Loving wife trope I would like to explore

[Drgnmstr97]

Hello Fellow Readers and hopefully fellow authors. I would like to start writing and there is a trope in Loving wives I would like to explore. However I have a particular problem with it in that I am having difficulty suspending my disbelief in the plot. I have read a LOT of stories with wives that think they can have a hall pass and it will not affect their marriage. I cannot get to the place where I can understand how they believe that. And this is causing me a problem with trying to develop a plot.

Since I don't believe it, how could any future reader believe what I am trying to write about. I can understand how a wife could get to a point where they want to broach the subject of opening the marriage or the idea of hall passes for both spouses but to actually get to the point where, after they bring it up and it is resoundingly smashed to bits by the husband, they go ahead and do it anyway.

This is the one decision that I cannot comprehend. Maybe you need that cheating sex so bad you end up being willing to throw away your 10 or 15 or even 25 year marriage and relationship for that one experience. Okay I can possibly get how you have built this cheating sex up so much in your mind you have to have it no matter the obvious consequences. Even after your husband tells you that it will unequivocally destroy the marriage but also any love they ever had for you. But how could they possibly think that after being told to their face what will happen they can still believe that their soon to be cheated on and cuckolded husband will want them and take them back?


The two themes I struggle with are, wife still loves husband and thinks the marriage and relationship is great but allows herself to "fall" for someone else and how can you justify your thinking that hubby will be okay with this.

How can they ever justify this decision in itself? If you are a wandering wife and happen to read this please DM me and share your story if you are willing to provide insight. I want to explore this theme in my writing .I want to figure out how to write about a wife that is in a happy and loving marriage and then allows herself to become involved with someone else to the point that they need to have sex with them. And then try to convince their husband that they love that this should be okay.

And the second theme, the one that boggles me, is how do you justify in your head that your spouse will love you enough to take you back after you confess you just have to have sex with this new guy(or girl) and that you will return to the relationship as a loving spouse as if nothing ever happened?

If you have ever tried to perpetrate this on a spouse in real life please DM me with your story and insight into this dynamic. This is the one that eludes me. I cannot wrap my head around how you make this decision.

But there are SO many stories surround this theme and idea. I would like to explore this in my writing but I would like to make it something that does not cause me to fail to suspend my disbelief.

I would love some real world anecdotes to give me insight into this mindset and hopefully provide me with a basis to write from which I do not have to make a leap into crazytown to complete the story.

If you made it this far, thanks for reading. And whether you are actually a loving wife or just feel like you have some insight to share please respond.

 

[SimonDoom]

Hello Fellow Readers and hopefully fellow authors. I would like to start writing and there is a trope in Loving wives I would like to explore. However I have a particular problem with it in that I am having difficulty suspending my disbelief in the plot. I have read a LOT of stories with wives that think they can have a hall pass and it will not affect their marriage. I cannot get to the place where I can understand how they believe that. And this is causing me a problem with trying to develop a plot. Since I don't believe it how could any future reader believe what I am trying to write about. I can understand how a wife could get to a point where they want to broach the subject of opening the marriage or the idea of hall passes for both spouses but to actually get to the point where, after they bring it up and it is resoundingly smashed to bits by the husband, they go ahead and do it anyway. This is the one decision that I cannot comprehend. Maybe you need that cheating sex so bad you end up being willing to throw away your 10 or 15 or even 25 year marriage and relationship for that one experience. Okay I can possibly get how you have built this cheating sex up so much in your mind you have to have it no matter the obvious consequences. Even after your husband tells you that it will unequivocally destroy the marriage but also any love they ever had for you. But how could they possibly think that after being told to their face what will happen they can still believe that their soon to be cheated on and cuckolded husband will want them and take them back?
The two themes I struggle with are, wife still loves husband and thinks the marriage and relationship is great but allows herself "fall" for someone else. How can they ever justify this decision in itself. If you are a wandering wife and happen to read this please DM me and share your story if you are willing to provide insight. I want to explore this theme in my writing. And the second theme, the one that boggles me, is how do you justify in your head that your spouse will love you enough to take you back after you confess you just have to have sex with this new guy(or girl) and that you will return to the relationship as a loving spouse as if nothing ever happened. If you have ever tried to perpetrate this on a spouse in real life please DM me with your story and insight into this dynamic. This is the one that eludes me. I cannot wrap my head around how you make this decision.
But SO many story surround this theme and idea. I would like to explore this in my writing but I would like to make it something that does not cause me to fail to suspend my disbelief.
I would love some real world anecdotes to give me insight into this mindset and hopefully provide me with a basis to write from which I do not have to make a leap into crazytown to complete the story.
If you made it this far, thanks for reading. And whether you are actually a loving wife or just feel like you have some insight to share please respond.

