Sexless Marriages

[Night_Wolf]

Couple times a month and it feels like she does it just to shut me up. Ugh.

It would shut me up when you are not getting anything

I'm 34. Been married 10 years. She'll occasionally want sexplay like fingers, or oral from me. She only uses her hand on me, does not want any part of giving oral. This happens maybe once every 3-4 months. Sex is strictly off the table.

Can't even give her oral or fingers, no interest at all & she hasn't touched me in over 16 months

 

[philos]

At some point you just give up. All that work, all that hoping, all those times opening up only to be rejected. It just isn’t worth the effort anymore. We are friends, co parents, and housemates but that’s all. Maybe if I didn’t have kids, was a little younger or had a shred of self respect I would leave and try to find love but I feel it’s too late.

 

[Cherry_Brandy]

At some point you just give up. All that work, all that hoping, all those times opening up only to be rejected. It just isn’t worth the effort anymore. We are friends, co parents, and housemates but that’s all. Maybe if I didn’t have kids, was a little younger or had a shred of self respect I would leave and try to find love but I feel it’s too late.

If you don't mind, after almost 29 years of marriage and a lot of mulling and misery I feel somewhat qualified to make a comment.

Unless you already have some serious health problems, the rest of your life is a long time to feel deflated on a daily basis with little chance of improvement. Surely, marriage has to have more personal elements in it than friendship so why settle for friendship if you aren't happy with it - unless there's a hall pass? It's breach of contract isn't it, you didn't sign up for the friend zone?

Joking aside, people (unless bloody miserable or can't find their way to the shower) can find love at all ages between ? and death. Wanting to feel loved doesn't doesn't stop with a number. Hanging onto a marriage that brings misery and rejection is soul destroying. Why wake up feeling it every day if it's not absolutely, life and death, essential?

Intimacy with the right person is a joy and costs nothing, when it's withheld there should be a real good reason for it and if there isn't and the problem can't be rectified then the contract needs to be rewritten or scrapped in my view. All the pixel shenanigans in the world aren't going to compensate for skin on skin contact.

In the end, for me, it's come down to 2 questions, do I want to settle for indefinite years of existing or go off, into the unknown, and try to make a life that gives new opportunities and happiness? Most of us have that choice. It sounds simplistic but that's because I've gone through the problems for years and grasped at all the reasons and excuses.

Without wanting to sound too frivolous (got to laugh or I'll cry) I've come to the conclusion marriage should be like leasing a car, every few years you have the option of replacing it with a new model or you pay the final sum and keep it till the the engine blows

 

[KimGordon67]

At some point you just give up. All that work, all that hoping, all those times opening up only to be rejected. It just isn’t worth the effort anymore. We are friends, co parents, and housemates but that’s all. Maybe if I didn’t have kids, was a little younger or had a shred of self respect I would leave and try to find love but I feel it’s too late.

Never too old. My marriage finished just after I turned 50 (and we still get on really well, from a good distance). The kid is absolutely fine, and literally says it's good that we're both happy now. Life's too short to not be happy.

 

[StarGazer58]

I have read several articles proposing the 7 year renew or move on marriage. At the end of 7 years you both decide whether to stay together for another 7 years or split and go your separate ways with a 50-50 split. Great in theory for the couple but not so sure it would be good for the kids. It would definitely keep both parties on their toes so they would not get so complacent. Probably improve their sex lives too.

 

[Cherry_Brandy]

I have read several articles proposing the 7 year renew or move on marriage. At the end of 7 years you both decide whether to stay together for another 7 years or split and go your separate ways with a 50-50 split. Great in theory for the couple but not so sure it would be good for the kids. It would definitely keep both parties on their toes so they would not get so complacent. Probably improve their sex lives too.

It makes a lot of sense and as far as the kids go, it's not that good for them to live in a bad marriage either. In my opinion it gives them a benchmark of what they should tolerate in their future marriages and I'm not sure that's a good mindset to start with.

I think if both parties can be respectful and the communication is good, maybe chuck a few sessions of counseling in at the last chance hotel, then it's a sensible way out of a dead marriage and would benefit everyone except the solicitors.

 

[Male4Strapon]

Without wanting to sound too frivolous (got to laugh or I'll cry) I've come to the conclusion marriage should be like leasing a car, every few years you have the option of replacing it with a new model or you pay the final sum and keep it till the the engine blows

That's such a great and accurate analogy, unfortunately.

