't believe we have a problem. She is happy with the marriage as it is. I don't blame her at all. I love her lots. So I figure that if there is something wrong with me, then I can get "fixed". I feel terrible that I am putting her through this.
NightL
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Obviously I can only offer an opinion based on your version presented here. The opinion of the sex therapist should be of far greater importance.
seems you are already thinking of a solution
Just rewording what you have stated - So you have not had sex with your wife for six years from the age of 37 and she 44. The problem is not just of now, it was obviously already a huge problem when you were 37 and she 44.
The biggest failure is with communication. This has broken down so significantly that you can only talk about this with the therapist and obviously this online forum. What was happening between the two of you when you were 37 and she 44 and probably for sometime prior?
again - breakdown in communication
Maybe you are not broken. Maybe you are beating yourself up so much that in your desperation to find an answer you somehow now believe you are hurting her.
Whatever you learn of yourself with the assistance of the therapist you will need to eventually communicate that with your wife - but you claim you are stonewalled.
You desiring sex is not a health or psychological problem, and if you are honest with yourself you didn't need a therapist to tell you that. Desiring sex at the age of 37 or now 43 is perfectly natural and should not be considered an obsession at all. Your problem is with communication within your marriage. Sometimes the key to communication is actually listening.
So what happened 6 - 7 years ago? Was there stress, tiredness, exhaustion from parenting, career insecurity, external family issues? What do you believe contributed to your wife's loss of libido six years ago (probably started well before sex cut off date)?
Aside from possible health issues, which you have not touched on here, were you in the same shape at 37 as you were when you met - physically, emotionally? Do you ever believe you had a fulfilling sex life, for both of you, early in your marriage? Was there a time where her libido was strong? Do you ever believe you were rewarding as a lover and romantic partner for your wife? Did you ever talk about sex and desires as a couple early in your relationship? Were you both actively seeking to improve and enhance your sexual relationship? Was there ever a time where you both planned for special romantic times and equally contributed? Did you ever throw romantic surprises?
"So many questions" - yup
You claim love for each other but with a major communication problem. How strong is that bond if there is a total refusal to discuss an issue that may well lead to divorce if not even an attempt of understanding is made?
As others have stated, you need relationship counselling as a couple, before you as an individual need sex therapy.
seems you are already thinking of a solution
Just rewording what you have stated - So you have not had sex with your wife for six years from the age of 37 and she 44. The problem is not just of now, it was obviously already a huge problem when you were 37 and she 44.
The biggest failure is with communication. This has broken down so significantly that you can only talk about this with the therapist and obviously this online forum. What was happening between the two of you when you were 37 and she 44 and probably for sometime prior?
again - breakdown in communication
Maybe you are not broken. Maybe you are beating yourself up so much that in your desperation to find an answer you somehow now believe you are hurting her.
Whatever you learn of yourself with the assistance of the therapist you will need to eventually communicate that with your wife - but you claim you are stonewalled.
You desiring sex is not a health or psychological problem, and if you are honest with yourself you didn't need a therapist to tell you that. Desiring sex at the age of 37 or now 43 is perfectly natural and should not be considered an obsession at all. Your problem is with communication within your marriage. Sometimes the key to communication is actually listening.
So what happened 6 - 7 years ago? Was there stress, tiredness, exhaustion from parenting, career insecurity, external family issues? What do you believe contributed to your wife's loss of libido six years ago (probably started well before sex cut off date)?
Aside from possible health issues, which you have not touched on here, were you in the same shape at 37 as you were when you met - physically, emotionally? Do you ever believe you had a fulfilling sex life, for both of you, early in your marriage? Was there a time where her libido was strong? Do you ever believe you were rewarding as a lover and romantic partner for your wife? Did you ever talk about sex and desires as a couple early in your relationship? Were you both actively seeking to improve and enhance your sexual relationship? Was there ever a time where you both planned for special romantic times and equally contributed? Did you ever throw romantic surprises?
"So many questions" - yup
You claim love for each other but with a major communication problem. How strong is that bond if there is a total refusal to discuss an issue that may well lead to divorce if not even an attempt of understanding is made?
As others have stated, you need relationship counselling as a couple, before you as an individual need sex therapy.
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NightL
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If your wife was open in discussing her lack of libido and acknowledged the impact it has on you and of the marriage and desired change - then would be the time to seek sex therapy - maybe on her own first before having joint sessions.
Sex therapists for their own qualification training usually start with relationship/counselling qualifications or even psychology before taking on advanced study in sexology. Sex therapists are more than qualified and experienced for relationship counselling.
If you continue to visit this therapist maybe shift the subject from your probably perfectly normal sexual desires to ideas on how to open up communication with your wife. Nothing will change until your wife is comfortable talking of the issue or you resolve this is just your lot for the remainder of your life - or you divorce.
Sex therapists for their own qualification training usually start with relationship/counselling qualifications or even psychology before taking on advanced study in sexology. Sex therapists are more than qualified and experienced for relationship counselling.
If you continue to visit this therapist maybe shift the subject from your probably perfectly normal sexual desires to ideas on how to open up communication with your wife. Nothing will change until your wife is comfortable talking of the issue or you resolve this is just your lot for the remainder of your life - or you divorce.
NightL
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Oh - I see we have been down this path before in 2016
https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=1382016
certainly answers my question "So what happened 6 - 7 years ago?"
and again in 2018
So your opening post in this thread was very misleading with "Who has lost her libido"
So I change my advice, earlier posted in this thread, you should definitely keep going to your sex therapist - and stop trying to blame your predicament on your wife.
https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=1382016
certainly answers my question "So what happened 6 - 7 years ago?"
and again in 2018
https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?p=88964900
So your opening post in this thread was very misleading with "Who has lost her libido"
So I change my advice, earlier posted in this thread, you should definitely keep going to your sex therapist - and stop trying to blame your predicament on your wife.
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