What is your real question? What do you want to know?

You say you want to explore this "trope," but you can't understand it. Why not?

People are different. There are married couples -- lots of married couples -- who do things in all kinds of different ways. Some of them may not be your cup of tea, and it's your right to feel however you feel about that. From the tone of your comment, you find the idea of wives having sex outside marriage with the husband's consent repellant. That's your right. So why are you interested in the subject?

 

[SamScribble]

What Simon said.

And if you are going to post stuff here, try to leave some white space. You will get more readers.

Good luck.

 

[Drgnmstr97]

I find the idea of sex outside the marriage as perfectly acceptable if both parties are on board. Basically accepting of all kinks really. It is the cheating that destroys the relationship. I wish I could explain why I am fascinated with the genre but alas I cannot. Maybe I find the drama and tragedy of it compelling. I just find myself reading so many of these stories and I cannot get on board with the premise, I cannot suspend my disbelief enough to accept the premise of the plot.
My questions is for wives that make this decision, to cheat on their spouse, how do you actually decide that you need this sexual experience and still believe that your spouse would be on board with remaining in the relationship after you consummate this horrific act of betrayal. I would like to try and incorporate some reality into this idea because virtually all the stories I have read have left me shaking my head in disbelief that anyone could think this would be okay.
I guess I am looking for real world insight into how a wife can make this decision. So many of these stories focus on the betrayed spouse and I think I would like to explore how the wife gets to the point of making this life altering decision.

 

[Drgnmstr97]

Yeah, first time poster. I will figure out how to leave that white space, it looks so much better. Can we edit posts?

 

[SimonDoom]

At the risk of being antagonistic, I feel like you are not coming to terms with what your real issue is.

People cheat. They do it all the time. Not just women, but men, too. They don't do it thinking that their spouses will be OK with it. They do it without thinking about their spouses. They do it for a milion different reasons.

This is a website of authors, not psychologists. If you want to understand the psychology of infidelity, you'll have to go elsewhere.

Be precise: what kinds of stories do you not understand? Can you give examples?

Often, people (not just wives -- let's not get too focused on the evil wife, because men betray just as often as women do) cheat, and yet couples get back together because the marriage is so important to them they are willing to forgive and move on. How is that hard to understand?

People come in infinite different varieties, and so do marriages. What about this is difficult to comprehend?

 

[KeithD]

Just create a world with the understandings in it that you want to be there. Just be consistent in your world (unless inconsistency is what the world is based on). Let the reader worry about whether they want to read in that world or not. It's in the basic tool kit of a writer. Either you're a fiction writer or you're not.

 

[ChloeTzang]

This ones more for the OP. Go ahead and explore that in a story. Get into the characters heads. Argue with them. Articulate the internal debate, the quandary’s, you have your conflict right there and you’ve more or less outlined the theme. How DOES the wife justify this to herself. I actually think the way you’ve set it out outlines what you want to explore in your story really well.

 

[yukonnights]

Hello Fellow Readers and hopefully fellow authors. I would like to start writing and there is a trope in Loving wives I would like to explore. However I have a particular problem with it in that I am having difficulty suspending my disbelief in the plot. I have read a LOT of stories with wives that think they can have a hall pass and it will not affect their marriage. I cannot get to the place where I can understand how they believe that. And this is causing me a problem with trying to develop a plot...

But the real life facts are that hundreds, if not thousands, of wives do cheat every day. Somehow they rationalize it and I would think those rationalizations come in many different flavors. So your inability to suspend non-belief is not based on the actual facts. Clearly, there are numerous self-justifications happening in the real world — not just one universal justification. So, the task seems to be; What is the justification of the wife in your story? Off the cuff, I'd say that any wife who thinks they have a "hall pass" has actually decided that don't care what hubby thinks. Perhaps you're trying too hard to both keep the "Loving" in the "Wife" and have her cheat at the same time.