 

[foothillsncm]

Absoubtly love my wife but this change of life is wearing this ol boy down .think its why so many come to sights like these... sure works on the mind

 

[bobcatcat68]

That sounds like you need someone to pay attention to you. I would be happy to give you inspiration

 

[bobcatcat68]

I think the problem is that after a long time the desire seems to disappear and we are left treading water rather than making hay while the sun shines. It would be nice to have that aytraction where you can't stand to be away from that person at all and sex is on tap

 

[bimwiguy1963]

Sexless

I am 57 bi male and in a sexless marriage. We have been married for 31 years. As my wife was going through her change of life I noticed the sexual side of our marrage slipping away. And yes I do still fantasize about different sexual situations, as some of you may have noticed if you have chatted with me. Lit is a good place to let go and have some fun with fellow litsters whether fantasy or real. Even though my wife and I no longer have sex, she is still my best friend. May sound a little mooshy, but thats life.

 

[Cherry_Brandy]

It would be nice to have that aytraction where you can't stand to be away from that person at all and sex is on tap

Can you imagine the response from Tinder, or the like, if that request was in the profile

 

[Bigboobbabe]

I would like to offer the opposite point of view.
I was the wife in the sexless marriage 20 years ago.
Now I am the one with the raging libido, and have a partner with some concerns.

When my husband would touch me, fondle me, etc. as I walked into the bedroom, I often - ok always - refused him.

As a working mother, I needed to decompress before I wanted to warm up. He was always zero to 60 in nothing flat.

By the time the aroused thought surfaced, he would be asleep or so mad, nothing ever happened.

Women need to be warmed up. Sorry guys, it's the truth. And warming up could be a nice gesture, a playful look, etc.

My husband would say we only have sex if I initiated it.

So give me a reason to initiate. Plant a seed. A subliminal message.

Does it really matter who initiates? In business, don't you get more perks if the boss thinks it was his/her idea?

Well put the same effort in at home.
Tell her she's beautiful. Suggest a couples massage.
Buy her a scarf in her best color because you care.

Don't tell me sex with your spouse shouldn't be that hard. Love is hard. Life is hard.

Get a helmet.... And you will see a difference.

 

[jayin707]

Sexless 49 yr old husband here too... It's been a little over a year and before that it was 2 maybe 3 times a year. My wife just has no drive and shows no interest in sex. Although, she seems perfectly happy to tease that it might happen, I can tell that's more for my benefit than it is her being interested.

 

[Cherry_Brandy]

I would like to offer the opposite point of view.
I was the wife in the sexless marriage 20 years ago.
Now I am the one with the raging libido, and have a partner with some concerns.

When my husband would touch me, fondle me, etc. as I walked into the bedroom, I often - ok always - refused him.

As a working mother, I needed to decompress before I wanted to warm up. He was always zero to 60 in nothing flat.

By the time the aroused thought surfaced, he would be asleep or so mad, nothing ever happened.

Women need to be warmed up. Sorry guys, it's the truth. And warming up could be a nice gesture, a playful look, etc.

My husband would say we only have sex if I initiated it.

So give me a reason to initiate. Plant a seed. A subliminal message.

Does it really matter who initiates? In business, don't you get more perks if the boss thinks it was his/her idea?

Well put the same effort in at home.
Tell her she's beautiful. Suggest a couples massage.
Buy her a scarf in her best color because you care.

Don't tell me sex with your spouse shouldn't be that hard. Love is hard. Life is hard.

Get a helmet.... And you will see a difference.

I agree 100%, treat wives like the new girlfriend and there may be more happy endings

I’d also like to add observations I’ve seen countless times over the years, the no sex often seems to be a symptom of a bigger problem, not THE problem.

I can’t count the amount of times I’ve known couples who have gone through years of ‘no sex’ problems because of the wife having depression or accepted but undiagnosed hormone problems or ME (chronic fatigue syndrome), only to find when the marriage ended, within 6 months, all her symptoms disappeared and she was partying into the wee hours and in a new relationship.

When I was much younger and it was happening to my much older colleagues I thought their wives were taking the Micky but years later and hopefully wiser, I believe their ailments were caused because they were mentally unhappy and/or unsatisfied in their relationships and it manifested in physical symptoms. If it is only hormones they can often be fixed with HRT.