That said, the whole premise of a "hall pass" is questionable IMO. How many men or women as married couples in real life believe they have a "hall pass" to have sex with whoever they please? That's not a very supportable premise to begin with. In fact, it's an unbelievable premise outside of various kinks and swingers. So perhaps the problem is the fact that your trying to treat a particular fantasy as a real world reality? Since it's not a reality, the confusion is understandable.

 

[SevMax2]

But the real life facts are that hundreds, if not thousands, of wives do cheat every day. Somehow they rationalize it and I would think those rationalizations come in many different flavors. So your inability to suspend non-belief is not based on the actual facts. Clearly, there are numerous self-justifications happening in the real world — not just one universal justification. So, the task seems to be; What is the justification of the wife in your story? Off the cuff, I'd say that any wife who thinks they have a "hall pass" has actually decided that don't care what hubby thinks. Perhaps you're trying too hard to both keep the "Loving" in the "Wife" and have her cheat at the same time.

That said, the whole premise of a "hall pass" is questionable IMO. How many men or women as married couples in real life believe they have a "hall pass" to have sex with whoever they please? That's not a very supportable premise to begin with. In fact, it's an unbelievable premise outside of various kinks and swingers. So perhaps the problem is the fact that your trying to treat a particular fantasy as a real world reality? Since it's not a reality, the confusion is understandable.

My understanding of the classic hall pass is that it’s temporary, conditional, and often mutual in the context of an otherwise monogamous marriage.

 

[SimonDoom]

This ones more for the OP. Go ahead and explore that in a story. Get into the characters heads. Argue with them. Articulate the internal debate, the quandary’s, you have your conflict right there and you’ve more or less outlined the theme. How DOES the wife justify this to herself. I actually think the way you’ve set it out outlines what you want to explore in your story really well.

This is really good advice.

Stop trying to make sense of the real world and how you see it in order to justify story subject matter. Or, if you do, read books about all the things people actually do and listen to what they say about it with an open mind.

When people ever say "I just can't imagine" in the context of literature, my response is that in that case their imagination is faulty. They need to work on it.

Use your imagination to come up with character motivation on your own. Really think about your characters, their backgrounds, what they do, and why they do it. Don't worry too much about whether it can be justified by or found in the real world.

 

[sirhugs]

The "suspense of disbelief" threshold is low among Lit readers. As Chloe suggests, as long as it makes internal sense in the story, it will be fine.

Be prepared however for trolls. I started out writing these sort of stories, so know whereof I speak.

The more forgiving the spouse, the worse the trolls.

and in real life, well, love and relationships are funny things. We forgive things for all sorts of reasons, just as we transgress for even more reasons. Kids, finances, family expectations, social appearances, true love that is bruised but not broken, even the chance to explore mutually separately by opening up the marriage... or any combination thereof.

 

[ShandyLeer]

Maybe I'm missing the point.

But isn't it also the case that - very often - these fantastical stories about wives/GFs "cheating" in front of their man are just that. Fantastical.

In other words it's sexy to think of your girl with another guy whilst youre confident it wouldn't happen. If you think she'd grab the first guy she could when you're not looking, then it's not quite the same rationale.

 

[SimonDoom]

Maybe I'm missing the point.

But isn't it also the case that - very often - these fantastical stories about wives/GFs "cheating" in front of their man are just that. Fantastical.

In other words it's sexy to think of your girl with another guy whilst youre confident it wouldn't happen. If you think she'd grab the first guy she could when you're not looking, then it's not quite the same rationale.

Absolutely.

Many of my erotic stories concern fantastical subjects.

If I thought there was a realistic chance that space aliens that look like human penises might really show up on US beaches and take over the world, I might not think it was such an erotic subject.

In many ways it's the fantastic and improbable that makes something erotic.

 

[ShandyLeer]

Absolutely.

Many of my erotic stories concern fantastical subjects.

If I thought there was a realistic chance that space aliens that look like human penises might really show up on US beaches and take over the world, I might not think it was such an erotic subject.

In many ways it's the fantastic and improbable that makes something erotic.

I think it's a given that there's a real scene for men who want to see their partner with someone else, and who live it out.

I imagine it pale's into insignificance compared to the numbers - of men and their partners - who privately fantasise about a 3rd person, or fantasise about it with each other, but who wouldn't let it happen even if the perfect opportunity presented itself. I've literally been there myself.

 

[freakyguy41]

I think it's a given that there's a real scene for men who want to see their partner with someone else, and who live it out.

I imagine it pale's into insignificance compared to the numbers - of men and their partners - who privately fantasise about a 3rd person, or fantasise about it with each other, but who wouldn't let it happen even if the perfect opportunity presented itself. I've literally been there myself.

I think there is a significant percentage of couples who pursue a real life swinging relationship and a significant, albeit smaller, percentage who pursue a real cuckold relationship.

That said, I think there is a larger percentage of couples who fantasize of such relationships but never act on them out of fear...

 

[freakyguy41]

Hello Fellow Readers and hopefully fellow authors. I would like to start writing and there is a trope in Loving wives I would like to explore. However I have a particular problem with it in that I am having difficulty suspending my disbelief in the plot. I have read a LOT of stories with wives that think they can have a hall pass and it will not affect their marriage. I cannot get to the place where I can understand how they believe that. And this is causing me a problem with trying to develop a plot.

Since I don't believe it, how could any future reader believe what I am trying to write about. I can understand how a wife could get to a point where they want to broach the subject of opening the marriage or the idea of hall passes for both spouses but to actually get to the point where, after they bring it up and it is resoundingly smashed to bits by the husband, they go ahead and do it anyway.

This is the one decision that I cannot comprehend. Maybe you need that cheating sex so bad you end up being willing to throw away your 10 or 15 or even 25 year marriage and relationship for that one experience. Okay I can possibly get how you have built this cheating sex up so much in your mind you have to have it no matter the obvious consequences. Even after your husband tells you that it will unequivocally destroy the marriage but also any love they ever had for you. But how could they possibly think that after being told to their face what will happen they can still believe that their soon to be cheated on and cuckolded husband will want them and take them back?


The two themes I struggle with are, wife still loves husband and thinks the marriage and relationship is great but allows herself to "fall" for someone else and how can you justify your thinking that hubby will be okay with this.

How can they ever justify this decision in itself? If you are a wandering wife and happen to read this please DM me and share your story if you are willing to provide insight. I want to explore this theme in my writing .I want to figure out how to write about a wife that is in a happy and loving marriage and then allows herself to become involved with someone else to the point that they need to have sex with them. And then try to convince their husband that they love that this should be okay.

And the second theme, the one that boggles me, is how do you justify in your head that your spouse will love you enough to take you back after you confess you just have to have sex with this new guy(or girl) and that you will return to the relationship as a loving spouse as if nothing ever happened?

If you have ever tried to perpetrate this on a spouse in real life please DM me with your story and insight into this dynamic. This is the one that eludes me. I cannot wrap my head around how you make this decision.

But there are SO many stories surround this theme and idea. I would like to explore this in my writing but I would like to make it something that does not cause me to fail to suspend my disbelief.

I would love some real world anecdotes to give me insight into this mindset and hopefully provide me with a basis to write from which I do not have to make a leap into crazytown to complete the story.

If you made it this far, thanks for reading. And whether you are actually a loving wife or just feel like you have some insight to share please respond.

What if the woman believes, rightly or wrongly, she knows the wants and needs of her significant other better than her significant other knows and/or can express for themselves? When the woman believes she holds that much understanding of her partner... and sway over them... then I can see how she might make the decision to push the issue, see how it plays out and probably prove the continuation of their loving relationship, and only ask for forgiveness if her judgement was completely off base and truly has to.

 

[ShandyLeer]

What if the woman believes, rightly or wrongly, she knows the wants and needs of her significant other better than her significant other knows and/or can express for themselves? When the woman believes she holds that much understanding of her partner... and sway over them... then I can see how she might make the decision to push the issue, see how it plays out and probably prove the continuation of their loving relationship, and only ask for forgiveness if her judgement was completely off base and truly has to.

Very true.

Personally I've never shared my current partner (of 12+ years) but got approached to do so when we were away.