It’s not easy keeping relationships alive forever. We all meet young free and single then get weighed down with kids and responsibilities. It’s hardly surprising we change over the years and end up a bit off kilter or on totally different tracks.

 

[Zodiakdiver]

The best years of my life stollen... sexless

I married my nympho soul mate. Ten years later, we used IVF to get her pregnant.
She came out of the pregnancy totally void of any desire for sex at all. We chose to
have this baby, so we agreed to raise her together. Seventeen years later, we are
still great friends, just void of any affection and certainly no sex period.
I feel ripped off. Twenty five years now married and still horny as a 15 year old school boy.
I turned to fantasy and erotica writing to get by. Just hard to find compatible partners,
willing to partisipate who are as naughty and willing as myself for interesting sexting and
naughty emails and/or stories...

 

[Zodiakdiver]

If you might be on this site... that woman who knows what I am experiancing and want to participate in a little naughty playtime... NSA, all from the privacy of yours and my cyber world, drop me a message.

 

[Cherry_Brandy]

There's a difference between love and lust. You can still be in love in a dry marriage, but may have to satisfy lust outside of it.
Remember..***** is a Mirage...

Isn't that just friendship? Would the satisfying lust outside of marriage be under the radar or out in the open? Is Mirage another word for a lie? Just thoughts ....

 

[Night_Wolf]

Going on three years without. Married 24 years. Started at once a week then steadily declined to nothing. I try not to be bitter or take it personally but it’s difficult. I used to blame myself. I guess sometimes I still do. Holidays like the upcoming Valentine’s Day just make the feelings worse. Just needed to vent

Not that long for me, but tomorrow is Valentines day & our Anniversary is on Wednesday; what do I do? I care for her & want her, but she has turned off. Think we'll be having a chat today

 

[OttawaGuy50s]

I would like to offer the opposite point of view.
I was the wife in the sexless marriage 20 years ago.
Now I am the one with the raging libido, and have a partner with some concerns.

When my husband would touch me, fondle me, etc. as I walked into the bedroom, I often - ok always - refused him.

As a working mother, I needed to decompress before I wanted to warm up. He was always zero to 60 in nothing flat.

By the time the aroused thought surfaced, he would be asleep or so mad, nothing ever happened.

Women need to be warmed up. Sorry guys, it's the truth. And warming up could be a nice gesture, a playful look, etc.

My husband would say we only have sex if I initiated it.

So give me a reason to initiate. Plant a seed. A subliminal message.

Does it really matter who initiates? In business, don't you get more perks if the boss thinks it was his/her idea?

Well put the same effort in at home.
Tell her she's beautiful. Suggest a couples massage.
Buy her a scarf in her best color because you care.

Don't tell me sex with your spouse shouldn't be that hard. Love is hard. Life is hard.

Get a helmet.... And you will see a difference.

Incredibly. Well. Said.

 

[OttawaGuy50s]

Lol. Actually quite sick of talking if you know what I mean

lol

 

[LustyScribe]

In the same boat, and thus...

I am here. I've tried to talk, reason, seduce, give space, seduce, romance, research, romance...and now, I come here. It becomes easier to embrace fantasy here with others than maintain the fantasy that she will EVER care about that aspect of our marriage or my heart. The pity is that after 36 years of marriage, she still turned me on.

 

[DanbyDrive]

I am here. I've tried to talk, reason, seduce, give space, seduce, romance, research, romance...and now, I come here. It becomes easier to embrace fantasy here with others than maintain the fantasy that she will EVER care about that aspect of our marriage or my heart. The pity is that after 36 years of marriage, she still turned me on.

Completely understand.

 

[Night_Wolf]

I am here. I've tried to talk, reason, seduce, give space, seduce, romance, research, romance...and now, I come here. It becomes easier to embrace fantasy here with others than maintain the fantasy that she will EVER care about that aspect of our marriage or my heart. The pity is that after 36 years of marriage, she still turned me on.

while we have not been a couple that long (13 yrs today) I feel the same way

 

[hulmule]

I am here. I've tried to talk, reason, seduce, give space, seduce, romance, research, romance...and now, I come here. It becomes easier to embrace fantasy here with others than maintain the fantasy that she will EVER care about that aspect of our marriage or my heart. The pity is that after 36 years of marriage, she still turned me on.

29 years....
Sad she's wasting a good man...