We were in Oman,a beautiful but very underpopulated new hotel that had just opened. My girl - being Spanish - got mistaken by a guy for being local, and paid for by me !

He was chatting with us for half an hour in the hotel bar, a bit drunk and forward but nothing major, but then he followed me to the gents and started asking how I'd got a girl into the hotel. He was offering to buy her off me, until I explained he'd got the wrong end of the stick.

Even then he insisted that maybe we could just have a drink in his room and he'd watch us get it on - and would pay well for the chance. I told him no, but I'd be lying if I didn't say it was horny.

I never mentioned it to my g/f, and nor did he mention it either. We spoke a few more times with him during the stay, and bearing in mind she seemed to get on well with him with a hint of attraction - slightly older men are her thing, and he was handsome tbf - I often wondered whether I should have asked her opinion on whether "a drink' in his room would appeal to her, and where it might have gone.

 

[SevMax2]

What if the woman believes, rightly or wrongly, she knows the wants and needs of her significant other better than her significant other knows and/or can express for themselves? When the woman believes she holds that much understanding of her partner... and sway over them... then I can see how she might make the decision to push the issue, see how it plays out and probably prove the continuation of their loving relationship, and only ask for forgiveness if her judgement was completely off base and truly has to.

Also, what if the wife snoops on the husband and learns his fantasies by research, and then tries to act upon them? That's not as much guesswork as it is educated guesswork, which makes it a lot more plausible.

I did something like this with my "Birthday Boy Gang-Bang" series, where the wife learns of the husband's bisexual male fantasies and arranges a "forced' bi gang-bang for him with some friends of hers in the porn industry. Spoiler alert: she guessed right in that wife's case and no harm, no foul.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Very true.

Personally I've never shared my current partner (of 12+ years) but got approached to do so when we were away.

We were in Oman,a beautiful but very underpopulated new hotel that had just opened. My girl - being Spanish - got mistaken by a guy for being local, and paid for by me !

He was chatting with us for half an hour in the hotel bar, a bit drunk and forward but nothing major, but then he followed me to the gents and started asking how I'd got a girl into the hotel. He was offering to buy her off me, until I explained he'd got the wrong end of the stick.

Even then he insisted that maybe we could just have a drink in his room and he'd watch us get it on - and would pay well for the chance. I told him no, but I'd be lying if I didn't say it was horny.

I never mentioned it to my g/f, and nor did he mention it either. We spoke a few more times with him during the stay, and bearing in mind she seemed to get on well with him with a hint of attraction - slightly older men are her thing, and he was handsome tbf - I often wondered whether I should have asked her opinion on whether "a drink' in his room would appeal to her, and where it might have gone.

IIRC extramarital sex in Oman is punishable by three to twelve months jail, so maybe not the ideal place to try that!

 

[ShandyLeer]

IIRC extramarital sex in Oman is punishable by three to twelve months jail, so maybe not the ideal place to try that!

I daresay that's true. Although doubt it's enforced very rigourously.

If a guy really wanted to share his gf with a stranger in a 5* hotel in that part of the world, then he isn't going to get troubled by the authorities unless he's stupid I imagine.

 

[gordo12]

Your basic premises are conflicted. You use the word "Hall Pass" and then throw in descriptions like cheating, perpetrate, fall in love with another etc. Those are (very narrow) world views diametrically opposed to the concept of hall passes.

A hall pass is an agreement between two parties in a relationship that having dates or sex with others is fine. There may be conditions that govern it, say the other spouse has to be there or no overnighters. But if the husband and wife are both comfortable with it, it's nobody's business but their own.

Now here's a thought for you. About 5% of all men or women have a quality called compersion:

"It’s called “compersion,” and it was coined during the late 20th century by French anthropologists to define a feeling of happiness that people can feel when seeing their partner getting sexual or romantic attention from others."

In short, they're not only comfortable with what you see as abhorrent but seek it out. They are polar opposites of the attitudes you express.

Soooo, a plot where you start out with permission from the spouse, who then immediately starts throwing up terms and concepts as you have is a doomed plot. It doesn't jive.

Either drop the hall pass and write a cheating story or have the wife THINK she has a hall pass, and it turns out it's not true. Then the hubby can have the viewpoints you espouse.

 

[handysr]

Hello Fellow Readers and hopefully fellow authors. I would like to start writing and there is a trope in Loving wives I would like to explore. However I have a particular problem with it in that I am having difficulty suspending my disbelief in the plot. I have read a LOT of stories with wives that think they can have a hall pass and it will not affect their marriage. I cannot get to the place where I can understand how they believe that. And this is causing me a problem with trying to develop a plot.

Since I don't believe it, how could any future reader believe what I am trying to write about. I can understand how a wife could get to a point where they want to broach the subject of opening the marriage or the idea of hall passes for both spouses but to actually get to the point where, after they bring it up and it is resoundingly smashed to bits by the husband, they go ahead and do it anyway.

----<snip>----

If you have ever tried to perpetrate this on a spouse in real life please DM me with your story and insight into this dynamic. This is the one that eludes me. I cannot wrap my head around how you make this decision.

But there are SO many stories surround this theme and idea. I would like to explore this in my writing but I would like to make it something that does not cause me to fail to suspend my disbelief.

I would love some real world anecdotes to give me insight into this mindset and hopefully provide me with a basis to write from which I do not have to make a leap into crazytown to complete the story.

If you made it this far, thanks for reading. And whether you are actually a loving wife or just feel like you have some insight to share please respond.

Lots of other people have given some great advice, and maybe I can help give you a nudge as well. I totally understand the blocking power of thought when I’m trying to write about ‘topic x’ but I can’t ever see it happening in real life. It happens. Move on, but don’t delete what you’ve started with though. You can come back to it and keep it going later. Having some alcohol and being horny might help the words flow.

I see the hall pass plot device as kind of a cheat code to work around morality issues, but there’s a reason it’s popular, so do whatever YOU want. The reader’s suspension of belief is a mental vacation for the reader, and it can also enhance the details of a thought/dream/desire they won’t share out loud. Don’t think of the plot as your plans for what *is* going to happen next weekend, but how that dream state in your head would respond in ‘situation x’.

One thing that may help is to take yourself out of the picture. Many folks use pieces of their own life in the stories, so maybe that’s part of your roadblock – it’s blocking you, but maybe not someone else. How about that one co-worker? Or the neighbor down the street? A random friend from the last city you used to live in?

It’s not realistic to plop down two cards on the table during dinner and say “Hey lookie here – I made us hall passes. We get one freebie sexapade for free!” Umm, no. However… If the guy has some type of medical issue that prevents him from having sex, and his wife is desperate, it may not be a hard sell to say she can tip the pizza delivery guy with a BJ as long as hubby is watching. Next weekend’s plans might kick up the naughty meter, and still have the story sound believable.

Or maybe the hubby has been caught. A friend tattled and said at hubby's friend's bachelor party, she saw hubby get a BJ from a stripper. The couple doesn't want to divorce, so they agree that she can give that pizza delivery guy (or electrician? plumber? parcel delivery guy?) a lapdance and BJ while hubby is at work. They are even on flings now, right? Does that end it all? Or is that a segway into Chapter2 when they go on vacation to a beach resort?

 

[jomar]

Actually, studies have shown that among the myriad reasons for infidelity simple opportunity is one. Not infrequently, people who say they have a great marriage will cheat if they encounter a no/low risk opportunity, like on a business trip type thing.

And then there can be a sexual mismatch that drives a spouse to look outside the marriage if the need is strong. This can be kink based or frequency based. In fact, my A Good Marriage story is a thoughtful exploration of a significant desire frequency mismatch in a marriage and how the loving couple comes to terms with the issue. Bah, who am I kidding, it’s really just a stroker using desire mismatch as a plot device.

Good advice by others here. Bottom line, be creative and write your truth.

 

[BuckyDuckman]

This ones more for the OP. Go ahead and explore that in a story. Get into the characters heads. Argue with them. Articulate the internal debate, the quandary’s, you have your conflict right there and you’ve more or less outlined the theme. How DOES the wife justify this to herself. I actually think the way you’ve set it out outlines what you want to explore in your story really well.

This! It's what I do. Sure, most of my stories center around the actual sex, but they're typically filled with guilt, angst, sometimes shame, and definitely a lot of justifications for why their actions are okay. How does someone reach the tipping point between straying outside of society's widely accepted expectations versus coloring outside the lines?